Lithium
by xxbeyondxbirthdayxx
Summary: Matt and Mello from birth to their twenties, together in childhood, cruel separation, the search for each other, through orphanages, asylum, violence... How life can try to kill you from the inside and someone can still make you feel alive...
1. Chapter 1

**Note : Helloooooo ! Here's my new story ! The title will explain itself in later chapters, the story will run from Matt and Mello's birth to their twenties so be prepared for a long story, many chapters, and, knowing me, a lot of cliffhangers (yes, I'm cruel !). I hope you like it !  
As Impurities was a one shot, MarshMello finished and I'm quite out of inspiration for Et Cetera, I had to write this one ! But Et Cetera's next chapter will be up soon, it's half written ! Stay tuned !  
(Check my profile to find my stories !)  
But let's focus on this story now !  
Just so you understand a bit about what I have in mind, Matt and Mello still are geniuses here. For the rest, just read !  
And please review !**

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December 13****th****, 1989, Fera Clinic, Berlin, Germany.**  
"I'm sorry, Mr Keehl. Your wife..."  
The man's lip trembled, but he quickly erased all emotions from his face. "What about the baby ?" he asked blankly.  
"The baby is fine, it's a boy" the doctor stated, not daring to look at his interlocutor, a tall man in a black suit, probably in his mid thirties.  
"Can I see my wife ?"  
"I'll lead you to the mortuary room".  
The man stood beside the body of a blond beauty, fighting to hold back his tears.  
"It's beyond my strength, Gabriele, I'm sorry, how am I supposed to take care of him without you ?" He cried silently, leaving the mortuary room hours later.  
"Mr Keehl, I guess you wish to see your son now ?" a nurse asked when the man was back in the maternity aisle.  
"Well, I don't... I can't keep him... I thought..." he tried to decline, adoption seeming the best option to him. A second nurse appeared, a blond baby in her arms. She handed the newborn carefully to the desperate father.  
It took a single look at the wonder in his arms to fall madly in love with his son.  
"Your mother had an angel's name, so will you, Mihael...".

**February 1****st****, 1990, Los Angeles Metropolitan Medical Center Maternity, USA.**  
"Red ? RED ? What the fuck is that joke ?"  
The tall black man grabbed his wife's chin, a menacing look in his eyes, not caring for the bruises that were already showing on the woman's pale skin. "Who ?" he spat in a threatening tone.  
"Please, you're hurting me !" the barely twenty years old woman was in tears, scared.  
"WHO ?"  
"He... I... Please ! That was a mistake ! I love you !"  
"You're lucky your family is backing my ass up, so I'll let you bring this little bastard home but it won't be easy for any of you, believe me, I'll make sure you remember your mistake everyday of your miserable life. And you'd better make sure that your son never steps in my way or..."  
The door opened on the nurse, cutting the threat. The man rushed out of the hospital, leaving wife, baby and nurse shocked.  
"Did you decide of a name yet ?" the nurse asked, recovering from the shock of what she had heard through the door.  
"I don't know..." she didn't dare to say _care _instead of _know_. "Hm, I'll name him Mail" she decided quickly.  
A few minutes later, sat in her bed, the young brunette was staring at the baby slowly waking up in the lullaby beside her bed.  
"Why did you have to come into this world ? This is going to be hell for both of us you know... Everything's gonna be hell because of you..." she sighed, mechanically caressing the copper locks on the baby's head.  
"Even your hair has the color of hell..." she sobbed. But when the newborn opened his eyes, deep blue orbs stared at her, and she felt her heart wring. "Don't look at me with such puppy eyes... but well, I guess then your name suits you well..." she added, thinking of the puppy dog she once had when she was a little girl, a red siberian husky. "Same blue eyes... same dog life for you, I guess...". She started to cry.

**December 11****th**** 1994.**  
"Mihael, please keep quiet."  
"But Dad, I'm bored !" the child whimpered, playing with his seatbelt.  
"We've almost landed, we'll arrive soon, just be patient" the man sighed.  
Although it was almost mid december, it was cool and sunny outside of the airport. The weather surprised the child. "Why is there no snow, Dad ?" he asked, looking up at his father.  
"The weather is different in this part of the United States, Mihael, it has nothing to do with Berlin."  
"So there will be no snow for Christmas ?" Tears rolled on the little boy's cheeks.  
The taxi drove father and son to a simple but beautiful house stuck between similar villas in a peaceful block.  
"This is our new home, Mihael. Be sure to be polite with the neighbours and never go outside without permission, ok ?" the man warned as little Mihael ran to the front door. He stopped cold when, through the window, he saw a form inside the house sat on the floor, head resting on knees.  
Mr Keehl unlocked and opened the door, only to see a small redhead run to the window, trying to escape, but failing miserably and scratching his knee on the window border, falling on the tiled floor of the kitchen, his leg bleeding. The man knelt next to the trembling boy. "Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything to you, even if you're not supposed to be there. But I guess you have a reason." he said, having quickly checked that everything seemed untouched around them. The boy was most certainly hiding here.  
Mihael had stood in the doorframe all along, petrified.  
"Mihael, please, try to find something to take care of this bleeding knee, there must be something in my travel bag."  
The blond boy handed a small first aid box to his father, unable to take his eyes from the redhead, who had been looking at the floor from the beginning.  
Once the knee was cleaned and bandaged, Mr Keehl helped the still shaking boy to stand up. "So, what about telling us what you were doing here ?" he asked in a reassuring tone.  
"I'm sorry" the child murmured, so low that it was almost inaudible.  
"You don't have to, you did nothing wrong here I guess. Were you hiding ? Where are your parents ?" The man was a bit worried to have that kid wander alone without parents in sight.  
"I'm sorry" the child repeated, tears rolling on his cheeks.  
"Well, I guess you're the shy type... Can we at least know your name ?" Mr Keehl crouched in front of the kid, trying to meet his gaze, but the boy obstinately looked down.  
"Ma.. Mail" the boy whispered.  
"Well, Mail, do you like chocolate chip cookies ? Mihael never misses the 4pm chocolate break and I'm sure you like chocolate too." The man smiled. "Mihael, please, can you get the cookies in your bag ? We'll go to the grocery later so we don't have anything to prepare hot chocolate now, but at least we have the cookies !" He tried to cheer the small redhead up.  
"I don't... know..." Mail replied softly.  
"You don't know what ?" Mihael asked.  
"If I like cookies..."  
"You never had cookies before ?" the blond child's eyes went wide. How could someone never have had something so simple as cookies ?  
"MAIL !" a female voice screamed from the outside. "Mail ! where are you ?!"  
The red haired boy's eyes suddenly widened in panic and he ran out by the window, disappearing in the backyard.  
"Mail you little filth ! Come right here or you'll regret it !" the voice shrieked hysterically.  
Mr Keehl got out of the house to see who was the owner of the screaming voice, and he froze on the front steps at the sight of a brown haired young woman wearing a dress that showed more of her than decency would recommend, with heavy red lipstick, messy hair and an overall vulgar attitude.  
"Oh, hello !" she purred when she saw the older man, swaying her hips as she walked toward him. "Have you seen my boy maybe ? He's like five, red haired and..."  
"No, sorry" Mr Keehl said, coldly, before going back inside and closing the door. Mail obviously didn't need to be thrown in the claws of this woman. He briefly hoped she wasn't his mother.  
He could hear the hysterical screams go on outside.  
"Dad, Mail is in the garden of the neighbours" Mihael said, as he was looking at the scene by the window.  
"He didn't want to be caught here so he made it to his garden from behind the house, I guess... I hope he won't get into too much trouble" the father replied, sighing, while staring by the window, lifting his son in his arms.  
A car parked in the neighbours' alley and a tall black man got out of it as the young woman grabbed Mail by the arm, still screaming at him and pulling him to their house.  
"What did that brat do again ?" the black man yelled.  
"He was out for hours and I couldn't find him" the brunette complained. The man rose a hand and slapped Mail violently, making the little boy lose his balance. The woman almost threw him inside the house and the door slammed shut behind the man.  
Mr Keehl decided he would go to the children protection department the next day. The little Mail worried him a lot after what he had just seen.

Later in the afternoon, Mihael was sat on the front stairs of his new home, while his father finished putting all their belongings away. His thoughts wandered from this new house, new life, to the new school he would attend in january after the Christmas vacations, but they were mainly focused on the little neighbour he had met a few hours before.  
It was the first time the blond child had been confronted to violence.  
In his world of fatherly love, easy life, good results at school, sweet dreams and fairytales, he had always felt safe. Mail was the crack in the bubble. Mihael didn't understand what he had seen.  
He kept on glancing at the neighbour's house, hoping to see the redhead again. Somewhere deep inside him, he wanted to make sure Mail was fine, although he could imagine, even if he was young and never saw any similar situation, that such a slap in the face was hurtful.  
"Mihael, dinner is ready." His father stirred him from his thoughts.  
Sitting at the kitchen's counter, Mihael was picking at his food, his head resting on his palm, elbow on the counter.  
"Mihael, what's bothering you ? You've been so silent since we arrived, it's not like you. Are you worried about us moving here ?"  
"I was thinking about Mail, Dad... What did he do wrong ? And why doesn't he look like his parents ? And how come he never ate cookies ? Everyone eats cookies ! And is he hurt now ? Will he be going to the same school as me ? Can we invite him sometimes ? And..."  
"Oh oh oh Mihael, one question at a time ! You seem confused about what happened, right ?"  
"Yes Dad... children shouldn't be scared by their parents, should they ?"  
"In a perfect world, Mihael, all children should be happy and have loving and caring parents, but it is not always the case unfortunately. I don't think Mail did something wrong, he was hiding here probably because he has problems with his parents, that is sad and you will have to be very kind with him, but never try to force him to talk about it, ok ? He could be uncomfortable with that subject, so if he talks to you, listen to him and help him the best you can, but don't ask him yourself. I suspect this house was his refuge, so now he lost it since we live here, so we should welcome him here anytime, you can invite him if you like, Mihael, you two could be friends, you're about the same age.  
As to know why he doesn't look like his parents, well, we actually don't know if they are his parents.  
You should ask him next time you see him which school he attends to, there are many in Los Angeles.  
Is that all you wanted to know ?"  
"I think so..." the blond child replied, losing himself in his thoughts once more.

That night, Mihael prayed for Mail... and made a silent promise : he would give Mail everything that was missing in his life. At five years old, he imagined he would shower Mail with cookies, a naïve dedication, a vow to which he would be faithful his life long, although at that precise moment the sleepy child didn't realise the weight his shoulders accepted to carry, for years.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Note :** Thank you all for the reviews ! I'll reply personally to each of you, I promise ! Here's the second chapter ! I hope you'll like it ! Reviews appreciated, as usual !!  
BTW, I have a question, about something that has been pointed out to me. Do you find the way my chapters are formatted difficult to read ? I always tell myself I should make them less compact, but now that I typed everything I don't really know where to put some space. I know that most of the fics have a line between each sentence, but I type all in book style because I'm used to.  
Tell me what you prefer !_

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As much as Mihael stayed waiting on the front steps of the house, or in the garden, coming as close to Mail's house as the garden's limit permitted, he didn't see the redhead. Two days passed, and even Mr Keehl was worried.  
He had gone to the children protection department the day after they had met Mail, but all he could get as an answer was that the family was known in their service, but they didn't have anything bad enough to be registered. They had already visited Mail's home and there was no proof of mistreating. The child was a difficult child and his parents were doing their best. Not convinced at all, but unable to get more, he was forced to give up.

**December 13****th****, 1994**  
Mihael, holding his father's hand, rang to the neighbours' door. _Cole_, stated the small white plaque under the door ring.  
The door opened on the brunette, dishevelled, in a chamber robe. "Yes ?" she asked, obviously annoyed.  
"Hello Mrs... Cole" Mr Keehl began. "We are celebrating my son Mihael's birthday tonight and I thought that maybe Mail would like to come, my son would like to invite him."  
"Well... hum... I don't think it's possible... Mail is ill and I don't want him to go out." she declined coldly.  
"Oh... well then, please tell him that we wish him a prompt recovery and that he is welcome anytime to play with Mihael." the man replied, even more worried about the small redhead.  
"What is it ?" a distant male voice suddenly asked.  
"Nothing, I'll be back in a few seconds" the woman shouted, closing the door without a goodbye.  
Mihael and his father were walking down the alley, the blond child disappointed and sad, when the door opened again on a red haired man that was barely older than the brunette.  
"Why do you leave so soon ?! He won't be back before night !" the woman was almost crying, leant against the doorframe, while the man, closing his shirt, walked passed Mr Keehl and Mihael who had stopped cold in the alley, shocked.  
"I have enough of that, leave your bloody jailer, or you won't see me again !" he spat, looking back at her.  
"What about the money for Mail ?" she worried.  
"I'll give him presents, but you won't see my money anymore, so you won't fucking drink it !" Glaring with deep blue eyes at the two standing there before he got into his car parked in front of the house, he drove away.  
As young as Mihael was, he didn't need to ask his father about what he had just seen. This time, he understood everything alone.

**December 15****th****, 1994**  
Mr Keehl was working at home, sat at his desk. The weather was extremely cool, and although it seemed strange to him compared to his Berlin office, he appreciated the open window in december.  
Mihael was doing some homework on the opposite side of the desk, perched on a big leather chair.  
Although he was only five, he had always been advanced compared to other children, and his father made a point of honor for Mihael to study hard even at this young age. He could of course speak german, but there had been no problem moving here as he was fluent in english as well. He could already read and write perfectly and was currently studying eagerly, impatient to start classes in january. He would attend 2nd grade in primary school, the tests he had passed stating he could easily skip the first grade. That made him two years ahead of children his age.

Suddenly, a tuft of red hair appeared at the window.  
"Mail !" Mihael jumped from his seat and ran to the door. "Come in !" he called happily, bending outside to invite the small boy shyly standing under the window.  
Mail walked clumsily inside, staring at the floor, his hands behind his back.  
"Hello !" Mihael greeted him. "I'm happy you're feeling better ! Did you catch a flu ? I hope it was not too bad !" the blond child babbled.  
"Hi... m'sorry couldn't go out... wanted t'bring y'this... 'py b'day..." he murmured, handing a small package to Mihael, still staring at his feet.  
"That's very kind of you Mail, we were sad not to have you here for Mihael's birthday, but we still can have a little celebration while you're here, what do you think Mihael ?" Mr Keehl asked to his son who was already ripping the wrapping paper Mail obviously made himself.  
"We can have cookies !" Mihael exulted. He then giggled in front of the chocolate bar Mail had offered him. "Thank you Mail ! I love chocolate !" the small blond child gave a peck on Mail's cheek, who started, his head rising in surprise. When Mihael and his father's eyes widened, Mail realised he shouldn't have lifted his face and began to move to the door, scared, when Mr Keehl stopped him, taking his hand.  
"Mail, it's ok, stay please, we won't talk about it if you don't want to, just enjoy some cookies and hot chocolate with us, we are happy you came to visit us." he reassured the shaky child.  
Mihael was speechless, trying to fight the tears coming to his eyes. Mail's lower lip was cut and bruised, the purple mark extending to his left cheek, and his left eye was swollen. No questions, he remembered what his father had warned him about. But he felt a sudden strike of anger deep in his stomach.  
"My mum d'sn't know m'here... can't stay..." the small redhead whispered.  
"Then I'll go to see her, but let's prepare some hot chocolate now." the man smiled, pulling the child in the kitchen.  
When both kids were sat at the counter with a cup of chocolate milk and a plate of cookies, Mr Keehl left to have a word with Mrs Cole.

"Hello Mrs Cole, I wanted to tell you that Mail is with my son Mihael right now, so you don't worry."  
"WHAT ?? That little sh... hum... I don't want him to annoy you, I'll bring him home right now !" the brunette immediately shrieked.  
"No, we are happy to have him, and Mihael is glad to have a friend to play with, so don't worry, I'll bring him back to you for dinner time. But I wanted to inform you so you don't worry, and so he doesn't get into trouble." Mr Keehl's tone turned to a quite threatening one when he spoke the last words. He knew too well what the woman had in mind, and he would make sure Mail was safe, after what he had seen a little earlier.

Back in the kitchen, he sat with the two kids. Mihael had waited on his father before he began to ask questions to Mail, too afraid to make a mistake. The small redhead was nibbling on his cookie, eating the best he could with his hurtful lip. But he looked delighted by the sweet.  
"So, Mail, do you like cookies, now that you tasted one ?" the man asked, amused by the little boy's expression.  
"Yesh" Mail replied, mouth full, smiling.  
"Which school do you go to ?" Mihael asked when he had swallowed the last bit of his cookie.  
"Hikari" Mail replied.  
"Oh... I will go to Golden West in january." Mihael replied with disappointment. "I wish we could go to the same school" he sighed.  
"Mihael, Mail is not in the same grade as you are, Hikari is a preschool if I'm not mistaken" the father explained.  
"I don't like school" Mail murmured.  
"Why ?" Mihael was surprised, he loved studying, he was always eager to know more and not liking school seemed as unexpected to him as not to have eaten cookies before.  
"I think it is boring." Mail blushed, looking down at the pattern on the counter. He was preparing himself to be reprimanded.  
"I love school !" the blond child exclaimed. "Dad said that in this school I would be able to learn another language and I can choose between japanese, french, chinese, spanish and italian, I wish I could choose more than one !"  
"I only know english and spanish, I tried to learn french but they didn't let me keep the book more than two weeks and I could only borrow the same book three times..." the small red haired child sighed.  
"You tried to learn french by yourself ?" Mr Keehl asked, astonished.  
"Yes..." Mail was getting uncomfortable. They would probably tell him he was lying, like people usually did.  
"Well, Mail, you're a courageous boy, french is not an easy language. So you can speak spanish ? How did you learn ?" the man asked, curious of the child's background.  
"The neighbour on the other side is spanish and she only speaks in spanish with me and she gave me books that her daughters read when they were young, and she helped me understanding what was written."  
Mr Keehl couldn't help but notice that the more the child talked, the more his speech became clear and the more his voice reached a normal level, far from his previous whispers.  
"Mail, tell me, why do you think school is boring ? Are there subjects you dislike ? Or do you have difficulties with the lessons ?"  
"No... it's just..." Mail stopped. He hesitated, obviously uneasy, his face as red as his hair. "I have the chance to go to school not like all children so I shouldn't complain..." he said monotonously, like a too well known lesson.  
Mr Keehl put his hand on the child's, squeezing gently.  
"Mail, no one will blame you here, I'm not asking this to judge you, I am interested in what you think, just to know you more."  
The child opened wide eyes. How could anyone want to know more about _him_ ? They were trying to trick him so he would get into trouble, like usual.  
He lowered his gaze and stayed silent. All the good feeling he had felt until now was gone, leaving place to insecurity. He wanted to run away and hide. Not knowing what to do anymore, he started to cry, silently, shaking once again.  
Mr Keehl was heartbroken. What exactly was this child's life like, for him to be so afraid ?  
He lifted the child from his chair in his arms. That's all he knew he could do to appease him. That's what he would do with Mihael when he needed comfort. But he felt the small redhead stiffen violently, so hard that he almost escaped his arms. He caught him before he fell, landing on his knees on the kitchen floor, the child resting against his chest, in his lap.  
"Mail, please, calm down, I'm not going to hurt you, shhhh..." he whispered to the panicking child, softly rocking him.  
"I... I'm so...rry" the child hiccuped, trembling like a bird caught in a cat's teeth.  
"You don't have to be sorry, I didn't want to scare you, that's my fault, I am the one to be sorry" Mr Keehl did his best to appease the tiny being curled in his arms. "I'll never hurt you Mail, I promise."  
This was the first promise someone would keep toward Mail, in his short life of adult lies, unkept promises and disillusions. But still, the child didn't believe it.  
"Don't... don't tell my mum plea-ease" the small redhead cried.  
"Whatever you tell to Mihael or me will be a secret, you don't have to worry about your mother, Mail."  
Mihael slid from his chair, tears rolling on his cheeks. He didn't know why Mail was acting this way, all he knew was that he wanted to protect him. He didn't even know what from, but he would.

The child finally calmed down. Mr Keehl dried the teary blue eyes, and smiled when Mail looked at him. Those big eyes staring at him, unbearably filled with doubt, fear and pain, how could a child so young already know such negative feelings ?

Mihael showed Mail the laptop his father had offered him for his birthday. The redhead immediately seemed to enjoy the computer, he never had used one but all the possibilities the machine offered astonished him.  
When Mihael browsed the internet for pages with french language lessons, Mail's face lit up. He had never imagined it was that easy to get everything. Mihael printed the pages so Mail could bring them home, then they played some games. Mail seemed even more interested.  
Mr Keehl worked at his desk while the two kids played one against the other at a Puyo Puyo game, with the controllers they had plugged in the laptop. The play became quite animated and as he stared at the screen over the two boys' shoulders, he was surprised to see how fast Mail was playing. Mihael was losing by far. Mail was turning the falling colored blocks so fast that his side of the screen barely showed four or five unfinished lines while Mihael's side of the screen was almost full.  
"Oh no !! You beat me !" Mihael laughed. Although he hated to lose, he was happy to have a friend to play with, and Mail's smile was good to see after the previous tears.

Dinner time approached, and as promised, Mr Keehl brought Mail back home.  
Mrs Cole looked at the child with a reprimanding look when she saw the pages he was dearly holding against his chest.  
"I hope he didn't bother you too much, he can be a pain in the... herrr well, he can be difficult sometimes. Mail, did you ask before you take this home ?" she asked, showing the pages.  
"Mihael gave him these pages to read, they belong to Mail. They both had a lot of fun and I think he is a wonderful child. He's welcome to visit us anytime he wants, Mihael and me will be happy to have him again." the man replied.  
She pushed Mail inside, and mumbling a goodbye, she closed the door.  
Mr Keehl couldn't help but try to listen a few moments, standing in front of the door. Hearing nothing, he got back home.

**December 16****th****, 1994**  
Mr Keehl was working, the window open, like every morning since they had arrived in LA.  
It was 8am and Mihael was still sleeping, he had difficulties to adjust to the jetlag.  
He heard a soft knock at the door. A shy and nervous little redhead was standing under the porch, looking at him, hopeful.  
"Hello Mail !"  
"Hello..." the child obviously wanted something but didn't dare to ask.  
"How are you today ?" the man smiled. "Come in ! Mihael's still in bed but I'm pretty sure you could wait for him with a cup of hot chocolate, what do you think of that ?"  
"Oh... I don't... want to disturb you... I'm sorry, I thought..." the child stuttered.  
"You're not disturbing anything or anyone, please come in, I was about to make coffee for myself anyway."  
He installed the child face to him at his desk, with a huge bowl of hot chocolate and a plate of pastries, while he sipped his coffee.  
"So, I hope you weren't late for dinner yesterday" the man asked, a bit worried by Mail's mother's reaction when he had brought him home.  
"No, she never makes dinner..." Mail replied before lifting his head from his bowl, obviously realising what he just said. He began to look as scared as the day before.  
Mr Keehl made like he didn't hear, that was the best to do. He didn't want Mail to panick again.  
But it was no wonder the kid swallowed everything in a few minutes, he probably didn't have breakfast either. The man wondered when the child ate, actually. It was no surprise he was so frail and pale.  
"Mail, when is your birthday ?" he asked, to know the exact age of the child.  
"First of february" the child whispered.  
"So you will be six, won't you ?"  
"Five" the child corrected.  
Even for a five years old child, Mail was small for his age, the man thought.

Mihael ran downstairs when he heard voices coming from his father's office.  
"Mail !" he shouted happily when he saw the redhead.  
Mr Keehl brought another chocolate milk bowl and pastries while Mihael sat beside Mail.  
Mail suddenly asked what he obviously was here for.  
"Mihael, do you think you can print me more french lessons, please ?" he blushed a deep red, playing with the hem of his striped shirt.  
"You already finished with what I printed yesterday ?" Mihael's eyes went wide.  
"Yes... I studied when I went home, it was really interesting, and I would like to learn more..." he murmured, looking down. The child had gone in one night through a full month of lessons for first year french practice. Mr Keehl was astonished. He suddenly felt a feeling of deja vu...


	3. Chapter 3

_**Note : **Thank you for the reviews and for answering my question ! The majority of you prefers the actual format of my fics so I'll keep it ^^  
This chapter is a bit random but I need to set things in place, serious things will come in next chapter !  
I'm sorry to be so cruel to little Mail, but it'll get better eventually !_

_

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_**December 16****th****, 1994 (part 2 of the day)**  
Once Mihael was showered and dressed, the two kids sat at the desk again, with Mihael's laptop.  
Mail was marvelled by the thing, everything he had wanted to read or see was one click away.  
The blond child started his studies, and let Mail alone on the computer so he could surf as much as he wanted.  
Mr Keehl, facing Mail on the opposite side of the desk, lifted his head from time to time to see the redhead's expressions, it was hilarious to see him go from astonishment to excitation, those big blue eyes absorbing informations like a sponge.  
He had many questions to ask to the red haired child, but he had to think about the way to get answers without scaring the child.  
"This is so much better than school !" Mail suddenly exclaimed.  
"Really ?" the man smiled.  
"School is too easy, I already know everything we study, but internet is … huge !"  
_So this is it... _Mr Keehl thought. Exactly what he suspected. Exactly what happened with his own son.  
He left the office and made some calls from the living room, then came back half an hour later. Standing there, he gazed at the two kids. Mail was sat closer to Mihael and totally absorbed by what Mihael was explaining to him. Maths.  
"I think I understand." Mail stated.  
"Do you want to make the exercises ?" Mihael asked.  
"I wanna try." Mail grinned when the blond child handed him a pen and a sheet of paper.  
The redhead soon began to think, his tongue stuck out in the corner of his mouth, concentrated.  
Mr Keehl stood behind them, and had a look at their work. Mihael wrote down his calculations, making things clear before he could get the correct result. Mail seemed to gaze at the white sheet absently, and before Mihael even finished his last addition, he wrote the correct solution on the blank sheet.  
"Wow" Mihael simply said.  
"Is is correct ?" Mail asked.  
"Yes it is Mail" the father smiled. "Would you like to study with Mihael every morning ? Maybe you can follow with his grade, I think it's worth the try, don't you think so ?"  
Mail beamed. He wanted to believe, for once, that it was something good and that it wouldn't snap back at his face.  
"And of course, you're welcome to use any book here, feel free to borrow what you want from the library" the man added. He saw the child quickly wipe tears from his eyes and his smile grew even bigger.  
"Thank you very much" the little redhead replied.

The mailman appeared in sight, making his round, and suddenly the red haired child jumped from his seat.  
"Gotta go home !" he panicked and ran to his house.  
Not long after, a curtain opened at a first floor window of the Cole's house, and the brunette opened the window.  
Mail knew his mother would wake up not long after the time the mailman came, around 11am.  
_He's all by himself, she doesn't even seem to care..._ Mr Keehl thought at this sight as he was standing under the porch. _Anything could happen to this child, and she doesn't care... I need to do something._

**December 17****th****, 1994**_  
_Mihael was up early this morning. His father had promised they would buy a christmas tree and he was all excited by the thought of choosing a huge tree and decorations.  
They waited until 9am to see if Mail would show, but the small redhead didn't. Just as they reached the alley in front of the house, heading for the car, Mr Keehl saw a small form lying on the bench under the porch of the Coles.  
He quickly crossed the distance between the alley and the neighbours' porch and, crouching in front of the bench, he gently stroked the red tuft of hair. Sleepy little Mail started but soon calmed down when he saw the man.  
"Mail, why are you sleeping here ?" Mihael's father asked softly.  
Mail blushed and stayed silent, staring at his feet.  
"Mail, are you ok ?" Mihael asked, as he approached the bench too.  
"Yes..." the redhead whispered.  
"Why are you not sleeping in a bed ?" Mihael genuinely asked.  
"I... the door..." Mail's tears began to run.  
"Mail, come with me" Mr Keehl pulled him by the hand gently.  
The kid followed without resistance. Somehow he felt safe, for once.  
Once in the kitchen, in front of a chocolate milk bowl and jam covered toasts, Mail ate in silence.  
"Mail, did you spend the night on the bench ?" the man asked.  
"Yes..." the child replied, not daring to look at him.  
"Why ?"  
"I... my mum... I can't... it's nothing..." Mail began to contort on his chair.  
"Mail, it is not nothing, it is not normal that you spent the night outside of your house, it is dangerous. I am not blaming you, you did nothing wrong, I'm pretty sure you are not responsible of this. I just want to know why."  
The child stayed silent.  
"It's ok Mail, I won't force you to talk, but next time it happens, come to me, ok ? Don't stay outside alone, you can ring my door anytime of the day and night."  
Mr Keehl couldn't get the reason, therefore treat the cause, but he could at least treat the consequences. He was discovering day by day the extent of Mail's problem, and the more he learnt, the more he wondered how the child had made it until now. _This child has a lucky star somewhere... so many things could have happened to him ! He's such a wonderful child, how can she... ?_

While the two kids played on the laptop, Mr Keehl made a call to the children protection service. He had decided they would buy the tree later, for now, he wanted to wait for Mail's mother to wake up, and have a talk with her. He couldn't let this go on.  
He hung out a few minutes later, in shock. He'd been clearly said that as long as the child was not dying somewhere, they wouldn't move. The family apparently had acquaintances that protected them.  
He made another call to one of his associates.  
"Hello Marty, I need your help, can you get informations for me on the Cole family, same address as me except they're at 18th. It's urgent." he listened to his interlocutor and added : "Oh, and check about anything related to the child, Cole is obviously not the father. Thanks, call me back as soon as you have something, on my cell preferably. Bye"  
If legal ways didn't work, then he would make it another way.  
He waited under the porch until he saw the curtain open, long after the mailman has come.  
"Mihael, Mail, don't move from here, I'll be back soon, I'm just right there ok ?"  
He crossed the gardens and rang to the Cole's door.  
The brunette opened the door after he had rang four times.  
"What do you want ?" she spat, obviously suffering from a severe hangover.  
"Hello" Mr Keehl said coldly, reminding the woman how impolite she was being.  
"Yeah hello." she replied.  
"Unless you planned something else for Mail for today, he's going to spend the day with my son and me, we are going to shop for christmas decorations and my son will be happy to decorate the tree with his friend." The tone was direct and didn't permit a negative answer.  
"No no, nothing planned, whatever, as long as I don't have him annoying me around..." she mumbled, her fingers on her temples, too happy to get rid of her son for the day.  
He fought the will to tell her about the night on the bench, deciding it was not the right moment to start a fight over Mail. He would wait for the informations from Marty first.  
"Then goodbye." he ended the conversation and headed back to where the kids were.

Once in the shop, the two children didn't know where to look. Colors, glitter, garlands, they wanted everything.  
Mail didn't dare to touch anything, so he followed Mihael while the blond child handed everything he liked to his father carrying a basket, laughing at the little blond tsunami running along the aisles.  
"Oh, Mihael !" Mail suddenly exclaimed "Looks like you !" His finger was pointing a small angel doll with long blond hair and clear eyes. Mihael laughed and grabbed the doll to put it in the basket. When Mail didn't look, he grabbed a second one.  
Once they had enough to decorate at least two gigantic trees, they headed outside, where the trees were sold.  
Mihael chose the biggest that could stand in their living room, and they got home.  
Mr Keehl put the tree in place and prepared lunch.  
Mail was clearly happy, he looked like any normal child and as different as him and Mihael were, they really got along fine. The man even thought they were probably as opposite as children could be.  
Mihael was hyperactive, impatient, short tempered while Mail was calm, easy going and shy.

The afternoon was spent decorating the tree and the house, and once they were finished, both children and the man sat at the living room's table, sipping hot chocolate.  
Mail couldn't take his eyes from the tree.  
"You're so lucky Mihael..." he whispered.  
"Why lucky ?" Mihael asked, puzzled.  
"Santa's going to come for you..." the redhead blushed, looking down at his cup.  
"But... Santa's coming for everyone !" Mihael exclaimed.  
Mail didn't reply, Mihael was a good child and that was normal that Santa comes for him, but himself was a very bad child, so he didn't deserve a christmas present. He had tried to be a good child but his mother was always angry at him, he did always everything wrong.  
Mr Keehl didn't need more to understand what was implied in this little talk.

After dinner, around 8pm, Mr Keehl decided it was time for Mail to go home, his mother would probably be angry otherwise. He carried the child to his house, and as Mail tried to open the door, it was locked from the inside. He immediately sat on the bench and stayed there.  
"Mail, you don't have a key ?" the man asked.  
"No... Mike doesn't want..." the child replied.  
"Is Mike the black man living with your mother ?"  
"Yes..."  
"Why don't you ring ?"  
"Because she never wakes up"  
"Mail, what is exactly going on ?"  
"My mum... she is ill sometimes and she falls asleep in front of the tv and she doesn't hear me when I go home... usually it happens when I play in the garden and I forget the time, it's my fault..."  
Mr Keehl hesitated. He could ring just in case, but he would feel guilty to leave Mail with his drunk mother if she opened the door. He could easily understand what "ill" meant, having seen the woman in the morning and the huge amount of bottles she had thrown in the glass recycling container since they had moved here. Only gin and vodka bottles.  
"Mail, what do you think about sleeping in Mihael's room tonight ?" the man would probably have words with the brunette the day after, but he couldn't let Mail like this.  
"But... my mum will be angry and... I will disturb you..." the child started to be a bit shaky.  
"Mail, I know you are afraid of your mother's reaction, but I can't let you sleep outside tonight. You're coming with me and we'll see with your mother tomorrow." Mr Keehl took Mail's hand and they turned back.

"Mail, Mihael, the bath is ready !" Mr Keehl preceded the two kids upstairs, Mihael running and Mail following reluctantly. The blond child got rid of his clothes and nearly splashed the whole bathroom, giggling, as he jumped in the tub.  
Mail, looking at his feet, didn't move.  
"Mail, do you prefer to take your bath separately ?" the man asked.  
"Yes..." he murmured.  
_Ok, murmuring, problem in sight..._ Mr Keehl told to himself.  
He helped his son to wash, rinse and dry and sent him in his bedroom, while Mail patiently waited, sat on a chair in a corner of the bathroom.  
Once they were alone, Mail stood up and looked at the man, obviously willing to talk but too scared to do so.  
"Mail, whatever it is that scares you, you can tell me."  
The child's gaze lowered, and he began to undress.  
The small redhead was overly skinny, but that was nothing compared to the horror in front of Mr Keehl's eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Note : **__First, I wanted to warn that I actually use real persons names in my fic, like the chief of the LA police, but it's just because I can't imagine giving false names... and names of schools too are real.  
Second, I will answer some comments !  
__**Black Roses and Pits of Fire : **__my bad, it was in the official anime guidebook. But hey, Mr Keehl is almost 40, you're insane *lol*  
**aline : **__Yes, I thought that I never read something related to them so young and that was an aspect I wanted to explore, how life can forge a personality, because to me Mello wasn't born like he's described in the anime, only life makes you something like that. Somehow I feel close to that due to my own experience.  
And yes, I have experience with children, I was an english and french teacher for kids in socially underprivileged families during 10 years and often ended up listening to their problems.  
I won't reveal what will be in next chapters, but if you look in which category I've put this fic (means Romance/Drama) I think you can guess about the MxM thing for later ^^  
__**Deal-wit-it : **__special marshmallow for you on december 19__th__ !  
_**

* * *

December 17****th****, 1994 (part 2)**  
Mail's frail body was covered with bruises and cuts. Horrible yellow, blue, black and purple bruises. Most of them were marbling his back but extended to the rest of his pale skin, cuts adding extra red to the already morbid rainbow.  
"Mail..." Mr Keehl didn't even know what to say.  
"I fell..." the child tried to explain.  
"Mail... just tell me if it hurts ok ?" the man couldn't believe the evidence under his eyes. Child torture, purely, simply. No matter what he would have to do to protect the child, he would do it. There was no way Mail would suffer any longer.  
Carefully, he helped the child take his bath, and led him in Mihael's room once he was dressed in the blond child's pyjamas. The redhead was floating in the blue and white cotton clothes.  
Mr Keehl's cell phone rang from downstairs.  
"I'll be back in a few minutes, Mihael, show Mail your toys ok ?"

"Marty ?"  
"I could gather some informations about the Coles, and it's not really nice to hear. Are you ready ?"  
"Yes, go on, after what I've seen tonight I can hear everything."  
"The woman is Linda, maid name Mackenzie, and I'm pretty sure you know the name. The guy is Mike Cole, but it's an alias, his real name is Mike Adam, he's a little thug from a LA gang. He clearly seduced Linda to save his ass when he was about to be caught for a case of robbery that turned bad. She got pregnant from another guy during the little time Cole spent in jail. From what I could learn about him, he's named Andrea Jeevas, he was ready to marry the girl and raise the child but her father had already married her to Cole because he had an interest with Cole and his gang. The child has been registered as Jeevas anyway, Cole didn't want to have anything to do with him and Linda's father preferred that the child didn't wear his name either."  
"Shit... that's really bad luck. What do you have more ?"  
"About Jeevas, nothing more, he's just a normal guy working as a garage mechanic. But I could find many files about the Coles at the social services, particularly at the children protection department. It seems they have been reported many times, but Mackenzie senior always pulled everything down. Linda is alcoholic, Cole is violent and already molested wife and child several times. The neighbours that lived in your actual house denounced them many times but Mackenzie senior probably threatened them because they moved not long after their last complaint and there has been none since then."  
"I have the kid here tonight. It seems the mother gets drunk early in the evening and the kid was obliged to sleep in front of the house on a bench several times because she didn't let him inside. Mihael made friends with him and I had him home many times since we moved here, and I can already fill a book with what I have discovered about Mail. He's covered with bruises, he barely eats and a few days ago he came with a swollen face. And I don't even talk about the names she calls him, that's just unbelievable."  
"So that's the reason you wanted informations... be careful Daniel, you know it will bring many problems considering the relationships between the Mackenzie's gang and us."  
"I know, but as you saw yourself, the legal ways are useless, and I can't let this kid like this."  
"I guess you're already too involved with the kid to back up, I'll come to see you tomorrow and we'll see what we can do, I mean, except using the big guns, cause that would be better to solve the problem without fully playing our cards."  
"Thanks Marty, see you tomorrow."

Mr Keehl headed upstairs to find the two children sat on the bed, half under the covers, reading the same book. Or it seemed Mihael was explaining the book to Mail.  
"So, you see, angels protect us from heaven, and God sees everything that we do, that's why I pray when I made something bad, because I want to go to heaven !"  
"But, why don't angels protect everyone ? Are some people too bad to be protected ?" the small redhead asked, completely passionate by the book.  
"People that are too bad go to hell !" Mihael explained.  
Mail's eyes went wide. He opened his mouth but didn't utter a word.  
Mr Keehl sat on the bed beside the two kids. "Sometimes angels are too busy to protect everyone, and it happens that good people that need protection are not protected. But that doesn't mean they are bad, and that they will go to hell. And people can also protect other people, that's why there are cops, judges, firemen, and many others." He made his best to reassure the child, knowing too well the awful thoughts running through his young mind.  
He had already seen enough cases of child molesting to know the children often felt responsible for everything they went through and considered themselves guilty.  
"My mum says my hair has the color of hell and that it's a sign of where I will go later" the child whispered.  
Mr Keehl couldn't help it, he hugged the little redhead, and told him : "Of course not Mail, you are a wonderful child, and you're not going to hell. Never let anyone tell you that you are bad, that is not the case." He grabbed Mihael in the embrace. After a few minutes, he gave both a peck on the cheek, tucked them and turned the light off.  
"Goodnight Mihael, goodnight Mail. Sweet dreams."  
He let the door half open, the light on in the corridor, and went downstairs.

**December 18****th****, 1994**  
After breakfast, the two children sat at the desk, Mail on the laptop and Mihael reading a history book.  
The door rang, and an old man entered, greeting father and children.  
"Hello Mr Nolan, please come in." Mr Keehl invited. "Mail is the child I told you about." he added with a gesture toward the redhead.  
Mail's head shoot up, panick rising in his eyes.  
The old man approached him. "Don't worry Mail, I'm only here to show you something and ask you some questions. Do you want to play a game with me on the computer ? I brought something you may like."  
Mail nodded, uncertain but reassured by Mr Keehl's smile.  
Mr Nolan inserted a DVD in the laptop and started a program.  
"Here Mail, is a little test with questions and exercises. It is a bit long, so we're only going to do the first part and we'll see if you want to do the other parts after that, ok ?"  
"Yes..." the child whispered.  
"I let you now, I'll be sitting just right there, take your time, and if something is too hard for you, just skip it and go to the next exercise."  
"Yes..."  
Mail browsed from exercise to exercise, quickly clicking, typing the best he could. The more he worked on the test, the more he poked his tongue out. The two men couldn't help but laugh at his concentrated expression, Mail never noticing, completely absorbed by the screen.  
One hour later, Mr Nolan looked worryingly at Mr Keehl. "He should have already finished." he whispered. The other man looked at Mail, disappointed.  
One hour and half later, while Mihael was studying and the two men silently waiting with newspapers and coffee, Mail's voice rose. "I've finished." he simply stated.  
The two men exchanged a sad look, and both stood behind Mail while Nolan checked the results.  
He opened wide eyes. "My God, Mail, that's just... amazing !"  
"What is that exactly ?" Mr Keehl asked.  
"The results for the totality of the program. He made the whole three parts, not only the first, that's why it took so long. Well, if I can say _long_, because he solved them in a bit more than half the usual time. Mail, you are a very smart little boy you know ?" Mr Nolan smiled to the child. "The only child till now that did better at these tests is Mihael." he added, "but in a different way. Mihael made two mistakes, but he was faster. You have everything correct but you took fifteen minutes more. So in the end it's quite the same."  
Mihael looked at Mail with a big smile. "Does that mean we're going to the same school ?"  
"No Mihael, it's not that easy, but we'll try to." Mr Keehl replied. The mother would be a problem for sure.  
"At least you have confirmation of what you suspected." Mr Nolan smiled. "I'll support you of course, if you decide to talk to his parents about the possibility of him skipping classes and change school, but be warned that the parents could be really irritated that you made their son have this test without their consent."  
"I know..." the other man replied. "But it's worth the try."

Later that day, after lunch, Mihael and Mail were playing a video game in front of the tv, while Mr Keehl and Marty had a talk.  
"See, he 's with us since yesterday morning and the mother hasn't asked about him yet, she just doesn't care..."  
"I see... he's a cute kid, and they seem to get along fine but don't get attached too much, you know it won't be like this forever, he's not your son..."  
"I know... I just want him out of this hell, he's only five... he's not even five..."  
"So, what's the plan ?"  
"Well, considering you're my right hand, I thought you could make a few calls for me to the social services, to let them know that would be very bad if they didn't go our way about the kid. I guess they could appreciate a little green paper treat."  
"You want them to control the Coles and fully report the abuse so the child will be placed ?"  
"No, I want them to close their eyes on what I, myself, am going to do. And push things my way of course. I don't want the child to be placed, he's already too insecure and I wouldn't have him in sight anymore, and Mihael would be heartbroken to lose his new friend."  
"He won't be the only one to be heartbroken, right ?"  
"Right... the kid is smart you know, I made him meet Nolan, he passed the tests without any problem, he could easily be in the same class as Mihael. I want him to stay with his family, I know he would be totally destabilized, whatever happened, she's still his mother. But I want him in sight, and I want him to have the possibility to study at his level, that would be a total waste otherwise."  
"You have a thing with geniuses, but well, that's a good thing, Mihael is so... well, I guess only someone as smart as him can keep up with him as a friend."  
"So what ? So mind wrecking ? Say it !" Mr Keehl laughed out loud. He knows his son is not easy and usually scares other children and already noticed the alchemy going on between the two children.  
"I didn't dare..." Marty laughed too.  
"By the way Marty, could you get in contact with Jeevas ? He seems to keep a relationship with Linda Cole when Mike is not around, and they had a fight over money for Mail or whatever as he left, he said something about giving presents to Mail instead of money so she wouldn't drink it. So I guess he's still in contact with his son. I'd like to have a talk with him, he may be helpful in all this mess."  
"Why don't you ask the child about his relationship with his biological father ?"  
"Mail is secretive and easily scared when it comes to what concerns him so I prefer not."

6pm, cell phone rings.  
"Hello ?"  
"Hello, I'm Andy Jeevas..."  
"Oh, I assume my associate Marty told you a bit about the situation ?"  
"Yeah... well, first I would like to thank you for what you do, I mean... he's a cool kid, but Linda is... she has problems..."  
"I know... Mail will need help, that's why I wanted to talk to you. I needed to know which relationship you have with him, as he's wearing your name I assume you weren't against your fatherly role."  
"No, actually I was in love with Linda, but she changed... and she didn't tell me she was pregnant from me, when I discovered it, I thought Cole was the father, but she called me after Mail was born, and it was quite obvious I was the father. I told her I would marry her and help her raise the kid, but then I learnt she was already married with Cole. It went so fast, I mean, I left her because she was seeing Cole, she got pregnant, and I thought once the kid was there, she would come back to me, but she had already married him. I couldn't believe it."  
"Do you see Mail often ? Does he know you are his father ?"  
"Well, it's better I explain from the beginning, we saw each other sometimes since Mail was born, but she just gave me news of him and I would give her money to help, she always said they didn't have much, until I realise who her father was and that she had been lying to me all along, so she could get money to drink. Mike Cole didn't give her money because he didn't want her to get drunk so she used me. I came to see her the other day, when you saw me, I intended to tell her I wouldn't give money anymore and that she wouldn't see me again. And then I saw the kid... my son... I had a shock. He was half naked, covered in blood, on the kitchen's floor. Cole had beaten him, the belt was still on the floor beside him, and she didn't even care ! I covered him with my shirt and carried him to the couch. I think that's when you rang. I made sure the kid was not going to pass away and I left. Back then, I thought I would just have to call the social services and that the kid would be safe, until I realise they would not move a finger.  
I came back many times but I could not see him and Cole was around. But two days later I saw he was with you and he seemed fine, and you seemed to care for him so I was reassured."  
"Oh, I understand. At first I thought you were there for... well, you were closing your shirt when you left so I assumed..."  
"No, no, never, I'm not that kind of guy you know... I just took one of Cole's shirt because the kid was rolled in mine and I had to go to work. I loved her but it's over for a long time. I only feel sorry for Mail... the problem is I don't think I can be helpful. I couldn't raise a child now... if all he needed was money that would be fine, but I can't provide anything else. I prefer to tell you the truth right now, I'm a junkie, Mr Keehl... "  
"Oh... well, thank you for being honest. So the kid doesn't know you ?"  
"No, well, he saw me the other day but he doesn't know who I am and I don't think he was in a state he can remember anything."  
"So I guess it's better I don't involve you in all this... thank you for your call, and feel free to contact me if you need to."  
"Thank you Mr Keehl, goodbye."

**December 19****th****, 1994**  
7am. The door rings.  
"Hello Mr Keehl, Police." the man standing in the doorframe shows his ID plaque. "Your neighbour, Mrs Cole, said you kidnapped her son. We're here to check his presence here, and if so, I'm afraid it's going to be a problem."  
"The child is here but she's the only responsible here. She dares to accuse me of abduction though she agreed on his presence here two days ago, and since then, the child has not been able to go home. He doesn't have a key, she locked herself from the inside and she didn't worry about him for 48h ! She knows where he is, she could just have come here. Was I supposed to let the child sleep outside on the bench like she already forced him to do ?"  
The policemen were wide eyed.  
"Ok, let me just have a call to solve that problem." Mr Keehl said, irritated. "Bratton ? Keehl. I have two of your officers here." he explained the problem. "Here officer, your chief wants to talk to you." He handed his cell phone to one of the officers. After a short conversation, the officer gave the phone back.  
"We'll go Mr Keehl, sorry for disturbing you, we're going back to the Coles to see that with them, but you won't be annoyed again. Have a nice day Mr Keehl."  
The man stood under the porch, his look following the two policemen. The brunette, hysterical, opened the door as they rang, and suddenly she headed toward him.  
"Give me my son back !!" she shrieked. "I want him back ! What do you think you're doing ?!"  
"Assuming the role that is supposed to be yours ?" Mr Keehl replied coldly.  
She stopped in her tracks.  
"Mail is fine and I'm pretty sure you're better without him annoying you around, isn't that what you told me before you totally forgot about him during forty eight hours ?" he added.  
A car parked in a loud screech in the alley. Cole stormed out of it.  
"What's going on here ? Linda ! What's fucking wrong again ?" he spat.  
"Nothing's wrong, Mr Cole, or should I say, Mr Adam... Your wife kindly accepted to let Mail play with my son and sleep here if he wanted to, since she feels _sick_ these last days and needs some rest. I'm going to take great care about Mail's condition, you shouldn't worry for_ him_." Mr Keehl's inflexion on his last word clearly implied that Cole should worry for himself.  
"What's that shit ? Wh..." he was cut straight.  
"I don't think your position allows you to oppose the situation, Mr Adam, Miss Mackenzie. I suggest we let these officers go on with their work instead of retaining them here, I already had their chief relieve them of your wife's complaint. And if I may say so, having your wife calling the police was not the smartest thing to do considering your... activities, Mr Cole." the background was set and Cole clearly understood who he was talking to.  
He didn't say anything more, knowing it could bring him to end up dead in a one way street sooner or later.  
Keehl's eyes were glaring daggers, and a dangerous aura was spreading around him. The caring father had made place to the mafia mob he was.  
"Oh, before I forget" the man added, "I'm going to take some actions so Mail can attend a suitable school considering the fact that he's able to skip two years and enter directly in second grade... you did know about Mail's abilities, of course ? Well, I suggest you don't make any difficulties in any area concerning Mail from now on, for his good, and your own too."  
At that, he turned on his heels and once inside, shut the door.  
The policemen stayed there a few second, mouth hanging open, while the Coles rushed home. The officers finally left.  
Soon after, shouts were heard from the Cole's house, and the two kids woke up.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Note :**__ Sorry, I couldn't update yesterday, and this chapter is a bit short because I lacked time today too. I'll make next chapter longer, because they will be starting school ! But right now, christmas time !  
I needed more paragraphs than expected to go on with this part of the story so it's a bit random in the beginning !  
**ChocoAndCigs :** I didn't forget december 22th !_

_

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_**December 19****th****, 1994 (part 2)**_  
_Mihael and Mail went downstairs after they'd been awoken by the shouts coming from the Coles' house.  
The small redhead was alarmed. He seemed ready to cry, squirming, Mihael holding his hand helplessly.  
"Don't worry Mail, everything is ok." Mr Keehl said softly while stroking the soft tuft of red hair. "Your parents are just arguing a little but they will soon calm down, you don't have to worry, it happens sometimes with adults."  
Mail seemed to relax a bit, things getting better as the shouts ended.  
He knew that such arguments often ended with his mother getting "sick" and locking herself in the bathroom for hours, until she got out with a swollen face, but for once, he didn't want to care. He was safe here.

After breakfast and getting dressed, the kids studied together until lunch. During that time, Mr Keehl began to make arrangements for Mail to attend the same school as Mihael. Nolan had transmitted Mail's results to the tests to Golden West school and they accepted him without any problem, considering Keehl's influence. Only the administrative part needed to be taken care of, which would be in the next days, but the man couldn't wait to announce it to the children.  
But first he had to tell the Coles. They couldn't oppose, but he thought it was fair to inform them anyway. And if anything went wrong, Mail and Mihael wouldn't be disappointed.  
After checking the kids who were playing, he crossed the alleys and rang to the Coles' door.  
Mike opened, and his blank expression made place to a slight fear. Mr Keehl was quite satisfied with the reaction.  
"Mail has been accepted to Golden West, in second grade, so he'll start classes on january 5th. Some forms have to be signed by your wife so I'll bring them in a few days."  
The brunette appeared behind her husband. "I can't believe he's _that _smart, I mean, he's always so troublesome ! Anyway, will he come back home ? I guess you must have enough of him after so long !" she laughed bleakly.  
"He can go to hell if he wants, at least I don't have him in the way all day long !" the black man spat, glaring at his wife with disdain.  
"He'll go home when he desires it. For now, could I get some changes for him ? as he seems to feel comfortable with us, he'd better have some of his clothes there."  
The woman shrugged her shoulders and went upstairs.  
"It's lucky I don't give a shit about that brat, otherwise things wouldn't have been that easy for you, I swear." Cole said coldly before heading back to the couch and his soccer match on tv. Mr Keehl waited in the doorframe until Mrs Cole came back with a plastic bag and a schoolbag, not impressed by Cole's trial to threaten him.  
"Here, that's everything he has, as far as I don't think he'll be back soon. I don't blame him, he knows we've never wanted him, he's at least smart about that. Oh, just in case you think we're gonna pay for his school thing, don't expect anything, you've already fucked up enough, I'm not gonna give a penny for the kid to lose his time in whatever school you want to send him to." her tone was blank, not even the slightest hint of missing her child showed in her unpleasant voice.  
Leaving the Coles' porch, Daniel Keehl was somehow relieved that the fight he and the children had previously heard didn't lead to the woman being beaten. She looked a bit drunk but she didn't show any bruise or wound.

Once home, the man headed to Mihael's room, and after a short look at it, he deposited the plastic bag on the bed and emptied it. There were not enough clothes for a week, and that was all he had ? Four striped long sleeves shirts, three pairs of pants, some underwears and socks.  
There also were two spanish books, and the pages Mihael had printed for Mail a few days ago. A toothbrush, his schoolbag full with his school supplies (that were not that much anyway). And that was all.  
He went downstairs and while the kids were squealing over a Mario game, he placed some online orders. This way he wouldn't need to spend hours in stores.  
"Mihael, Mail, can you come here please ?" he called from the office.  
The tv went off and the two kids entered a few moments later.  
"First, I want to congratulate you, Mail, as you've been accepted in the same school as Mihael." he smiled. Mihael exploded in shrieks and jumps at the news, while Mail shyly thanked, the grin on his face saying much.  
"And I also need to tell you that although you are free to come back to your parents' anytime, we are going to arrange Mihael's room so it will be your room as well, when you are here. That way you will be more comfortable. You don't mind, Mihael, do you ?"  
"No !! I'm happy !" the blond child replied joyfully.  
"Are you happy too, Mail ?" the man asked, to make sure the little redhead felt at ease.  
"Yes... but I don't want to come back with my parents..." he whispered.  
"You don't have to, Mail, the choice is yours, and you can consider my house your home as well."  
The child beamed. He felt secure and relieved, and although he was a bit scared to go to a new school, he wouldn't go alone. He felt with Mihael like if he had a shield.

**December 22****th****, 1994**  
The days had been quite similar lately, studying in the morning, playing and reading in the afternoon.  
It was around 2pm when a delivery van stopped in the alley.  
The children got all excited as Mr Keehl told them the items for the bedroom had arrived.  
Once everything had been brought upstairs, and the single bed taken away by the delivery men and replaced with a double bed, the two kids helped opening the cardboard boxes.  
Mr Keehl quickly assembled the new drawer.  
"So Mail, now you have your own place to put your stuff away !" the man said to the redhead.  
"But... I don't need that much place..." he murmured, embarrassed.  
"Are you sure ? What about that box there ?" the father pointed to a huge box in a corner.  
Mail opened it sceptically, and opened wide eyes. "All this for me ?" he asked, doubtful.  
"Yes Mail, these are for you, I hope you like them." Mr Keehl smiled.  
The child carefully put his new clothes in the drawer. Many striped shirts, pants and various other items. In front of the closed and full drawer, he then stood still a few moments before bursting into tears and running in Mr Keehl's arms.  
"Thank you, I... I am so hap-py !" he hiccuped. The man hugged him until Mail calmed down, touched by the kid's reaction.  
Mihael didn't utter a word but he was smiling through his own tears.  
He was not an easy crying child, actually, he almost never cried, but lately, Mr Keehl noticed that Mail had the ability to bring tears to his son's eyes whenever himself cried.  
_That's good if Mihael softens a bit..._ he thought.

**December 24****th****, 1994**  
Mihael was overexcited. It was christmas eve and the child was growing impatient as hours passed. Mail, on the opposite, seemed confused. He was silent most of the day.  
Around 8pm, as Mr Keehl was putting the last touch to the christmas eve dinner, the door rang.  
Under the porch, a young man with red hair was standing, a cigarette between his lips.  
"Hello Mr Keehl..."  
"Hello Andy"  
"Hmm... I... I wanted to bring something for Mail... for christmas..."  
"Oh, do you want to come in ?"  
"No... no, it's better he doesn't see me, you know, Santa and all that stuff... and I don't think it's a good idea he knows me anyway... Can you please give this to him ?" He handed a small box wrapped in dark blue with white snowflakes paper.  
"Sure, I'll give him. That's really kind of you to think of him for christmas."  
"How is he ?"  
"Fine, he's fine... he's skipping two grades and will go directly in second grade in january, he's a really smart kid."  
"Oh... that's good... seems he has more of me than hair and eyes" Andy laughed. "I had facilities with studies, but well, I hope he won't ruin it like I did myself..."  
"What do you mean ?" Mr Keehl asked, concerned.  
"Well, I graduated in networks and communication at UCLA at 19, I had skipped one year in elementary school, and two in high school, but I was too much of a lazy ass to do something concrete with my life. I ended up shot to the bone after Linda... hmm... well... I took the first job I found that could pay for my addiction, and I'm still there at 24..."  
"It's still time for a change, you know... I didn't even think you were that young..."  
"Yeah, I was a kid myself when Mail was born, but I wish him the best you know, I don't want him to end like me..."  
"We'll do our best. But I say it again, if you need anything, tell me. I can help you. That's sincere."  
"I know, but it's already too late for me... thank you anyway..." Andy left, lighting another cigarette.  
Mr Keehl sighed. There's nothing to do for people that don't want to be helped. He watched the young man drive away, still shocked by the dead look in the faded blue eyes.  
_I can easily imagine what Mail will look like when he's older...  
_

After a pretty animated dinner and several "I hope Santa won't be late !", "I wonder if we will see him !", or "I can't wait !" from a squirming Mihael, they all gathered in front of the tv and watched The fox and the hound, followed by The last unicorn. While the second movie was playing, the two children slowly dozed off.  
Midnight. Sounds of bells woke the two children, that jumped from the couch. Mihael was ready to run in the bells sound's direction, when he stopped cold.  
Standing beside the christmas tree, a tall and fat old man dressed in red and white was smiling. When he was sure he had both children's attention, he cracked a loud "Oh Oh Oh". Mail and Mihael were frozen, the first looking scared, the second ready to explode.  
Mail suddenly ran to the white bearded man, and holding to him, he began to cry and sob. "I'm so-so-rry ! I promise I will be good now, I was a bad boy but I will change, I promise ! But I don't want to go to hell !"  
The man knelt, and grabbing Mail's chin gently, he lifted the child's head and wiped his tears. "Mail, don't you ever say you are not good. You won't go to hell, and if every little boy was like you, I would be a very happy Santa. Look, I've brought you something, now you see you have been a good boy." He smiled to the small redhead who was pulling a puzzled face. Santa had brought something for him ? Tears left place to a beaming smile as Mail discovered a pile of boxes under the tree, all having a little tag with his name on.  
"For me, really ?" the redhead asked. He couldn't believe it.  
"Of course !" Santa replied with his big bearded smile. "And, Mihael, what are you waiting for ? Don't you want to hug me too ?"  
The blond little thunder almost made Santa lose his balance as he jumped in his lap. "Ohooo Mihael, be careful, I am an old man !" he laughed.  
Mihael jumped back on his feet and, pulling Mail by the hand, led him to the tree.  
"Merry Christmas children !" Santa shouted before leaving. The two kids waved happily, their eyes shining with bliss.  
"Thanks Marty" Mr Keehl whispered.  
"I understand now why you're so attached to that kid, he's quite something." Marty replied, winking, as Mr Keehl closed the front door and went back to where the children were waiting.  
"Can we open our presents now Dad ?" Mihael was so impatient he was already pulling on the wrapping paper.  
"Of course ! I wonder what Santa brought to you !" the man smiled, sitting beside the two kids that had begun unwrapping the boxes.  
"A computer !" Mail exclaimed, wide eyed in front of the laptop he just discovered.  
The presents opening went on for a few minutes, each child squeaking at the sight of the unwrapped gift. Games, toys, books, and many more, covered the floor after a while.

All of a sudden, Mihael ran upstairs and back. He then handed a small package to Mail, that he had wrapped all by himself. "It's for you !" the blond child grinned.  
The redhead took the gift, and unwrapped it, gazing at Mihael sceptically.  
He stayed mouth hung a few moments when he saw the angel doll in his hands. It was the same as the one he had said looked like Mihael, except that the hair had been cut and colored in red, probably with a marker.  
"You made it ?" Mail asked.  
"Yes, I wanted us to be together on the tree !" Mihael took the doll from the redhead's hands and hung it up beside the other that was already on the tree.  
Mail and Mihael stood there a few seconds, staring at the two dolls, holding each other's hand. Mail leant and kissed Mihael on the cheek, who started in surprise, then burst into laughters.  
"Mail, you forgot a box." Mr Keehl handed a small box wrapped in deep blue paper, decorated with white snowflakes.  
The child took the box, and, tearing the paper, grabbed what was inside.  
He first needed some time to realise what he was holding, but of all the presents he got, that was the one he preferred...


	6. Chapter 6

_**Note :** I kept you waiting long for this chapter, I'm sorry ! I have so many ideas that I couldn't sort them out, but the good news is that another fic idea is born ! I want to progress with Lithium and Et Cetera before I start another fic, and as I have to choose between the many ideas I have for Lithium, in order to know what will be put aside for the next fic, it takes a bit longer. Truth is, Lithium could progress two different ways for the same ending, that's my problem. But the next fic won't have the same ending, I promise, I already found another ending ^^  
Next fic will be even more AU and music related.  
I'm not totally satisfied with this chapter, I admit it, but I really had to put all those descriptions of M&M's lives in order to have things quite set up.  
The action is beginning at the end of the chapter, and will continue in chapter 7 !  
The only thing I didn't decide yet is if they will end up at Wammy's or not. Wouldn't change much of the plot, I just have to decide if I make this totally AU or not.  
Tell me what you'd like ! Wammy's or not ?_

_

* * *

_**Christmas 1994 (part 2)**  
The box contained a key on a silver chain, a bankbook, and a card :  
"Mail, it is a bit early to give you that, but I think it's better I give you that now than never. When you will be 16, you'll have access to the bank account corresponding to the bankbook you possess now, and along with the money it will contain, you will get informations to use the key. I guess everything there will be useful for a 16 years old boy."

The child was puzzled at first, and handed the card to Mr Keehl. The man read it and, smiling, brushed the red tuft of hair. "It seems Santa sees very far in the future."  
Mihael pouted. "And me, why didn't Santa think of me for the future ?"  
"But Mihael !" Mail exclaimed, "I'll always share what I have with you ! It's like it's for both of us !"  
"Really ?" the blond child stared wide eyed. "Then all I have is yours too !" he shouted. "Well, except chocolate..." he sighed. Mr Keehl laughed out loud at the genuine statement.

The two kids began to fall asleep, sat on the carpet beside the christmas tree. Mr Keehl carried them both upstairs, and it was not long until they fell soundly asleep, dreaming of sleigh, deer, angels, keys and treasures...

**New Year's eve 1994**  
It was 7pm and the house was a hive of activity. Daniel Keehl had invited Marty, along with two other old couples, one being the mob whom he had succeeded to and his wife, the other being close friends and their six years old daughter, from the Mafia also. The last guest would show up later.  
The adults were all preparing the diner, talking loudly, joking and drinking beers.

Mr Keehl had charged Marty to find a nurse, because when the children would start school a few days later, he wouldn't work at home anymore, or at least not on a daily basis, and he would need someone to drive Mihael and Mail to school and back home, cook and do all other housework tasks, check for schoolwork to be done, and be able to protect the two children. You never know what could happen and he needed to know they would be safe.  
He never told Mihael and Mail what was his job exactly, they didn't need to know at their age, but there were things they needed to know anyway because they could be in danger anytime.

When he had told the two kids that they would have a nurse, and that they would have to follow the nurse's instructions no matter what happens, along with tips about what to do in certain dangerous situations, Mail and Mihael had spent a long moment discussing the news.  
"Do you think she will be like Mary Poppins ?" Mail asked.  
"I hope not ! People would make fun of us at school !" Mihael replied, frowning.  
"Maybe she's a kind of military officer, with all the stuff, you know, like 'go to bed !', 'make your homework !', 'don't talk like that !'..." the redhead feared. Mihael laughed.

The door rang, and as Marty let the last guest in, the children immediately stopped talking and stared with eyes as wide as plates.  
Mail's voice suddenly broke the silence : "Whoa Kazuya Mishima !" he exclaimed genuinely.  
The nurse burst into laughs. "I bet you like the game Tekken" he smiled to Mail.  
"I don't know who Kazuya Mishima is" Mr Keehl chuckled, "but here's Taka, your nurse. Go easy on him, ok ?" he added, looking at Mihael precisely.  
Don't worry, I'm used to little demons." Taka replied, cracking his fingers in a fake menacing warning, grinning.  
The two kids burst in shrieks and laughters, running around the room. Taka followed them, trying to catch them, and once he had a child under each arm, he went back to the group of adults in the kitchen.  
"Oh my, you caught our dinner !" the youngest of the two women teased. "I guess we just have to cook them now." the other added, motioning to open the oven.  
Mihael and Mail squirmed, laughing, until Taka let them on their feet again.  
"Taka, do you practise karate ?" Mail asked, marvelled by the muscular black haired man.  
"Do you fight often ?" Mihael added.  
"How strong are you ?"  
"Can you lift a hundred pounds ?  
"Mihael, Mail, please calm down." Mr Keehl saved Taka from the flood of questions, the two children being overexcited. They exited the kitchen to go back to their games in the living room.  
"Mail, don't you think it will be super cool if he drives us to school ?" Mihael whispered.  
"Yes, he looks like a super hero ! Others will be jealous !" Mail replied, grinning.

Once dinner was over, a few hours later, Mail and Mihael were playing with games they had received for christmas, with Carrie, the six years old little girl, while the adults were playing cards.  
Carrie was glued to Mail, who was very uncomfortable. Mihael was glancing at her with a dark look, half sulking.  
The tv program announced the beginning of the midnight countdown, and all adults stood up, counting with the tv speaker. The three kids stood up as well, shouting the numbers.  
"Midnight ! Happy new year !" everyone exclaimed. Couples kissed, friends hugged, hands patting backs, and suddenly, as Carrie made a move toward Mail to kiss him, Mihael pulled the redhead by the hand and planted a kiss on Mail's lips.  
Everyone froze a few seconds before exploding in loud laughters.  
"Mihael !!" Mail was half shocked, half puzzled. "Why did you kiss me ?!"  
"Because !" the blond child shouted, glaring daggers at Carrie.  
"Hey Mihael !" Carrie cried, "you're not supposed to kiss a boy !"  
"Why ?" he shrugged his shoulders. Mail was still staring at him perplex, but he was relieved he didn't have to kiss Carrie.  
"Because it's dirty !!" the girl screamed before rushing to her parents and climbing on her father's lap.  
Mail and Mihael looked at each other questioningly, then at Mr Keehl.  
"We'll talk about that later, ok ?" he said.

Everyone was gone, and Mr Keehl was tucking the kids in bed.  
"Dad, why is it dirty if I kiss a boy ?" Mihael asked.  
"Well, boys are supposed to kiss girls..." the man replied, not really knowing how to explain this to a five years old child. "when you like a girl, you kiss her and maybe you marry her and have children..."  
"But... I like Mail ! So I can kiss him !"  
"But you are not in love with Mail, he is your friend, that's not the same, you don't kiss your friend on the lips, Mihael."  
The child didn't reply, he didn't even understand the meaning of being in love, so he shoved these thoughts apart, and a few minutes later, both kids were in dreamland.

The last vacation days went smooth sailing. The two children studied in the morning, played together in the afternoon or read, Mail developing a very clear taste for video games.

**January 5****th****, 1995  
**Today was the first day in their new school and both children were a bit apprehensive.  
The private catholic school was small, not more than forty children studied there. Mail had wondered if not being a catholic would be a problem but as long as he attended the religion classes, they didn't ask for more considering who had subscribed him there : their main donor.

Taka drove the children to school and accompanied them to the headmaster's office. Once they had their schedule, he let them in the courtyard of the school and got home, not without drawing the attention of all the wide eyed kids there. Even the headmaster couldn't help but stare from his office's window at the large muscular man crossing the courtyard, and driving away in a black Mercedes. He was more used to see fat old women in black dresses than wrestler looking nurses.

The bell rang the beginning of classes, and all children lined by section. Mihael and Mail lined with their own section and followed the rest of the students in their classroom.  
Names had been places on the tables, and to both kids' satisfaction, they were placed side by side, thanks to alphabetical order. They sat in silence but they could feel the stares on them. All other children were there since september so new students were always a center of attraction in this small school. The fact that Mail and Mihael were two years younger than the others added to the novelty.

The morning classes ended and everyone headed to the cafeteria.  
Once the two children finished eating, they went outside, and sat on a bench in the courtyard for the rest of the lunch break.

A tall chestnut haired boy that was in their class approached and stood in front of them, staring. As Mihael and Mail noticed him, the boy spat at the redhead : "hey, your hair color sucks !" Mail opened wide eyes, and he fought to keep his tears from falling, his lips trembling. Mihael jumped on his feet and immediately kicked the boy in the legs.  
"Ouch, I'm gonna tell it to the headmaster !" the boy yelped.  
Mihael looked at him, eyes flashing. "Don't you dare, or I'll make sure you close your mouth forever !"  
The chestnut haired boy's eyes grew wide with fear. He thought of the tall nurse that didn't look like a nurse at all, and this little blond child that was not afraid of a boy that was two years older than him, and decided it was safer to retreat.  
"Mihael, close his mouth forever ?!" Mail questioned, perplex.  
"I heard that in the movie from two days ago..." Mihael began to laugh, soon joined by his friend.

Due to this incident, most children avoided the blond and the redhead. But they didn't really care, they felt like they didn't need anyone else than the other...

**February 1st, 1995  
**Taka was waiting in front of the primary school barrier, his back on the steel bars, hands in his pockets.  
A car parked just behind the black Mercedes he usually drove. A red haired man got out of it, and started to wait in front of the school too.  
The two children soon were beside Taka, after the bell that announced the end of the classes rang. The red haired man approached as Mail and Mihael were sat in the car and Taka moving around to reach the door on the driver's side. Taka made a move toward his gun, that was hidden under his jacket, but the red haired man immediately raised his hands up.  
"Hey, don't worry, I'm just here to give something for Mail" he said in a low voice, not wanting to be heard by the children. "It's his birthday today." he added as an explanation.  
The japanese man glared at him, questioning. "Who are you ?"  
"I'm his father." he almost whispered. Taka didn't doubt Andy's words, the resemblance being too obvious.  
"Ok, give it to me." Taka spat, knowing a bit about the story but not sure of what to do. "I'll check with my boss if it is ok to give him."  
"Mr Keehl told me Mail studied here otherwise I couldn't have found him..." Andy Jeevas handed him a wrapped box.  
"Yeah, probably, but Mr Keehl will decide." Taka grabbed the package.  
Andy looked down and left quietly. Taka's eyes followed him a moment before calling Mr Keehl, not wanting to keep the package unchecked.  
"No problem Taka, Andy Jeevas won't cause any problem, just don't give the present to Mail now, Jeevas doesn't want Mail to know who he is."  
"Why didn't he bring it to your house then, instead of here where Mail could see him ?" Taka asked.  
"Probably because he doesn't want to meet Cole accidentally."  
"Ok, we'll be home in a few minutes."  
"Everything's ready, we're waiting for you." Daniel Keehl ended the communication.

Taka sat in the driver's seat, keeping the package hidden under his vest.  
"Who was that man ?" Mihael asked.  
"Someone who wanted to ask his way." Taka replied, smiling to reassure the two kids.

The black Mercedes parked in the alley, in front of the house. Taka gently pushed the kids inside. Suddenly, a big "pop" resonated and confettis rained in the living room.  
"Happy birthday Mail !" shouted happy voices. Mr Keehl, Marty, Taka and Mihael had gathered around the little redhead.  
Mail began to cry. This was the first time he celebrated his birthday and the emotions rushed through his mind.  
He was so happy he couldn't keep the tears from falling.  
Mihael took his hand and kissed his cheek, before Taka carried him to the dining table, where a cake was waiting. A huge lemon frosted cake, Mail's favorite flavor.  
While Marty was serving the cake, Taka discreetly placed the box from under his vest to the pile of other gifts.  
Once the cake was swallowed by the two hungry kids, Mail began to unwrap his presents, ending with Andy's one.  
A Game Boy.  
The child's eyes sparked as he lit the device, his fingers quickly getting accustomed and moving fast above the buttons.

The door rang.  
Mr Keehl was more than surprised to see Mrs Cole standing under the porch. Even more as she was carrying a wrapped box.  
"Hello Mr Keehl... I... I'm sorry to disturb you... I just wanted to give this to Mail... you know... for his birthday... I... stopped drinking and... I'm leaving soon, I just thought I'd tell you so Mail won't come home and find himself facing my husband... even if I'm pretty sure he wouldn't come... well... I've preferred to let you know, just so he's safe..." she stuttered.  
"I appreciate your concern, but why this sudden change ?" Daniel Keehl replied coldly.  
"You know... it's true I didn't want him... but it was different in the beginning, I would never have harmed him... I... I love him you know, he's my son... it's lonely without him... I've hurt him a lot... I've let my husband hurt him a lot... I needed to forget how my life was turning into a nightmare... I never meant to let things happen this way, I was just too drunk most of the time to care... I've never wanted this, never wanted to marry Mike, but my father... I'm sorry... I'm stopping this now... I need to do that before it's too late... Can you give..." she stopped in the middle of a sentence, her eyes full of panick, as she heard a car drive up her alley.  
She shoved the box in Mr Keehl's hands and quickly ran across the gardens.  
Mr Keehl came back inside, closing the door on the shouts coming from the neighbours' house.

Suddenly, the sound of a gunshot resonated. Then all went silent.  
"Taka, go upstairs with the kids and stay away from the windows." Mr Keehl said in a tone that was unusually cold for him. Once the kids were out of sight, he grabbed a gun in one of the highest shelves of the library and took a look by the window. The street was empty, nothing happening.  
Then sirens echoed, and the police parked hurriedly in front of the Coles'. Other neighbours had called them probably.  
The policemen were getting out of their car when Mike Cole rushed out of the house, into his car and almost knocked them out while trying to escape. The officers aimed at the runaway car and shot several times, the back windshield exploding to pieces. The car crossed the road and embedded itself in a lamppost with a loud crashing noise.  
The policemen carefully approached the car, to discover that Cole was lying on the steering wheel, a bullet hole in the back of his head.

The street, after a few minutes, went busy with neighbours morbidly wanting to have a look at the scene, an ambulance and a tug truck.  
Mr Keehl got out to know what had happened.  
Mrs Cole was found shot in the kitchen. She committed suicide, she was still holding the gun and her position on the floor made it obvious.  
Several empty bottles of beer were found in Cole's car so he was probably drunk when he came back home. He may have feared to be accused and ran away. Unfortunately, he got shot by an officer.  
Daniel Keehl got back home. He would have to tell Mail, but it was his birthday and such a bad news could wait. Moreover, he preferred to wait for the investigation to be over, to get more informations. It would be easier then to find the right words.  
He put his gun back in place and called Taka and the children downstairs.  
Marty, Taka and him acted as if nothing happened, and Mail opened his last present.  
The box contained a stuffed bear, and a letter addressed to Mr Keehl. Mail handed the letter to the man, who opened it and began to read...

* * *

_**Note : **Oh my... cliffhanger again ! Call me Dr Evil *muahahaha*  
Did you like this chapter ? I'm not really proud of it, I progressed in the plot but my writing is poor I think... I really have to do better ! (yeah, Mello syndrome...)  
_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Note : **Sorry I took so long to update ! I've been really busy and this story will be so full of events that I have to be really careful about the way I put the plot in place, along with all the psychological parts.  
I've updated Et Cetera some days ago because I needed to write some yaoi hehe (because I can't write yaoi for this story now, they're too young !!).  
Hope you enjoy !  
BTW, I've updated my profile page with my future work, if you wanna take a look at what will be coming next (more MxM !!), and don't forget to add me to your author alerts, so you don't miss more MxM craziness !_

_

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_"Mr Keehl,

I've never been a good mother, I'm perfectly aware of that. My weakness has been to be unable to say no all my life. No to my father when he forced me to marry Mike, no to alcohol... and I've pulled Mail down with me in my fall.  
I love him, you know, even if all proves are against me. It's true that I didn't want him, but I was happy having him, I was so lonely here... I was just not aware of what I was doing to him anymore.  
That's why I stopped drinking, I need to get away from this horrible life, I want to be able to stand in front of Mail one day, and tell myself I did something for his good, at least once.  
I'm leaving tomorrow, Mike doesn't know yet but I will tell him tonight when he goes back home. Whatever happens, please protect Mail, don't let Mike approach him. He would kill him like he killed our little girl two years ago. It was the first time he started molesting Mail, and as I opposed when he tried to hit our baby girl too, because she was crying, he beat me too then killed her. That's why I never opposed anymore after that...  
My father hushed up everything, like always, he has too many interests with Mike.  
I am grateful for all you did for Mail... I don't know what would have happened without you...  
Tell Mail that I love him and that I am sorry, even if nothing can erase what I did to him.

Linda MacKenzie"

Daniel Keehl could hardly believe it, his mind had difficulties to go from the abusive and non-caring mother to these apologies from a loving and lost mother. Something ticked his sense of sincerity but he couldn't put a finger on it.  
He decided to ignore it, it didn't matter anyway, Linda was dead as well as her husband. All that mattered now was how he would tell this to Mail.

**February 5****th****, 1995**  
After getting confirmation about the latest events, Mr Keehl decided it was time to tell Mail.  
He called the kid in the kitchen, leaving Mihael in the office, in the evening. He had told Mihael about the Coles' death a little earlier, because he knew Mail would probably need to talk about it with his friend and Mihael would be a great support to the small redhead. Often enough, when Mail was anxious, they exchanged a look and Mail would calm down immediately.  
Sitting the kid on a stool at the counter, and holding his little hand, Daniel Keehl began.  
"Mail, I have to tell you something about your mother and Mike..."  
"They are dead." the kid simply stated.  
"You know ?" the man was perplex.  
"Mihael and me heard you talk to Taka yesterday. I'm sorry..." the redhead bowed his head.  
"You don't have to be sorry, I just hope you weren't too much in shock when you heard ? How do you feel Mail ?"  
"I don't know... I don't feel nothing..." he blushed. "Is it bad if I'm... relieved ? Am I a bad child ?" Mail's lip trembled as he looked up in Mr Keehl's eyes.  
"Of course not Mail. Your reaction is normal after all they put you through. But that raises another matter that we have to deal with. I am not your legal guardian, and your mother being dead, the persons that could claim you are your grandfather and your biological father. I won't hide it to you Mail because it is important, but don't hesitate to question me about what you don't understand, and rest assured that I will do my best to keep you here."  
"My... biological father ? Mum said he was dead... and I don't know my grandfather, I don't want to go with him !" the child started to shake.  
"Shhhh Mail, it's ok, don't be afraid, no one's going to force you, I promise." the man said, stroking the child's head soothingly.  
"I want to stay with you..." Mail was ready to cry.  
Mihael appeared in the doorframe, an alarmed look in the gaze he directed to his friend.  
"Come here Mihael" his father whispered.  
The blond child ran to them as Mail let himself slide off the stool. Mihael took his hand with a worried look.  
"Mail, I will need to bring you to a judge, because I want you to stay here with us as much as you do, and we need to start a procedure for that. Don't worry, it's nothing bad. You will just have to tell the judge that you want to stay here, he will ask you a few questions, and that's all. Your father will most certainly agree with that, he always cared for you, you know. And the rest is up to me. Really, don't worry, everything's going to be ok. It's just going to take some time, that's all." Mr Keehl tried to simplify things as the child had already many informations to process in his mind. The procedure wouldn't be that difficult considering Mrs Cole's letter and the proof it would be in the case.  
"When will I have to go see the judge ?" Mail asked. "And when will I see my father ?"  
"I don't know Mail, but I'll tell you as soon as I know." Mr Keehl replied, not sure if Andy would agree to meet Mail one day.

**February 10****th****, 1995**  
"Daniel, the judge." Marty stated as he handed the phone to Mr Keehl, who was pacing in the huge office he occupied when he was not working at home. He had used all his influences to quicken the procedure, hoping that MacKenzie wouldn't step in and claim the child as a revenge for their rivalry.  
"Hello, Mr Keehl" the voice in the phone said, "I'm calling you back concerning Mail and your worries about the issue of the procedure. We have authenticated the letter from Mail's mother and verified the fact of a dead child, which is true. Considering that the grandfather, Mr MacKenzie, is third in line after you for guardianship, the first being his biological father, that we excluded for the reasons you know, there won't be any problem with this affair. The letter is valuable enough to ensure that the issue of the procedure is in your favor. We won't contact Mr MacKenzie, as he is not concerned, I guess you'd prefer him to be out of this affair."  
"Yes, it would be better, I'm not particularly on good terms with him and his associates, you're very well aware of that as you already helped me with him in the past. Anyway, thank you for calling and giving me those details. Now let's just hope he doesn't get interested in Mail in any way."  
"I know how stressful those situations can be. Now, I guess there won't be a problem with Mail visiting the judge for children, I believe he's happy to stay with you."  
"Yes, I'm happy too, to tell the truth."  
"I know that. Well, I can arrange that meeting next week, I'll have Mr Jeevas here to sign the forms he has to, so let's do it after that, what do you think of wednesday, 3pm ? I guess Mail doesn't have school ?"  
"No, he hasn't, that will be perfect. See you on wednesday."  
"Goodbye Mr Keehl".

**February 15****th****, 1995**  
Mail was overly nervous, squirming on his seat, between Mr Keehl and Mihael, in the waiting room of the judge for children's office. The door opened, and Mail froze. Exiting the office, a man was standing, stopping, shocked, face to Mail. The man had red hair, falling around his pale face and on his deep blue eyes in straight locks, some of them retained by the goggles sitting on his head. He wore jeans and a black and white striped sweat shirt, and black boots.  
Mail stared at him, unable to unlock his eyes from the man's, who was staring as well.  
"Hello Mail" the man said with a smile, crouching. Mail approached shyly until he was in front of his father. They didn't exchange a word, they just looked at each other, the child raising a hand to touch the goggles, intrigued.  
Andy pulled his goggles off, and gave them to Mail, before leaving the waiting room, smiling to his son again before passing the doorframe and disappearing.

Later, that day, once they were back home, Mail approached Mr Keehl who was reading some mails in his office.  
"Mail ? Are you ok ?" the man asked, motioning his hand to get the child closer.  
"I was wondering... why my mum and my dad were not together ? And why my dad doesn't want me ? I mean... not that I don't want to live here but, are dads not supposed to take care of their children ?" the redhead asked genuinely.  
Daniel Keehl explained everything to Mail, he chose words suitable for a 5 years old genius, but he preferred to tell him the truth. A child can grow better on a solid knowledge of his background, he thought.  
When it came to the last question, the answer was a lot more difficult to express.  
"It's not that your dad doesn't want to have you with him Mail, but he has some personal problems and taking care of a child is difficult for him. He has always cared for you, and now that you know about him, I should tell you that the present you got, you know, the key, card and such, well..." he then realised he was about to destroy the belief in Santa the child had, "he asked Santa to bring it to you, it was his idea, so I guess that when you will be 16, your dad will ask Santa to bring you a surprise related to this." That was close, but the child didn't seem to have doubts. "He also offered you the Gameboy from your birthday."  
"Oh, that was him ?" the child opened wide eyes.  
"Yes, and you look so much like him, it's incredible. He loves you, never doubt that. He just can't take care of you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to, so don't be mad at him. Give him time, maybe one day he will be ready to see you, sometimes." Mr Keehl added.  
The child nodded and smiled, and left, going back to play with Mihael in the living room.

**March 2****nd****, 1995**  
Mr Keehl's guardianship had been made official the day before, and so they all celebrated it that evening. Mail radiated joy, as well as Mihael, who kept on yelling "I'm so happy !" on and on, making everyone laugh.

**February 1****st****, 1996**  
Mail's birthday had been celebrated. It was late in the evening, the children were in bed.  
The phone suddenly rang. Mr Keehl picked it up even before the first ring ended, afraid the children would wake up.  
"Hey Keehl" a chuckling voice said, "I have someone here you probably care enough for, to want to get him alive of this... say hello, Jeevas." the voice addressed to someone who only growled in reply. The sound of it made it obvious that the growling came from a gagged person. "Ok, ungag and untie him now that he's there, he won't go very far" the voice talked, away from the phone.  
"MacKenzie, what do you want ?" Daniel Keehl asked, a pool of panick forming in his stomach.  
"Well, Jeevas had the bad luck to be on his way to your house when my men picked him up, we were planning something else to get to you but that's quite fun actually, we'll get to the something else later. So, do you want him alive or not ? Your choice..." MacKenzie laughed.  
"Keehl, don't care about me ! Don't listen to him !" Andy's voice raised from far away, followed by a slap.  
"What do you want ?" Mr Keehl spat again.  
"You know what I want. I have this little problem I'd like to solve, I mean, it seems you had a word about me with many of the societies I was about to buy, and I didn't get the markets. And worse, it seems they're working for you now. You understand that I'm quite angry about that, and that we have to find an agreement so I can go on like I originally planned, or I think I'm going to redirect my anger toward anyone near me, beginning by this junkie I just... oh shit !" the voice made itself distant and shouts were heard in the background...

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_**Note :** Just a quick explanation. The judge is corrupted by the Mafia, that's why things are going faster than usual/the judge and Daniel Keehl talk freely about MacKenzie, who is, quick reminder, head of a society with similar illegal activities to the Mafia, but working against the Mafia for their own interests. And MacKenzie is way less powerful than the Mafia, although he'd like to gain power.  
Mr Keehl is the legal guardian of Mail, but he didn't adopt him, so Mail didn't have a name change, and is not considered as Mihael's brother. Just wanted to make things clear so I don't get anonymous comments about how unrealistic my plot is ;)  
I made that guardianship chapter because I needed Mail and Mihael to be related legally for future events.  
And if you think that MacKenzie just not showing up against the guardianship is too easy, just wait for the next chapters damnit ! *lol* (everything, yes, everything's on purpose, just wait and see !)_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Note : **Things are going faster now, I hope you'll like this chapter although it's really sad and hard for the children...  
On another note, I've noticed someone on FF plagiarized my fic MarshMello. Ok, I should feel flattered, but sh*t ! be creative damnit !  
Reviews are still appreciated, like always !  
I've really tried to space my paragraphs, but it didn't seem right, I mean, I'm really stuck with the book-like format, forgive me !! (I'm pretty sure I lose a lot of readers with this format, life is hard *lol*)_

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_**February 1****st****, 1996 (part 2)  
**Daniel Keehl heard the thud of the phone receiver his interlocutor had let fall, followed by shuffling and struggling noises. Voices raised after several minutes, that he could hear despite the noise and distance from the receiver.  
"Why didn't you have an eye on him you fucking shit ?!" MacKenzie's voice yelled, "How did he do that ?!"  
Another voice replied : "he probably had his junk on him, he sniffed everything before I could stop him !"  
"He's dead." a third voice stated.  
"Shit !" MacKenzie shouted, "You're really fucking useless ! Plan two, NOW !"  
The communication cut, leaving Mr Keehl shocked. Andy Jeevas had preferred to commit suicide to protect him and the kids. He quickly got back to his senses, feeling something bad was coming. He ran upstairs while calling Marty.

"Marty, call Taka and your men, and go to the headquarters. Hurry up, MacKenzie called, he had Jeevas, but he killed himself there and Mackenzie is planning something, we need to go from here, it's not safe, I don't have guards here. (talking to the kids that just woke up) Mihael, Mail, go downstairs, hurry up. (back to Marty after a few second) I'm taking the kids to the headquarters, I'll meet you th..."  
An explosion covered the last words before cutting the phone line.

Marty didn't lose a second. He grabbed his keys, and called his men and Taka on his way to his car. He drove at breakneck speed to the Keehl's house, only to find the house in flames, the two children holding to each other, crying and shaking in the garden.  
"Oh my God..." he managed to whisper, horrified by the sight. He ran to check on the children then tried to get inside of the house.

Taka arrived a few seconds later. He quickly picked the kids and drove them to the headquarters.

Marty was stopped by the firemen.  
"It's too dangerous, we already tried to enter, it's useless, there is no way anyone survived in this. How many people were there ?" a man asked.  
"One, I guess..." Marty replied. He could feel his eyes burning, and it was not because of the heat of the fire.  
"Do you know what happened ?" the fireman went on.  
"Not really..." Marty felt like he would vomit. His men led him to the cars, and everyone drove to the headquarters.

On the way, Marty called the police chief, giving instructions and informations he had.  
"Don't worry Marty, we'll find out what happened and I'll give you the informations first, so you do what you have to and deal with that, I won't make a move without your consent, I owe that to Keehl." Bratton replied.

Taka was sat, the kids sat on his lap. They had explained the few they had seen, when Marty carefully tried to make them talk, comforting them all the while.  
They had ran downstairs and heard the explosion coming from their bedroom then seen the flames so they had ran outside of the house.  
Now they were shaking even more, but they soon were overwhelmed by their emotions and the fact they'd been awoken in the middle of the night, and they dozed off, sobbing, in Taka's arms.

He slowly rocked them, his gaze questioning Marty.  
"I don't know how to tell them..." the man said, in a sigh ending in a sob he couldn't retain. He sat at a desk, and buried his face in his palms. They all stayed silent for a while, until Mail woke up, obviously crying from a nightmare. Mihael woke up too. Taka hugged them, Marty rushing to them to calm them down.  
"Where is dad ?" Mihael hiccuped, his teary eyes staring at Marty.  
The man lowered his head, unable to utter the words that would tell the children they were orphans. Mihael and Mail looked at Taka, their wide eyes understanding the unspoken. Both children cried, shocked and desperate, until sleep gained them again in the black haired man's arms.

**February 2****nd****, 1996**  
Taka had installed Mail and Mihael on a couch, in a room next to the office. They woke up around 8am, slowly realising why they were there and what had happened while they were getting dressed.

Mail began to sob. Mihael took his hand and squeezed it. The look he gave to his redheaded friend stopped the sobs. Mihael's eyes were full of pain, concern, and determination, but he didn't cry. Even Marty felt a shiver run along his spine when he saw that look.

A little earlier, Bratton had called Marty. The explosion had been caused by a very sophisticated bomb hidden in a teddybear. Immediately, Marty knew. Daniel's doubts about Mail's mother repenting, the teddybear she gave to Mail for his birthday, everything had been prepared by MacKenzie long ago, he was just waiting for the right moment. What he couldn't explain was why Linda had committed suicide after that.

MacKenzie was soliciting the cooperation of two societies for the acquirement of a plot of small businesses in the center of LA, that were installed on said plot owned by these two societies, businesses that resisted for a long time to the buy out by these two societies thanks to the Mafia. But the Mafia was about to buy one of those societies, which would ruin MacKenzie's plans, giving the Mafia 51% of the market, added to the already existing trade between the Mafia and those businesses. The president of this society wanting to deal with Mr Keehl only, everything would be reconsidered in MacKenzie's favor now.

Bratton would file the case as a domestic accident. He couldn't reveal his real investigations considering who was involved, and he knew the Mafia would deal with it by themselves. He would simply close his eyes for some hundreds franklins.

Marty needed to be quick, he would have to get his hands on MacKenzie, to get answers, to find Andy's dead body to give him a decent burial, and get rid of MacKenzie in the end, so he could maybe salvage the affair with the society they were about to buy.  
But before that, he needed to get the kids away from the Mafia, somewhere safe. He didn't know about Daniel's testament but he was sure he had arranged everything in case something happened to him.

After a call to the judge, he drove there with the kids. Everything had to go fast, time was not on his side.

**February 3****rd****, 1996**  
Mihael was looking by the window, his face tensed. Mail was simply looking down, playing with his goggles. He always wore them around his neck, since they were too big for him, but he never agreed to take them off, except for sleeptime.

Taka was gazing at the two children, sighing. He loved these kids, it was impossible not to. But he knew that it would be the last time he would accompany them anywhere. His face was known, and he couldn't protect them anymore, he was himself a risk for them.

The plane landed. Winchester Regional Airport.  
The two kids were surprised by the cold, although Taka had made sure they put their winter coats on before exiting the plane.

"Hello, I'm Roger." an old grey haired man approached them. His face didn't show any concern, and Taka wondered if the guy liked kids. He didn't even talk to them. He took the small bag the japanese man handed him along with the children's passports, and turned around to the exit of the airport. Taka hugged them quickly, and pushed them gently in Roger's direction, whom they followed reluctantly, glancing back at Taka until he was out of sight.

Once he was sure they were gone, he headed to the airport's bathroom and burst into tears. He knew he would never see them again, and he couldn't even hope to get any news either.

Roger threw the bag on the back seat of a black Mercedes, pushed the children inside, and sat on the driver's seat. Without a word, he drove the half hour it took to the place they would now live.  
Wammy's Orphanage for Gifted Children, the huge golden plaque on the front porch stated.

They were assigned a two beds room, and instructed to stay here until someone came to pick them for dinner.

"Mihael ?" Mail reached for his friend's hand as the door closed behind them.  
The blond child looked at him, his cold look turning to a soft reassuring gaze as he squeezed the hand back.  
"Don't worry, you have me." Mihael replied.  
Mail's tears began to run on his cheeks. "That's my fault..." he started.  
"No, it's not. Never ever say that again. If you think one second that I am mad at you for all this, then you're wrong. That would mean I'd regret that my father got you out of the hell you were in, and I don't regret anything. But I'll kill that MacKenzie one day, I promise. That bastard will pay for all he's done, I swear to God."  
"We're not supposed to have heard Marty's conversation..." the redhead sighed.  
"What does it change ? I'm glad I know the truth, so I can have my revenge one day..." Mihael clenched his fist nervously.

They unpacked the few belongings they had. Mail played the Gameboy Taka had bought him before the flight, and Mihael sat next to him, snapping pieces of the chocolate bar he had grabbed from the stash Marty had put in the bag.  
A few hours later, a soft knock resounded and the door opened on a man that was older than Roger.  
"Hello children, I am Quilsh Wammy, the owner of this place. I hope your room suits you, I considered that since you arrived together, you would appreciate being in the same room." he was smiling with a fatherly expression, "I have to make you a few recommendations before I lead you to the dining room. First, here, no one calls the other by his real name, so you have been assigned new identities. You are here to be trained to be detectives, and therefore this is a way to protect you."  
The two children opened wide eyes at the word _detective_.  
"Mail, now you will be called Matt. Never give your real name, no matter what happens or who asks you. Mihael, you are now Mello. Now, to the dining room."

Mail and Mihael, now Matt and Mello, followed the old man through corridors and stairs, to a huge room already filled with around forty children. The older of them was a skinny pale teenager with messy black hair, it was impossible to put a nationality on him but he obviously had some asian origins. He was crouched on a chair, and Matt and Mello couldn't help but stare at him. He lifted his gaze, made a small sign with his hand and focused back on the white haired boy beside him, a four years old child, crouched the same way on his chair. Both were engaged in a seemingly very serious talk and the albino kid didn't even look at them.  
Wammy made Matt and Mello sit at a nearby table once they had their food tray. They ate in silence, alone, since no one came to them. Kids stared, whispered one to the other, glancing at them, but no one seemed to try to be friendly.  
Finally the black haired teenager left, holding the white haired kid's hand, and little by little the whole dining room emptied.

The two kids got back to their room together.  
"I don't like my new name." Mello growled, "and I don't like anyone here, they are not friendly."  
"I like your name... and maybe it's just because they don't know us, we'll make friends someday, don't worry..." Matt replied, even if he felt the same. The children in the dining room were more than unfriendly, they were scary.  
"I don't need them, I already have a friend." Mello murmured, forcing a smile on his lips.

Although they had a bed for each of them, they slept in the same bed that night.

**February 4****th****, 1996**  
A knock on the door woke the two children at 9am. It was sunday so there were no classes, and Wammy had assigned a ten years old boy named Lane to show them around.  
The boy quickly showed them the building, the surroundings and all they needed to know, until they were back in the orphanage's entrance. Lane led them then to the long corridor leading to the classrooms.  
On the wall, just before the first room, a wooden frame encircling a glass was hung. "This is the students ranking, it's changed every monday before the first lessons." Lane explained.  
"Students ranking ?" Mello asked.  
"Yes, we are constantly judged here, this is only a part of it." Lane sighed.

**February 5****th****, 1996**  
Matt and Mello were sat in the back of the classroom, beside each other. They were quite impressed by the other kids staring at them, when the teacher came in. All eyes looked away from them, to their relief.

The day was pretty eventless but still no one talked to them.  
Once the classes were over, they headed to their room, but were stopped by a group of students. The younger was probably eight, but the older, a fat brown haired boy with a thick italian accent, seemed around twelve. They blocked the way and encircled the two.  
"I'm Ike, and you'd better remember my name, because I'm the chief of this floor. If you do as I say, you won't have any problems." the boy spat, glaring at them.  
Matt looked at the floor, but Mello quickly replied : "And if we don't ?", his eyes locked with Ike's.  
"Then I'd have to show you how to behave here." Ike raised his fist in a threatening movement.  
Mello kept his glare on Ike, his mouth shut in a hard line, and suddenly pushed Ike off the way.  
"I'm not taking orders from anyone" the blond child growled. Ike replied with a punch in Mello's face, the kid falling on his butt but standing again to fight back.  
"Hey, what are you doing ?" a voice raised from the end of the corridor.  
"Mind your own business !" Ike screamed before realising who just spoke. "Oh... Near. We were just … errr... introducing to each other..." he mumbled.  
"Don't take me for a fool Ike. L wouldn't be happy to know what you do to newcomers." the white haired kid said in a blank tone.  
"Ok ok, don't tell him, we're leaving them alone..." Ike turned around and left, followed by the rest of his group.  
Near left as well, not once looking at the two other children.

Matt and Mello finally reached their bedroom.  
"Does it hurt ?" Matt asked to his friend, looking at his swollen eye that was slowly turning purple.  
"A bit, but I'm ok." Mello said, "Don't worry, I'm fine." he smiled sheepishly. He was afraid. Not for himself, because he could fight back or at least would try, but he promised himself he would never let Matt go outside of their room alone.

**February 12****th****, 1996  
**The frenzy had gained all children, like every monday morning. The rankings had been pinned behind the glass frame, and they were all taking turns to read the pages displayed on the wall.  
There were four pages, corresponding to the four classes where students were assigned by level, the children that were at Wammy's for the longest time being in the highest level class.  
First place : Mello. Second place : Matt.  
The two kids were heading to their classroom when someone called them from behind.  
The black haired teenager was approaching, hunched and slow.  
"Hello, I'm L. Your new classroom is this way." he gestured to the door on the opposite side of the class they were assigned the previous week. "You did too good to stay on first level." he then walked away as slowly as he came, disappearing in Roger's office.

Matt and Mello entered the room, all eyes turning their directions. _Did those kids know what politeness was ? _Mello asked himself as he clenched his teeth nervously, glaring back.  
The teacher assigned them two seats behind the albino kid, who was the only one that wasn't looking at them. Actually, Mello told himself, he seemed to ignore them on purpose.  
The lessons were harder in this level, but the two friends didn't encounter any particular difficulty. Matt even enjoyed the computer class.  
During the last lesson of the day, the teacher began to ask questions so students would practice a bit before a test the day after. Mello raised his hand, and answered one of them. For once, Near looked at him. He turned his eyes away as quickly as he had set them on Mello, realising what he did, but Mello didn't miss the nasty glow in them...


	9. Chapter 9

_**Note : **I know I'm exploring psychological aspects of the characters and situations a lot, and that I'm giving a bad role to L and Near, but I wanted to get out of the usual pattern, and I need to explain what's in their head otherwise the plot wouldn't have much sense.  
I skip time to head toward the main plot of the story, that is to say when they're teenagers, that's when serious actions will really begin. So don't be mad at me for not describing childhood that much, I only write some of it to set their background but there's not much more to say except that they grow, they study and stuff ^_~  
I've tried to separate paragraphs more, to please the readers that don't like my format ^^  
Oh, and BTW, this fic is TOTALLY AU so don't expect anything similar to the manga here, nor later ;)  
And to reply to **Iwalkinthelight**, Mello's dad was a Mafia boss, he was not killed by the Mafia, maybe that part of the story was a bit confusing.  
_

_I'm giving MarshMellos to reviewers ! Please, you are so many to read me, I'd like to know what you think of this fic ! I'm not writing for reviews, but reviews help improving ! Or am I that good ? *lol* sorry ^^  
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_**June, 17****th****, 1996**  
"Monday morning, weekly ranking !" sang Roger while he was pinning the pages to the wall. He was always delighted to see all those freaky creatures surrounding him, eager to see the judgement, how they called it. He hated children, but he was fascinated by these super minds. Clever enough to hack into the FBI and yet so bound to these weekly statements of their personal value. Here, humanity had long ago left its rights to performance. Children were in training, used to the bone, only the best would be left in the end. Natural selection in a fauna of laboratory rats.

You could see two different patterns here : the ones that never knew what a family was, that never received love or comfort, so they didn't expect anything, because you can't wait for something you don't know the existence of. And the ones that once had loving parents and that lost everything, that quickly had to erase all expectations of pity and comfort and shield themselves against the firsts.

The lack of knowledge of human feelings made the firsts be extremely strong and uncaring, while the seconds usually became overly competitive to try to gain a value. But the result was the same in the end : insanity.

Mello quickly understood that. He perfectly knew he was wavering between the two categories, and had to be careful. He had always been extremely sensitive, and the latest events in his and Matt's life had obliged him to block it all inside not to fall apart, he couldn't, he was the strongest of them both and had made a promise he would always keep. But he felt himself change to an uncaring AND competitive student. Except Matt, he couldn't stand anyone. He hated people, conversations, contacts. But he wanted to beat them all and be the best. This way, he would be sure he could always provide Matt everything he would need.

Matt saw Mello change, little by little, everyday. He himself changed, locking himself from the world, forbidding anything and anyone to reach him. He didn't feel the need for contact, he had Mello. He didn't even need to study hard, he was third and didn't care anyway. He was only studying the minimal amount of time because he studied with Mello sometimes, and he liked it. And he studied computer with him because it was a weak point for Mello, so Mello could catch up without noticing. Matt didn't want Mello to feel he needed help, so he always made sure to provide the help before Mello even noticed he had difficulties.

From the time they had been assigned to the level 2 class with the albino kid, Mello had always been second and Matt third. No matter how hard Mello tried, he could never be number one. That pissed him off even more that the white haired boy never really seemed to study or care in class.

Matt had once been called in Quilsh Wammy's office. Mello had insisted to go with him, so Wammy had let both children in.  
He had explained to Matt how he was disappointed because he knew the child could study more, and be number one. Matt had blushed, feeling Mello's gaze on him.

Once outside, he thought Mello would yell at him. The number one spot was a delicate topic with Mello. He couldn't beat Near, and now his best friend was kind of betraying him, Matt extrapolated. They slowly walked to their room, and as the door closed behind them, Mello fell into his arms and hugged him.  
"Mello ?" Matt whispered, stunned.  
"I'm sorry Matt... I'll work harder, I promise !" the blond child's fists balled in determination.  
"What are you saying ?!" the redhead withdrew a bit from his friend to look at him.  
"If you are number one, then Near will be between us, and I'm only third, and how am I supposed to take care of you if I'm that bad ?"  
"There's one area where you'll always be the best, and it's being my friend, the rest is just bullshits to me. Even if everyone here goes by marks and rankings, I don't, never forget that."  
That's when Mello knew he would never lose his sanity.

**September 13****th****, 1996**  
Mello woke up earlier than the usual 6am on class days. Hungry for chocolate, he decided to sneak out of the room to the kitchen while everyone was still asleep. He had only slightly opened the bedroom door when he caught a glimpse of a black tuft of hair leaving Near's room and heading downstairs. L.  
Not long after, as he had stolen some bars and was going back to his and Matt's room, he saw the albino at the end of the corridor. Near didn't see him, and entered the library.  
_What is he doing in the library at 4h30am ? _The blond child wondered.

Chewing on his chocolate, he followed the white haired kid and found him nose plunged in a book about Descartes. Five other books were piled on the desk he was sat at. Russia's seas and rivers, history of American Civil War, Beethoven's musical analysis, and he didn't have the time to see the last two. Near's head shot up and he quickly grabbed the books to put them out of sight.  
Mello shrugged his shoulders, turned around, uninterested, and headed back to his bedroom.

Later that day in class, during the first lesson, the students had the apparently usual after vacations test, that consisted of six questions from the previous year's lessons.  
It's only when Mello read the questions that he knew. The first question was about Beethoven's musical analysis, the second concerned Russia's rivers, the third was some arithmetic, the fourth about American Civil War, the fifth was a french language translation, and the sixth was an essay about Descartes' philosophy.  
Near cheated ! There was no way he accidentally studied these topics this morning, and so early moreover.  
That explained why the little brat was almost never seen studying, but playing his toys. Mello was pretty sure L was involved in this. He seemed too close to Near not to know what was going on and the fact he visited Near this morning probably meant he had given him the questions from the test.

Mello never said a word about what he had discovered. He was not a telltale, and didn't want to risk his presence here with Matt. He thought that saying what he knew would somewhat anger L and maybe he would be thrown away from Wammy's, and being separated from Matt would be the end of his world. So he kept it for himself, but he grew a hate for the albino so deep inside of his soul that he felt himself lose it.

After class, Matt and Mello were both in their room. Matt was playing his games while Mello was pacing back and forth nervously.  
"Mello ? Something's wrong ?" the redhead asked after several minutes.  
"I hate Near." the blond replied.  
"Huh ?"  
"Nevermind... let's play !" Mello tried to focus on the game. He didn't want to utter the words that were burning his tongue since the morning : _Near is a fucking cheater, I'm the number one, and L is not and will never be my model like he is for all those shoes lickers._

He kept on losing the game they were playing but he didn't mind, he knew that was a domain he couldn't beat Matt in. He smiled as his eyes fell on his friend, concentrated and fingers flickering above the buttons of the controller. His anger disappeared all of a sudden when he realised what his morning discovery implied.  
_I know I can keep my promise. Matt... Mail, I can take care of you. But I'll try to beat Near anyway, because I want to surpass him even if he cheats._

**September 1st, 1997  
**The new scholar year had begun. There were no new faces this year, but many of the elder had left, too old to be kept here, or because they had been surpassed by much younger students and therefore couldn't be considered on top anymore. Only L had stayed, as he used an office at Wammy's to solve his cases, and helped Wammy and Roger run the orphanage. Actually, his role was more to evaluate the kids and their legitimacy in the house, and gauge the overall atmosphere and attitudes to do so. He had considered Quilsh Wammy too much of a fatherly figure to be neutral in this, and Roger was far from being smart and didn't care enough about the children to really know them so he wouldn't trust him either on that point.

Quilsh Wammy loved L as his son, although he knew he had made many mistake when raising him. And now the black haired teenager was reproducing the same mistakes, on a far more intruding level as he didn't have the social skills and knowledge of human feelings required to understand that he was going too far. It was what he had known and he would apply the same, without remorse or understanding, to the children here, because they needed to be little copies of him, nothing less, nothing more.

Mello had been forced to be in the rugby team. The previous years had seen him grow as a tough and temperamental kid and due to many fighting incidents and cases of teachers snapping, Roger had thought he needed an outlet for his anger.

Mello was standing fully equipped on the pitch, bored, looking at his team mates running and practising. Matt was standing close to the wire barrier, looking at Mello.  
"Mello, what are you waiting for ?!" the trainer yelled at the blond boy.  
"The end of the training." Mello spat without looking.  
"Run, now !" the trainer yelled even louder.  
"NO."

The trainer didn't insist but he came back in charge when the team separated in two for a training match.  
A glimpse of malice lit in Mello's eyes as he glanced at Matt. Smirking under his helmet, he joined his team.  
It's only a few minutes later that the trainer understood that Mello didn't participate to the match because he complied to the training. Mello was actually ruining it on purpose.

"Mello ! Do I have to remind you the rules ?" the man screamed, approaching the tornado that had knocked down two players of his own team.  
"I. Don't. Care. About. Rules." Mello said coldly.  
"Out ! NOW !" the trainer fired him from the field, ready to tear the last few hair he had left on his almost bald head.

After that, Mello was never forced to do anything anymore.

"That's good you're not playing out anymore." Matt said, once they were back in their room.  
"Huh ?" Mello glanced at him. The redhead replied, not raising the eyes from his Gameboy : "I don't see my screen really well because of the sun."  
A pillow flew through the room, landing on Matt's head, who simply pushed it away before focusing again on his device.  
"You fucking geek !" Mello laughed.  
"You swear too much Mello."  
"You're not obliged to follow me outside you know ?" Mello stated.  
"No, but I do follow you anyway." Matt replied.

Mello liked Matt's way to imply he cared. The more they grew, the less these things were easy to say, particularly in such a hostile environment, and Mello knew it would never get any better so he held on to those little things dearly.  
Matt was not one to express himself, he hardly ever commented on his own feelings, not would he show them, simply locking everything inside so no one would use them against him. But he would let Mello have a peep at them sometimes, just because Mello would ruffle his red tuft of hair and chuckle. This chuckle that contained a hint of _I love you too_ in it.

**December 24****th****, 1998**_  
_This day was one of the few every year when adults as well as students allowed a certain changed inside the orphanage. Christmas vacations meant being able to wander in the building almost freely, participations to shopping trips in town or baking sessions for Christmas cookies and pastries with the cooks in the huge kitchens of the house.

"What a waste of time" L whispered as he gazed over the large hall full of children reading, chatting or playing around an immense decorated tree.  
"It's Christmas, L, give them some rest, they're only children after all." Wammy reprimanded him.  
"What's the point of resting ? They should be studying. Did I go as far as I am now by resting ? " L replied coldly.  
"L, you may have learned a lot by never resting, but you still need to learn indulgence." Wammy sighed, "You're already constantly entertaining the competition by having Near as the target to reach, let them breathe sometimes. You don't know how hard it can be for children to try to reach a level you put out of reach by cheating with Near, and to try to be the best to your eyes." the old man added.

"Near is a genius, and therefore will be able to succeed me, but I need him to appear as number one without a single fail and won't only count on his abilities to do so, because he sometimes lacks the will to really succeed, due to his young age. So I don't have a choice in the matter. I'm just disappointed because two of the students could beat him but one doesn't bother doing so, and the other is way too moody to focus completely. But as long as it works with all the others, it's worth it. Near is young, and until he's old enough to succeed me, we need to entertain the level among the elder. We never know what is waiting for us in the future."

"But then, why don't you stop helping Near cheat and let these two reach the top ? They would be the new target for others, wouldn't they ? And without cheating, this time." Wammy questioned.

"Matt will never be number one, he doesn't want to and I have deduced that he stays one step behind Mello on purpose. And Mello is not Near. Near is laid back and uncaring and therefore can carry the weight I have put on his shoulders, attacks don't reach him and he never fights back. Mello as number one would be like nominating Hitler as the world master, it's obvious this kid has a dark temper and he would simply intimidate anyone in his way, there would be no competition possible. I need people to hate and want to beat the number one, not to fear him to the point no one dares taking his spot." the dark haired teenager replied. "But well, these three have grown a lot and they will be ready in a few years, I just hope they won't kill each other before that..."

"Then that would make you responsible of that." the old man looked at L, surprised by such a harsh statement.  
"I can live with that." L said blankly, and walked away to his office.

**November 6****th****, 1999**  
It all started with a hungry Matt that had skipped dinner because he didn't want to stop playing his new game, complaining he was almost level 100 and wanted to reach it before saving.  
Mello, after dinner, had come back in the room to find Matt still playing, so he had sat criss crossed on his bed to study. Around 9pm, the gamer's stomach started growling so the blond had given him two chocolate bars and Matt had eaten them avidly once he finally saved after level 100. But not being used to sugary sweets had him over excited and too full of energy for a tired Mello that had began to undress to go to bed.

He was standing close to his bed, only wearing sweat pants, when a pillow landed on the back of his head.  
"Matt, you're gonna regret this, bastard" Mello sighed, turning around to face his friend with an annoyed expression on his face, quickly replaced by a laughter when he saw Matt, acting like a super hero, mimic a flight and push him on the bed, landing on top of him and beating him with the pillow.  
"Super Matt's going to tickle Bad Mello to death !" the redhead grinned, teasing Mello's ribs, making the boy below him squirm and shriek hysterically.  
"No Matt !! Stop that ! I hate being tickled !!"  
"That wouldn't be fun if you liked it !" Matt teased him even more.  
Mello tried to fight back with the pillow. Matt, wanting to avoid it, slipped and landed sat on Mello's crotch after an unwanted quick friction.  
Mello gasped and blushed. They both stopped, staring at each other. Matt's eyes were wide as plates.  
"Get off me !!" Mello yelled and pushed Matt so hard he landed on the floor.  
"I'm sorry !!" Matt was mortified.  
"Hm, ok, let's forget it. Goodnight." Mello turned the light off, trying to hide his embarrassment.  
Matt quickly undressed in the dark and got to bed too. It's only a few seconds later that he noticed he was stroking himself unconsciously.

* * *

_**Note : **it's not yaoi, I thought it would be useful to precise that point, since they are way too young for that. They are just starting to discover sexuality, physical reactions they are not used to, and shameful (and therefore funny lol) situations that can occur when you share proximity. There will be a time for yaoi later, just be patient !_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Note :** I'm happy I can update frequently enough lately !  
**Alinacat **: I think you'll like L in this chapter ^^  
Thank you everyone for the reviews ! *throws marshmallows all round the place*  
I've added Mello and Matt's ages next to the dates so it's easier for you to know ^^_

* * *

**October 31****th****, 2000 **_(they're almost 11)_**  
**"Hurry up Matt !" Mello whispered, pulling his friend by the hand along the dark corridor.  
"But I'm tired Melloooo..." Matt groaned, following reluctantly. "And we're gonna get caught anyway."  
"Of course, if you don't move your ass !" Mello murmured, glancing in the next corridor before running, Matt on his tracks.

Suddenly, the sound of steps.  
"Shit ! Jump !" Mello ordered, pushing Matt by the window they just reached, before following his friend.  
"Ouch !" Matt whimpered as he landed on the grass under the window, Mello soon landing on him.  
"You're comfortable, you know ?" the blond's white teeth glowed in the dark as he grinned, helping his friend up.  
"Fuck you..." Matt replied, standing up. "Now will you tell me why we're out at night ?"  
"Follow me !" Mello smirked and started to run through Wammy's gardens. They both climbed the barrier and found themselves outside.

"Mello, you don't expect me to walk to who knows where in the middle of the night without telling me first ?" Matt complained.  
"Do you know what date it is ?" Mello sighed.  
"Hmm... It's L's birthday, but we already celebrated it in the dining room, so no, I don't see." Matt replied.  
"Halloween, you fucktard ! It's Ha-llo-ween !" Mello said like he was talking to a four years old child, "And if I can get sweets for free, I won't miss the chance, understood ?"  
"Oh... and of course, you thought I would be delighted to follow you around so you can fulfil your need for sweets ?" Matt mumbled.  
Mello looked at him, and they both burst into laughters.  
"You thought right !" the redhead grinned and, grabbing Mello's hand, he started running, pulling a happy blond behind him.

Two hours later, they were back in their room after a hard time climbing the window to get back inside of the building. Mello was sitting on his bed, Matt facing him criss crossed.  
"Not that much chocolate..." Mello sighed, munching on a chocolate covered mashmallow.  
"I like the jelly bears." Matt replied, mouth full.  
"Don't eat too much, I don't want to deal with your hyperactive side later." Mello warned, poking Matt's forehead.  
"Hey, don't poke me like this or I'll suffocate you with your sweets !" Matt poked him back in the ribs, earning a yelp.  
"I hope you don't plan on tickling me and groping me after that ?" Mello smirked.  
"I didn't grope you !! That was an accident !!" Matt replied, outraged.  
"Yeah yeah, of course..." Mello pulled his tongue at his friend. Matt's blush was extremely funny and Mello liked to push things far, so he didn't intent to stop now. "It's not because everyone mistakes me for a girl that you have the right to do as if I was one, you know ?"  
Matt opened wide eyes, but realised Mello was teasing him. "You'd be a poor excuse of a girl anyway, flat as a pancake and already so moody I don't even want to imagine what your temper would be with PMS !"  
Mello glared at Matt, and suddenly standing up, he grabbed socks in the drawer and slid them under his shirt.  
"And now, is it better Ma-aaat ?" he purred with a girlie voice, batting his eyelashes.  
"I have to admit that you'd be the most beautiful girl here, far above May !" the redhead stated genuinely.  
Mello turned around to remove the socks from under his shirt, but mainly to hide the blush on his face.  
"So, you think May is cute ?" the blond changed the conversation as he sat back on the bed.  
"Kinda..." Matt mumbled.  
Mello wondered what Matt was finding attractive in the blue eyed, long haired blonde girl that was in the level one class.

**January 14****th****, 2002 **_(Mello is 12 and Matt almost)  
_"Do you know where Matt is ?" Mello asked Linda as he crossed the corridor, coming from the dorm where he didn't find his best friend.  
"I've seen him walking in that direction." the girl replied, gesturing toward the tiny hill at the end of the gardens.  
"Outside ?" Mello groaned in surprise. He was already wondering why Matt had left the room without telling him he would, because they would never do anything without telling each other, but Matt going outside on his own free will was really weird. Matt hated the outdoors.

He ran up the hill and suddenly stopped cold, as he heard voices. He quickly hid behind a huge oak and listened as he recognized Matt's and a girl's voices.  
"I was afraid you wouldn't come !" a voice exclaimed.  
_May..._ Mello thought.  
"So, what do you want ? Is that so important that you have to make me come here ?" Matt replied, a bit of annoyance in his voice.  
_Oh Matt, you sure know how to talk to girls... _Mello told himself. He then saw two heads poking from the other side of the hill.  
"Well... I... I made that bet with Cassie and Linda and..." the girl stuttered and suddenly deposited a quick kiss on Matt's lips.

"Hey !!!" Matt yelped. "What are you doing ?!"  
"I won my bet !" May shouted as Linda and Cassie ran to them, giggling.  
"May got Matt's first kiss ! May got Matt's first kiss !" they were jumping around Matt who stopped them cold as he opposed : "That was not my first kiss you bitch ! You lose !"  
"What ??!" the girls' astonishment echoed with Mello's silent surprise.  
"I said that was not my first kiss, now can I go back or do you have more stupid ideas like this one ?" Matt groaned, already turning his back to the girls to head toward the building while switching his Gameboy on.  
"Hey, who was your first kiss then ?!" the girls asked, running after Matt.  
"Mello." the redhead replied absently, absorbed in his game, walking back to Wammy's without taking his eyes from his device.  
Mello's jaw dropped. _What does he think he's... ah ! The new year's eve long ago ! Oh shit Matt... We're doomed._

Mello waited for everyone to be gone before he headed back too. Matt had already done too much, it was useless to show his own presence now, because that would be even more awkward.

"MATT !!!" Mello yelled as he slammed the door shut behind him.  
Matt started and let his Gameboy fall from his hand as his head shot up to look at his friend.  
"Mello ? What the f..."  
"Why did you have to tell them that ?!" Mello hissed as he let himself fall on the bed next to the redhead.  
"What are you talking about ?" Matt asked, staring at the angry blond.  
"They will tell everyone we're gay, do you realise that ?!"  
"Huh ? Ah, _that_..." Matt shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care what they say, May's a bitch anyway."  
"I CARE WHAT THEY SAY !! I'm not gay !" Mello complained.  
"Then you'll just have to beat the shit out of anyone calling you gay, and I doubt anyone would do that in front of you." Matt stated.  
"Yeah, they'd better not... but shit ! You're so dense sometimes Matt !"  
"And that's why you love me darling." Matt smirked as a pillow hit him straight in the face.

Later, in the dining room, Ike called Mello a fag. Mello finished in Roger's office and Ike in the sick bay.  
And Matt got smacked behind the head when Mello could finally come back in their bedroom.

**December 20****th****, 2003 **_(Mello is 14 and Matt almost)_  
The screen lit, and a huge L in a gothic font appeared, black on a white background. All children where gathered around the laptop, trying to get as close as possible.  
L's voice raised.  
"Hello children. As some of you may know, I am currently working on a case that has pushed our beliefs far beyond reality. The killer can kill with a name and a face. We were able to narrow his location, but that's all we know so far, and that proves the point of hiding our identities. In order to apprehend the murderer, I may have to reveal my face. From now on, I could die anytime while trying to solve this case, that's why I wanted to talk to you today, as I am not able to be with you physically. Please keep in mind that if such a thing should happen, one of you will be my successor. I'm expecting all of you to work hard. It's almost Christmas time, so have a merry Christmas, but don't waste too much time, and study hard. Goodbye children."  
Roger pushed all the kids outside of the room once L stopped talking and the screen lit off, and sent them all in their rooms.

**December 25****th****, 2003 **_(Mello is 14 and Matt almost)  
_"Mello ! Wake up !" Matt jumped on his friend's bed and pulled the covers. Mello groaned and tried to get the blanket back. "Get lost Matt, let me sleep !" he mumbled half asleep.  
"But Mello ! I have something to show you ! And a present to give you !" Matt was excited to show to the blond teenager what he was hiding behind his back.  
"What is so important that you have to wake me at I don't know what time it is in the morning you fucktard !" Mello complained, sitting in his bed, stirring and yawning.  
"Remember yesterday when I sneaked out of the bus at the gas station ? I couldn't show you yesterday because Linda insisted to stay here playing cards and be the annoying bitch she always is, but look !" the redhead handed a magazine to his friend. On the cover was a big boobed platinum blonde naked in a suggestive pose.  
"Wha... porn ! Matt you dumbass, since when do you read that kind of shit ?" Mello opened wide eyes.  
"Well, technically, I don't really _read_ it..." Matt smirked.  
"I hope that's not my Christmas present, because it sucks !" Mello spat, half smiling, half annoyed.  
"No ! Here's your present." Matt threw a small package at his friend's head, who unwrapped it eagerly.  
"Leather gloves ? How could you afford that ?" the blond stared sceptically.  
"That's none of your business ! Do you like them ?"  
"Of course I do, they're cool ! Hey, look in my drawer, at the bottom, there's something for you." Mello gestured to the piece of furniture. Matt plunged his hand under the pile of shirts and pulled a game out of it.  
"Didn't wrap it, sorry" Mello smiled sheepishly.  
"I don't care, I so wanted that game ! Thank you !" the redhead shouted, giving his friend a bear hug.  
"Get off me !" Mello laughed, pushing Matt away in a weak attempt. "Now, can you tell me why you got this... magazine ?"  
"I thought... you know... there are girls... I mean..." Matt blushed deeply.  
"Hey, if you wanna jerk off looking at that, it's ok, you do what you want, just... lock yourself in the bathroom ok ?" Mello burst in an uncontrollable laughter at Matt's puppy eyes.  
"That was just to look at them, you know... just to know, out of curiosity ! It's not like if we had girls with big boobs here walking around naked !"  
"Matt, you're a perv, you know ?"  
"Don't tell me you don't like looking at that, every guy likes it !"  
"I don't." Mello stated, with a glare that ended the conversation.  
Matt shrugged his shoulders and threw the magazine in the nearest drawer. He thought then that he was normal. He didn't feel anything when he looked at that kind of magazines, but he didn't dare asking Mello directly, so that was the only way he had found to know if finding these girls unattractive was normal or not. At least now he knew he was not gay.

**June 25****th****, 2004  
**L was crouched in front of his computer, but his eyes weren't focused on the screen. He was deeply lost in his thoughts. Matsuda had said something a little earlier, before everyone left the headquarters, that had hit something in his mind. Now he couldn't stop thinking about it, because he knew it was true but it was also changing a lot of his views on the case, and he didn't know how to handle feeling like he felt. Actually, he didn't know how to handle any feeling at all. He felt human for the first time in his life, and he was scared.

"L, you're acting like you try to protect Light, I thought he was your main and only suspect, so why ?" Matsuda had asked, when L had decreased Light's possibility of being Kira to 56%.  
He had tried to convince himself he has just testing Light and his reaction to such a statement, but he knew he was only trying to convince himself that Light wasn't Kira.  
He shouldn't be Kira, things would be so easier then. He didn't _want _Light to be Kira.

He breathed out as to exhale all feelings out as the door slammed behind him.  
"L." Light's voice raised in the silence, only punctuated by the computers' sounds.  
L turned to face the teenager who just came back in the room.  
"L. I am Kira." Light's voice broke.  
"I know." L stated, unsurprised.  
"You act like you knew I would own it up to you..." Light opened wide eyes.

Light's eyes were soft, pleading, it was obvious he was about to burst in tears.  
L stood up and faced the young man. Light locked his eyes with L's, and waited. L stared at the chestnut haired man, a hand in his jeans pocket, the other raised with the thumb in his mouth, his mind racing at lightning speed to sort any reason that had made Light confess he was the mass murderer.  
Light answered the unspoken question : "I began thinking about killing my own father, L ! How could I go this far ?!"  
He started to cry, his shoulders shaking under his sobs, when he felt arms embrace him clumsily.

"Then that's why your percentage decreased." L simply stated.  
"What ?" Light asked, still crying on L's shoulder.  
"I felt a change in your attitude, I couldn't put a finger on it first but... you were different. Your eyes were different. I have wished you were not Kira. But I knew you were, at the precise instant you broke down a little earlier. They didn't notice, but I did. It was just like if the Kira side left you all of a sudden to let you, Light, finally be here with us. But we have a problem... you have confessed so now, what do we do ?"  
"L ? are you telling me you are not considering the fact I should be jailed right now ?"  
"I am."  
"Now I'm the one to be confused, L, what are you implying ? What would you have done if I was not Kira ?"  
"Try to be your friend..."

Light smiled. "Then I wasn't wrong."  
"Wrong about what ?" L asked.  
"About trusting you." Light fell in L's arms again and cried for long minutes.  
"When I told you you were my first friend, I meant it. I never had a friend before, and I never wanted one. But it's like things have been forced on me so I finally realise I'm not alone in my own world. You're the only one that could actually cope with me, well, except Watari but it's not the same. Light... you're not the only one to blame in this affair. What I'm going to do is amoral, and will have great consequences on both our lives, so I need to know if you're ready to follow me."  
"What do you mean L ?"

"As much as you trust me, I can't trust you yet, I think you can understand that. If I get you away from the sentence that's awaiting you as Kira, you'll have to give yourself to me instead of justice. Don't misunderstand me, what I'm implying is that you'll have to say goodbye to your family and follow me in England, as well as burning any death note you possess, and side me in my work. There's no coming back, no second choice, and no second chance. The moment you betray me, I'll kill you with my own hand."

"Dispose of me L. Even if one day you think I finally deserve death penalty as Kira, I'll accept it. I want to be your friend, because you never judged me as a human being. You commented my actions as Kira, but you were able to see me, Light, as I really was, and you never expected anything from me. That's why I put my life in your hands. I know you'll give it a real value."

L smiled, a big, genuine smile.

* * *

_**Note :** so here's my own version of the Kira case for this fic, I needed L alive and happier, and I didn't feel like killing Light either. But for once, they'll be only friends, no yaoi between those two !_  
_On another topic that has nothing to do with the fic, I'm happy, I finally found a chocolate scented shampoo !! yummyyyyy ^___^_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Note : **Sorry, the beginning of this chapter is maybe a bit plain, but I needed to explain some things. But I think you'll like the end, lemons are almost ripe !_

_

* * *

_**September 1****st****, 2004** _(They're 14)_  
A frenzy had taken Wammy's over. L was coming back and had a great news to announce. Summer vacations had been lengthened of a few days so everyone could prepare L's arrival. He had said he had a surprise so everyone was trying to guess and talked about it.

The black limo parked in front of the orphanage. All students were at the windows, trying to have a peek at L's arrival.  
The black haired man got out of the car, followed by a chestnut haired man, tall and thin.  
To everyone's astonishment, L took his hand. They walked inside of the building, disappearing from the children's sight.

A little later, everyone was gathered in the dining room. They'd been served drinks and pastries, and L entered, followed by the chestnut haired man.

"Hello everyone. First, I would like to introduce you my friend, Light Yagami. Before you ask any question, let me tell you what happened lately, this way you will probably know all you want to ask right now."  
L seemed different. No one could put a finger on the change until he smiled genuinely to Light. They had never seen him smile.  
"As some of you may have heard, the Kira case is solved. We found the murderer's corpse along with the note he used to kill people. This note has been destroyed, and so I was free to come back here. During the investigation, I had the chance to work with Light, and we became friends. As he is a genius like all of you, I offered him to go on with his studies here in England along with helping me in my work, and he accepted, so I hope you will welcome him warmly."

Light felt a bit uneasy as L lied about Kira being found dead, but he knew that was his only chance to live a normal life. They had rehearsed their story several times, even as L ended the case in Japan with the task force (the corpse was actually a man dead from overdose found in the streets, and Watari had arranged everything for the authorities to believe he was Kira, which was not difficult with L's extent of power) but still, each time L lied, Light felt his stomach swirl. It reminded him what he had done, and what he had _almost_ done to his family. He regretted everything so dearly, and didn't even know how to thank L for what he'd done for him. L didn't wait for him to be perfect, actually he was the only one to know how much he wasn't, and yet he had accepted him as a friend anyway. It had been hard to leave his family, but he was sure it was the best way to start a new life. Away from the people that wanted him so perfect, away from his habits. And away from Misa who didn't even remember being the second Kira, but had continued assaulting him continuously, which he couldn't stand anymore. He would never love her. Yes, she was cute, but he'd never been attracted by her. She hopefully accepted to date Matsuda not long before he and L left for England, and this morning Matsuda had text messaged L to tell him that Misa had kissed him. Matsuda was such a dork !

**October 5****th****, 2004**  
Marty was sat at the desk, in this office that reminded him so many sad events and still he couldn't bring himself to work anywhere else. He was occupying a place he despised, as he should not be the one to be here. Everyone working for the Mafia knew that death was at every corner, but it didn't mean no one cared when someone was killed. The sense of family was even more present in the Mafia that you had to work so close one from the other and trust people that could decide to kill you someday. Although sometimes, you could really trust someone, like Daniel Keehl had trusted Marty, like Marty trusted Taka. These were links that didn't waver, weren't bound to the ever present fear of being betrayed.  
"The informer was wrong." Taka stated as he lifted his eyes from the laptop he was using, after hours of investigations. Marty massaged his temples, desperate.  
"I wonder where that bastard has disappeared. Eight years... Eight fucking years ! And we still didn't put our hands on him. And not a fucking clue either !" he growled.  
"What do you think they are doing now ?" Taka suddenly asked bluntly.  
Marty gazed at him with so much pain in the eyes that Taka felt his eyes water.  
"You're way too emotional for your job." he replied to the japanese man, standing up and walking to the window, absently staring outside. He didn't mean a single word of what he said, because he felt just the same.  
They had buried Daniel the same day than Andy, whose body was found in an abandoned building the day after he died. But MacKenzie had vanished and eight years later, the Mafia still hadn't located him.

**December 20****th****, 2004 **_(Mello is 15 and Matt almost)_  
Since the scholar year had begun and L had come back with Light, L had decided to stop the weekly ranking. He had made many resolutions to bring a saner atmosphere at Wammy's, and things seemed to work pretty well, students still worked hard but the tension was not here anymore. Even Near seemed to open up, especially since he spent a lot of time with Light. They had long conversations, and Mello had almost choked on his chocolate the day he heard Near giggle as Light had made a particularly weird joke.

The only thing that didn't go as well as the rest was Mello's temper. Without competition, his focus had changed, and while he still ignored Near most of the time, the time he didn't spend on his lessons was mostly spent beating people to a pulp.

Mello rushed into the bedroom he shared with Matt and slammed the door shut. Matt immediately saved his game, knowing he wouldn't be able to focus on his game with Mello radiating rage beside him.  
"Linda is a slut !" Mello growled, letting himself fall on the carpet beside the bed, his back resting on the bed.  
"What happened ? Didn't she understand she doesn't have a chance with you ?" Matt asked, thinking of how annoying the girl was when it came to Mello. She followed him, asked him out several times, never stopped by a no or any swears-filled answer she got from the blond, she even tried once to grope him while they all were watching a movie in the common room.  
"I was sat on the floor reading in the common room, and I should have known that she would do something freaky when everyone seemed to leave except her. She slid her hands under my shirt and she tried to massage my back ! Fucking bitch !" Mello spat, disgusted.  
"It didn't feel good ?" the redhead teased his friend. He knew that whatever state of mind Mello was in, he would never do anything to him, and truth is Matt sometimes took advantage of that, never in a mean way, but he liked to see Mello get even more angry and then realise his friend was being pushy, and suddenly burst into laughter.

Mello glared at him, but Matt could see the corner of the blond's mouth turn slightly upward.  
"One day you'll regret pushing me that way, you dickhead." Mello smirked.  
"Oh, I'm already freaking out." Matt laughed, "And what would you do to me ? You won't hit me, I know, and I'm not ticklish, so what's left for you ?"  
"I could force you into massaging my back now that I'm so fucking frustrated." Mello chuckled.  
"Ok, let me sit behind you and take your shirt off." Matt simply replied, placing himself between his friend and the bed, on the floor.  
"Hey I was joking you dumbass !" Mello opened wide eyes.  
"It's not like you to lose an occasion of getting a treat." Matt raised an eyebrow, "but I didn't mind doing it."  
"You really thought I was serious ?" the blond asked.  
"Yeah, that wouldn't be the first time you ask me something weird, I'm quite used to your demands now." the redhead smiled as he slid his hands under Mello's shirt, reaching for his shoulders, making him start, "and anyway, you're so tensed it's probably the only way to relax you that wouldn't involve beating the shit out of anyone, unless you wanna beat the shit out of me now for doing that."  
"Actually, it feels good..." Mello whispered as he got rid of his shirt and bend forward, his eyes shutting slightly.

Matt felt Mello's shoulders muscles relax under his fingers. As he brushed his friend's hair from his neck, massaging the spot a few seconds before sliding his hands a little lower, he felt Mello shiver. Amused, he massaged the spot again with his thumbs, the rest of his fingers lightly brushing Mello's scalp. Mello shivered again, and Matt could feel him totally limp, his back arched and his elbows resting on his thighs.

Matt smiled. It was good to see Mello free of all tension for once. He was always ready to explode, and Matt, although he knew the situation was awkward, was happy to be the one who could help him get rid of his rage.  
Things were different at their age, Mello would not accept being hugged like they did when they were kids anymore, and Matt was missing the physical contact. No, he was not gay, he was just kind of touchy, at least with Mello.  
But since the May incident and Ike calling him a fag, Mello had really began to avoid any physical contact with him.  
And truth is, if anyone saw them now, Mello would be extremely mad and would hurt someone.  
But here in their room, even without locking themselves, they were safe, since everyone knew better than come in and face Mello's anger for doing so.

So he took advantage of the situation, awkward or not, it would be one of the few occasions when he could touch Mello. This was just a friendly touch of course, nothing more. A friend helping a friend. And feeling him shiver was arou... amusing. Amusing.

Matt massaged every part of Mello's back, Mello not making a sound. Matt could only hear his even breathing. The faint sound was soothing and Matt stared, thoughtful, at Mello's nape.  
_No wonder why Linda can never stop chasing him..._ Matt thought. _Mello is just so... hey ! Shit, I sound so gay !  
_"Hey Mello, it's over !" Matt jumped back on his feet.  
Mello stretched and sighed. "I have to admit you're quite skilled, when did you learn to do that ?"  
"I never learned, I just... well... happy you liked it." Matt mumbled before grabbing his Gameboy and sitting on the bed criss crossed.  
Mello stared at Matt a few seconds, then let himself fall on the bed at Matt's feet.

"Mello... it's quite weird you don't let a girl touch you but you didn't mind a guy doing the same..." Matt's words were out of his mouth before he even realised he uttered them. His head shot up, his eyes wide._ Mello would be pissed off again now, good job Matt... _the redhead told himself. He would often speak his mind out while he was focused on his games, and it would often bring him some problems.  
"Are you insinuating something, Mattie ?" Mello snarled.  
_Uh oh, he called me Mattie... sounds really bad..._  
"N...no, I just thought that maybe a girl would be softer than a guy for that kind of things, that's all."  
_I bet he won't buy it...  
_"If you dislike doing that, don't try to find an excuse for me not to ask you again, just tell it Matt." he replied, closing his eyes.  
"No ! That's not what I meant ! I liked it ! You can ask me anytime !" Matt shouted in protest.  
He grinned. And Matt knew he was doomed.  
_Goddamn Mello, he brought me exactly where he didn't want to be himself. Now I'm the one to sound gay.  
_"Then if you like it so much, I would be cruel not to allow you to do it from time to time..." he rolled on his side and stuck his tongue at Matt.  
"Yeah, you're only doing me a favor, of course." Matt laughed.

**December 31****th****, 2004 **_(Mello is 15 and Matt almost)_  
It was almost 11pm when Matt was back in the room. He had sneaked out while Mello was taking a shower, and triumphantly handed him a bottle of vodka and a pack of cigarette.  
"Where did you get that ?!" Mello grabbed the bottle.  
"I asked Lane to get them for me, it costed me a lot but I thought we could celebrate the New Year's eve away from their childish celebration in the dining room for once. I also have some snacks and chocolate." Matt winked.  
"Great !" Mello opened the bottle and drank a long shot.  
Matt ripped the cigarettes pack open and lit one. He coughed as the smoked filled his lungs. He sat on the bed criss crossed.  
"Let me try." Mello took the packet from Matt's hand, lit one too and almost choked on it. "The taste is awful." he stated, continuing to smoke nonetheless, sitting in the same position beside Matt, both resting their back on the pillows.  
Matt drank from the bottle, grimacing as the strong alcohol burnt his throat.

A knock on the door resounded half an hour later.  
"Matt ? Mello ? Are you there ?" Linda asked from behind the door.  
"Leave us fucking alone Linda !" Mello yelled.  
"L sent me to check on you, why don't you join us downstairs ?" the girl insisted.  
"We're having our own celebration here, now go the fuck away Linda." Matt growled.  
Footsteps moved away until everything was silent again.

Then Mello began to mumble about how Linda was annoying. He was quite drunk already, and so was Matt. They had already downed half of the vodka.  
"Hey Mello, don't stress yourself, she's not worth it." Matt pulled his friend in front of him and started massaging his shoulders.  
Mello didn't oppose any resistance and even pulled his shirt off.  
Matt smirked. "I bet Linda would be jealous because I can get you to undress and she can't !" he laughed.  
"Yeah, and you'll probably even touch my dick long before she'll be able to." Mello muttered.  
Matt opened wide eyes as his hands fell on his sides. "What ?!"  
"Joke, you dumbass." the blond replied in a drunken voice.  
"Oh... then I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up." Matt teased, his mind quite clouded by the alcohol.  
"Shut up and touch me... I mean... shit you know what I mean... don't stop." Mello snuggled closer to Matt.

Matt lightly stroke Mello's nape, eliciting a shiver and a loud moan from the blond.  
"You heard nothing." Mello growled.  
"Nothing." Matt smirked as he lit a cigarette. He brushed his free hand along Mello's spine, up and down.  
Mello gasped. He turned his head to glare at Matt. "What are you doing ?"  
"Nothing." Matt grinned.  
Mello took the cigarette from Matt's fingers. "You need both your hands." He took a long drag.  
"You know what people say ? That when you smoke on the same cigarette, it's like if you kiss the person." Matt stated chuckling.  
"That's stupid." Mello muttered. "Would be sad if kissing you felt that bad."  
"Huh ?" Matt was beginning to feel awkward.  
"And I don't care what people say anyway." Mello added, as he leant his arm on one of Matt's thigh, as the redhead had a leg on each side of Mello.

The clock rang midnight, and shouts, laughters and popping sounds came from downstairs.  
"Already midnight." Mello stated.  
"Happy new year Mello !" Matt said happily as he hugged his friend from behind.  
"Happy new year Mail..." Mello whispered as he turned over on all four, facing the redhead.  
"You're fed up with the massage already ?" Matt wondered.  
"I want my New Year kiss."

* * *

_**Note :**__ yes... cliffhanger, shoot me ! or better : review ! (although I won't stop writing even if no one reviews, it's always nice to know what you think !)_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Note : **Sorry I took very long to post this chapter, I had writer's block, wasn't happy with my chapter and rewrote it many times, and I'm depressed, yeah, shit happens... Hope you like it ! Please review even if you don't ! Just so I know what's wrong with this one !_

_

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_**January 1****st****, 2005**_(Mello is 15 and Matt almost)  
_"M...Mello ? I think you're drunk..." Matt mumbled, blushing furiously.  
"Yeah, so are you dumbass, in case you didn't notice !" Mello groaned, still facing Matt on all four.  
"Not enough not to know that you're going to regret this when you're sober..." Matt was trembling lightly.  
"I'm not doing this because I'm drunk... I'm doing this while I am drunk..." Mello whispered.  
"You realise you don't make any sense right now ?" the redhead was confused.  
Mello shook his head, his blond locks falling on his eyes. "Forget it. I thought... nevermind."  
He resumed his previous position. "Go on with the massage".  
"Ok..." Matt sighed.

He worked on Mello's muscled a few minutes, none of them saying a word.  
"I thought you wanted it too..." Mello suddenly broke the silence.  
"I never said I didn't want it,... and... I don't even know what the _it_ is in your mind..." Matt replied, "But it's too important for me... I can't... I want... to know you're not just acting because you drank."  
"Important like what ?" the blond was tensed, Matt could feel it under his fingers.  
"What do you mean ?"  
"Matt, it's hard for me, please ! When I say I'm doing this not because I am drunk, but while I am drunk, I mean that when I'm sober I don't have the courage to do it !"  
"Do what Mello ? I'm confused, just spit it !" Matt couldn't take it anymore. He didn't even understand what was going on anymore.  
Mello didn't reply. Matt could feel him sob, and he didn't need to see the tears to know they were falling, his friend was wiping them with the back of his hand.  
It was the first time Mello cried since his father died...  
"Mello, I don't know what you want, but I'm gonna show you what I want." Matt whispered gently.

Mello stayed silent, so Matt took that for a yes.  
He went on with the massage, trying to sort his thoughts out. Slowly, he brought his hands along Mello's sides, resting them on his hips, and he felt Mello shiver. He removed his own shirt, throwing it on the floor, and leant against Mello's back, skin on skin. Still no move from Mello.  
Matt nuzzled Mello's back with his cheek, breathing his scent in. He noticed the scent had changed, since they were kids. Not completely, there still was something similar that reminded him all those moments when they would read the same book snuggled together under the blankets with a pocket lamp, back in LA, but there was something more that was slowly intoxicating him, adding an overdrive of hormones to the love he felt for Mello, that mixed in a swirl of emotions he felt ready to explode all of a sudden.

He slid his hands on Mello's stomach and felt him stiffen. He waited, but Mello stayed silent and even relaxed.  
Matt then did what he craved to do since the first time he had massaged Mello. Softly, he caressed Mello's nape with his lips. Mello's shiver was almost a start. He gasped, obviously retaining a moan. Matt smiled, and Mello felt it against his skin.  
_Damn you Matt, you knew from the beginning that it drives me crazy..._ Mello thought, smirking as the last tears dried from his eyes. Matt wasn't taking advantage, Matt wasn't going fast, Matt wasn't going to jump him right there.  
He had feared those when Matt had said he would show him what he wanted. Because as much as Matt would never refuse anything to Mello, Mello knew he wouldn't refuse anything to Matt either, even if Matt had never ever asked anything from him.  
He didn't know what himself wanted. That's why it was so hard to tell Matt. That's why he cried. He wanted to kiss him, but it was not just a kiss. He wanted more but he didn't want it to make him gay. Why did Matt have to be a boy ?  
He wanted to be with him but being with him drove him insane, because it was not enough and he couldn't get more, and now, it seemed he could get more but he was scared because it could ruin what they had.  
And he was drunk and couldn't think properly, which added some extra confusion that didn't help at all.

Matt's lips were still on Mello's nape, he was breathing in and out, trying to calm himself down. He could feel the alcohol leave his mind, slowly letting him recover his senses.  
He pulled Mello backward to make him lay on the bed, and laid beside him, hugging him tightly. Long minutes passed, Matt nuzzling Mello's hair with his nose.  
Mello's gaze met Matt's as the redhead brushed the golden locks from his friend's eyes.  
"Matt, I... still don't get what you want..." the blond seemed confused.  
"I want you to sleep, then wake up sober, and see if you still wanna kiss me." Matt replied.  
Mello stared at Matt wide eyed, then smiled and, snuggling closer, his arm around Matt's waist, he dozed off.

The sun was peeking through the curtains as Matt woke up. He was surprised to feel good, no hangover, no headache, which was a miracle considering the amount of alcohol he had drunk last night. He tried to move and noticed the weight on his chest. Mello was still soundly sleeping, drooling even. That would have made a priceless pic to make Mello his slave, Matt thought.  
Matt reached for the cigarettes on the night stand, trying not to wake his friend while moving with the blond's cheek on his skin, and lit one, smoking while he thought about what happened last night.  
Mello didn't want just a kiss, the way he had let Matt touched him made it obvious it was something more. And it could have happened, Matt wanted it badly and Mello was probably drunk enough to get along with it (and he was the one who started that anyway), but it didn't feel right. The touch, the closeness, everything felt right, but Matt couldn't stand thinking of something happening while they were drunk.  
He had stopped it all, knowing he wouldn't be able to cope with Mello's regrets in the morning. That was better this way and Mello would probably just throw him off the bed when he would wake up and realize how close they were sleeping.

Mello began to move, and suddenly his eyes shot open when he realized who he was sleeping on. But he didn't change his position.  
"Good morning Mello." Matt said, preparing himself for Mello's blow. But the blow didn't seem to come.  
"G'morning." Mello replied, slowly stretching and sitting in the bed.  
He stood up and reached the bathroom without a word. Matt heard the shower, and decided to go downstairs pick some food and chocolate. He deposited everything on the night stand when he was back and began to munch on a donut. Mello soon came out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist, and, grabbing a chocolate bar, laid on the bed, snapping it slowly.  
Matt stared at him a few seconds, but in front of the lack of reaction from Mello, who seemed totally absorbed in his thoughts, he took his turn for the shower. He didn't see Mello's smirk in his back.

As he got back in the bedroom, a towel around his waist like Mello a few minutes ago, a naked Mello pinned him to the wall so violently that he yelped in surprise.  
"Mello ?!" he whimpered as he felt his friend pull at the towel and found himself naked too.  
"Yes Mail ?" Mello whispered in his ear, pushing himself against the redhead that was unable to move, trapped between him and the wall.  
The use of his real name shot through his heart like a bullet, leaving a hole pouring out everything he had contained until now. He grabbed Mello's face between his palms and kissed him, gently, softly, like if he was afraid to break him.  
He felt Mello loosen his grip, and break the kiss.  
"I thought you'd forgot my New Year's kiss." Mello beamed as he snaked his arms around Matt's waist, leaning for another kiss. Matt moaned under his lips as Mello slid his tongue inside his mouth.  
They broke the kiss, gasping for air.  
"Strange way to remind me... did we have to be naked for that ?" Matt asked.  
"Yes, absolutely." Mello said in the most serious way. "Because now you see I'm not drunk, I'm rid of anything, I know what I want, and that's the only way I thought about to prove you I'm not afraid anymore... Loving you makes me gay, then so be it, I am gay, and even if I believe in God, I won't give my religion the right to tell me I'm wrong, there's no way what I feel is wrong. And I knew last night that even if we're meant to be more, you would always be my best friend... you gave me the choice when you already knew what you wanted and could have taken what you wanted from me... Mail, I'm..."  
"Talking too much Mihael..." Matt cut him, pulling Mello in a tight embrace as he realized that Mello was not only naked, but had even got rid of his rosary. The nudity wasn't sexual, Matt knew he was not holding Mello, but Mihael, his Mihael, the one that knew him as Mail and had chosen him over his fears and beliefs.  
They stood in each other's arms a long time, cuddling and caressing skin and hair softly.

They were pulled out of their reverie as someone knocked at the bedroom door.  
"Boys, we'd like to see you downstairs sometime, just to know you're still alive and wish you a happy new year." L's voice rose from the other side of the door.  
Matt and Mello looked at each other's naked self, and hurriedly got dressed.  
"We're coming !" Matt shouted as he put his boots on, making sure Mello was fully clothed when he opened the door.  
L was here in his usual hunched position, Light standing beside him with a big smile plastered on his face.  
"Hello you two !" he joyfully said. Even L was smiling, which still seemed weird to both boys.  
"Huh... hi..." Matt replied, a bit uneasy as L sniffed the air.  
"I'm pretty sure you had fun last night, but I'd prefer that you avoid smoking, you're smart enough to know what it does to your health." he stated.  
"Sure..." Mello said blankly as he pulled Matt past the two adults and downstairs.  
Light clearly saw the bottle of vodka under one of the beds before the door slam shut, but he considered better not to add that to the boys' case toward L.  
L and him followed the boys in the common room, where everyone had gathered, watching a movie, reading or playing.

Matt and Mello sat on the floor, back to the wall, in a corner, as every chair or couch was already taken.  
They would stay a bit to make L happy but right now their only wish was to go back in their room again. With time, Mello could stand being in Near and L's presence less and less. Although the competition was not needed anymore among children, L had kept on with the cheating, mainly because he couldn't admit what he'd done so he had preferred to let Near at the number one spot.  
Mello couldn't stand to see the lie go on. He was somehow happy, and Matt too, that the threat of L being killed by Kira was over and that nothing like an imminent successor's choice was hanging above their head anymore.  
But even if he didn't have a strong sense of justice himself, he was disgusted by the false image L continued to show of himself. Most children admired him as the image of justice, loyalty and truth and Mello was finding this totally misplaced.

Matt was playing his Gameboy as usual, while Mello let his mind wander, eyes closed, head resting on the wall. Strangely, since his relationship with Matt had evolved, even if it was not long ago, a mere few hours, he felt himself drained out of many of his angers. And the remaining ones didn't seem as unmanageable as they used to seem. He felt sappy. The worst was that he liked it. It made him, finally, over many of his pains, the ones clutching to him since he and Matt had arrived at Wammy's.

Suddenly his eyes fell on the boy next to him. Matt was focused on his device, tongue slightly poking out, goggles on his eyes and his copper locks falling all around his pretty face.  
Mello smiled to himself, feeling his heart wring in his chest. He would even become an atheist for Matt, and it would be better considering the thoughts that kept on crawling in his mind as he saw Matt bite his lips in concentration.

A last beep resonated before Matt's Gameboy gave out. Matt let the device fall in his lap with an annoyed sigh.  
He turned his head toward Mello, and noticed the blond was staring at him with an indescribable smirk.  
"What ?" Matt asked in a low voice.  
Mello's smirk turned to a wide grin. He leant for his lips to reach Matt's ear : "I want you."  
Matt blushed heavily as his mouth opened and closed like a goldfish.  
"Mello !!" he whispered. "Don't say that here, we could get caught !!"  
"As if I cared." Mello sulked, resting on the wall again.  
Matt hesitated a few seconds and finally decided to take Mello at his words.  
He quickly slid a hand behind Mello's head and kissed him.  
Mello started but leant into the kiss, deepening it. It was better to comply than to fight, and the glance he had on Ike's face was priceless.  
The tall boy was wide eyed, mouth hanging open.  
Suddenly a girl's voice squealed, drawing everyone's attention to the couple.  
"Heyyyy look what Matt and Mello are doing !!!" Linda's high pitched tone raised in the room.  
All girls followed, giggling and cackling like mad.

L stood, walked to them, and crouching in front of them, asked in a neutral tone : "Is that your new idea to draw attention on you Mello ?"  
Mello looked at L defiantly, fighting not to push the detective away.

"No, I'm only showing my boyfriend that I love him." he spat.  
Matt blushed when he heard Mello's words but was unable to utter a single word.  
"Oh, then I suggest you avoid doing it in public, there are younger ones than you here." L simply replied, going back to sit beside Light and Near without any sign of angriness or discomfort.  
Light raised an eyebrow at L's calm behavior.  
Matt and Mello left the room.  
"L, you will let them do what they please without interfering ?" Light asked, astonished.  
"It's not like I could stop them from doing what they please. It's Mello, not any other kid. I don't even want to know what he would do if I tried to interfere." L stated, focusing back on the chess game Light and Near were playing.

Mello dragged Matt in their bedroom and, slamming the door shut and locking it, he kissed Matt eagerly.  
"Mello... ?" Matt's voice was unsteady as he regained breath.  
"Yeah Mail ?" Mello whispered while nuzzling Matt's neck.  
"Are we going to... you know... ?" the redhead blushed deeper than he already was.  
"Only if you want it, I'm not going to force you..." Mello gave a peck on Matt's lips.  
"It's not that I don't want to... it's just... I've never... and I was wondering how..." Matt mumbled.  
"Come on Mail, don't tell me you never watched gay porn !" Mello laughed.  
"No... actually I cracked Wammy's firewall, the one that prevents from going on porn sites, but as they would automatically know it was me I never dared watching porn because I know that even if I can erase my tracks, if Roger or anyone happens to be checking cracks while I'm still there, they will see it..." Matt explained.  
Mello began to laugh out loud, unable to stop.  
"Hey, don't make fun of me !!" Matt hissed.  
"It's only that..." Mello almost choked with laughter, "I used your laptop to watch porn but I never thought about erasing my tracks so I think Roger already thinks you're a perv !"  
"WHAT ?! Mello !! Why did you use _my_ laptop ?" Matt shrieked.  
"Because I couldn't crack the firewall and I was pretty sure you had ! And I wasn't wrong !" Mello was holding his ribs, he was beginning to ache from laughing.  
"Well then, I guess it will be no use to hide myself now..." Matt said with a mischievous smirk.  
"Oh... do you plan to watch porn now ?" Mello grinned.  
"Of course, I want to look at what I'm gonna do to you..." Matt replied, pulling Mello against him, snaking his arms around his waist and grinding his crotch in Mello's, who moaned at the unexpected contact.  
"But first..." Matt let go of Mello to push a small table from a corner to the foot of his bed, then pushed both bed together, and deposited the laptop on the table. "Now everything's ready !" he winked at the blond while browsing on the internet to find what he was looking for.  
He then laid on the bed, back on the pillows, and pulled Mello against him.  
Mello snuggled closer as the movie began, feeling Matt's heart race under his cheek as he was laid on Matt's chest.

* * *

_**Note : **Ooooh, I'm so evil... I didn't squeeze the lemons already... my bad ! But I needed to :  
- let you wait a bit more, so you're as ripe as my lemons when time comes ^^  
- set the beginning of L and Mello's growing conflict and L's fear starting to grow too  
- make things a bit less harsh than I first wrote (I rewrote that chapter many times before I could get where I wanted) because it seemed too crude and the evidence of their love wasn't there, and it bugged me so I preferred to take more time although I was already late for this update (sorry !!)  
Anyway, I hope you liked it, I didn't mean it to be that fluffy but these two are so much meant to be together that sometimes I can't make things different._


	13. Chapter 13

_**Note : **I kept you waiting again, I'm sorry !!! Too busy, I'm going insane ! Nothing special to say except one thing :  
Kat, I won't be accepting your reviews anymore if you're starting to get insulting. The last one's been removed and the next will be all the same so don't even bother. Criticism is one thing, being rude is another. And actually, why do you read me if you don't like this fic ? Masochist much ? If you can't understand the point of certain things I write, it doesn't mean there isn't one, your opinion doesn't rule, hopefully. I really suggest you read each chapter twice if you have so many difficulties figuring things out. Or you buy a brain, your choice._

_Sorry, all my other beloved readers, to inflict you that comment of mine, but as this person doesn't even have the guts to register to flame... anyway, that's the last time I reply to her._

_I hope you will enjoy this chapter, that comes with a free full basket of lemons !_

_

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_**January 1****st****, 2005 (part 2) **_(Mello is 15 and Matt almost)  
_Both boys were watching the movie in silence, the only sounds being the moans and swears coming from the laptop.  
Matt squirmed, a bit uncomfortable, as one of the men on the screen plunged his fingers into the other's hole. His eyes went wide when the first one penetrated the second. Mello looked at him, his face flushed.  
"Matt, are you ok ?" Mello asked.  
"It must hurt like hell !!!" Matt complained.  
"No ! Do you think they would do that if it hurts ? You need to be prepared, that's all !" Mello explained.  
"You mean I will be the one to... you know... get it ?" Matt was beginning to be scared.  
"No, I was talking in general, hey, calm down, we're not doing anything until you're at ease with it..." Mello pulled Matt in his arms, resting his chin on his head.  
He shifted on his knees to reach the laptop and put the movie off, and resumed his position beside Matt, holding him again.  
"You don't have to be scared Mail, I'll never hurt you, I promise." Mello whispered.  
Matt sighed and, pushing Mello so he laid back on the bed, he kissed him softly.  
"I think I'd rather have not known how men have sex, I don't think I'll be able to do that someday..." he sighed.

Mello smirked. He would show Matt so many other ways to have fun then...  
He kissed Matt feverishly, deepening the kiss as he slid his hand along the redhead's side.  
Matt yelped so sweetly at Mello's attack of his mouth that the blond totally lost it. He slipped his hand under Matt's shirt, stroking the skin of his abdomen. Matt gasped and broke the kiss, his gaze questioning the boy above him.  
"Don't worry Mail, I promise all I will do will feel good to you. Do you trust me ?" Mello whispered, caressing Matt's cheek tenderly.  
"I trust you Mihael..." Matt replied, the lust in Mello's eyes beginning to gain him. He was afraid, but he wanted so much to touch Mello...

Soon both boys were rid of their shirts, still kissing.  
Matt's hand entangled in Mello's hair as he pulled him even closer, the other lightly stroking his nape. Mello shivered and Matt smirked under his lips.  
"It drives me crazy and you know it..." Mello smirked too, biting matt's lower lip softly. "I will have to find what makes you crazy so I can get my revenge."  
With these words, Mello began to explore Matt's body with his lips and tongue. He licked along his jaw line, nibbled at his ear and neck, then made his sloppy way to Matt's chest. He brought his hand from Matt's side and tentatively caressed his right nipple with the tip of his index.  
At this, Matt started and let out the breath he's been retaining for a while, exhaling a long throaty moan. Mello smiled, and licked the sensitive pink flesh, curling his tongue around it.  
"Oh Mello !" Matt sucked air in as Mello began sucking on his right nipple, gently rubbing the left one with his thumb.  
From the position he was in, he could feel Matt's length harden against his stomach. He pushed Matt's legs apart so he was resting between them, Matt's knees squirming against his thighs because of pleasure and risking to hit his crotch being a bit dangerous.  
He went a bit lower, plunging his tongue in the redhead's navel, and, pulling a bit on his jeans, he softly kissed the pale skin of the space just above the red hairs that Matt's jeans didn't cover completely anymore.

Mello lifted his gaze to look at his lover. Matt was panting, his chest heaving, his eyes focused on him, half lidded and filled with lust.  
"You're so beautiful Mail..." he whispered, feeling a wave of feelings so mixed he couldn't identify them anymore.  
His hand slid on Matt's hip as he leant to resume his ministrations. He clearly felt Matt's erection twitch under the fabric of his pants. He gently stroke the hip again and felt the member harden even more, if possible.

"Seems I have my revenge." Mello grinned before licking Matt's hip, leaving a trail of saliva on the prominent bone.  
Matt moaned and grabbed Mello's back of the head, his fingers gripping his hair.  
Mello licked again and nibbled at the bone, feeling Matt's finger clenching and unclenching in his hair. He let his hand wander on Matt's crotch, and began rubbing through the fabric.  
"Mello... nnh !" Matt groaned, his member starting to ache with lust.  
Mello began sucking the skin of his hip as he unzipped Matt's fly, determined to leave a hickey there. He slid his fingers through the open zipper, rubbing the hardened member only covered with Matt's boxers.

Suddenly, as Mello just finished his hickey and his lips left Matt's hip, he felt the redhead's hands against the one he had in his pants. Matt impatiently unbuttoned his own jeans and, grabbing Mello's hand with one of his and pulling his boxers down with the other, he entwined his fingers with Mello's and started stroking his member, his uneven breath catching in his throat regularly and ending in soft moans.  
Mello couldn't take it anymore, Matt was being so vocal it made him want to jump him right at the moment.  
His hand still trapped with Matt's, he began licking the slit of his cock, tasting precum, and as he took the tip of Matt's member in his mouth, he felt Matt's hand behind his head pushing him down.

He would never have expected Matt to be so demanding, but he loved it. He complied with his impatient lover and started sucking eagerly. Matt's hand, that was still entwined with his, left to join the other in his hair as his moans increased. Mello bobbed his head faster, twirling his tongue around the rock hard length while his lips went up and down in a wet suction. Soon Matt began to thrust his hips in rhythm with Mello's moves, but the blond could feel that Matt was holding back enough to make sure he wouldn't choke him, and as soon as Matt's hands left his hair to grab the sheets, he felt the redhead's thighs' muscles contract and a warm liquid surge in his throat.  
"M...Mello !!" Matt panted as he arched, lifting his back from the mattress as he came in Mello's mouth.

Matt looked at Mello still positioned between his legs and licking his lips, trying to catch his breath. His face was flushed, almost as red as his messy hair. Mello crawled up to kiss him. Matt could taste himself on his lover's lips.  
"How did you know not to choke me ?" the blond asked, knowing that in his impatience, Matt could have as well tried to push him all the way down on his member because of inexperience, causing Mello to gag.  
"Do you remember the banana incident last year ?" Matt asked, grinning.  
Mello began laughing as he remembered. He had slapped the banana Matt was eating down his throat, causing Matt to choke and cough, and it had ended in a chase and a Mello with a mashed banana in his pants when Matt had finally caught him.  
"Who would have guessed back then that your prank would serve me later..." Matt laughed too.

They made small talk for a while, cuddling, as the day was setting and the light coming from the window was turning pink and golden. The last rays of sun were falling on Mello's hair.  
"You look like an angel." Matt whispered, unable to take his eyes off the beauty laid beside him.  
"Do you remember those angels dolls that looked like us, at Christmas... ?" Mello asked, regretting immediately bringing such memories. He could feel a lump forming in his throat, and tears began to roll on his cheeks when his steel colored eyes met Matt's deep blue orbs. The pain in them was so present, echoing with his own, that he knew that the rush of those buried souvenirs running back to the surface were shared.  
Matt hugged him close, his head buried in Mello's shoulder. They cried a long moment, in silence, together.

"Sometimes I tell myself that God has brought us together on purpose..." Mello murmured. "You needed me and so we met, and then, you were there when I needed you..."  
"I don't believe in God, but I believe in you Mihael, I believe you were meant to be mine like I am yours, and I know that whatever happens, you'll always be my guardian angel. I know you will always save me, I have faith in you... I love you Mihael, my Mihael..." Matt replied, before kissing Mello with so much tenderness that Mello's tears began to fall again.  
"I promise I'll never give you up, no matter what it takes... Mail... I couldn't live without you, you're everything to me..." Mello sobbed. "I know people don't understand why we're so close, and Linda even told me once that she didn't believe we could be together this way because you're like my brother and it wouldn't be right, but there is no word to describe what you are to me, you're my brother, you're also my lover, my best friend, and when I try to think of a word, I can't find one..."  
"I couldn't find one either Mihael... because no one ever had what we have, so no one ever created a word for that... we'll have to find one..." Matt was softly pecking Mello's face, drying his tears.

"Once we're old enough, I'll take you out of here Mail, and I'll buy a big house, with a king sized bed, and a beautiful living room with all the consoles and games in the world and computers and large cupboards filled with chocolate and everything so we can live together." Mello smiled.  
"And a huge garden with sunflowers, like..." Matt didn't end his sentence, the memory of the garden in LA wringing his heart. He knew how much Mello liked these sunflowers, because birds were always eating on them and their sweet sounds were the first thing they could hear when they woke up in the morning, curled up together, back in those happy days. Birds singing, like the beautiful sound of Mello's laughter, and the view of the big yellow flowers by the window, with their petals swaying under the soft breeze like Mello's hair.

Matt leant above Mello and kissed him deeply. Mello responded by parting his lips, letting Matt take control. He sighed, feeling safe and happy, despite the remaining sadness from the memories they just reminded.  
The kiss became more heated as lust showed again, this time Mello knew what he was feeling. Lust was mixed with a love so strong he thought he would explode, his chest seemed too small for his swelling heart and he needed release.  
He let his hands explore Matt's body and slowly pushed his jeans down. Matt struggled a bit to kick them off completely, the pants falling beside the bed after a few seconds. He then managed to strip Mello off his pants too, not taking his lips from him once.

Both boys' hands were all over the other as they continued kissing passionately, their erections rubbing together.  
Mello grabbed Matt's hand and started licking his fingers, coating them with saliva.  
"Mail... prepare me... please..." he panted, gazing at the stunned redhead above him.  
"Are you... sure ?" Matt asked.  
"I want you to take me Mail... I want you so badly..." Mello's voice was low and husky with desire. He knew his lover was afraid to be on bottom, and he didn't care to be, he just wanted his Mail whichever way it was.  
Matt lowered his hand between him and Mello and slid one finger in him. Mello gasped but tried to relax.  
It wasn't that bad, just weird.  
"Go on..." he whispered. The redhead added a second finger, slowly, carefully. Now that was uncomfortable.  
Matt pressed a third finger at Mello's entrance, and slid it along with the two others as the blond nodded to say he was ready for it. He bit his lower lip as a sharp pain shot from the intrusion but quickly stopped holding his breath back, knowing it wouldn't help.

Matt immediately pulled his fingers out and kissed Mello.  
"I'm sorry !" he murmured.  
"Go on Mail, please, the pain's gonna fade, I can take it." Mello pleaded, feeling empty now.  
"But I don't want you to be pained !" Matt replied, his eyes filled with concern.  
"Mail... go on, or I'm reversing roles." Mello smirked teasingly.  
Matt's eyes went wide at the thought. He stayed stunned a few seconds and then replied : "ok."  
Mello prepared himself mentally to feel the pain again, when he felt Matt take his hand and lick his fingers as he laid on his back beside him. Matt then guided Mello's hand to his entrance.  
"I'm ready Mello." he stated, gazing at his lover with a sweet smile.  
It was Mello's turn to be stunned.  
As scared as Matt was of being bottom, he preferred to receive the pain than to inflict it to Mello.

The blond felt his heart explode. He leant over Matt, and sliding an arm under his lover's neck to pull him closer, he reached between his legs with his other hand and began rubbing the tight muscle. He plunged a first finger at the same time that he kissed the redhead. He could feel him tense a bit then relax at the intrusion.  
He added a second one once he was sure Matt was ready, and worked the ring muscle a long moment before scissoring his fingers. Matt was starting to pant, and so Mello added a third finger after he had coated it with more saliva. He regretted he didn't have any lube but he would do his best without.  
Matt yelped when the third finger entered him. The pain was sharp and the feeling really uncomfortable, but he tried not to show it, except for the yelp he couldn't refrain.  
Mello kissed him deeper, and softly bit along his jaw line and shoulder to distract him.

Long minutes passed while Mello was still thrusting his fingers in and out of Matt.  
"Mihael please, now..." Matt moaned suddenly, his body shivering as the pain totally faded.  
Mello pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his member at Matt's entrance. He slowly and gently pushed forward, his eyes focused on his lover's face to decipher any sign of pain. Matt hissed briefly as the head of Mello's erection slid inside of him.  
Mello stopped, giving the redhead time to adjust.  
He suddenly felt Matt's hand press on the small of his back, silently asking him to enter deeper. He could read the pain on Matt's face as he slid all the way inside to the hilt. He stopped again, until Matt nodded, smiling weakly.

Mello began to thrust gently in and out, still focused on Matt's expressions.  
The redhead relaxed after a few thrusts and his breath didn't catch in his throat anymore. The pain was gone and Mello was relieved to see Matt's flushed face relax. His lover's eyes, squeezed closed, half opened, slowly gazing up at him, as Matt's breath turned into pants of pleasure, soft and almost silent.  
Mello sped up the rhythm little by little, encouraged by Matt's pants growing heavier. Their eyes were locked together, their lips only a few inches apart, diving in each other's irises, sharing silent vows tainted in all shades of blue.

Matt lifted his legs to cross them around Mello's waist, he wanted Mello deeper, stronger, faster. His eyes suddenly shot wide open as a surprised moan escaped his lips : "Ahnnnn Mihael !"  
The moans grew louder as Mello, understanding he was hitting the right spot, began to slam into the body below him, panting and moaning along with his lover as heat pooled in his stomach.  
"Mihael... I can't believe it... nnnh !!" Matt was covered in sweat, his eyes closed, his hands pressed on Mello's back to beg for more, even if he already almost couldn't take all the pleasure Mello was giving him, "It feels so good... can't believe it..." he whispered out of breath.

Mello could see the drops from his own forehead fall on Matt's shoulder as he thrust in a furious pace inside of him, amazed by the intense pleasure he was feeling and intoxicated by Matt's sounds, totally high of seeing his lover like this, squirming, panting and moaning his pleasure.  
"Mail... talk to me, I want to hear you..." he pleaded, kissing Matt's neck.  
"Mihael... I... more !!" he lifted his hips higher. Mello grabbed one of his thighs and he could feel his length go even deeper in the warm tight hole. "I feel you... take me Mihael... more... ahnnnn !"  
Matt let out a long throaty moan, and Mello felt a warm sensation spread between him and Matt as the tight entrance suddenly began twitching around his member, making him come so violently he could feel his muscles ache.

He collapsed on Matt, both trying to catch their breath. Matt's arms encircled him tightly as a hand ran into his hair, caressing him softly.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Note : **I'm happy I seem to have been able to take you where I wanted with the previous chapter, I really wanted to balance the "sex for the first time" tension/lust of two teenagers under heavy testosterone overdose and the love they share. That's why Matt cries out for Mello and not Mihael in the first part, I don't know if the difference in the name use was obvious.  
I'm sorry I got you scared about the porn thing, I just needed that to point out Matt being afraid to be on bottom because it would put the accent on his actions later as why he reverses roles and all the love meant behind that action.  
There is a huge time skip in this chapter, but I'm not the kind to fill just for the sake of lengthening my chapters, so I go on with what's necessary to my plot only ;)  
They just lived normally during that 2 years time skip, nothing happened !  
Enjoy that new chapter even if it's a bit shorter than usual (but I really like to end on cliffhangers hehe) ! I love you all, your reviews are highly appreciated (I would be really happy if my unregistered reviewers were registered, I'm so sorry I can't reply to you personally !)  
Next chapter coming soon, I won't take so long this time !  


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_**December 13th, 2006 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)**  
**_It was early morning and Matt had waited for the blond to sit at his desk and be deeply focused on his lessons to pause his game and crawl on all four, a mischievous grin on his face. He manoeuvred between the chair, Mello's legs and the desk, earning a groan from his boyfriend : "Matt, what'ya doing ?" still munching at his pen, not even looking at Matt.  
It's only when the redhead unzipped his pants with his teeth that Mello finally looked at him.  
"Matt ?!" he gasped as he felt his cock being pulled out of his pants.  
"Happy birthday Mihael" Matt grinned before licking the tip of Mello's member.  
Mello's face flushed as he felt a warm moist engulf his length, and a moan escaped his lips.  
Matt slowly bobbed his head up and down, driving Mello crazy.  
"Mail please, stop teasing me !" Mello pleaded, feeling heat pool in his stomach and screaming for release.  
"Ok, king of the day !" Matt replied before deepthroating his lover.

Suddenly a soft knock resonated on the door and Roger came in, not waiting for a reply from the boys.  
Mello rolled his chair in a fast movement of the hips, hiding his crotch under the desk and pushing Matt in a precarious position at the bottom of the small space under the desk.  
"Mello, there's a package for you, here it is." Roger said in a blank tone, leaving a box wrapped in brown paper on the nearest table and exiting the room.  
Once he had left, Mello rolled the chair backward and burst into laughter when he saw Matt folded under the desk in an awkward position.  
The redhead stirred from his uncomfortable situation, laughing all the same.  
"Roger ruined my little treat..." he complained as Mello stood and zipped his pants back.  
"Why do you wait my birthday to do that ?" Mello grinned, attacking the paper and ripping the package open.

"Oh my God !" Mello exclaimed when he saw the inside of the box. He picked the card stuck to the content with an adhesive band, read it and suddenly turned to Matt and hugged him tightly, tears forming at the corner of his eyes.  
"I know how hot headed you can be so as I can't make you change your mind about getting your motorbike riding license, I thought I'd minimize the risks of you being hurt with this. Mail" said the card.  
Inside the box was a classy black helmet, leather gloves, leather pants, and a leather jacket.  
"I promise I'll be cautious." Mello mumbled in Matt's shoulder, still holding onto him close.  
"You'd better be, because lessons start tomorrow." Matt replied with a grin.  
Mello's eyes went wide. "What do you mean ?"  
"I mean this." Matt handed him a pink sheet of paper he stirred out of his pocket, winking.  
A certificate of registration for the motorbike riding license at the nearest driving school. At Mello's name.  
"Mail... my God, how did you..." Mello began.  
"That's my secret." Matt cut him, before kissing him tenderly.  
"Hey, it's good that there's a helmet in the box, otherwise I would have thought you'd planned on making me a dominatrix." Mello laughed.

**December 14****th****, 2006 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
Mello arrived just in time for his first lesson at the driving school. He had already learnt the book by heart so he didn't make any mistake, but he enjoyed the lesson a lot. At the end of it, the owner of the school congratulated him for his good results.  
"Hey, you did really well, if you go on like this we can start with the practical lessons very soon !" the old man stated with a big fatherly smile.  
"Oh really ?" Mello beamed.  
"Yes, there would be no problem, you seem to have assimilated the basics already. Oh, by the way, could you tell your boyfriend I need him for another job, he did a great job classifying all my papers into this laptop with his system, and as he chose to use what I paid him for you, I thought he would be happy to work some more and get his own driving license."  
"Sure, I'll tell him !" Mello ran all the way to Wammy's, and Matt got a really hot time in their bedroom before Mello finally explained what it was for...

**December 23****th****, 2006 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
"He's been located in Winchester, UK. He arrived there yesterday and one of my men could identify him." the japanese man stated to his boss, turning his laptop so the other man could see the informations.  
"Finally... we got him. But the location isn't a coincidence, it can't be..." Marty replied, worried.  
"Of course not, he found them." Taka felt his heart wring at the thought of the two kids. He and Marty, along with their men, had never stopped searching for MacKenzie, and finding him so close to the children didn't bode well.  
Well, they weren't children anymore, but he couldn't imagine them differently than the last time he had seen them.  
The phone rang, breaking the silence of the room and stirring the two men from their thoughts.  
As soon as Marty heard the voice on the other side of the line, he put the loudspeakers on for Taka to hear the conversation.  
"Taka, Marty, you'd better hurry in Winchester. MacKenzie has met two guys and obviously planned something, I saw them exchange money. After a few researches, one of the guys has been identified as the main suspect in the Kira case, that was cleared from all suspicions after the case was solved, Light Yagami. The other is the one we identified as L a few years ago when he came back from Japan after the Kira case." the man explained to Marty.

Marty had launched a huge investigation once the children had been sent at Wammy's. Infiltrating one of his men into Wammy's hadn't been possible at first, due to the high level of security L had set in place, but he had sent many of his men in Winchester to set a surveillance plan in place around the airport and the orphanage, because he couldn't take the risk to have MacKenzie approach the kids, which he would do sooner or later.  
And soon after the Kira case had been solved, L had let his guard down and Marty had without difficulties had one of his henchmen hired as a cook.  
He had done that also because he had never resolved himself to cut the bridges with them, even if they didn't know he kept an eye on them. It had taken time but he finally made it, and getting news from Mail and Mihael after almost ten years had been a shock, for him, and for Taka as well.

That's how the Mafia got all the informations about the Kira case, L's actions and face, Light being Kira and all the lies behind the end of the case.  
What he didn't understand was that his man under cover at Wammy's had brought proves that Yagami was sincere and that's why the Mafia had never got involved with that. The first plan was to kill Yagami, but in the end Marty had decided against that. The overall atmosphere in the orphanage as L came back with Yagami from Japan had convinced him not to do it.  
Now he was lost. Although people could change, of course, he wondered how far the change had gone.  
But he didn't have time to explore the vices of human nature. MacKenzie was involved and the children were the aim, more than obviously. He and Taka would leave for Winchester with the next plane.

**December 24****th****, 2006 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_**  
**Taka felt his throat tighten when the plane landed. It got even worse as he and Marty crossed the airport. He could almost see a little blond and redhead together, waving at him. The only thought in his mind right now was that if he was meant to see them again, they would be alive. They had to, he couldn't live with himself if something happened now, when Marty and him were so close to them.

Once in the car driven by one of his local men, Marty was informed that L and Yagami were heading for the orphanage after several days in a hotel in the city. They had just left MacKenzie, who'd been apprehended and shot short after that by the men that were in charge of his surveillance.  
Marty and Taka breathed a little, knowing that problem at least was solved.  
Marty had made sure MacKenzie was erased from earth once and for all, he wouldn't take the risk to have him escape or anything else, he wanted him dead. And having him dead would make it easier for his men to take Mackenzie's gang over.  
But the fact that the two others had spent time out of Wammy's and heading there just after meeting MacKenzie only meant a plan was in action. They had to follow.

Roger had dragged Matt and Mello in the common room around 6pm, pretending they never spent time with the others and that he didn't want them to lock themselves alone in their room. L had instructed him a little earlier that he wanted them to be in the common room in the evening and there was no way Roger would upset L, who had been pretty cold lately. Everyone had noticed the change in his attitude but had just thought L was going back to his usual self, after the euphoric state he was in for having a friend for the first time.

Watari himself seemed to be affected, and to anyone really looking at things as they were, it was obvious that L and Light were almost always together, leaving Wammy's for days, pushing Near apart, what seemed weird considering how close L was from him, and barely interacting with Watari anymore either.  
Near could keep his unaffected face, but Watari clearly looked worried and sad.

Light and L weren't there but everyone assumed they would show up later, their arms full of presents, like the year before. Except them, everyone was there, even Watari and all the staff, teachers, cooks...

As Matt and Mello sat on the carpet, next to one of the already occupied couch, L and Light appeared at the doorframe and entered the common room. Matt saw Light quickly gaze over the whole kids and nod to L. He frowned, but refrained from any comment to Mello. He didn't like L, not even after things had changed at Wammy's, but he didn't want his feelings to take over his judgement and say something that would lead him to be obliged to explain to Mello about Near and L's cheating.

"Hello kids." L said blankly. "I'm happy you are all here. Please give us some time, we're going to retrieve the presents we got for you from the car. We'll be right back, don't move from here."  
Light and L turned around and left the room.  
It's only when the door closed that Matt noticed the small black box stuck to the door, that no one could have seen before as the door was open. He knew that thing too well, for he was the one to build it for one of the classes : an electronic lock that worked with a remote controller.

He jumped on his feet, looked by the window, and the scream of horror that formed in his throat didn't have the time to be uttered, as a loud explosion resonated in the old building, coming from the upper floors.


	15. Chapter 15

**Note : **_sorry for the cliffhanger ! (well, no, I'm not sorry, otherwise I wouldn't have done it hehe) But I knew I could update very soon after the previous chapter so it wasn't that bad, was it ? I wouldn't have kept you waiting more than a week like I did previously !  
I wrote it too short in the last chapter so it went unnoticed I think, so MacKenzie is dead already (just a reminder, he was shot, details in chapter 14)_

_

* * *

_**December 24****th****, 2006 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)__**  
**_Matt didn't have time to recover from what he'd just seen. He put the shock of seeing L bent on his car's front and writing in a black notebook and Light grinning while looking at the building aside to turn around and grab Mello's arm, running to the door. They didn't take two steps toward the door that a second explosion resounded, closer this time, blowing the far half of the room and setting the place on fire.  
Mello felt like he would vomit when he saw Near's body fall a few feet away from him, almost cut in half by the explosion, blood and many other things escaping the corpse.  
Matt shook him, averting his eyes from the horrible scene of cadavers strewing the ground, most of them spread in several parts all over the place. All the people gathered around the Christmas tree, that is to say most of them, had been either killed by the explosion, of were burning to death.

Matt and Mello had escaped death along with Watari and another kid because the explosion hadn't reached the place they were in the common room. Matt thanked Mello's aversion for Near that had made them stay away from the albino, otherwise they would have been blown too.  
Watari and him used an armchair to break the door open. The flames were quickly coming their way, and Mello, in shock, was standing way too close. Matt knew exactly what was going in his lover's mind at that moment. They had watched as the flames ravaged their house so long ago, and the same nightmare was happening again.  
Watari pulled Mello by the arm toward the door, but a third blow made the flames surround the entrance, swallowing the kid that was already trying to escape. Matt closed his eyes, trying not to hear the pained screams of the kid as he disappeared in the red and yellow wall of fire. He could feel himself shake like crazy, but he had to hold on. Mello was not able to get a hold of himself so he had to get both of them out of here.

The heat was unbearable, and the smoke was slowly making him dizzy. Suddenly, Watari collapsed. Matt ran to him, but he could feel no pulse. The old man's heart had stopped, probably because of the heat. Matt didn't have time to reanimate him, and it was probably useless. Only Mello mattered, he had to make it alive.  
Matt grabbed his arm and decided to take the last chance they had of escaping the blaze. He pulled the blonde through the door and ran, flames licking them as they reached the main entrance a few feet away from the common room's door. He could feel his clothes on fire, but hopefully they could make it to the front door. Mello was coughing his lungs out and fell on his knees. Matt quickly smothered the flames burning their clothes but Mello fell on the ground, unconscious.  
Matt pushed the front door open, ready to drag Mello outside.

He stopped immediately when he saw Light and L still gazing at the scene from the far end of Wammy's courtyard.  
L saw him, and began running to him.  
Matt felt fear run through his veins. L wasn't coming to help them, he would probably finish the work.  
He discreetly dragged Mello's body behind the other half of the front door that wasn't open, and stepped outside the building.  
"L ! Everything exploded ! Please help me ! Everyone is dead !" he shouted, running to L.  
_God, please protect Mihael, please, I beg you, he believes in you, I don't know what to do, please, don't let him down, I'll give my life if you want it but leave him alive..._

Matt felt a pain on his temple and everything went black.

The building continued to burn, floors collapsing one after the other, bathing flames with dust and bricks.  
In the front corridor, the flames progressed slowly, but a sudden draught of air called them closer to the body lying on the ground. They licked the tender skin, eating the flesh and burning the fabric.

"Marty ! Here !" Taka called as he tried to smother the fire burning the teenager on the ground. He finally, with the help of Marty, managed to get rid of the flames and get the body out of the building, at a safe distance of the disaster.  
"Mihael ?" Marty wondered as he searched for an evidence, which he found as his eyes fell on the rosary he knew so well.  
"And Mail ?" Taka's eyes pleaded Marty, as he stood again to go back inside.  
"No Taka, it's useless, there's no way he's still alive if he's still inside, it would be the death of us if we went in that hell again... and Mihael needs us. We have to be quick or it'll be too late for him, I hardly feel his pulse." Marty replied, tears rolling from his eyes at the sight of Mello's burnt flesh. "Let's get out of here."  
Taka picked the limp body from the ground and carried it to their car. They had to be fast, for the blond was breathing so faintly he could die anytime, intoxicated by the smoke. And the damage on his skin wasn't beautiful to see either, burns and wounds suppurating with blood and lymph, dust and ashes stuck in them, mixing with melted and burnt fabric.

Once they arrived at the headquarters established in Winchester, a doctor immediately took Mello in charge. Marty had made sure while driving that anything and anyone required would be ready to act as soon as they would arrive there with Mihael.

Light and L drove all the way to London. Once the car was parked in a dark alley, Light carried Matt inside an old house and threw him on a couch.  
"So, what do we do with him now ?" he asked L, "why didn't we just kill him along with the others and let him burn ? That would have been easier..."  
"Yeah, but he could be a trade to get something more from MacKenzie after all, so that's probably a good thing he made it alive." L replied blankly.

Matt slowly came back to consciousness and blinked a few times, looking around him. All memories from the latest events came back to him and he had to suppress a shiver as he thought about Mello and wondered if he was still alive.  
He needed to get away from here, but right now he would need to be a good actor otherwise he was dead.  
"L ? Light ?" he called, trying to keep his calm.  
"Matt, how do you feel ?" L asked, "you fainted when you ran outside of Wammy's, you must have breathed too much smoke, but you're ok now."  
"What happened ? I mean, the fire..." Matt thought it would be less suspect if he asked, than to act as if nothing bad happened.  
"Watari had to call for someone to repair the gas boiler, but no one could come, and we didn't know it was that bad... what happened is horrible..." Light began to cry.  
_He's good at pretending..._ Matt thought.  
"Mello..." Matt's tears rolled on his cheek, and it was not an act, but he didn't care, it wouldn't give him away.  
"I'm sorry Matt..." L said, his tone so cold it was obvious he didn't mean it, focused on the news on TV.  
The fire at Wammy's had already been reported and the screen was showing the burning building and firemen trying to kill the flames. Matt shivered at the sight of L's eyes. It was probably because of the fire shown on tv, reflecting on his pupils, but they looked red and it was frightening.  
Neither Light or L talked during the evening, and soon they went to bed, each in a bedroom, leaving Matt alone on the couch.

Matt considered running away that night, but he knew that he had no chance of escaping alive because of the Death Note, L had it with him and he would probably not hesitate to write his name in it.  
He cried himself to sleep, trying to understand the situation. Was Mello alive, at least ? And why all this all of a sudden ? Why this change in L ? Or was it really a change actually ? But why kill everyone ? And the cadavers, the blood, livers of Near spread on the floor, the smell of burning flesh, the kid swallowed by the flames, his face contorting in pain... slowly, he fell asleep, slipping in a night long nightmare.

**December 25****th****, 2006** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
Matt woke up in a start as he didn't feel Mello's warm body close to him, realizing where he was and why. He suppressed the sick feeling in his stomach and listened, as voices came from one of the bedrooms.  
"MacKenzie doesn't answer his phone." Light's voice raised.  
"I hope he's not trying to trick us." L replied.  
_MacKenzie ? MACKENZIE ?!_ Matt felt like screaming of horror. _That couldn't be, not after so long, not now, no... and why ? Had MacKenzie planned that during all these years ? But why L ? Why everything ?!  
_"Let's try later, we can't do anything now anyway, we rely on him and his men, and it will always be time to get rid of him if he doesn't follow the plan." L added.  
"Was it really necessary, I mean, to kill them all ? I'm pretty sure Near at least would have got along with it and followed you." Light sighed.  
"I would not have taken the risk, and moreover, he was pretty useless. At least, Matt has computer and electronic skills we can use, but Near wouldn't have helped us much with his history or literature knowledge." L stated.  
"We wouldn't be doing that if you didn't make the mistake of killing Beyond Birthday with the Death Note. I told you not to touch it, I knew how it affects people, you're no exception, but no, Mister Genius had to see by himself and ruin everything. We were pretty happy as things were, L." Light's voice became louder.  
"Shut up. I could easily turn the situation to my advantage and present you as Kira on a silver plate, and charge you of B's death along with the rest. It's not because we arranged the truth long ago that it can't be brought up to the surface now. So never ever talk to me like that, you're in no position of doing so, _Kira_." L's voices dripped venom.  
"I know that damn well, I never said I wasn't happy now, I liked it better before, that's all, now things are complicated. And you changed since you touched the Death Note... you're so cold, couldn't we just act like friends, like before ? No need to be so hard on me L." Light pleaded.  
"When things will be set, I'll think about that." L ended the conversation.

Matt had first thought that Light was the one at the origin of that, he almost choked when he realized L was the head of the plan. He didn't need much time to understand. L's biggest fear was Beyond Birthday, who'd been jailed some time ago. But L was restless, because B was known to trick people easily, and an escape wasn't impossible. He hadn't been able to sentence him to death penalty, so Beyond Birthday would have to spend the rest of his life in jail.  
That's probably why he used the Death Note to get rid of B, and considering what Light had said, the Death Note seemed to have the ability to affect people. L was probably crazy now or turned into a psycho or something, but he surely wasn't acting for justice anymore. Did the Death Note have power on him ?  
Killing all orphans was probably a way to get rid of anyone who's be able to investigate on B's death case or discover something embarrassing about L later. And as L said, he would take no risk, he had even killed Near, after all.  
L's mind was really sick, Matt thought, he couldn't imagine someone killing so many people "just in case".  
He remembered hearing about B's death in jail on the news a few days ago, of a heart attack, and the quickly silenced suspicions of Kira being back. Silenced by L, more than certainly. As no death occurred after that, people forgot about it after the small freaking out the news had created among the population.  
But what did MacKenzie have to do with L ? He couldn't figure it out.

The teenager's chest was rising and falling faintly, artificial breathing maintaining him alive through his coma.  
Taka couldn't help but memorize the half face that wasn't burnt, the soft features, long eyelashes that were a bit darker than the ash blond hair, and imagine the clear blue-grey eyes under the closed eyelids. So much change, the kid was almost a man now, and yet he was lying there, as fragile as a newborn.  
Marty arrived, and gently ordered Taka to take some rest, after staying beside Mihael since the evening before. Taka protested, but Marty promised he wouldn't move from the room and call him if Mihael woke up.

"Light, we can't keep Matt here." L said suddenly.  
"Why ? Do you intend to kill him finally ?" Light looked at L with surprise.  
"No, I mean we need to go on with our business and he could hear something he shouldn't so I've made arrangements for him to be hosted in a new orphanage. He's leaving now, someone's gonna take him." L explained.  
"If you say so..." Light sighed.

Light had only time to explain Matt where he was going that a car parked in front of the old house. Light pushed Matt outside of the house and in the car, waving a goodbye and fainting a smile as the vehicle drove away.  
Matt didn't resist, thinking he could probably run away or at least try to figure things out more easily if he wasn't around Light and L. And he could try to know if Mello was alive. For the moment, he held on to this thought of Mello being alive, he didn't want to think of the opposite possibility. He would break down completely if he did.

As the car arrived in front of a grey building and parked, Matt woke up, stirring on the backseat, his neck hurting from the position he had fell asleep in. The driver was so silent to Matt's questions that the redhead had quickly abandoned all hopes of getting informations on their destination and had dozed off.  
A rusty barrier creaked, slamming closed behind them as they walked toward the building entrance. The place looked creepy. No plaque, nothing that stated where they were. Matt didn't know what time it had been when Light had pushed him in the car, and he didn't know how long the drive had lasted, so he cursed himself for being so careless. He didn't even know in which city he was now. A big one certainly, considering the building was stuck in the middle of a busy street, beside houses, stores and other large buildings. It wasn't Winchester, for he knew the city by heart. London ? Maybe...  
"Matt." said a voice as he was pushed in an office by the driver. "Sit down."  
Matt sat obediently as he stared at the man on the other side of a large wooden desk.  
"First, always keep your eyes on the floor when in my presence or anyone from the staff. Second, do as you are told, never take initiatives, and never speak when not allowed. For now, that's all you need to know. Brook will lead you to your room, stay there and learn the rules hung on the inside of the door. When you hear the bell ring at 7pm, go out of your room and follow the other kids to the dining room. Now out."

Matt stood up, clearly in shock. _What was that place ? It was obviously nothing like Wammy's, it looked more like a center for juvenile delinquents than an orphanage..._


	16. Chapter 16

**Note :** _I know I'm being really mean to Matt and Mello, but there would be no plot otherwise, this story is already set from beginning to end, I'm not creating the plot along with the chapters, so I need to hurt them a bit in the process until I get to the ending !_

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_**December 25****th****, 2006** **part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
Matt took a look around the room as Brook pushed him inside, leaving him alone.  
It was small, dusty, dirty even. The floor had stains, so did the sheets, Matt noticed as he approached the small bed.  
There was a bedside table, a small table that seemed to be meant to be used as a desk, a chair and a small wardrobe which doors were missing.  
The walls were painted yellow, or was it a dirty and old once white ? There were no curtains, just a plain window with paint peeling from the wood and bars. Bars ?

Matt suddenly felt himself fall, his legs abandoning him, and he fell on his knees with a thud, sustaining the upper part of his body with his arms as his hands reached the floor, just in time not to lie down. He could feel the panick rising in his mind and the tears threaten to fall.  
_No, that can't happen now. I have to hold on ! Mello is alive and he needs me, I have to be strong and get out of here as soon as possible, so I can take care of him ! He's alive, I know it ! He doesn't know that L and Light blew Wammy's, I need to find him and tell him before he goes back to them !_  
Matt was trying to convince himself not to lose it now. One part of his mind was telling him to give in, mourn Mello who was more than certainly dead and just lie here on the ground until he died too, but another one didn't want to let him fall into pieces. Even if Mello was dead, this part of him wanted revenge on everyone involved, Light, L, MacKenzie. But his subconscious knew it was easier to believe that the one he loved was alive.

With heavy breaths to chase the panick attack away, Matt stood up, dusted his hands and pants, and turned on his heels to the door, determined to learn the rules as he had been instructed to. Better be ready for every eventuality.

White Hope home for children – Rules  
_Ok, now I know where I am...kinda_  
Children get up at 5am  
Gathering in the courtyard at 5:15am  
Tasks until 8am  
Gathering in the dining room at 8:10 for breakfast  
Classes from 9am to 2pm  
Gathering in the dining room at 2:10pm for lunch  
Tasks from 3pm to 7pm  
Gathering in the dining room at 7:10pm for diner  
Free time in bedrooms from 8pm to bedtime.  
Bedtime at 10pm.  
_What's that schedule ? 5am ? 10pm ? Shit._  
No talking in the corridors between children  
No noise after 9pm and before 5am  
Drugs, guns, knives and medications are not allowed.  
Medications have to be taken only in the home's sick bay  
Going against the rules will bring punishment.  
_I really have to get away from here as soon as possible... and something tells me the rules are nothing compared to the reality, considering the way the guy talked to me earlier..._

Matt sat on the bed and waited, it wouldn't be long until the bell rang. He wondered how he was going to do without clothes, toothbrush or anything he would need. All he had on him was his partially burnt clothes, his goggles hanging around his neck and his wallet in his pocket with maybe 15£ in it, a bus card, and the paper for the bank account from his biological father back in LA. He didn't even have cigarettes, but something told him he'd better not smoke here.  
He suddenly realized that under the burnt places of the fabric, his skin was hurting and some wounds were suppurating. He didn't realize he had been burnt. Brushing his hair with his hand, he felt some locks had been burnt too.

7pm, Matt left his room and followed the other kids that slowly walked in the corridors. They all looked gaunt, pale, and he got some weird looks at his burnt clothes, but no one talked to him.  
He barely touched his food (was it human food actually ?) and went back to his room after that. No contact, just more weird looks.  
On the way to his room, he found a bathroom. He quickly tried to washed his wounds from the dirt and ashes, used the toilets and ran away to his room. He was starting to be afraid of this place and of making a mistake. Better stay safe in the bedroom.

_If only I had my DS_ he sighed. All thoughts of what happened, of Mello, were put aside, he couldn't take the risk to think about that. He felt numb to the sadness, to the pain, to everything. He just needed to find a way out of here.

The door opened quite violently and Brook threw a plastic bag on the bed. "The guy named Light brought that for you." he spat before slamming the door shut.  
The bag almost hit Matt in the face before he caught it.  
Emptying it on the bed, Matt couldn't help but wonder if Light had brought that out of pity or guilt or because he was obliged.  
Two black long sleeves sweat shirts, a pair of black baggy jeans, soap, toothpaste, a toothbrush, a towel and a disinfecting lotion. Light had probably noticed the burns.  
Matt used the sink to clean himself, he didn't want to use the shower in the common bathroom. He washed his body first, insisting on the wounds, then he sprayed some lotion on them, and washed his hair. He put his damaged clothes in the plastic bag and threw it in the wardrobe.  
There were no underwears in what Light had brought so Matt washed his boxers in the sink and let them to dry on the metal rack in the wardrobe, then slid naked under the sheets, trying not to think of the stains on them.  
Something hit him as he felt his eyelid become heavy : although it was Christmas, there was no decoration, no tree, nothing related to the event, or at least in the parts of the building he had seen. But he was pretty sure it was the same all over the place.  
_Christmas doesn't seem to exist anymore for me now..._

**December 26****th****, 2006**  
"WHY DOESN'T THIS BASTARD REPLY ???" L screamed in anger, frightening Light that spilled his coffee cup on the kitchen counter.  
L had been trying to call MacKenzie countless times since the explosion, but the man didn't pick his phone. L was starting to doubt. If MacKenzie had double-crossed him, he would have to kill him. Should he write his name down now or wait ?  
"Still no answer ? Do you think we're going to be in trouble ?" Light asked, worried, cleaning the counter.  
"I don't know, he'd better not try to turn his back on us anyway." L stated coldly.

Taka had replaced Marty once again at Mihael's bedside. The doctor was changing the bandages on the burns.  
"The skin will never recover totally on these burns." the old man announced, as he cleaned the wounds. "He'll be scarred, I can't do anything against that."  
"As long as he makes it alive..." Taka whispered, unable to take his eyes from the suppurating flesh.  
"As long as he doesn't breathe alone, I wouldn't have my hopes too high, you know..." the doctor was pessimistic, but he knew it was better not to expect too much, he had seen similar situations, and such burns are easily infected, resulting in blood poisoning, and the fact the lungs were probably damaged by the smoke and the kid unable to breathe alone didn't bode well. At least, if he woke up or breathed alone, it would mean his body was recovering a bit, which would be a good sign. Only time would tell.

Marty arrived a few minutes later with two cups of coffee, and handed one to Taka as the doctor left. He sat on the other side of the bed and watched the fresh bandages already stained with blood and lymph.  
"Why is fate always after him ?" Marty murmured, not really waiting for a reply, more talking to himself.  
"Them..." Taka corrected.  
"Yes... they didn't deserve that..." Marty added, pressing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index.  
"Marty, about Mail... if Mihael wakes up..." Taka could feel his stomach twist at the thought of being obliged to tell the blond teenager that his friend hadn't made it out of the fire.  
"The more I think about it, the more I tell myself something's wrong with this. Why was Mihael alone at the entrance when all the other's remains have been found in the same room ? The identification process will be extremely long since all kids were under false identities, but nothing that could identify Mail was found by our own men in the building. And from the position Mihael was in when we found him, he was pulled there, he didn't arrive there alone. As long as we have no evidence that Mail was inside, let's just not think about it, we'll see that point if... when Mihael wakes up."  
"But why would have Mail left Mihael alone ? It makes no sense !" Taka opposed, although he wanted to believe that the redhead was alive.  
"I don't know Taka, and for now, the only thing we can do is wait that Mihael wakes up, because he will probably know more than us, wait that our men get their hands on all MacKenzie's henchmen in Winchester and try to locate L and Yagami. One of this will bring an answer probably. I've already made sure our men work close to the police, the investigators on the fire place, the medias and the medical researches on the corpses so we'll be informed in real time. And we really need to have a hold on the whole Winchester MacKenzie branch before anything gets back to LA." Marty explained, trying to sound calm although he was as worried as Taka about Mihael and Mail.  
But in order to get somewhere with all this, he needed to stay focused on technical details more than affective feelings. His position didn't allow him to sink in what his heart was screaming, although his fatherly love for the two kids was hurting him a lot.  
He had always thought Taka was too sensitive for that job, but the japanese man was the best right arm he could dream of, and sometimes the only person that could help him keep his feet on earth. Marty was easy on forgetting human feelings, but he didn't want to turn into a killing machine, those times when Mafia leaders where insensitive murderers was over.

Matt had followed the flow since the morning, according to the schedule. No one talked to him, but they didn't seem to talk to others as well, the place was almost always silent excepted when the bell rang.  
He had been assigned to a task since the gathering in the courtyard : cleaning the windows.  
He took advantage of that task to look around. He could see the street, the shops, houses, but nothing that could tell him where he was exactly. The plaque with the street name was visible on a wall, but so far he couldn't read it.  
Breakfast, classes, lunch, more cleaning, diner, and he could finally go back to his room.

He quickly cleaned himself before going to bed, bored and trying hard not to think of Mello. He wondered how long he would have to stay here until an occasion for an escape would arise. He would go mad here, in this silence, among kids that seemed like ghosts.

Not long after the lights turned off at 10pm, he fell asleep, the heavy schedule getting the best of him.  
He woke up in a start a few hours later when his bed creaked under a weight. In the dim light coming from the window, he saw the director sat on his bed, and felt a hand run on his shoulder. He shivered in disgust, withdrawing as far as he could, but the hand caught his wrist. "I would be a good kid if I were you." the venomous voice of the man spat.

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_**Note : **Yes, cliffhanger. Again. But next chapter tomorrow, my writer's block being over and it's already half written anyway !_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Note : **This chapter will explain a lot. I didn't want it to be like "L did that because...", "MacKenzie did that because..." so all my apologies if it's a bit confused, I tried to make it as clear as possible because it would have been plain boring if I had just explained things without going on with the story. I made this chapter a bit shorter because of that, but next one is coming soon! Sorry I didn't upload this one yesterday, I didn't have time to finish.  
While I have you reading me in this note, please check the fic I'm currently co-authoring with the marvellous Dlvvanzor named "You've got Mail"! You'll find it in my profile, and please check Dlvvanzor's other fics too, she's such a wonderful writer!_

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_**December 26****th****, 2006 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_**  
**Slowly, the director pulled on his wrist to bring Matt closer, pushing the sheets with his other hand.  
"Such a pretty boy..." he whispered, gazing at Matt's body lit by the moon, his free hand roaming on the redhead's waist. "Listen, it's up to me to make a hell of your stay here, so shut up and don't resist, it will be easier for you."  
Matt's eyes went wide as the man closed his fingers on his cock. He was paralysed with fear and could feel the panic rise in his mind as his body refused to react.  
"See ? Good boy. Now come here." the man whispered, unzipping his pants.  
Matt didn't move. The director pulled him violently, and as Matt landed on his stomach, the man climbed on top of him and penetrated him in one go. He crashed Matt's head in the pillow to muffle his cries and bent over his ear. "Shut up sweetie, that's your fault, next time you'll be more cooperative, won't you ?"  
Matt could feel his tears flooding from his eyes, and struggled to lift his head from the pillow to get some air. The pain was nothing compared to the humiliation and sadness. No one had the right to go there except Mello. _Mihael... Where are you ? Are you alive ? Will you still love me after that ? Mihael... Mihael !_  
Matt, with the strength of despair, managed to turn on his back, pushing the man away. He jumped on his feet and reached the sink.

The director stood back from the surprising rebellion and swooped on Matt. But soon he fell lifeless on the floor after emitting a gurgling sound.

Matt let the piece of mirror he was holding fall in the sink, blood drops staining the yellowish porcelain, cleaned himself from the red liquid that had splattered on him, got dressed, grabbed his wallet, and taking the key bunch from the body that was slowly emptying of his blood on the floor, from the ripped open throat, he left.

Once in the street, Matt began to run, trying to find a city map, or anything that would tell him where he was. He didn't want to talk to anyone by fear of leaving proves of his presence here and there.  
He quickly knew he was in London. Now he had to make it to Winchester and go back to Wammy's, maybe he would find Mello there.

_Because if Mello was alive, he would be waiting for him there, right?_

The memories he had kept at bay, since Wammy exploded and he left Mello in hope that his boyfriend escaped L and Light, were slowly creeping their way back to his mind, constricting his heart with the pain he had feared for days now. Matt knew that if he let them overwhelm him, he wouldn't be able to go further. But the rape, the despair, the confusion, and above all, Mello's absence, were more than he could take. He wrapped himself with all he had left of mind control around the sole idea of Mello being alive somewhere and waiting for him, searching for him, even, and went on, step by step, street after street.

**December 27****th****, 2006 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
He was walking for hours when a black car slid along the wet road and parked at his level. Matt's eyes grew wide in horror when the window got down and he saw Light.  
"Jump in." Light said in a commanding tone.  
Matt didn't have a choice and obeyed. He considered running away, but there was still a chance that Light and L didn't know he knew everything about what they had done. They had a Death Note and they would easily write his name down if he ran away.  
"What did you do Matt? You're going to be in big trouble now..." the young man sighed, "Do you realize you had no chance of running away?"  
"I wasn't running away... I was looking for you and L but I didn't know where you were !" Matt lied.  
"Matt, you know that L and me can't keep you with us, for now, we need to settle after what happened, and maybe then we can retrieve you, but for now... you've put us in a difficult situation with what you just did..." Light tried to sound convincing.

He had instructions, since Brook had called early in the morning when the director's body had been found, and Matt missing. L wanted Matt back by any means, to securely lock him somewhere else and keep an eye on him until he would be useful to his trade with MacKenzie. The man hadn't replied to the many calls he had made, and L couldn't resolve himself to write his name down in the Death Note, even if MacKenzie was tricking him, which was more than certain considering his silence, L thought he could find him and get what they had agreed on, and even more if he traded Matt.

For what L knew, no doubt that MacKenzie would be interested in the kid that made him lose so much years ago, when Cole died, taking with him informations that MacKenzie was never able to retrieve back, and therefore lost the control of Cole's gang and a great support against the Mafia. After all, the explosion in the Keehl's house was aimed at the whole family, Mail first, and it had failed to kill the main target, even if killing Keehl had been a great satisfaction for MacKenzie.

While driving, Light was confused. He didn't want to betray L, because he couldn't get past the fact that L had saved him years ago, even if L had changed since he had laid his hands on the Death Note. Light knew too well what the red hue in L's eyes meant. L was under the note's influence. But still, Light couldn't bring himself to do something against L, even if he felt guilty for everything that was happening. It was probably his punishment for being Kira. Being betrayed by his first real friend. But should he betray him back, then? Wouldn't it bring even more punishment for him?  
And would he be able to trick L anyway? Ok, L had lost most of his contacts and supports after covering B's death in jail. This had added to the strange way the Kira case had been closed and L had begun to be doubted. Even the great detective could make mistakes, and people didn't need to be geniuses to make conclusions.  
What surprised Light the most was how L's mind had changed under the influence of the Death Note. Of course, he had become totally cruel, and justice didn't mean anything anymore, but above that, L was accumulating mistakes, like if his genius was clouded by the negative side of him. Light thought that L was actually worse than himself. L didn't hesitate like himself did long ago, when it came to kill his own father. He had faltered, L didn't falter. He didn't even hesitate to side with MacKenzie when this one had come to him, offering a much needed support as L was losing connection after connection. But everyone that could someday investigate if doubts became accusations had to be removed from his way, that's why they had destroyed Wammy's and everyone inside. Who better than L's successors could be his fall?  
L hadn't even blinked when MacKenzie had supplied safe places to go after the plan had been executed, and a temporary support, against the certitude that both the kid that had been at the origin of the death of his best henchman years ago, and the son of the dead Mafia leader would be erased in the explosion.

No one was supposed to get out of the fire, and L and Light had stayed close to Wammy's that day, gazing at the sight of the building collapsing, Death Note ready to get rid of anyone escaping, even if no one would, L was paranoid and wanted to be sure. That's why when he saw Matt that day, he quickly stopped Light from writing down his name to make Matt go back into the fire, ran to him and knocked him down when he realized he could get a lot more from MacKenzie.  
Matt would be able to hack into MacKenzie's system, and then not only L would know everything he needed, but he could trade Matt against a long term support.

But soon, he erased these thoughts from his mind as he glanced at Matt sat in the back of the car. No, he wouldn't go in jail, no way. He had to support L. _This_ was better than prison. He had let L get rid of Near, so he didn't care about getting rid of Matt, after all. Near had been more important to him, so he wouldn't cry for Matt.

The room was silent, except for the regular beeps from the artificial respiratory system. Taka was asleep in his chair, exhausted, his head resting on the bed. It was still early, 5am.  
Mihael's chest was rising and falling evenly, the sound of the pump barely audible, and soon covered by a shuffle of sheets as a hand crept slowly, trying to reach the itching and painful skin under the bandages.  
The hand stopped as it touched a tuft of hair, unable to go further than the head blocking its way. _This _didn't feel like the soft copper hair it was used to, but the owner of the tuft of hair suddenly woke up, head shooting up and looking at the body laid on the bed.  
"Mihael!" Taka's eyes were gazing from the teenager to the door, trying to decide if he should stay there or call for help. "Marty!" he yelled.

Marty slammed the door open after a few seconds.  
"The doctor, call the doctor!" Taka pleaded as Marty tried to understand, and saw Mihael move slightly.  
He ran back in the room where he came from, dragging the doctor, that wasn't authorized to leave the headquarters and wasn't far away.

Mihael processed the name he just heard. Marty... And the voice uttering the name. He knew it. It was a bit different, due to the age probably, but the slight asian accent was unmistakable, and anyway, if Marty was there, then Taka couldn't be far.  
But why couldn't he see anything? Why did his whole body feel like it wasn't reacting the way he wanted? And why did his skin itch so painfully on his face? Why did it tire him that much just to try to think?

He felt someone auscultate him, while he was trying to open his eyes. But they wouldn't open. The respiratory system was removed, making him cough harshly as his lungs functioned alone again. The beeps ended as the machine was unplugged.  
Someone held his hand as he tried to reach for the bandages once more.  
"No Mihael, don't touch your wounds, it would be worse." Marty's voice advised.  
Wounds?

He felt a needle plunge in his non bandaged arm.  
Taka sat back at the bedside, fighting with himself not to tear the damaged body off the bed and hold it against his heart.  
Mihael dozed off a few seconds later as a voice softly whispered a song he had almost forgotten, cradling him in safety as his mind shut off and artificial sleep gained him.

_Deta deta tsuki ga, marui marui manmarui, bon no you na tsuki ga, kakureta kumo ni, kuroi kuroi makkuroi, sumi no you na kumo ni, mata deta tsuki ga, marui marui manmarui, bon no you na tsuki ga..._

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_**Note :**__ The song Taka sings is a japanese children's song called "Tsuki" (Moon). Here's the translation:  
__Rising, rising is the moon, large & round, large & round, round round one, plate-like full moon will rise soon.  
Hiding, hiding is the moon, behind the clouds, dark clouds, black black clouds, plate-like full moon will hide soon.  
Appearing, reappearing is the moon, large & round, large & round, round round one, plate-like full moon will rise soon. _


	18. Chapter 18

_**Note: **I know I know I know... this one was long to come. I'm sorry!! I was focused on You've got Mail, the MxM fic I'm co-writing with the talented Dlvvanzor, I needed some relief from Lithium because it's a sad fic (for the moment) and so I needed to write some happier stuff ^^  
Not a very long chapter, but well, I had to stop, my heart was breaking..._

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_**December 27****th****, 2006 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
"Marty, The police confirmed Mihael's name was added to the list of the victims. He's safe." Taka informed the older man after ending his phone call with the chief of the local police, "I've also made the necessary for MacKenzie's phone line to be transferred on your cell phone. Let's just hope L hasn't realized that MacKenzie's dead already."  
"Thanks Taka. Please go back with Mihael, there's nothing more you can do here." Marty replied, aware that the japanese man was dying to go back at the teenager's bedside but didn't want to neglect his work.

Marty knew that Mihael had to be erased from the living. L would otherwise find out at a moment or another that he was alive, as his body wouldn't be found among the remains. And hiding him would change nothing, L could kill him from a distance. The man made sure that nothing would harm Mihael again, too much had been forced on the kid, that was enough, life had to treat him good for once, so he paid a huge amount of money for the chief of the local police to register false informations on Mihael's burnt body found at Wammy's.  
L should have no doubt, for any doubt would be erased with a name in the death note.

Matt was sat on a couch, facing L, who was eating jelly candies, scrutinizing the redhead. Matt lit a cigarette, avoiding L's gaze.  
"I think you're too calm for someone who lost his boyfriend." L stated blankly. He spend some more minutes staring at Matt, silent, then stood up, reaching for his cell phone. Doubts were creeping in his mind. Matt's behavior was not one of a mourning person. Matt was not weak, he knew it, but something was titillating his senses.  
Matt's face tensed when he heard L's question to his interlocutor on the phone. He couldn't help but stare at L, wide eyed. Even Light was surprised and let his eyes wander from L to Matt. He knew L too well and understood immediately his doubts. And the cruelty behind L's phone call.

"So you confirm that Mihael Keehl is on the victims' list?" L's voice was almost amused, as he glared at Matt. He threw his phone on the nearby table, and continued to stare at the redhead, who became even paler than he already was. Matt seemed to go limp. Light could almost swear someone had switched some button off and that Matt's mind and body had just shut off.  
Not a word, not a cry, not a blink.

"Why didn't you just write Mello's name if you had doubts? Did you have to do this?" Light stared at Matt, the redhead hadn't moved from the couch for long minutes and seemed totally absent.  
"The easy way is not the most entertaining way." L replied, smirking.

L hadn't doubted Mello's death one single moment, he had hated Matt's composure. He had wanted to break him, to see him fall into pieces, for the delight he would find in killing hope or whatever had held Matt together until now.  
And he had loved it.

The red hue in L's eyes told Light everything he had asked himself about Beyond Birthday. He didn't wonder anymore what B was or had done for L to fear him so deeply, so pathetically he had exposed himself and lost, more than his mind, the status he had as the world's best three detectives.  
L had become a maniac, a nightmare, the kind which you can never wake up from, unless you kill or you die.

Light just had time to exit the bathroom and run to the kitchen as he heard the sound of metallic utensils falling on the floor and L call him. As he reached the counter, he saw L on the floor, holding firmly Matt who was struggling, a long knife stained with blood in one hand, his other arm bleeding.  
Light took hold of Matt's wrist to get the knife, and once danger was out, L knocked the redhead down, leaving him on the kitchen's floor.

As Light carried Matt's limp body to the couch, after he cleaned both the wound on his arm and the floor, he heard L make a call, and exit, stating he'd be back soon.  
L came back half an hour later with a small white paper bag. As Light peaked in the bag, he wondered how legal were these things. Gazing at the black haired man questioningly as L emptied the bag on the living room table, he felt a strike of panic when L began to prepare an injection.  
"You're not going to kill him?!" the brunette asked.  
"Use your brain once in a while, _Light_." L spat coldly, not even looking at his friend.  
"Sorry..." Light replied, realizing the stupidity of his question. If L had wanted Matt dead, he would have used the death note. He knew that he had to get a grip of himself before his confusion made him useless. He felt more and more disturbed everyday, but the idea that L could get rid of him if he became a burden ripped his guts.  
Breathing deeply to regain his composure, he enquired informations on what L was doing.  
"Lithium." L stated simply, "I need him alive, if he kills himself it could be a problem."

**December 28****th****, 2006** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
"Light, drive Matt to this address and leave him there. Here's his files, give them to the director. Don't answer any question, and come back as soon as you left him." L ordered Light, handing him a pile of papers.  
Light quickly looked at the files. A false medical record, a false ID, probably false medical recommendations from false doctors, or at least corrupted ones, all at Matthew Jones' name, and Matt's picture.  
"Asylum?" Light asked in disbelief.  
"I need to park him somewhere until I need him." L stated.  
"But an asylum?!" Light exclaimed.  
"I really don't want to have to take care of him. We're not nurses Light, so stop your pity already, and go." L's eyes were flashing daggers.  
Light obeyed, pulling Matt outside by the arm, to the car. Matt followed, his feet dragging on the floor, his gaze absent.

The building in front of which Light parked the car was a beautiful one. He was surprised by the huge difference with the previous place he'd had to drive Matt.  
He gazed at the huge Victorian house by his window.  
He stirred up before grabbing the bottle of water and the cookies he had bought at a gas station a little earlier. Matt was asleep on the back seat. L had made sure to drug him enough so Light could drive without having to care for his passenger.  
The drive had been long, almost 4 hours, and Light yawned at the idea he had to go all the way back soon.  
Once he finished his snack, he shook Matt who barely woke up and followed.

It was quick. L had apparently taken care of everything.  
Not that it was surprising.  
_Getting help from people on the illegal side seemed even faster and easier than authorities_, Light told himself.

Light was led to an impressive office, filled with expensive ebony furniture. Behind a huge and shiny desk sat an old grey haired woman who gestured him to sit face to her. She barely looked at Matt who stood a few steps behind Light, right were Light had left him when they had entered the office. She browsed through the records, slapped the files back on her desk and simply stated that everything was fine before calling a nurse and dismissing Light.

Matt tiptoed behind the tall and large male nurse that led him to his room. Once inside, he stood there, still.  
A little later, the tall nurse was back, finding the redhead still standing where he had left him. He made Matt eat, then tucked him in bed for the night.  
The lights went off, and the nightly lullaby of whines, shuffles of sheets and muffled footsteps began.  
Matt, still drugged, dozed off quickly.

**December 29****th****, 2006** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Matt woke up. Opening his eyes, he panicked. The room was all white: the walls, the curtains, the furniture, the sheets, the daylight coming from the window from a direction he was not used to.  
The effects of the medicine were partly gone, and his mind was unable to find a memory of what his eyes were seeing, but still too dizzy to adapt to this new place. So he began to scream, jerking to sit in the bed.  
A nurse arrived within seconds, and soon Matt slipped in a lethargic state, the nurse sliding the needle out of his arm and covering the small bleeding hole with a band aid, leaving him laid on the covers, staring at the ceiling.

"Increase the doses." the doctor ordered once he had auscultated Matt, "Matthew is, according to his record, highly dangerous for himself as he has suicidal tendencies, and he's filed for murder attempts. We can take no risks, neither for himself or the staff."

**January 5****th****, 2007**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
"Matthew, it's shower time!" Vern shouted joyfully. The tall black man closed the door behind him and helped the teenager out of bed. It had taken a few days for Matt to accept Vern's presence, but the male nurse had rapidly blended in the redhead's routine. Vern's wake up call, then the shower that he quickly was able to take alone, then getting dressed, breakfast in his room as he was not allowed out of it, hours sat on his bed, lunch, hours spent in front of the window, dinner, and sleep time. A routine punctuated by Vern's appearances and regular injections.  
Nothing ever happened anymore in a mind that had stopped functioning, except for simple daily tasks...

Mihael woke up with a horrible itching sensation. He had been kept under strong sedatives for more than a week, the time for his burns to heal a bit and the pain to be bearable with painkillers that wouldn't make him sleep all the time.  
Taka quickly took his hand, whispering reassuring words to the squirming blond.  
The doctor injected him some morphine, enough to stop the awful sensation, but not to make him sleepy.  
It took him some time to wake up completely and focus his mind enough to remember what had happened.

"Matt... where is Matt?" Mihael asked, quickly noticing that his lover wasn't in sight.  
"Matt?" Taka looked at Mihael questioningly.  
"Mail... where is he?" the blond's eyes were focused on Taka's.  
The japanese man's composure slipped away.  
"Is he harmed? He's at the hospital? Is he with Marty?" Mihael's questions fused as the fear rose in his stomach, "Taka! Where is Mail?! Tell me!"  
Taka was unable to utter a word. He didn't even know what he could reply that would prevent Mihael from breaking down. Marty rushed in the room, hearing Mihael's voice rising.  
"Marty! Tell me where Mail is! Please!" the teenager's eyes were pleading him to answer something to releave the growing terror he was feeling. "TELL ME!" he screamed before bursting into heartbreaking sobs.  
He tried to get up, but fell on the floor, on his knees. Taka quickly knelt beside him, holding him tight as the blond was shaking. He started to cry, as the memory of holding two kids that had just lost everything years ago rushed back to his mind. There was nothing he could do to take the pain away, nothing to appease the hurt of this child he loved just as much as he did when he left him and his friend at the airport, nothing to stop the acid pouring on still open wounds made long ago.  
"Let me go! I have to find him! LET ME GO! TAKA! HE NEEDS ME!!"


	19. Chapter 19

_**Note: **Sorry, I kept you waiting again... I'm gonna try to keep up with a more regular rhythm between all my fics so I won't delay Lithium that much. Anyway, next chapter won't be that long to come, i promise, I was overly busy but it's better now!  
As a gift so you forgive me the lack of updates, I have posted a new chapter of Death Nuts, and a oneshot called Ornament. See my stories in my profile ^^  
And last, shameless self advertisement:  
- Et Cetera is finally complete, I posted the last chapter a few days ago.  
- Dlvvanzor and me created a shared account for our coauthored fics: Goggles and Chocolate (and we posted a new fic under this new account, named Peeping Tom, and it's MxM!) You can find this shared account in my fav authors list.  


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_**January 7****th****, 2007 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
"Taka, stop watching me constantly, I'm not gonna do something stupid, I promise..." Mihael whispered to the japanese man that was on his toes wherever the blond was going.  
"I'm sorry Mihael... we just reunited again after so long, I..." Taka tried to reply, but his voice broke.  
"I missed you too Taka... I promise, I won't go... I promise..." Mihael said, falling in the man's arms, sobbing.  
No, he wouldn't go, not before he had found L and Light and shot them. He would never go to whatever was waiting for him, hell or heaven, without the certitude he could look at Mail face to face there.  
Revenge was keeping him alive, for now, no matter how dead he was inside.  
Taka was heartbroken, he felt like a father that cannot comfort his son, and like a father that had lost a son. One is already cruel enough, but taking the two at the same time was driving him insane. He rubbed Mihael's back as the teenager cried in his arms, shaking so hard that he had to support Mihael's full weight to prevent him from falling.  
Softly, he picked up Mihael and deposited him in an armchair in Marty's office, sitting at his side.  
Marty gulped, looking at the frail body curled face to him, and pressed the bridge of his nose, looking away.

Vern pulled the book he had given Matt from the teenager's hands, sighing as he realised the redhead didn't react anymore and hadn't had a single look at the pages. Putting it away on a shelf, he shook his head.  
"What a waste..." the black man whispered. He had tried to stimulate Matt, but the lithium dosage was far too heavy, and Matt irremediably slipped in another world, where none of his senses were working anymore.  
Except the daily routine of washing, eating and sleeping, that seemed printed in the last tiny working part of his brain, nothing could spark anymore in his mind. He stared far ahead of him, vaguely humming to himself sometimes, which Vern had attributed to critical situations: a new person entering his room, worst, touching him (there were a lot of doctors in that hospital, and it was hardly the same coming for the regular checkup), when the window had been opened by Vern so Matt could get some fresh air through the steel bars preventing any escape, or when that psychologist had come to try to talk to Matt, and he kept on glancing at the crucifix she was wearing, rocking back and forth on himself.  
Vern felt sympathy for the redhead. He knew his case and the fact he was stated dangerous, worse, murderous, but he was used to deal with patients under heavy treatment and knew the risks, which were few most of the time, considering they were all knocked out by the drugs, and therefore inoffensive.  
But he was doubting the files. Matt was not only under the numbing lithium, he was also in shock, and the despair that flashed in his eyes in rare situations like the psychologist and her cross had touched the male nurse. And it wouldn't be the first time someone was sent here under falsified files.  
This was only a kid, and although Vern knew he couldn't really help him at this point, he felt that, like for some other patients, it was worth making his stay here a least a bit better.

**January 8****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Marty's phone rang. He quickly handed it to one of his men for him to reply.  
"Yagami, what took you so long to contact me?" the man asked, switching the loudspeakers of the device on.  
Mihael's head shot up, glaring at the hand holding the phone. Taka immediately put his hand on the blond's arm, preventing him from doing anything that could ruin the situation. He could feel Mihael shaking.  
On the other side of the line, Light replied: "MacKenzie, we tried to contact you for days, what the hell?"  
"Are you kidding me? I was waiting for your call!" the henchman answered, modulating his voice and taking a heavy californian accent to make it sound like the man he had shot a few weeks ago. Added to the voice change that often occurred on the phone, it did the trick.  
"Nevermind, we have more important things to discuss. Now that we got rid of any threat to our plans, we'd like to trade something with you, because you can provide us more support, and we are sure you will be interested in the bait." Light added, L's voice being heard in the background, telling him what to say.  
"And what's so interesting about the bait?" Marty's man continued to play the game, while Marty was tracing the call.  
"That wouldn't be fun if I told you right now, MacKenzie, but believe me, you will like it, and you will want it." L's voice rose as he obviously had taken the phone from Light's hands.  
"What are you expecting from me then?" Marty was writing quickly on a sheet of paper what his man had to answer.  
"I'm not fond of phone conversations, so impersonal... meet us in one hour at the address I will text message you in a few minutes. We will discuss our trade. Be sure to come alone, of course. Oh, and just in case you want to try anything funny, we will _not_ have the bait with us, so fooling us won't be leading you anywhere." L stated, and ended the call.

Mihael jumped on his feet as soon as the line was cut.  
"Marty, let me go to the meeting."  
"Are you crazy Mihael? There is no way I let you risk your life, and it would bring nothing good. We need to catch them or kill them, but they have a death note, don't forget that. As soon as they see you, you're dead."  
"I'll shoot them before they can even see me, and I owe that to Mail!" the blond screamed, his voice screeching with anger.  
"You're not thinking logical, Mihael, I understand how you feel, and I know you want to be the one to shoot them, but it won't be that easy, you can't just go and kill them like this, they will have taken precautions for sure!" Marty explained, trying to make Mihael regain some common sense, although he knew how blinded by pain and will of revenge he was. And he couldn't blame him for that. "Let's think of a plan, and I promise, I swear, that they won't make it alive. You have my word, Mihael." That was all he could do, but the teenager finally sat back in the armchair and waited, growling and scowling while Marty, Taka and the other men tried to elaborate a plan. Himself was trying to find a clue, but all his mind could proceed was 'go there and kill', no matter how much he tried to think.

The text message arrived fifteen minutes later, with an address outside of Winchester.  
Taka had to grab Mihael by his middle, encircling his arms in the process, to prevent him from attacking Marty as he held the phone to read the message.  
The two men knew they had to prevent the blond from having access to the address, to be sure he wouldn't put himself in a deadly situation.

The plan was set in place, and the man that would meet Light and L was ready. The fact that L had chosen a nightly hour was a great advantage to trick them so they would believe it really was MacKenzie meeting them. L didn't want to be seen, but he wouldn't see very well either.

Linden drove MacKenzie's car (which they have kept after they had shot him) to the meeting point, and carefully watched around before exiting the Bentley.  
As soon as he put a foot on the ground, he saw a man approach, alone. He immediately recognized one of the two he had seen on pictures: Light Yagami.  
The chestnut haired young man was holding a gun.  
"Hello, MacKenzie." Light greeted Linden, "Just a precaution." he gestured with the gun, not noticing that he didn't have the right person in front of him, hopefully. The make up and clothes did the job.  
Linden held his hand out in a friendly movement: "Hello. Are you alone?"  
"Yes, I'm going to lead you to our headqu... aaaaah!" Light fell on the ground as his body didn't respond anymore, the gun making a loud thud at his side, "What... did you do... to me?! You know L... will kill you if... he doesn't see... me back!"

Linden removed the small capsule from the automatic syringe slid in the lining of his leather glove and replaced it with a new, smirking. "You're paralysed, but don't worry, you still can scream at me as much as you want. Well, that is, if you want to spend all your remaining strength trying to articulate swears. But you'd better keep it to tell me the way to your headquarters."  
"Why would I... tell you... and why don't you...respect the... trade?" Light's jaw felt like cotton.  
"Because I'm not the one you expected, it's as simple as that, Light Yagami." Linden replied before calling Marty, "I have him, we have half an hour before the paralysing injection stops being effective."  
Two cars arrived not long after that.  
Linden charged Light's body in the Bentley, and Taka took place beside him on the backseat.

"Listen Yagami. We know where your family is, and we won't hesitate to kill all of them if you don't cooperate. Now you'd better tell us where your headquarters are, so we can find your friend. If you help us, your family will be safe." Taka stated coldly in japanese, hardly refraining himself from strangling the young man.  
Light opened wide eyes. Trying to make his jaw work, he stuttered: "I'll... tell you... I didn't... want this... please... not my... family...". Tears were rolling on his cheeks. There was no way he would endanger his family, he had stopped everything when he had reached the point where he would kill them, and now, L had put him in a situation that was threatening the ones he loved again. He managed to explain the road to Linden, and fell silent as the three cars drove in the night.

Once they approached L's headquarters, a few hundred feet away, they stopped and lit the headlights off.  
Taka went from the Bentley to Marty's car, glancing at Mihael on the backseat. They had accepted to take him with them, but they had tied him, aware that he would probably act on impulse.  
Linden made the rest of the way with Light still on the backseat.  
The injection effects had stopped, and the young japanese man headed inside of the old house, preceding Linden, as L was watching them by the window.

Light entered the room where L was, followed by the fake MacKenzie. L looked at Linden, and realised immediately that the man standing in front of him wasn't the one he expected...

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_**Note:** Ahahaha cliffhanger, I'm so mean! But hopefully, you know that concerning me, cliffhanger means quick update!_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Note: **Ah, sorry, I kept you waiting longer than I thought. I'm tired and caught a flu and didn't write as fast as I wanted these last days. Anyway, here's chapter 20, with an evil cliffhanger again, but next chapter will be up tomorrow, don't worry! Because I know this cliffhanger is the worst I've done until now ;)  
Thank you wonderful reviewers!  
Sami: I'm sad to know you won't be able to read after tomorrow, so I made my best to post this chapter today, but if you want me to send you the next chapters in a way or another so you can read (email, postal mail or whatever) just tell me! I'd be glad to do it! You can mail me at kei [at] cloudbusting dot fr  
'shimatta' means 'fuck'._

_

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_**January 8****th****, 2007 part 2** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Linden stood in front of L, his gun pointed at the dark haired detective, who didn't seem the least unphased._  
_"Who. Are. You?" L asked coldly, sliding from the windowsill and walking toward Linden in a slow motion. He stopped a few feet away as Linden pulled the security off with a small move of the thumb.  
He smirked, but didn't reply. It was no use replying, he knew L's reputation, and the detective would quickly put two and two together.  
"I guess we will never hear about MacKenzie again, right?" L stated. It was not really a question, he knew the answer. MacKenzie had been unreachable for days, and the doubt L had had when he heard his voice again on the phone was now confirmed. L also knew that there was a 99% chance that the Mafia was involved and that the man standing in front of him was related to the mob.  
He cursed against Light inwardly. That was Light's fault without a doubt, the chestnut haired man should have heard it wasn't MacKenzie's voice. It was him that was holding the phone first, after all.  
He would punish Light later, for sure, enough mistakes.

Outside, the others had approached the house in the dark, by foot, careful to be silent. Taka had untied Mihael reluctantly, under the promise that the teenager wouldn't do anything stupid. They couldn't keep him tied, in case something went wrong, Mihael had to have all his means. The blond stayed silent and didn't move from Taka's side, although he was boiling inside. The only thing that kept him at bay was the thought that at this very moment, Linden was probably aiming at L and would bring him outside soon, tied and harmless.

Linden turned his head as a thud resounded at his close right, to see Light rummaging among books in a huge oak library, and stir a black notebook from one of the shelves. The few seconds he took to refocus on his target were enough for L to attempt an escape, quickly running past the henchman and slamming the door of the room open in his haste.  
Linden aimed and shot as the black haired man disappeared from the doorframe. Missed.  
"Shit." Linden swore, grabbing his communication device. He couldn't run after the detective, Yagami was still there.  
"Marty, L's escaping, he's unarmed. I still have Yagami and I'm dealing with him. L's yours." he said in his microphone.  
"We didn't see L coming out of the house, he's still inside, be careful. We're coming in." Marty replied.

Just as his eyes fell on Light again, he realised the young man was writing in what more than certainly was the death note.  
"Stop!" Linden yelled, "Stop or I'll shoot you!" He aimed his gun at Light, who didn't stop his action.  
"Whatever, the result will be the same." Light stated, smiling weakly. He let the pen fall back on the desk, and leant against the back of the armchair he was sat in. He stayed still, but Linden could see he was crying.  
Linden lowered his gun and approached Light, to realise that he had written his own name in the note still open in front of him.  
_Yagami Light_, he had assumed, although it had been written in kanjis, followed by a few japanese words Linden couldn't read were put down on the paper in a trembling black ink. He was stirred from his contemplating by Light's head hitting the hard wood of the table.  
Linden closed the eyelids of the young man and quickly exited the room, carefully watching around. He had to find L. He informed Marty of Light's death and began to search inside of the house, the death note securely slid under his shirt. L could come back, and he wouldn't risk leaving such a threat without surveillance. Even if L didn't have his name and probably not the other men's either, he wouldn't try his luck.

As soon as Marty, Taka and the rest of the men got inside of the house, Mihael saw a form run inside of the surrounding woods as he was about to enter at his turn. L had apparently jumped from a backside window, thinking everyone was inside and couldn't see him.  
Mihael turned back silently and followed the direction L had taken.

He was running for seconds that felt like hours, his body was still weak and he was already breathless. It's only when he finally saw the dark human form in front of him again that he realised he didn't have a gun or anything to help him.  
By chance, L didn't have any either, otherwise he would have already stopped and shot him instead of running.

Taka realised Mihael wasn't behind him anymore. He rushed downstairs and out of the house, refraining himself to scream his name, which would be the most dangerous thing to do, since L probably didn't know Mihael was still alive. He distinguished a running form far ahead, that fast disappeared in the dark. A second one suddenly followed.  
"Shimatta!" he cursed under his breath, "Marty, out!" he yelled from downstairs as he entered the house again to retrieve everyone, "L is running away and Mihael is after him!"  
He led the men in the direction the two others had taken, praying for nothing bad to happen. He grabbed his gun, readying himself to shoot at sight, he wouldn't hesitate killing L even if Marty wanted at least one of the men alive, and Light was already dead.

L suddenly stopped. A barrier was preventing him from going further, and it was not one he could climb. He tried to find an issue anyway, but as he noticed there was none, he ragingly hit the metal in front of him with his fists, and turned around as he heard the steps of his follower.  
"Light? You dumbass, you fucked everything up! You know I'm going to punish you for that, once we're out of this mess! I should even kill you, you're so useless..."

Mello knew at that moment that L didn't shoot not because he wasn't armed, but because he hadn't heard him before, and now mistaken for Light. He put the eventuality that L had a gun aside, jumped on him and grabbed his throat, making them fall in the mud.  
L started to struggle. He usually was quite athletic, but he couldn't do anything against the iron-like grip the blond had on him. The force of anger, hate, despair and revenge.  
L's eyes grew wide as he recognized Mello. The tiny grain of sand he had thought useless to take care of, the name he never wrote, sure that it wasn't necessary, the person he had underestimated the most...

L managed to push Mello off of him, the blond slipping on his back in the mud. L reversed the situation, but Mello quickly freed himself from L's hands and stood up again as the detective fell on his knees, losing his balance.  
L glanced at the teenager above, from the ground, evaluating his chances of escaping or killing him, but he quickly realised, as Mello's eyes fell on him, that they were close to zero.  
The steel colored eyes, although it was dark, were shining with pure infinite pain, and as Mello suddenly got a hold on L's head and neck, L knew, as he felt his neck twist and his spine crack, that maybe, maybe... he had made something wrong.

The mud splashed around the corpse as it fell limp on the ground.

Mihael fell on his knees and cried.  
This time, it wasn't regret, fear, despair or pain.  
He cried for the emptiness, the memories, the will to die, the will to join his Mail again. He cried for anything above to strike him dead right now, so he could finally be in peace.  
But all he felt coming from above was the light rain that started to pour, and then a warm hand softly wiping his tears away and arms lifting him from the mud.

Taka deposited Mihael on the backseat of Marty's car, and tucked him in a wool blanket as the teenager started shivering. He brushed muddy strands of hair from the blond's face, and held him, rocking softly.

Marty and the rest of his men went back inside of the old house, and began rummaging through the several rooms, wardrobes, closets and bags disseminated all around.  
Most of the rooms were empty, the two men had apparently mainly lived in the room where Light's corpse was lying.  
"Taka, can you come here please? We need you to translate what Light has written in the death note." Marty requested as the japanese man picked his cell phone up.

Taka reluctantly left Mihael in the car, locking it from the outside. He glanced by the window before leaving, but the blond was dozing off, so Taka considered safe to let him here.  
He climbed the stairs and entered the room, averting his eyes from the dead body.  
Linden handed him the notebook.  
"Yagami Light – please tell my sister and my parents that I am sorry, and that I never wanted that." Taka read.  
"That's a pity..." Marty whispered, "This kid seemed barely older than Mihael..."  
Linden looked at Light, then at Taka. The two men understood each other without a word. So many kids had died under the insane yoke of a man that was supposed to save them. All this waste, all these lives blown away...

The furniture didn't reveal much more than a few clothes, food and blankets.  
Linden retrieved two cellphones from the corpses, while Taka had a look at the files on the only laptop found here.  
"I think we already know most of what's on the drive, there's nothing more we can use." he stated, "Forget what I just said, I found a hidden folder. It's password protected."  
Linden sat beside Taka and pulled the laptop to him. He was good at this, and it only took him seven minutes to unlock the protected folder.

Then, as Taka took the laptop back, he lit a fire in the chimney, like Marty had ordered him, and threw the two deathnotes they had found in the flames, getting rid of the deadly items for good.

"Marty, did you know MacKenzie owned an orphanage in London?" Taka questioned his boss.  
"No, but I guess we'll have to pay a visit there soon."  
As Taka was continuing to read the other uninteresting files, Linden rummaged under the couch cushions, feeling that one of them wasn't as soft as the other beside, when he had slid from one to the other to get closer to the laptop.  
He quickly found the explanation: a small black square was stuck between the cushion and the wooden frame of the couch, thick enough to be felt through the stuffing.  
He took a look at the item, and jumped on his feet.

"Marty. Look." Linden handed his finding to the man standing next to him.  
Marty opened wide eyes as he realised what he was holding.

Marty, Linden and his men came out of the house almost an hour after they had began to search all over the place for anything the two men would have left.  
Marty threw the whole bunch of items in the trunk. Then he opened the door on Mihael's side, and called his name softly.  
"Mihael? I think you'd like to have that..."

Mihael didn't really react as Marty slid a small black item in his hand.  
It's only when he felt something familiar under his fingers that he jumped on his seat and looked at the leather engraved wallet he was holding.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Note:** As promised, next chapter! Thank you all for your wonderful reviews!  


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_**January 8****th****, 2007 part 3** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
Mihael slowly opened the wallet. The small key that sent his memories twelve years ago, the old yellowish paper with a bank account number on it, the bankbook, the ID card, the various gaming shops fidelity cards...

"The bait!" Mihael exclaimed, looking alternatively at Taka and Marty.  
"What?" Taka questioned, not understanding.  
"The bait, Mail was the bait! He's alive!" the teenager began squirming to get rid of the blanket, his eyes scrutinizing both of the men. He has eager to see his own hope reflecting in their eyes, he wanted to believe it, so much.  
"Mihael... it doesn't prove anything..." Taka began.  
"Well, it makes sense, Taka, we're talking about MacKenzie after all, and Mail's body was not found in the remains. I suspect that it's him that dragged Mihael next to the front door, that's why we found him here and not in the fire. Something happened and he has followed L and Light in a way or another. But Mihael, we have no proof he is alive, even if we know he was probably here. But I promise you we will search for any trace of him, I promise Mihael."

They drove back to the headquarters, leaving some of the men behind to attend at cleaning the corpses.

Once in his bed, Mihael opened the wallet again. He couldn't stop looking at the content, remembering every event related to every item.

"We'll go back to California, Mail, and we will know what's this key for, you remember? You told me not so long ago that we should try to work during the holidays to gather money for the flight so you could use the key..." he whispered to himself. "We'll do it soon... won't we, Mail?"

He religiously put everything back in the wallet, and let his head fall on his pillow.

He finally fell asleep, holding the wallet close to him, inhaling the smoke scent of the leather.  
That night, he dreamt of angels hung to a tree, side by side, surrounded by flames destroying everything around them, but the little blond and red haired dolls didn't burn.

**January 9****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Matt woke up as Vern greeted him joyfully like every morning. Shower, breakfast. And then Matt, instead of sitting on his bed as Vern would take his empty food tray away, walked to the male nurse and grabbed the hem of his white blouse's sleeve.

Vern turned around and deposited the tray he just picked up.  
He looked worriedly at Matt, intrigued by the unusual behavior.  
"What's wrong Matthew?" he asked, trying not to sound alarmed. Always calm and peaceful with the patients, like he's been taught.  
The redhead's gaze lifted but didn't look at him. His eyes were staring above his shoulder, a little further behind the tall black man. Vern turned to follow his eyes, and realised Matt was looking at the door. He looked at Matt again.  
"I'm sorry, I can't let you out, you don't have permission..." Vern sighed.  
Matt let the man's sleeve go and went to his bed. He sat, and didn't move anymore.  
Vern picked the tray up again and left, mumbling to himself: "At least he's not completely numb..."  
When he was about to leave the room, he realised the doctor was here for a checkup. Later, when he brought dinner, along with Matt's daily injection, he noticed the dose had been increased.  
He shook his head, but there was nothing he could do...

Marty had ordered some of his men to trace all calls received by the two cellphones they had found. He had himself noted all the numbers that had been called, from the memory of the devices, and was searching their origins.  
There weren't many, Light and L had been quite recluse, and after finding a pizza delivery, a pharmacy, a car rental and a bakery, he thought he wouldn't find anything useful. He had already called all of these, but they were unlikely to give an information he could use.

"White Hope home for children, hello?" a voice answered the phone. Marty hung up without replying. It was no use, Taka was already driving there with Mihael, who had insisted to go with him.

He decided to take a rest. He didn't sleep much the previous night, just like all the other nights before. Him and Taka were relaying so there would always be someone up to watch Mihael. They knew he was suicidal, and although they couldn't do anything to ease his pain, and knew he probably wouldn't be able to live after losing so much, they wouldn't let that happen. Taka was the closest to Mail and Mihael, and as such, he understood the pain Mihael was feeling, because he felt it too somehow. And he was not ready to lose another kid.  
He prepared some coffee and relaxed at his desk.

Marty had never been as religious as Mr Keehl, but at that very moment, he began to pray.  
He closed his eyes, and addressing to any god above, he prayed for Mihael to find peace, for Mail to be alive, for them to find him. He couldn't imagine living with the thought that he had to take care of Mihael and keep him alive against his will, when himself didn't know what he was living for anymore.  
He had lost his best friend years ago, and now, he wasn't even able to bring happiness to his best friend's son. All this for what? Pain, sadness, and nothing more. He felt tired, but not only because of the sleepless nights. No. He felt _old_.

As soon as Taka parked in front of the orphanage, Mihael hopped out of the car. Taka just had the time to run after him and catch his arm.  
"Mihael, please, calm down. We need to talk to them and get informations, they won't help us if you jump at their throat." the japanese man tried to sound convincing, but he himself wanted to beat everyone here to a pulp with the good old methods to get answers.

The guardian let them in the courtyard, after Taka had lied to him, pretending a visit for a further placement.  
Once they entered the old building, they followed the arrows that led them to the director's office.  
They knocked, but there was no one in, so they waited in front of the door.  
A middle aged man arrived a few seconds later from the end of the corridor.  
"I heard you knock. Our director is... absent, can I help you?"  
"We'd like to know if you have or had recently a young man here, red hair, blue eyes, 16 years old..." Taka began.  
"No, there was no one like this here." the man cut Taka too quickly for it to be natural.  
Mihael tensed, but Taka grabbed his hand and squeezed it in a silent plea for him not to do anything stupid.  
At least they knew Mail was here.  
"Are you sure? You don't seem so convinced yourself." Taka's tone became colder. It seemed he would have to stir the informations by force. Not that he liked doing that, but his job required this from time to time so even if he was more of the placid and peaceful kind, that didn't mean he didn't know how to go for it. And this time, he was personally touched by the situation, so he was less inclined to diplomacy.  
"I told you that..." the man didn't have time to finish his sentence that he was backed to the wall with a loud thud, Taka's hand around his throat.  
"That's what you are_ going _to tell me that I'm interested in, not what you told." the black haired man threatened.  
"He killed the director, but he's gone! I don't know where he is! Please!"  
"What?!" Mihael shouted, his heart thundering as he heard that his lover was here.  
"I don't know more! I'm only replacing the director! He murdered the director one night and ran away!" the man fell on his knees as Taka let him go.

Mihael was already wandering in the corridors as Taka joined him, after knocking the other man to be safe. They would have some time before the director's successor would wake up. Considering this place was owned by MacKenzie, Taka didn't want to take the risk that the man called for help.

The teenager opened all the bedroom doors, but all rooms were empty. Only one was locked. Taka forced the lock, and Mihael rushed in, stopping cold. He couldn't miss the sight of blood staining the floor, sheets and sink. He began rummaging all around the room for any clue. If the blood was still there, then it meant they hadn't touched anything. He almost fainted as his hands pulled a half burnt crumpled striped shirt from the bottom of the wardrobe.  
"Taka!" he sobbed, burying his nose in the fabric. Although the shirt smelled strong of dampness and fire smoke, he could still distinguish the familiar smell that was only Mail's.  
He lifted his head as Taka approached and crouched beside him, encircling him in his arms.  
"Taka..." Mihael fell against the man, crying, "I... need him... bring him back to me... Taka, please!"  
Taka burst into tears. How was he supposed to promise such a thing when he didn't even know if Mail was alive? But how was he supposed to say 'no' to this child, that he considered his own child? And would he ever see Mail again? See how he had grown up? See if he still had these goggles with him all the time?

He pulled himself together, stood up, and shut his feelings off.  
"Mihael, stand up." he demanded.  
The blond looked at him, and stood up under the tensed gaze of the japanese man.  
"Come one, we have someone to find." Taka stated, not letting any emotion filtrate in his tone. He had to do it this way, otherwise he would break down along with Mihael, he had no choice if he wanted to be able to go on.

They exited the room, Mihael still holding the striped shirt.

Marty had fell asleep in his armchair, and started as Taka and Mihael came back inside of the headquarters.  
He immediately had the answer to the question he didn't have the time to utter, as he saw the garment in Mihael's hands.

With this new hope, he resumed searching through the various numbers in the cellphones' memories.

"West London bakery, hello?" Marty frowned. "Wrong number, sorry miss."

"Donuts Paradise, good afternoon!" Marty hung up the phone without even replying. Did L do anything else than order sweets?

"Cheadle Royal psychiatric hospital, may I help you?" a very feminine voice resounded politely...


	22. Chapter 22

**_Note: _**_Aaaah sorry, took me longer than expected! This fic is doomed, I swear! Anyway, I think you're going to like the action in this chapter! Yeah, getting closer!_**  
**_And of you like MxM, don't forget to check the few new oneshots I posted (see my profile) ^^_**  


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January 9****th****, 2007 part 2** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
"Oh, sorry miss, I made a mistake, my apologies... Goodbye." Marty replied with a fake english accent.  
The last thing he needed was to raise suspicion so he preferred to end the call. No one knew how far this place was corrupted, and considering L's previous choice to place Mail, White Hope, there were many chances that they wouldn't be able to get their informations in a regular way.

He closed the door of his office as he had gathered everyone which presence was required in.  
Mihael sat next to him in an unconscious authoritative way. Marty and Taka exchanged a look, both amazed at the teenager's change of attitude. The pain of Mail's absence was still visible, but the hope that he was maybe alive had boosted him, and the two men could now have a clear hint of Mihael's father's heritage. Mihael was a born leader.

Taka and Linden sat face to Marty and Mihael, and they began to elaborate a plan to get to know if Mail was at Cheadle Hospital. Linden, who was previously a skilled doctor, specialized in chemicals and drugs, had often dealt with such places, and advised wisely that if Mail was in such an asylum, chances were that he wouldn't be there fighting and kicking, locked against his will, therefore he would be under heavy medication. They couldn't go, find and take the redhead and leave.

They wouldn't be allowed inside of the patients' area so easily, and they couldn't risk to abduct Mail without knowing exactly what they had put him through, unless they wanted to kill him with a brutal withdrawal.  
And as they didn't know the relationships between L and this place, Marty didn't agree on sending someone there to ask, threaten or whatever. They could have instructions to transfer Mail at any intrusion in the case, Linden added out of experience, so they would be back to the beginning, and they didn't want that. Worse, they now knew where he had a possibility to be, but if he was transferred they may lose him completely.

Linden tried to hack the asylum's system, and succeeded. Unfortunately, and as expected, there was no trace of Mail. But he had managed to establish the pattern on which the hospital worked. Most of the patients' files were perfectly organised and classified, with day to day treatments, evolution and picture of the patient along with his data.

The suspicious part was the bunch of patients which folder didn't have a picture. Strangely, the names of these patients were utterly plain, and the treatments they were forced into were the heaviest ones, and, more coincidentally, all were lithium based. John Smith, William Johnson, Helen Miller, Jack Brown, James Taylor, Mary Robinson, David Young, Paul Lee, Steven Hill, Matthew Jones, Jason Davis , Lisa Williams.

What caught his attention was the lack of date of birth, when all the regular patients had one stated in their data.  
False names, no way to know how old they are, a good way to cover the tracks. He knew it, he had used this procedure more than once for criminals that escaped the death row due to psychiatric issues, and had to be kept drugged until the day they die in the hospital they had been placed in. You can't imagine how many victims try to find them and kill them, unable to accept the sentence.

Linden had been the director of such an asylum, and he became part of the Mafia after helping one of Daniel Keehl's henchmen out of said asylum, after the man had been sentenced. When you're in the Mob, you've better be stated psychologically unstable than end on the electric chair. This way you have a chance to escape.

And for Linden, the choice was easy in the end, once you got corrupted by the MOB, you can't escape, you go on or you get killed. The Mafia takes no risks. So he quit, and became the Mob's entitled doc, medication supplier, surgeon and whatever skill he could bring them.

Considering L and Light were dead, and that the only connections they had were with MacKenzie's gang apparently, it was unlikely that the hospital had been contacted by anyone since their death, the last call found on one of the cellphones had been made on december 27th.

They had to get a connection with someone inside of the hospital. Someone that would be easily corrupted with a huge amount of money, and wouldn't trick them. But the only way to have that connection was to infiltrate the hospital.

Linden would have been the perfect candidate for that.  
He would have lied about being L's assigned doctor, his skills not being a problem in that area, and got his way in the asylum  
But first, they didn't know Mail's false identity and therefore, the lie wouldn't last long enough to find him.  
And second, there was a major problem: Cheadle's actual vice director was a woman that had been a trainee in the californian hospital where Linden had worked years ago, and she could recognize him, more than certainly. You don't forget the director of the place where you studied during several years.

Sending one of the men as a patient was not an option either, although Mihael had wanted to go himself. Marty had firmly opposed to the teenager's idea. There was no way someone considered a patient in this asylum could stay without being drugged. Being one of the less severe patients would lead Mihael in the wrong area, and his actions would be limited as he wouldn't be allowed in the aisle Mail probably was, and Marty couldn't allow the kid to be drugged to the bone to end in the right area, as they suspected that Mail was in the high security area among the list of patients under a false identity. Even if the first option had been considered, Marty couldn't resolve himself to consciously send anyone there and risk someone's health altered. But as it would lead nowhere they quickly forgot the topic.

Mihael had been insistent, his temper rising, and Taka had a bad time calming him. Three days, and they were still talking, planning, losing time.  
Taka was worried. Not that he was pessimistic, but he was afraid that Mihael's hopes would finally fall. They still didn't know if Mail was there, and alive. He wanted to believe it, but he couldn't stop thinking of Mihael's reaction if they didn't find him, or learnt that Mail was not of this world anymore. He loved Mihael, he loved Mail, and he didn't know if he would have the strength to carry Mihael's despair when himself would lose a child. He could see, day after day, the teenager's determination, and the feeling that he couldn't protect Mihael from himself was growing inside of him. The kid always got his ways, no matter what, and he would have them even to kill himself, Taka was sure of that.  
He shook the thought from his mind, trying to focus back on a realistic solution.

After Mihael had lost his temper for the fourth time and threaten to go there by himself and shoot everyone until he found Mail, stealing Taka's gun in the process, they had finally agreed for him to be the one to infiltrate the asylum.  
Thanks to Linden's contacts, the blond had been hired at Cheadle's as a nurse. The medical and biological knowledge he had acquired at Wammy's, along with a 24h briefing with Linden for deeper aspects of the job and injections training, were supposed to do the trick. He would also be bugged so he could stay in contact with the headquarters.

**January 10****th****, 2007**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mail woke up that morning, but didn't move when Vern threw his usual morning hello.  
The tall man approached the bed once he had opened the curtains and let the light bath the room. The redhead was laid on his back, his head turned to his right, his lidded gaze absently lost in space. Drool was staining the white pillow.

"Hey, Matthew, it's time to get up." Vern said softly, pulling the sheets to Matt's feet, only to discover that the teenager had wet himself during the night. Vern felt a lump form in his throat. The medication was way too high for such a frail boy, and although he loved taking care of people, he would never get used to see persons become dependant nothings, reduced to ghosts of themselves.  
_Even if that kid had done something so bad he had to be locked in jail forever, that would never excuse the state he was in now..._ thought the black man.

On that, his mind wandered to five years ago, when he was married and happy. A beautiful and loving wife, a successful at school and well educated son, and he was a proud husband and father.  
But after his wife died of a cancer, his son had fallen into depression, and started to do drugs. He had seen the slow way down to hell of his child, fought with doctors, hospitals and detox centers that didn't care for his son, didn't know the hurt and the pain, and didn't save him. That's how he ended doing such a job. To help, because he knew, because he understood.  
But seeing a child not much older than his son before he died, vowed to the same destruction, and moreover against his will was literally killing him.

He helped Matt to the shower, cleaned and dressed him, made him eat when he realised that Matt couldn't eat alone anymore, and laid him on his freshly changed bed once he had to leave him on his own to take care of the next patient.  
He sighed as he closed the electronically protected door behind him.

Mihael nervously tapped his fingers against the arm of the mahogany chair he was sat in. His eyes surveyed the richly decorated office while he waited for his interlocutor to arrive. Some secretary had let him in, although he was a bit early to his first day of work.  
He fought the urge to rummage inside the drawers of the huge desk, or the massive library standing against the wall.  
He knew that any wrong move would cost him a lot, but God, Mail was probably somewhere in that building and he wouldn't wait forever to find out. He could feel impatience grow in his guts.

The blond quickly put his thoughts aside as the director entered in the office. It wasn't the time to break down or show any inappropriate emotion. He was supposed to be a nurse in intensive psychiatric care and therefore be able to control himself in the worst situations. Linden had made it clear that any mistake in his behaviour would cost him his place. Hospitals with Cheadle's reputation never took risks with their employees.

"Mr Aaron, hello." the woman said, her tone more than cold. Mihael stood up and greeted her the more politely he could, refraining himself from gripping her throat and make her spit out the information he craved to get.  
"The recommendations you have are really impressive, and I don't doubt you'll find your place among us. Finding people with your skills is becoming difficult, and we have a growing amount of patients that require special cares and increased attention, in our high security area. No need to tell you that even among people like you, we don't find many willing to integrate such a service, due to the risks, so I am grateful to your mentor that he decided to send you here after your arrival in our country."

"Thank you." Mihael simply replied. He was supposed to have arrived in England recently from the United States after a prestigious training in what was formerly Linden's hospital. Linden had no difficulty obtaining recommendations for Mihael, hacking the files of another trainee of his former hospital.  
"Now, someone will show you your service, and during the first week, you will follow him in his round, for you to get accustomed to the schedule and patients. He's fully responsible of you, so I count on you to follow his instructions and never wander alone in your destined area. But I suppose that I don't have to remind you of the risks."  
On these words, she stood up as the door opened, and a man in white blouse appeared.

"Mr John Aaron, let me introduce you the nurse that will be your mentor here during this week."


	23. Chapter 23

_**Note:** Ok, this time I'm updating real quick! The previous cliffhanger was a bit evil and I had made you wait too long for chapter 22 so I'm making up for it by posting 23 not even 24h after the previous chapter!  
Buuut you'll still hate me even if I'm updating quickly, I can already smell it... Why? Read, you'll know why!!_

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**January 10****th****, 2007 part 2**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael stood up and greeted the male nurse that stood in front of him. They left the director's office together and began their round.  
The blond couldn't help but be annoyed by the nurse's continuous glances at his scar, but he didn't let it show.  
The morning passed slowly, and each time they visited another patient, Mihael could feel his heart jump when the nurse opened a bedroom's door, expecting to see Mail behind each of them.  
But his lover wasn't in any of the rooms they visited, and as they paused at lunch time, Mihael was overly disappointed, realising the patients assigned to this nurse didn't include Mail. The afternoon would be spend giving cares to the same patients, just as the next days would be, so if Mail was here, he was assigned to another nurse.

He could feel nervousness rise. His reason to live had a chance to be here, he may be so close to him that there probably weren't even ten feet between them sometimes, and he had to wait, fucking wait...  
He ignored the food at the cafeteria, preferring to snap directly in one of his chocolate bars instead, sat face to Rick, the nurse, who was eating fries.

"Hey Vern! Sit with us!" Rick shouted when he saw the tall black man enter in the cafeteria.  
Vern picked up his food tray and took a seat beside Rick. He smiled to Mihael. The blond smiled back, his mind screaming to try to know from this man if he was in charge of a redhead, but refraining to do so.  
"John, excuse me to ask you that, but... how did you got that scar? Must be pretty painful, right?" Rick asked after finishing his lunch.  
Mihael glared at him, but replied vaguely: "The place where I lived a few weeks ago burnt." After all, that wouldn't be suspicious to tell the truth if he didn't give too much details.  
"Oh, that's awful!" Vern exclaimed. His eyes were showing a genuine compassion, and Mihael decided he liked that guy. He reminded him of Taka in a way.  
"That's not painful." Mihael lied, glaring at Rick again. This guy obviously didn't have any respect for privacy.

After an awkward silence, Rick and Vern began making small talk while Mihael stayed silent. The blond's mind was racing, trying to find a way to question Vern without looking suspicious. While he was thinking, he unconsciously grabbed his rosary hung to his neck from under his white blouse and played with it absent-mindedly.  
Vern's eyes got caught by Mihael's gesture, but he didn't say anything and averted his eyes quickly, not wanting to get caught staring, that would be impolite.

The afternoon passed slowly. Mihael focused on giving proper care to the patients. First, he found that time passed quicker if he got involved instead of just watching, and he also told himself that he'd better be aware of what kind of care Matt would need, maybe...  
He couldn't help but fear that his lover was in the same state than the persons he saw until now.

Mihael tried to register the names of his patients, mentally comparing to the list of names Linden had given to him.  
So far, he had John Smith, Jack Brown, James Taylor, and Paul Lee. A female nurse was assigned to the female patients, so it meant that Vern was most likely in charge of Mail, if he was here, and that his false identity was among William Johnson, David Young, Steven Hill, Matthew Jones and Jason Davis.  
There weren't any other nurses in that special service. The night shift was assigned to doctors that had the night shift for the rest of the hospital, since it was just a work of surveillance most of the time, there were no care to attend to at night except some rare times when a patient would wake up but since they had all been put under heavy medication, such problems didn't occur anymore. Even if they did wake up, they stayed in bed, unable to react.

_Matthew Jones... Could it be...? No, L wouldn't have been that obvious... or?_  
Mihael tortured his mind again and again. He surprised himself at how calm he managed to stay the whole day, or at least apparently.

Once his duty was over, Mihael left the hospital, and walked to the parking lot, searching for the black Mercedes. Taka had to pick him up after his work was over, to drive him to the new headquarters in Manchester, where the hospital was situated. Driving the way from Manchester to the previous headquarters in Winchester everyday would be way too tiring, and even if Mihael had insisted to drive, Marty didn't allow it. Mihael was underaged and being in the Mafia didn't mean he would allow the teenager to drive illegally. Even if he was supposed to be 22 for the hospital.

As soon as Mihael sat on the passenger's seat, he broke down and cried. He had managed to have a hold on himself all day long, but seeing Taka's worried face made his control fall into pieces.  
"Taka... they're all drugged, they don't even know who or where they are anymore, they're barely aware that we are in the same room as them... Taka, what if Mail is like this? He won't even recognize me! What will I do Taka?!" he sobbed, shaking.  
"Hey Mihael, calm down... he may not recognize you, but at least you'll know he's alive, if he's in there, and then we can find a way to get him out of there, ok? You're close to knowing if he's in this hospital, you have to hold on, ok? Do it for him, Mihael." Taka whispered, holding him against his chest as the teenager cuddled against him, seeking comfort.  
The words had the expected effect on the blond, who stopped crying and straightened on his seat.  
"Let's go home." Taka cheered him, starting the car.

Once at the new headquarters, Mihael read the files from the patients under a false identity that he hadn't visited today, again and again, trying to find a detail, a hint, that would help him. He fell asleep a little later, exhausted emotionally.  
Taka carried him to his new room. The blond woke up as the japanese man deposited him on the bed.  
"Taka... thank you..." Mihael murmured, half asleep, as he undressed.  
"You're welcome Mihael, I couldn't let you sleep on your chair." Taka replied, as the teenager slid under the blankets.  
"No... I mean... thank you for all you do for me... sometimes I feel like... you act like a father for me so... thank you, I really need it." Mihael explained.  
Taka smiled through the tears that rolled on his face, as he switched the light off. He kissed Mihael on the forehead and exited the bedroom, moved.

**January 11****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_The following morning passed just as the first, boring and not revealing anything to Mihael. At lunch time, Vern joined him and Rick again.  
"Hey Rick, what was that girl you were with yesterday evening in the parking?" Vern asked, laughing when Rick became totally red.  
"She's from the daycare consulting, I met her when I went to get some papers signed a few days ago, and I invited her to have a drink at Starbucks after work." the nurse explained.  
"She's pretty cute!" Vern teased him.  
"And you, do you have a girlfriend John?" Rick asked, changing the subject.  
"Rick! You can be embarrassing you know, maybe John doesn't want to talk about that!" Vern scolded him.  
"It's ok Vern, I don't mind." Mihael replied, seeing a chance to tick Vern and see his reaction, "I have a boyfriend, well, had... I don't know where he is... he disappeared after our house burnt... I'm still looking for him..."  
"Oh shit man, I'm sorry!" Rick exclaimed.  
Vern stayed silent, a bit shocked, but he smiled sadly to Mihael, who looked at him with insistence.  
The blond didn't notice anything particular in Vern's reaction, but the seeds were sowed.

"Mr Aaron!" the director called as she met Mihael in a corridor, "I don't have time to find Vern, I'm waiting for an urgent call so I have to go back to my office as my assistant is off, but I thought you could give Vern the message, I'd like him to come and see me after his duty, I finally received the agreement for his next formation and I need him to sign some forms."  
"Sure." Mihael replied before catching up with Rick with the next patient.  
"Go tell Vern, I can do this alone, he's been waiting on that agreement for so long he'll be happy to get the news!" Rick said cheerfully, dismissing Mihael, "I'll join you in two minutes."

Mihael wandered in the long corridor, knocking on the bedrooms of Vern's patients' doors since they were all closed for security reasons, until he got an answer.

Vern made his third visit of the day to Matt. He prepared the redhead's arm, and as he began to inject the evening medication, his eyes fell on the marks he saw everyday on the teenager's arm: burns.  
Everything suddenly clicked in place: the crucifix incident with Matthew and the one hung to John's neck, John's missing boyfriend after a fire, both have burn marks, and John's insistent gaze on him.

What should he do? He had found John looking too young to be 22, and if Matthew was really his boyfriend, then they should be around the same age, and Matthew was 16 as far as he knew, so there was no way John was 22. So then, how could he have been hired here, except if it was illegally? That story didn't bode well, maybe he'd better stay out of this, he could lose his place here and that was all he had left after all...  
It's not like if he didn't know that some illegal stuff were going on here, he had always suspected that Matthew wasn't as dangerous as it was stated on his data, just like some others in that special service, but it was none of his business after all. That could even be dangerous.  
Vern decided he would stay out of this. So there would be no danger, no problems. He looked at Matt's face, almost lifeless on the pillow, and sighed. No, no problems... all he could do was to take care of that kid the best he could, right? No danger... it wasn't worth it... or at least, he tried to convince himself of that.

Suddenly a knock resounded on the door and a voice called him.  
"I'm coming!" Vern's voice raised.

"Hey John, did you find Vern?" Rick asked from a few feet behind as he had finished with his patient. He reached the place where Vern and John were standing as Mihael was explaining to the tall black man what the director had required.  
"Oh, here you are Vern, hey, great news, congrats!" Rick exclaimed with a huge smile.

Vern was standing in the doorway, blocking the sight behind him, but he had no doubt anymore that this new nurse was in this hospital on purpose when he saw Mihael's eyes trying to catch a glimpse of the room in a desperate way.  
"Yeah, that was nice of you to tell me John, I'm going to her office right now." Vern thanked the blond.  
The other nurse waved the two men goodbye since his duty was over, impatient to meet his new girlfriend in the parking lot.  
Vern closed the door, that locked itself automatically with a loud click.  
"See you tomorrow, John." Vern said, heading for the director's office. He stopped after a few steps when he realised Mihael hadn't moved from the door.  
"Hey John, your duty is over, you're not going home?" the tall black man inquired.  
He suddenly felt his heart fall down to his feet when he saw Mihael's eyes as he turned on his heals and left in the direction of the parking lot. He knew this look. He had seen it so often in the mirror, everytime he locked himself to cry in the bathroom of the hospital where his son had agonized during long weeks before dying, his body rotten by drugs...

* * *

_**Note: **I know you all thought it would be Vern, but that would have been too obvious/easy, right? And I know you also thought that Mihael would find Mail in the end of this chapter, behind Vern. Don't hit me, you know I never take the easy way, I don't like happy coincidences... next chapter soon, hopefully. Here are handkerchieves, please feel free to use them! *lol*  
Little tips to picture the characters:  
- Vern looks like the huge black guy in The Green Mile movie, he's around 40.  
- Rick looks like a 30 years old Nicholas Cage (don't ask me why, I don't know, that's just how I picture him lol)  
- Taka, I already said it, looks like Kazuya Mishima from the Tekken game (the earlier ones) and he's around 35 now._


	24. Chapter 24

_**Note:** Hey! Another quick update! I said this fic was doomed because I never seemed to be able to update when I said I would, but I'm finally up with a good pace, a chapter a day! Hope it will last *lol*  
But, actually, things seems to flow out of my mind pretty fast if I focus on the same fic without writing anything else._

* * *

**January 12****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael arrived earlier than he had to, this morning. He had requested an audience with the director.

"Hello Mister Aaron, let's be quick, I'm sorry I have an appointment at 8 so I can't give you much time." the woman said, opening the door of her office to the young man.  
"It's not going to be long, I just wanted to request a switch, I thought that I could probably have Vern as a mentor for the rest of the week, not that I don't appreciate Rick, he's a perfect mentor, but I think it would be better if I got to know all the patients in the service." Mihael explained.  
"I'm afraid it won't be possible, Mr Aaron, Vern has started his formation this morning and is actually coached by one of our doctors, so he's not available. Therefore, you will have to take care of the patients you already know while Rick will be in charge of Vern's patients, but don't worry, Rick has told me you're doing really good, and I'm sure you will be fine on your own, and you can call Rick for help if a problem occurs. It's only for two days though, and after that I can't tell you how things will be scheduled since we're welcoming another freshly arrived nurse just like you, we need more persons in the special service because two more patients are being transferred in two days, so I still have to plan this, I only got the information late yesterday so I didn't have time to think about tasks distribution." the director's long speech disappointed Mihael.  
"I understand. Thank you for your time." the blond exited the office and started his duty.

Mihael had just finished with the last of his patients, and deposited the used syringes small container in the recycling space before heading for the cafeteria. He had tried all morning long to find a problem so he could go find Rick and maybe finally have a view on the rooms of Vern's patients, but he had been so busy with showers, breakfasts and the rest that he didn't have the occasion to do so.  
A part of him was telling him to just throw away his blouse and go get a gun to shoot all the doors that could be hiding his lover, Mafia-like. But he knew, and Taka made sure to remind him every morning before he left the car on the parking lot, that Mail's case was falsified, and taking him out of this hospital by force would result in a manhunt, and considering the state of the patients here, they could kill him by lack of informations on his health.  
Mihael had suggested to steal the data, but there was no way to do so, everything was under heavy surveillance and knocking people out to reach the files wasn't an option.  
He knew Taka was right, and that hurt him all the more, because he felt useless.

Marty had even talked to Mihael during a long moment to make sure the teenager would not give himself away on a stupid mistake, they were advancing slowly, Marty could see that Mihael was boiling inside and that his temper was a problem, so he had to calm him down. Once they would be sure that Mail was there, then they could take one more step forward and pretend to act on L's demand. For now, they didn't know about the redhead's presence in the asylum, and they didn't have a name.

So Mihael tried every single minute to remind himself of Taka and Marty's words to get rid of his will to blow the whole place off. Finding Mail, that was what he had to do. But without being noticed. Easier said than done, everything seemed to be against him, wrong mentor, wrong patients, uncooperative director...  
He quickly swallowed his chocolate cake, and got back to his duty, not waiting for Rick. Maybe if he finished quickly his afternoon round, he could pretext this to help Rick finish with his.  
Unfortunately, Rick was not a newbie, and as quick as Mihael was, Rick was faster, his girlfriend waiting for him in the parking lot making him even more quick to end his round.

Mihael found himself walking in the parking lot earlier than usual because of his haste, and Taka wasn't there already.  
He sat on the brick border of a big plants container decorating the parking and began eating a chocolate bar. He looked at his cellphone's clock. 5:40pm. Twenty minutes to go, and it was quite cold, and already dark. His chocolate was beginning to be hard to snap, it was freezing in the cold winter atmosphere. He wrapped the bar back in its aluminium paper and thrust it in his vest's pocket.

Vern exited the hospital, his brain a bit confused by all the informations and new knowledge he had to assimilate during his first day of formation. He plunged his hands in his pockets, trying to find his car keys as he reached the parking lot. Stood beside the tall iron fence, he watched as a classy black Mercedes entered the parking and stopped in front of someone he hadn't seen in the dark. John.  
The Mercedes' door opened after a few seconds and a japanese man appeared, his face showing a worried expression.  
Vern couldn't help but watch. The japanese man was a muscle bunch and Vern thought he looked like a yakuza. Or at least someone dangerous, from the aura spreading from him. Although his face seemed sweeter than you could expect from a yakuza...

Vern didn't move. He had been staring too long and that was pretty impolite, and he disliked being disrespectful. So he just hid there in the dark, telling himself it was better to wait for them to be gone, this way he wouldn't embarrass them.

John wasn't moving, and the japanese man crouched in front of him. From where he was, Vern could hear the man ask the blond if he was ok, and he could also hear John sob. But... Mihael? The japanese man had called John _Mihael_...

Suddenly the blond stood up, along with the japanese man, and the older one hugged John... Mihael...  
Vern was really hoping they wouldn't see him and was blaming himself for not having crossed the parking lot earlier, before... that. Although he didn't really understand what was happening, he knew he didn't want to get involved.

Suddenly, the voice of the japanese man rose as the younger seemed to withdraw from him in a violent way.  
"Mihael, NO! Give that gun back to me!"  
Vern could feel sweat rolling in his back, even with this cold. What was he going to do?

Mihael had taken advantage of Taka's hug to grab the gun the japanese man was always wearing under his jacket.  
"I won't wait any longer, I can't, Taka! I can't take it anymore! I don't even know if Mail is here or not, if he's alive! I have to know, it's killing me Taka! You all want to help me, but you don't know! You don't understand! I can't live without him..." Mihael took a few step backward, "Don't try to stop me, Taka..."  
He turned on his heels and headed for the hospital's entrance, his jacket falling on the floor as Taka tried to grab his arm and found himself with only the fabric between his fingers.

Vern was looking at the scene wide eyed. The blond was walking right in his direction, all dressed in black leather, his eyes flashing pain and determination like the black man had never seen, the scar giving him an even darker look, his fingers tightly holding the gun.

Taka ran to Mihael, standing in front of him to stop him.  
"Mihael, I won't let you do that." he knew that the blond would never shoot him.  
"Taka, get out of my way. I have to do it." Mihael's tone was cold as ice.  
Taka was quick as lightning and Mihael suddenly fell, the japanese man catching him just before he hit the ground.  
He slid his gun back in the holder hung under his armpit and picked the teenager up from the concrete. Mihael would have a mark on his temple, but Taka didn't have a choice, although he already felt guilty for hitting his kid.

It's only when Taka closed the passenger's door after laying Mihael on the passenger's seat and began turning around the car to reach the other side that he saw Vern. The two men's eyes locked for a few seconds.  
Taka finally sat in the car, and drove away.

Vern stood there a few minutes, shocked. When the japanese man had seen him, he thought he was dead. But the pain he had seen in John... Mihael's eyes was also in the brown eyes of the man. A deep, desperate pain.  
And the man had gone without a word, without a threat, although it was obvious that Vern had seen everything. Was he really dangerous? And did it matter, after all?  
For a few seconds, he had looked in the eyes of a man, he could feel it, whose heart was broken for his child. Oh, Mihael didn't look like he had an ounce of japanese blood, but that didn't matter, that man was stabbed with the most horrible feeling on earth, the one of being helpless face to the despair of a child. And Vern knew this feeling all too well, he would recognize that expression whenever he saw it, it was too deep anchored in his memory to forget.

The tall black man headed for his car, and drove away. His night was sleepless and his thoughts confused.

**January 13****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael spent the day cleaning, showering, feeding patients, he hardly had time for lunch, and he couldn't even think properly, the pain in his temple was throbbing and distracting, and he felt like walking in cotton. His duty over at the end of the afternoon, Taka drove him home. The pills Marty had diluted in Mihael's coffee in the morning had been effective, calming the blond and preventing him from acting on impulse again.

**January 14****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_It was a day off for Mihael, and he was pacing like a lion in his cage in the headquarters.  
"I should have gone anyway! Why do I have to stay here and fucking wait?!" he exploded when Taka tried to calm him down for the umpteenth time.  
"Mihael!" Marty yelled.  
The teenager started, Marty never rose his voice. It was the first time he heard the older man shout. He looked at him, his gaze murderous.  
"Watch your language, and don't look at me like that, I may not be your father but I still have authority here, whether you like it or not!" Marty growled. Truth is, he was getting afraid of Mihael's reactions, more and more everyday. The teenager had a leader temper, he was hard to handle and slightly dangerous, the event with Taka's gun proving he was unpredictable. He had to take control of the kid before something bad happened.  
"Marty, you only have one year left of authority here, and although I respect you, be warned that I won't take orders from anyone even if you're still the boss here. As you said, you are not my father." Mihael replied, his tone deadly.  
There was no control anymore, Marty could feel it. Mihael was exactly like his father. Added to that, he was irrational due to the pain he was feeling, and all the more dangerous.

Suddenly, Taka stood up, and Mihael hit the wall with a loud thud as the japanese man slapped him hard.  
He didn't have to say anything. The teenager brought his hand to his throbbing cheek, then fell in his substitute father's arms.  
"It's ok, Mihael, calm down, it's ok..." Taka held the blond against his chest, his hand softly stroking the blond strands as both were crying silently.

Marty left the room, and once he was out of sight, he broke down and cried too.  
_Oh God, please, help us... I don't see the end of it... please, help us... _the man whispered through his tears.

**January 15****th****, 2007**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
Vern had taken his shift early this morning, the two new patients had arrived, and the new nurse's arrival was unfortunately delayed to the following week due to a problem during his travel from Ireland. Three hours later, he had finished with his usual patients when Rick and Mihael began their own shift. He took care of the two new patients and helped the two other men finish with theirs so they could all have lunch together. John-Mihael didn't seem to have any souvenir of the event in the parking lot, so Vern knew that even if the japanese man had seen him, Mihael hadn't.

"You look tired John, are you sick?" Rick asked as he poured salt on his dish.  
"No, I'm ok..." Mihael replied, not looking up.  
They all ate in silence.  
"Hey Vern, you're quite silent today, is everyone sick or what?" Rick laughed.  
"Well, I know one who's never tired and never stops babbling." Vern winked and stood up to get rid of his tray.  
The tall black man was torn. It had been easier to cope with the blond as he didn't seem to have seen him the other day, but he felt bad for him anyway.

Later in the afternoon, Rick took his turn with the two new patients while Mihael attended to the usual patients' care.  
Once Rick had finished, he came to help Mihael.  
"Ah, shit, I forgot that we had to give this patient an additional treatment for his ulcer, I'm going to get it, I'll be right back." Rick said before leaving the bedroom, "go see the next patient, and you can go home, I'll finish with this one as soon as I have the medication."  
Mihael stood and headed for the next room. He injected the treatment and as he was heading for the recycling space, he realized he had forgotten the plastic container in a room. He went back on his tracks and as he crossed the corridor again, he came across Rick with the plastic box in a hand, knocking to one of Vern's patients' door.  
Vern opened the door: "Oh, it's you Rick."  
"I'm going to the recycling, give me your box, I'll throw it for you!" Rick offered to the tall black man.  
Vern went back to a table inside of the room to pick the yellow container, leaving Rick on the step of the open door.

From the corridor, Mihael saw a frail frame sat on the bed, hunched. And a tuft of red hair.

* * *

_**Note: **Sooo I didn't forget january 15th! Special gift for Dlvvanzor! I hope you're happy with what's happening on that day (even if it's gonna be split in two!)  
I thought it was time to stop the suffering of my readers, so I hope you're all happy with how things are turning! Not that it wasn't planned, but this chapter should have ended on january 14th normally.  
But this cliffhanger is probably even more nerve cracking hehehe  
I was listening to Negative's song In Memoriam and the lyrics fitted that chapter so much..._

_I hope you're waiting for me somewhere out there  
In a place where we can hold each other again  
You went first, I'll come right after you  
I'm depressed, I don't care  
I miss you, I hope you can hear me_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Note:** Another daily update! This one may be a bit less active, but there were a lot of dialogs and explanations to give... buuuut, the great moment has come, sort of! Actually, Lithium is far from being finished, so this great moment you were all waiting for doesn't ring the bell of the end of this fic, just so you're warned, there's a lot more to come.  
_

* * *

**January 15****th****, 2007 part 2**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
Vern looked at Mihael, first horrified as he realised all his suspicions were right and that the young man was here for a reason. Then he felt crucified. Pinned and stuck to the floor by a strength above his own will to act. Paralysed by the blond's eyes. They had lit up in a way he had never seen before in anyone's eyes.  
He just witnessed someone coming back to life, eyes pouring love, hope and... need. His guts tore in a painful way, but his mind roared all of a sudden.

He had exactly one second to avoid the disaster. Which one, he didn't know. Whether John-Mihael would stir a potential gun from under his blouse and shoot everyone in his way, or abduct the patient and runaway, or break down right here, he wouldn't let something happen in front of Rick.  
So in exactly one second, he put the yellow container in Rick's hands, and did what he knew he should have done a lot earlier.  
"John, you come at the right time! I need a helping hand, come here! See you tomorrow Rick!"  
Rick had just turned on his heels, too impatient to meet his girlfriend, and disappeared, that Mihael ran inside of the bedroom.  
Vern closed the door and sighed. This would probably cost him his job...

Just as Mihael was about to reach the redhead, Vern caught him by the arm, pulling him backward.  
"No John... Mihael..."  
"Let me.. how do you know my real name?" Mihael stopped cold. No, Vern wouldn't be working for L?  
"I was there the other day in the parking lot when you and this japanese man..." Vern explained, firmly holding the blond's arm as he was struggling to get free, "Please, he could react badly to someone touching him, I can't let you do that... listen to me, ok? I've lessen his treatment on my own, the doctors don't know I did it. I couldn't let him in the state he was, the dosage was too heavy, and I knew he wouldn't recognize anyone... so I started diminishing his injections after I saw you in the parking lot. If I hadn't, you could do whatever you wanted, he wouldn't have reacted, he was like dead inside. But even if you look sincere, you could as well be dangerous for him, I don't know you and the only way I have to know that he wants to see you is to let him be aware of his surroundings. I want to help him, you understand? And then I'll help you, only when I am sure you won't harm him."  
"Why would I hurt him? I love him, can you understand that?" Mihael began to cry, struggling even more as he saw Mail stand up from the bed and walk to the window, deaf to the conversation happening behind him.  
Vern caught his other arm, holding him in place, face to him, with a bruising force. Mihael continued to struggle, desperate.  
"You're here under a false identity, I saw you with a gun, and that man, Taka, didn't look like a clean good guy either. And blame me if you want, but I'm not the kind to do things on impulse, I'm more of the careful kind. I will probably lose my job, and I'm not planning on losing this kid's life along with it, so no matter what you look like now, and even if I'm almost sure you're sincere, I won't let you do anything until I'm completely sure of it. So the deal is that you prove me, how, I don't know, it's up to you, that you and him really are boyfriends and that you won't do anything bad to him, or he tells me himself when he's able to, and therefore you have to wait a few days for that. And believe me, you won't win against me, I could break you in two."  
Mihael's eyes were locked on Mail, and Vern wasn't even sure that he had listened. The blond seemed to lose it. The tall black man felt Mihael's arms go limp under his hands, and the teenager fell to his knees, but Vern didn't let go of his arms.  
"I beg you! Please! I need him! I'm begging you, please..." the last words were only whispers as Mihael collapsed on the floor. His brain had shut down under more pain than he could take.

Vern looked at the unconscious kid on the floor. He gently picked him up and laid him on the bed.  
"Why me? Why do I have to be stuck in the middle of such a mess? Oh Lord, I must have done something pretty bad in my previous lives..." he mumbled, heading for the bathroom to take a damp washcloth.  
As he patted Mihael's face with the cloth, the blond's cellphone rang. Vern looked at his watch.  
"Ah, we should be out for fifteen minutes already..." he groaned.  
He pulled Mihael's phone from the teenager's pocket and answered as he saw the caller ID. Just what he expected.

"Hello." the black man said in the receiver.  
"Who are you?" a voice with a japanese accent replied.  
"I am Vern, Mr Taka. You saw me in the parking lot three days ago. I'm with Jo... Mihael... I'm afraid that when he wakes up, he doesn't want to go from here. I don't know what to do, but I can't let him stay here you understand, I'm going to try not to lose my job, but he won't make things easy for me... he passed out when he... saw his friend and..."  
"You mean... oh god, he found Mail?" Taka's voice became husky with emotion.  
"Ah, I guess it's Matthew's real name... well, I guess so, I don't understand everything in this story..." Vern stated.  
"Is there a way I can get in?" Taka asked suddenly.  
"I'm not sure it's a good idea... what tells me you're not going to... I don't know... harm the kid?" Vern was confused, this was getting complicated and it was already bad to have a passed out teenager in a room where he had nothing to do, long after his shift hours, but letting a stranger inside of the hospital, and a dangerous one moreover, was pure suicide.  
"These are MY kids, Vern. Whether you cooperate or not, I'm coming. The more you help, the less people I'll shoot on my way to you, ok?" Taka became threatening. He had an unconscious kid and another drugged to the bone in that goddamn hospital, and he would reach them no matter what. His fatherly instinct was in full charge now.  
Vern heard the clear sound of a metallic lock being shot, through the receiver, even with the silencer of the gun. His blood froze.  
"75... 751683" he stuttered in the phone.  
"What?" Taka questioned, walking inside of the hospital's courtyard.  
"The code to open the staff entrance. Take to your right at the end of the courtyard, then to your left, and you'll find a green door with a digital pad. The code is 751683." Vern explained, shaking. He was letting an armed man inside... and even if himself was a good 250 pounds and 6.5 feet tall, this Taka was not only armed but even smaller and lighter, he was a mass of muscles and didn't seem to take shit from anyone.  
_What am I doing, oh Lord, what am I doing?_ Vern mumbled to himself as he heard the japanese man's steps through the phone.

Once he heard the bips of the digital device, Vern instructed Taka inside of the corridors, leading him through the only way that would prevent him from meeting anyone. He couldn't leave the bedroom and let Mihael alone with Matthew, in case he woke up, so Taka had to cross the hospital until he reached the special service alone.  
Hopefully, the night shift had begun and doctors would not make their round until midnight, and it was only seven.  
Taka finally reached the last door before the service, and Vern gave him the last code.

He then opened the bedroom door, and watched the japanese man approach from the end of the corridor, sweating from fear. He moved aside to let Taka enter the room, drying his damp palms on his blouse, and closed the door. He gulped as he saw the man slide his gun back in place.

Taka checked on Mihael, then made his way to Mail.  
"No, don't touch him!" Vern warned. He felt a shiver as the japanese man turned to him slightly and gazed at him. "He may have a violent reaction, he doesn't like to be touched... it's because of the treatment..."  
Taka closed the distance between him and Mail, and faced him. And what he saw almost killed him.

Mail's eyes were dead, his face was expressionless, his skin was more grey than white, he was skinny, and hunched like if there was no soul to support his body anymore. But god, was he beautiful... he had always been a really beautiful child, as well as Mihael, so he wasn't surprised, but he hadn't seen him for 11 years! He refrained from hugging him, but it was so hard...  
"What will he do if I touch him?" Taka asked Vern genuinely, wanting so much to hold his child but afraid to break him, he seemed so fragile...  
"He starts humming and shaking and if he's forced too long, he tries to hurt himself, he pulls his hair and scratch his skin until he bleeds." Vern explained. "He even tried to hit his head against the wall one day, when we had specific tests to do to him..."  
Taka covered his mouth with his hand, still looking at the redhead. He finally dropped his hand from his face, breathing to get rid of the tears threatening to fall.  
"Mail?" he called softly, "Mail, can you hear me? It's me, Taka..." the man was scrutinizing the redhead, unable to stop drinking his features, how he had grown up, his hair still so red, and he tried to see in him the child he had known, but all he could see was an empty shell.  
Mail didn't react. He just stood there, lifeless, looking by the window although it was pitch black outside.

"Mr Taka..." Vern began.  
"Just Taka." the japanese man corrected.  
"Well... Taka, it's not that I don't want to help... but..." Vern stopped as Mihael shifted, waking up.

"Taka!" the teenager exclaimed, hopping from the bed. "Mail!" he almost reached the redhead when Taka stopped him.  
"No, Mihael." Taka said, holding the blond's arm, "Don't. I know how you feel, but don't. Do it for him, he will harm himself if you try anything."

"I want to help you, so let me explain a few things." Vern started again, "he was under a way too heavy treatment for days, he was totally numb to people and events, he didn't even realise I was there, all he could do was lay on his bed, even his body didn't respond anymore. It already killed me, because he's just a kid, but when I saw you in the parking lot, I... well... I thought that even if it's my job, I can't agree with slowly killing a kid like this, and I stopped injecting the whole dose. So it's been three days that he only gets half of it."  
"You have to stop it completely!" Taka said suddenly.  
"I can't, we can't just stop the treatment like this, it has to be done progressively, it would be too dangerous otherwise. But with only half the dosage, he will slowly be able to react in a few days, maybe very soon, the delay is usually from three days to a week until a change can be noticed. But don't expect him to recognize you, or speak to you, he will still be under a heavy dosage anyway. And moreover, the fact he had such a heavy treatment for days has side effects. So even when we will stop it completely after several changes of dosage, the side effects may still alter him a lot. It can take weeks before he is able to have a coherent speech, if he's able to at all..."  
"What do you mean?" Mihael asked, his eyes wide with fear.  
"Side effects are memory loss, whether it's temporary of definitive, we'll only know with time, a diminished capacity of his intellect, and uncontrolled fears due to confusion and hallucinations. This last one usually pass with time, but the firsts can be temporary as well as definitive." Vern explained.  
"He could stay like this?" Mihael was ready to cry again, and Taka slid his arm around his shoulders in a comforting gesture.  
"No, he will... how do I say that? ...wake up. But he won't be normal before some time, and he may keep those side effects, but we can't know now. But contrary to many patients here, even if his treatment was really heavy, it's only been weeks, not years, and he's young, so the best results can be expected. Although I'd recommend to be ready for the worst, you never know..." Vern added.  
"I understand..." Taka said, shaking his head, "So, what do we do now? I mean... we need to get him out of here, Vern."


	26. Chapter 26

_**Note:** Wow, 5th chapter in a row, you love me, I know... XD  
BTW, you don't care, but I love my OC Taka ahahaha! I tend to create random OCs, and then I end up loving them as much as Matt and Mello, I'm such a fail... but Taka is special, because he's smexy hehehe ^^  
Sorry for the lack of updates on Death Nuts, and the lack of oneshots, I don't forget, but I promised I would focus on Lithium!  
Before I forget, I wanted to remind it with the previous chapter, I forgot, but as Dlvvanzor reminded me by asking the question: only Vern knows that Mail and Mihael are boyfriends, but except him Mihael hasn't told anyone, and the topic hasn't occured yet, so Taka doesn't know that his baby boys are in love hehehe._

* * *

**January 15****th****, 2007 part 3**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
"Oh, no no no, you're not taking me into this, he's not going anywhere!" Vern exclaimed. It was one thing to help the kid by diminishing the dosage, and another to let two strangers take him out of the hospital, "I still have no proof that you don't mean to harm him, and even if I'm pretty sure to lose my job when the doctors discover that I didn't give him the proper treatment, and believe me, they will, Mail will be so restless at a moment or another, from the side effects, that there's no way they don't notice I won't let you take him out of this hospital."  
Mihael was about to speak when Taka silenced him.  
"I understand Vern, and I'm quite reassured to know of your integrity, at least we know he's safe here. We will get him out of here by the legal way and not get you involved with that, and if it's in our power, we'll do it before you can get accused of anything. But should you lose your place here, I promise we will not let you down, and that we'll give you a job with at least the same salary, if not more, and everything you could require, that's the least we can do." Taka replied, grateful to the nurse.  
"Excuse me but... there is no legal way to get him out, he was brought here under a false identity and accusations of murder, so I doubt they'll let him out..." Vern explained.  
"By legal, I meant that we'll do what it takes to have him out with the accord of the director, and that we won't abduct him. We don't want to have to runaway forever." Taka added.  
Mihael stayed silent, not taking his eyes off of his boyfriend. He couldn't touch him, but seeing him alive was such a relief that he couldn't help but stare at him.  
"How would you do that? Unless you corrupt justice or the director or..." Vern stopped suddenly, "Who are you exactly, by the way? I should have asked that first anyway..."  
"I think it would be better to talk about that in another place, Vern. And I suppose we shouldn't stay here too long." Taka stated, standing up.  
"Taka, I don't want to leave him here!" Mihael pleaded.  
"Mihael, the doctors will make their round later, and we really are not supposed to be here, and Taka even less, so if you... we want to have a chance to sort this out without too many problems, let's avoid problems like that first..." Vern tried to convince him, although he could understand how torn the blond was to have to leave when he had just found the one he loved.  
Mihael stood up sheepishly.

Vern put Mail in bed, shut the light, and they all left when Vern had verified that the corridor was empty. Taka had to push Mihael, who reluctantly left the bedroom, keeping on glancing at Mail in the dark as he walked to the door.  
Once outside, Taka picked up the lock he had shot, so they wouldn't leave a trace except that the lock was missing, but at least no one would know it had been shot, that would be overly suspicious.  
They reached the parking lot quickly.

"Vern, it's already late, so it's better that you go home, but I'd like you to meet my boss, so we can talk all together, and organise Mail's exit. The informations you can provide will be helpful. Do you think you could follow us tomorrow?" Taka asked.  
"I don't know... I..." Vern stuttered, obviously nervous.  
"Vern, if we wanted to harm you, you'd be dead already, not that I want to scare you, but be aware that whatever things look like, I have pride and wouldn't lie to you." the japanese man sounded convincing enough, and Vern finally agreed. He didn't know exactly why he trust that man, but he did. And he was too far into this mess, so a little more wouldn't change anything now, and maybe, if he was helpful enough, things would be fast and he wouldn't lose his job, and once they would all be gone, he would forget this story and go back to normal...

When Mihael entered in Marty's office, followed by Taka, he immediately fell into the older man's arms, sobbing once again and unable to talk.  
Taka could feel his eyes watering too, when he explained to Marty that they had seen Mail, and that Vern would help them.  
"Oh God, at last!" was all Marty could say, still holding Mihael and laughing through his own tears.

Mihael dozed off not long after a quick dinner, and Taka carried him to bed. The latest events had worn the teenager off, and now that half of the worries were gone, his body reminded him of the lack of sleep. Taka tucked Mihael in, and deposited a peck on his forehead before leaving the bedroom.  
Marty was waiting in the doorframe.  
"Seventeen but still a child, huh?" the older man smiled.  
"Yeah, and soon he'll take your place, that's scary..." Taka chuckled as Marty rolled his eyes.

Sat in armchairs, drinking some whiskey, the two men talked, Taka explaining in detail what had exactly happened.  
"You should see him Marty! He's changed so much, that's amazing! He looks so much like his father, but he's shorter, I don't know how they fed them at Wammy's but the kids are short."  
"You speak like a proud father, Taka." Marty laughed, teasing the other.  
"You love them as much as I do, don't tell me otherwise." Taka winked.  
"Yeah, but they don't consider me like their father, and God prevents me from getting such a role, I gladly leave it to you, Mihael is impossible!" the older man smiled. God knew he loved these kids, but he felt too old to be their father figure, particularly with Mihael's temper. He was fifty, and life hadn't been really kind with him over the years, so he felt even older.  
Taka grinned. He was happy to be as strong as he was physically, because as much as Mihael would scream and fight, he would at least always be able to control him. Otherwise, he was too much of a teddybear to even think of having the last word with the blond. But strangely, Mihael tended to respect him more than anyone that really tried to talk back to him.  
"I wonder if he's a pain the ass like Mihael." Marty suddenly said after a few minutes of silence.  
"I don't think so, he was really laid back as a child so I don't think he has changed that much, but I hope we'll discover that by ourselves soon..." Taka sighed, emptying his glass, "Goodnight Marty."  
He stood up and left for his bedroom.  
"Goodnight Taka." Marty replied, stretching before heading for his own bedroom too.

**January 16****th****, 2007**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_The new nurse had finally arrived, and Vern had convinced the director to let Rick with the newcomer, so Mihael could help Vern with his patients, since he had two more. The director agreed since Vern had delayed his formation of a few days because of the changes in the service. She was grateful that he had accepted to go back to his normal shift with all this added work, otherwise she would have had to add extra hours to some doctors, and they already had their share of extra hours.

When Mihael took his shift, Vern told him they would be working together, and the blond had to refrain a shout of happiness. Vern smiled at the sight of the teenager's glittering eyes.  
"What about saying hello to Mail?" Vern whispered when they were alone in the corridor.  
Mihael grinned as Vern opened the bedroom door.  
"But don't forget, in front of anyone else than me, he's still Matthew." the tall black man warned.

The teenager rushed inside Mail's bedroom, followed by Vern, who greeted his patient like usual. But this time, it seemed weird to him to call him by a false name, even if he had always thought it wasn't his real name.  
This time, Mail got out of bed alone.  
"It seems he's getting better." Vern told Mihael, who was moving close to his boyfriend, careful to avoid touching him, although he couldn't help but turn around him.  
Vern helped Mail in the shower, but the redhead managed to eat alone, unconscious of the scrutinizing gaze set on him.  
"Hopefully, he's not going to melt under your stare." Vern laughed, "because otherwise, there would be nothing left of him already!".

Once Vern had finished with Mail, he told Mihael that they would take care of the other patients, and then Mihael could stay with Mail until lunch time, no one would see and he could always pretend to take care of him if someone came. So Mihael sneaked into Mail's room as soon as he could, half an hour before lunch time.

The blond was alone with Mail for the first time. He didn't want to go against Vern's instructions but he was itching to touch him, hold him and more. Mail was sat on his bed, and Mihael sat beside him, carefully.  
"Mail..." he whispered, raising his hand to stroke a copper lock, but stopping only mere millimeters away. He stayed like this a few seconds, debating whether to do it or not, but finally decided against it.  
"Mail, I know you hear me... I missed you so much, I thought I had lost you..." he wiped the tears rolling on his cheeks with the back of his hand, "I love you Mail... please get better soon..."  
He stayed like this, talking softly and watching his lover, until Vern came to pick him up for lunch. Mihael left the bedroom reluctantly, but he wasn't supposed to stay alone in the service yet, so he had no choice.

Once they were back from lunch, they made the patients eat, and gave some more cares, but Vern made sure Mihael could spend time with Mail. So Mihael stood with Mail next to the window, and that's only when he followed the redhead's gaze that he realised he wasn't looking in space. Outside the window were the hospital's gardens, where some of the patients of the lighter cares services were allowed to go in the afternoon and a little further, the street.. And in the direction in which Mail's eyes were focused was a church, with its huge cross pointing in the sky.

Vern came back in the room around 6pm, for Mail's treatment. Mihael watched as Vern injected the liquid, stopped halfway then emptied the remaining half in the sink.  
"I'm obliged to destock the exact dosage everyday." the black man explained, "If I only destocked what I inject him from the medical stock, they would notice."

Vern let five minutes to Mihael to say goodbye to Mail before they both headed for the parking lot at the end of their shift.  
Taka was there, waiting, his back to the Mercedes.  
Vern gulped, but he had agreed so he didn't really have a choice but to climb on the passenger's seat. Mihael sat at the back, and Taka drove to the headquarters.  
"Vern, I won't blindfold you, but can you please close your eyes from now on?" the japanese man asked. He knew Vern wouldn't cheat, he was way too scared to.

Twenty minutes later, Taka parked the Mercedes in an underground parking.  
"You can open your eyes Vern." Taka stated, exiting the car.  
They all climbed the stairs and reached Marty's office. Taka opened the door, letting Mihael and Vern in before following.  
"Hello Vern, I am Marty. I think we owe you some explanations on this situation. Please take a seat."  
"Hel...lo" Vern stuttered, sitting in the armchair Marty had gestured to.  
"Would you like some tea or coffee?" Marty asked as one of his henchmen entered with a tray.  
"T...tea please." Vern could feel sweat rolling from his temples, his fear rising as he realised all the men here were armed, the man with the tray only wearing a teeshirt leaving his gunholder visible under his armpit.  
"Please, don't be afraid, there's nothing to fear, we're only here to talk between gentlemen, don't let yourself be impressed by the guns, they're only here for our safety." Marty tried to calm the tall black man down.  
"Mr Marty, excuse me for such a question, but... who are you exactly? The false identities, the incredible mess with Mail, the guns, I was not allowed to see the way to your headquarters, and I'm pretty sure Mihael, although he's doing good, has nothing of a graduated nurse and is way much younger than 22, and all the rest... I'm pretty lost you know, I have the impression to be in a Mafia movie..."  
"Well Vern, you're partially right. We're not in a movie though..." Marty replied.  
Mihael and Taka sat on each side of Vern, who looked at them one by one, and slipped his large hand over his sweaty face.  
"Oh Lord... Oh Lord..." he muttered.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Note:** Sorry, short chapter! But it contains everything I wanted to put into, and I didn't want to wait tomorrow just to add another paragraph, and I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted me to anyway because then it would have stopped the daily updates. Buuuut, tomorrow I have a lot of work to do, and I'm going to Tori Amos live in the evening, so even if I'll try to write next chapter, I may not have the time to finish it.  
But I promise, next update will be on sunday last limit, if I can't post tomorrow, just one day skipped, that's not so bad!  
And I'm even meaner than that, not only is it short, but it ends with.... a cliffhanger, yeah! muahahaha!  
Just a note concerning Taka and Vern's discussions: it won't lead to yaoi, it's just friendship, don't see any sexual content in it, please! (because Taka isn't gay, he's mine, heh XD)_

* * *

**January 16****th****, 2007 part 2**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Vern was mortified, and he couldn't stop his hands from shaking in his lap.  
"Good Lord, but what do these kids do with the Mafia? Aren't they too young for that?" he asked, perplex.  
Taka smiled. He liked the man. Still thinking of the kids' well-being when himself was stuck in the Mafia hideout.

"Let me tell you about it from the beginning." Marty began, "I'll make it short. Mihael is the son of our deceased boss, and I'm in charge until Mihael is eighteen, that is to say in one year. Mail was their neighbour in California, and he had abusive parents, and was adopted by Mihael's father when they were both six years old. Mail's grandfather was working against the Mafia, and he is responsible of the death of Mihael's father, not long after the adoption. Both kids were sent to an orphanage in Winchester until recently. You probably have heard of L, the detective. He was partially in charge of that orphanage, and he started working with Mail's grandfather for obscure reasons. This orphanage was a home for future detectives, and L needed to get rid of them because they could be a threat, as he had, how could I say that... turned to the dark side. He blew the place, and only Mihael and Mail made it out alive. But L and his accomplice found Mail and abducted him, because they planned to trade him as a bait for Mail's grandfather. We found Mihael, and have been searching for Mail since last Christmas. I know this seems complicated, and we'll reply to all your questions later, if you have, but right now, we need your help to plan Mail's exit from this hospital."

"Thank you for telling me, it's a bit confused for me since you've given me so much informations at once, but I am grateful that you did, now I understand why these kids are so close. I will have many questions, but I'm ready to help you. I have two questions that I'd like to have an answer to right now, though, if you don't mind." Vern looked at Marty.  
"I'm listening to you." Marty replied.  
"First, Mail is filed with a murder case in the hospital's data, is that true?" Vern asked.  
"The data itself is false, Mail is not guilty of what these files accuse him of. L has made up the whole folder to make Mail integrate this asylum and get him to be under heavy medication, so he wouldn't escape him until the trade with his grandfather." Linden explained, as he sat next to Taka, after joining the conversation.  
"I see... I suspected that." Vern mumbled, "And... I'm not used to those things so forgive me if this is a stupid question, but isn't the Mafia supposed to be filled with criminals and kill people, and the rest? What I'm seeing now are people caring for two kids and although you have guns and some things don't look quite legal, it doesn't look as bad as I would have imagined."  
Marty laughed.  
"I won't lie to you about the illegal side of our organization, and we are not saints, of course, but we are human, with feelings, families and bonds, like anyone else. Well, in our case, our family is not quite the normal type, I admit it."  
"By the way, Taka, I don't think it's been mentioned, but who are you in this story? You said they were your kids, but..." Vern was cut by Taka's laughter.  
"Yeah, they don't look like me. And Mihael's temper would surely not come from me..." the japanese man winked at the teenager, who scowled but smiled, "I was their nurse in California, until they were sent to England, and I took my role back when we found Mihael recently."  
"I see..." Vern smiled. He knew that Taka was way much more than a nurse to the two teenagers.

"We'll gladly tell you more later, but let's focus on our problem, we don't have much time I suppose. Taka told me you had diminished the dosage Mail receives, and we are really thankful for what you do for him, and for the help you're providing us. But I assume the doctors do blood tests regularly and that they will notice that fact very soon, right?" Marty went on.  
"Yes, that's the main problem, along with the fact that he will recover his senses at a moment or another, he already started doing so, it's not obvious to the point of alarming the doctors, he just began to walk, eat and take his shower alone, but soon, the withdrawal symptoms will alter his mood and actions and it will be more than evident. We may even face dramatic effects like hallucinations and hysteria, and not only will they put him under heavy treatment again, but I'll be fired and unable to help him anymore." Vern explained.

The conversation went on until late in the night. Vern stayed sleeping at the Mafia hideout, after him and Taka had a long conversation, once everyone was in bed. Both men were beginning to appreciate each other, since their mutual goal was the well-being of Mail and Mihael.

**January 17****th****, 2007**_ (Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Taka drove Vern and Mihael to work in the morning. The day went by, similar to the previous, Vern letting Mihael stay with Mail as soon as the tasks were over.

In the afternoon, Mihael stood beside Mail, in front of the window. He was almost shoulder to shoulder with his lover, but he didn't touch him. They were so close to getting him out of here, _he_ was so close to being able to hold him again, just a little patience, and his Mail would be himself again, and he would curse at his games, smoke and...  
Mihael felt tears sting his eyes again. He shut his eyes tight to prevent the tears from falling.

Suddenly, he felt something against his shoulder. His eyes shot open. Mail had turned his body slightly, and he was now facing Mihael's right side, and by moving, his hunched stance made his forehead brush against Mihael's shoulder.  
The blond gasped, and held his breath a few seconds. He didn't know if the contact was intentional or not, but he couldn't refrain the tears anymore. That was all the contact he was allowed to have after missing him so much... it was so ridiculous, and yet so much...

He let a shaky breath out. Mail then turned away completely and sat on his bed.  
Vern arrived not long after for the injection, then they had to leave, once Mail was in bed.  
Mihael told Vern what happened but unfortunately, the black man was unable to tell if Mail did it intentionally or not, leaving Mihael disappointed.

Vern had agreed to spend some time at the hideout, so they could work on Mail's case more effectively.  
They had to be quick, not only because Mail would wake up from his state sooner or later, or because the blood tests would reveal the change of dosage, but Vern had a formation to attend to, and he would be away from the special service in a few days and that was a big problem. He couldn't delay this once again, the director would not approve since the new nurse had arrived and was effective in his job. There still was a chance that Mihael would be in charge of Vern's patients, but in the eventuality that he wouldn't, things would become complicated enough for everything to fail.

Everyone was sleeping, except Vern and Taka, who were drinking some coffee in the salon.  
"I'm sorry for your son, Vern." Taka said genuinely, as Vern told him his story, "I understand better why you accepted to help us."  
"Everyone needs a reason to live, you know, even after living the worst, I just couldn't stop myself from living, and living for something worth it. When I saw Mail, I knew that something was wrong, this kid just look so innocent, I couldn't believe he was a murderer." Vern replied, sipping his coffee.  
"Yeah, you should have known him when he was five, he's always been the complete opposite of Mihael, he was as laid back as Mihael was a leader, and the poor kid has seen so much... I'm just afraid of what he's been through and that we don't know yet, during the time he was in L's hands. But I remember his parents, I could never understand how you can beat your own child, or just not love him, and never provide him at least the minimum for him to be happy..." Taka sighed, remembering old memories.

**January 18****th****, 2007 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael was overly nervous this morning. They had finally set a plan in place the night before, and although it could be quick, it was also so pushed up that it could as well fail. But after long discussions, it was the most valid plan among all the ones they had come up with.  
They first thought that they would create false files and that Linden would use his contacts to smooth everything so Mail would be cleared from the accusations, but as the accusations were created on false data, the chances to mess everything up were numerous, and could result in making things worse for Mail.

Sending someone claiming to be working for L was also out of question, since L and Light had not given any sign of life to the hospital and that no one knew if the hospital had tried to contact them since their death, it was too risky.

Vern had assured that the chosen plan had fifty per cent of chances to work. It would depend on which side of the director would take over her reason: greed or integrity. But it was as much chances as they could get, so they didn't have a choice, time was running out...


	28. Chapter 28

_**Note: **Woohoo it's 11:45pm here, but as I promised I would post a chapter on sunday, here it is! I typed this in two hours as fast as I could to keep my promise, and this is another shorter chapter, although as in the previous one, everything I wanted to put in is there, so it's ok ^^  
In this one, you'll learn a bit more about Taka's past. This character seems popular, and someone required a background for him, along with a profile. I could integrate the background in the chapter, but the profile would be difficult to insert in the story so here it is:  
Real name: Takaaki Ojima  
Date of birth: January 1st, 1972  
Place of birth: Osaka  
Height: 1m80 (5.9 ft)  
Weight: 76kg (152 lb)  
Other data: many scars on his back, torso and arms, and one under his left eye.  
And last, because I forgot with previous chapter, my reply to Cathleen: I have some knowledge on what I write (asylum, lithium and such) by personal experience but not related to work, just personal life. The rest is due to researches ^^_

* * *

**January 18****th****, 2007 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Linden had been working on his laptop for more than three hours now. Mihael had called almost every thirty minutes to know how things were going. Marty would reply to him, trying to calm him down, but himself was worried to no end although for an entirely different reason that he didn't talk about to the teenager. Mihael didn't need extra stress now.  
Linden was in charge of the hacking of MacKenzie's bank account, and was retrieving all the dead man's funds from Switzerland to Marty's account in Delaware, USA. From tax haven to tax haven, no trace, no suspicion. Linden had had a hard time finding the account to debit, he had to go through half of the Grey Listing countries or states to find what he was looking for, but fortunately, MacKenzie hadn't been really imaginative, and had chosen one of the most known countries for that purpose. Still it had taken long before being able to locate the bank, then hack into the account.

Taka on the other hand had left just after leaving Mihael and Vern to the hospital. What he had to do was the reason why Marty was worried.

The japanese man met his group of men halfway to the place they had to go. He hadn't told Mihael about that part of the plans since it was a dangerous part and that Mihael had already a lot to focus on at the hospital.  
The three cars parked a few hundred feet away from their destination, for security reasons. The men walked quickly to the place and located the guards immediately.  
A few kicks and punches later, and the guards were out. Two of the men tied them so they wouldn't cause problems if they woke up, they couldn't shoot them, they had to spare their munitions. The main problem had been that the plan was being carried out too quickly for good organisation, and Taka and the men had to do with the munitions available in the Mafia hideout only, which were numerous, but divided by the number of men needed for this action, they had to be careful not to use them uselessly.

Taka entered in the building first, soon followed by his men. They climbed the stairs carefully until they heard voices. With a kick, Taka forced the door, and shot. Hopefully, the silencer would not alert people in other rooms and they could progress in the house.  
They had almost cleaned the place, room after room. But once they stopped in what they thought to be the last room, as the men were stating it, Taka heard it. A click.

He had been trying to tell them to shut up once they had shot the four men in the room they were in, he had a feeling that they weren't done. But the men had began to chat loudly, happy to go out of here and back to the hideout.  
He didn't have the time to stop them, but as soon as he heard the threatening sound of a security being pulled off of an automatic revolver, he shot, realising too late he was out of munitions. He turned to his men to ask for another charger since he had used all the ones he had on him, being the first to enter rooms and the main shooter, but suddenly the searing pain in his left side made it completely impossible for him to utter a single word.  
It took several seconds for his men to realise why the japanese man had suddenly frozen in place. They only understood when he brought his right hand to his left side and that blood began to flood between his fingers.

Taka braced himself, took the gun from the hands of one of his men and shot in the direction of the click. A scream of pain resounded, followed by a thud. All the men rushed to where the sounds came from, to find a dead corpse on the wooden floor.  
But another thud came from behind as Taka hit the floor.  
Fortunately, one of the men had the lucidity to send the others for a round in the whole place to make sure there was no one left, while he checked on Taka.  
Once he had confirmation that the place was cleared, and even the tied guards shot, he helped the injured man downstairs and into one of the cars.

The three Mercedes drove as fast as they could, careful of the speed limits, to the Mafia hideout. It wasn't the time to get arrested, with a man bleeding from a gunshot on the backseat and a stash of guns in the trunks.

Marty felt his heart skip a beat as he saw Taka enter the hideout with the support of one of his men.  
He quickly called Linden, made his men install Taka in the room Mihael had occupied while he was recovering from the fire, and had someone get blood pouches through the connections the Mafia had with the nearest hospital.

Taka's breath was erratic. He could feel the pain with each rise of his chest. Linden reassured everyone when he stated that no organ had been touched, but the japanese man had lost a lot of blood, and even with his exceptional strength, he could feel himself go dizzy as seconds passed.  
Taka refused the anaesthesia. Marty couldn't help but smile at the stubbornness of his old friend.

He had known the man since his stay in Japan, seventeen years ago, when Taka was just eighteen. After a confrontation with the japanese Mafia, Daniel Keehl's father, Mihael's grandfather, had killed Taka's uncle. Since it had been a fight for honor over a matter of money, there had been no repercussions on the later relationships between the Yakuzas and the californian Mafia, but it had led Daniel's father to present his condolences to the widow, as required by the code of honor in such cases, and that's how he discovered the wife was long dead and buried, and that a teenager was under the protection of the man he had killed.  
But what he didn't expect was to find said teenager in a special underground school, forced to endure a torture and infiltration training, on edge and with a deep hate for his family and inheritance. He managed to get Taka out of this school, and when him and Marty went back to the US, Taka came along.  
Taka revealed himself eager to learn, useful due to his training which consisted in a heavy workout, a resistance to pain through seances of torture, mastering various weapons and such, and particularly loyal due to the way he had been raised. He became a valuable help to Marty, and his bodyguard skills had led him to protect Mail and Mihael later.

The fact Taka was used to torture made him pretty resistant to the pain, and Marty knew it was useless to try to convince the man to get an anaesthesia injection from Linden.  
Taka gritted his teeth as Linden began to rummage in his flesh in search of the bullet. Hopefully, he quickly found it, and sutured the wound. He managed to inject at least some antibiotics to Taka, and they let him rest once it was over, waiting for the blood pouches to arrive.

Linden got back to his hacking after making sure Taka was ok, leaving the man laid on the bed but fighting not to doze off because of the weakness his body was slipping into, due to the blood loss. Marty shook his head at the sight of Taka and his stubbornness, but smiled, relieved that he was almost fine. He made a call to know if the blood pouches were on their way.

Mihael called again. Marty omitted to tell him what just happened, preferring to reassure him about Linden's hacking which had succeeded. They now had the funds the plan was requiring.

The blood pouches arrived and Linden installed the transfusing apparel, connecting it with Taka's arm. Even if Taka was overly strong, and had stated he didn't need that, Marty had been intransigent. He could see that his friend was fighting to stay awake, as pale as the sheets and struggling to keep his head up, and it was even more scary since he had never seen him like this.

But that incident made it impossible for the japanese man to carry out the third part of the plan. MacKenzie's men in England had been gotten rid of, his hideout in California was in deep cleaning too by Marty's men that were in the US, the funds had been retrieved, but Taka was unable to head for the hospital for the remaining part.  
Marty decided he would attend to it himself.  
It would only be a matter of hours to get the money physically, in well-sorted brand new bills.

It was four in the afternoon when the money was finally available. Marty secured the bundles of bills in a black suitcase, laughing mentally at the cliché, and left the hideout after checking on Taka, who was sleeping. Linden would make sure he was fine, staying at his bedside.  
Surrounded by four of his henchmen, Marty drove to the hospital.  
He called Mihael as soon as the Mercedes parked in front of the asylum.

Mihael slid his cellphone back in his pocket, and nodded to Vern. The blond headed for the hospital's entrance, and Vern took the direction of the director's office. The tall black man could feel his heartbeat increase in speed, and his hands become sweaty. Mihael, on the other hand, was feeling bouncy even if he was anxious about the success of the plan.  
He welcomed Marty but soon noticed that Taka wasn't there.  
"Don't worry, Mihael, he's ok. I'll explain to you later, but he's fine, he's at the hideout and you'll see him tonight. Now let's get over with it." Marty gestured to the black suitcase.  
"How much?" the teenager asked.  
"Five millions." Marty replied, and Mihael almost choked.  
The blond's phone beeped as Vern's text message stating everything was ok arrived.

Marty and Mihael got glares and surprised stares as they crossed the hospital, encircled by four bodybuilt men, to reach the director's office, where Vern was already waiting, after requiring an audience with the director.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Note:** Sorry, no update yesterday, I was busy all day and too tired to write in the evening. But I guess this chapter will be satisfying, happy events!  
Thank you to all the ones that pointed mistakes to me! I'll do my best to correct them but I won't say it won't happen again *lol*  
I know there is a lot about Taka in the latest chapters, but it's necessary for the plot in future chapters, it will be obvious to you later though! It's not just a "let's develop an OC I like just for the fun of it" thing, I really need you to know these parts of his background so you can relate with the next events with Mail ^^_

* * *

**January 18****th****, 2007 part 3 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Taka sighed. He hated the way he felt. He had woken up a few minutes ago after a half hour sleep, remembered about the transfusion in his arm, sat against the pillow, and couldn't help but thinking about the memories crawling back to his mind as he was slowly recovering.  
Years ago, in Japan, in that special school he had been forced to attend to, when torture was another class, just like maths, english or mastering weapons, and the so-called teachers, that he had assimilated at that time more like sadists than professors, were giving grades according to the time you needed to recover, and the more you improved, the more they rose in violence. Cuts, hits, kicks, whips, burns, blood loss, broken bones and pain were just data, and recovering was an exam. They didn't care if you broke mentally, that just meant you weren't good enough.  
Taka had been good enough, and it only meant one thing: he had seen his mates break, cry, commit suicide or die from their wounds. The more he held onto himself, the more he saw.  
That didn't mean he didn't feel the mental pain, but, blame his nature, he wasn't one to give up. Keeping going even when they took everything you had in your guts, finding strength where you'd never thought you'd have some left, and move on.

When Mihael's grandfather had taken him away from that pain, he had been grateful. Because he had known from his arrival in that school that his mind and heart would never let him down, that he would endure the whole thing forever, just because he was like this. And he had, for the first time of his life, wished to be weaker. It had nothing to do with his education, his culture or his pride. He was just a worker, someone who always got to the end of things, no matter what they were. And he had wished he would just die easily, by blood loss or whatever they put him through, just die and stop this pain, because he preferred to end like this than to live a whole life of hurt and to have to brace himself everyday for what was waiting for him.  
Because he had dreams he would never realise. And what was worse than not getting to the end of things, even the ones he hated, was to be unable to even start the ones that were dear to him. And once you were out of this school, that meant you were strong enough according to their criteria, and then you'd be hired by whatever criminal that had enough money to get you, and enough enemies to need you.

Taka didn't care for the illegal side of things, legal ones weren't always good, so it didn't matter to him to be hired by the japanese Mafia, which was what most likely was waiting for him considering his family. Or better said blood relationships, because his uncle was no family to him. As far as he could remember, his uncle had been violent to his wife, and she died by his hand, one night when she cried because he cheated on her, and once she wasn't there anymore, he had transferred the violence on his nephew, his burden since the day his brother and wife had died, killed by a gang.  
Taka's memories couldn't go further than when he was four, and so he had the impression he'd always been tortured. And he had taken it, mouth closed, teeth clenched and fists balled, at four... and at six, he was sent to that school.  
Because he had taken it like a man, at four...  
Yeah, blame his nature... sometimes he wondered what it would have been like to be weak, where he would be now, what kind of life he would have, supposing he was still alive.

And regrets flew away. Because he was right where he wanted to be. Yes, his actual family wasn't the typical one, Mihael's grandfather had been his father figure, Marty was more of an elder brother, and he even had those two kids he could consider his.  
He smiled and put the bad thoughts aside. Whatever his past had looked like, he wouldn't change a thing to it.

Linden reappeared in the bedroom with a coffee mug.  
"Oh, you're awake!" the doctor exclaimed, "I will remove the transfusion, how do you feel?"  
"Not that bad, just a bit dizzy." Taka replied, "By the way, what time is it?"  
"It's half past four, you didn't sleep that much, but don't worry, Marty took your place for the plan, everything's ok, we got the money and they're on their way, they will call us later to tell us how things are going." Linden reassured the japanese man.  
"The only thing left we can do is cross our fingers, I guess..." Taka sighed.  
"Yeah, I hope they can make it..." the doctor added, unplugging the blood pouch and putting everything away.  
Taka got out of bed and went back into Marty's office, sat on the couch as Linden brought him some coffee. The wait would begin, cell phones ready on the low table in front of them.

The door of the office opened, and the director opened wide eyes when she saw Mihael, Marty, but most of all the four henchmen wide as cupboards enter.  
"Hello Miss." Marty greeted the woman.  
She gestured toward the seats facing her desk, herself almost falling in her armchair, quite shocked and afraid.  
"Hello, Mister...?" she replied, her voice unsteady.  
"Fields. Marty Fields." the man introduced himself, "I won't beat around the bush, Miss. I have required an audience because you have something I want, and I hope we can make an arrangement so everyone is happy with the trade."  
"A trade? Who are you exactly, and what do you want from me? I'm sorry but this situation doesn't please me at all, and I won't hesitate to call the police. I have accepted this audience because Vern told me that inspectors were here." she explained, turning to Vern, "Vern I can't believe you tricked me, it's so not like you!"

Marty sighed. The hight pitched voice of the director was already getting on his nerves, and he couldn't help but mentally compare her to that old ugly woman that's in charge of the Miss France election, Genevieve de Fontenay. Minus the hat, the woman facing him was the exact portrait of the old french hag.  
He waited for the woman to stop her rant, and went on.  
"Listen, things can be quick, it's up to you. I am here for Mail Jeevas, known in your special service as Matthew Jones. He was placed here by L."  
"Oh, I see, and you expect me to listen to you when I'm still waiting for Mister L to reply to the many reminders I have sent to him concerning his bills here?! He owes the hospital a huge amount of money, and he has been playing dead for two weeks now, so I'm really not in the mood for whatever you came here for!" the director raised her voice once again, standing up and resting her hands on her desk, bending toward Marty with her eyes reduced to menacing slits.  
"Well, the reason he has been playing dead is because he is effectively dead, Miss." Marty couldn't refrain a smirk, "He has placed Mail here under false data, not only the name, but the crime accusations. Mihael here, that you know as John Aaron, has infiltrated your services to find him. And Vern has been human enough to help us, although he had nothing to do with that story in the beginning.  
This is about family and a person we love, Miss, nothing else. We want Mail back, free from everything and with the assurance you will destroy all the data you have about him, like he was never here. You don't need to know who I am and where we come from. Just know that we will erase L's bills along with a compensation. What is the amount L owes you?" Marty went straight to the point.  
"Give me a minute." the director walked toward a huge mahogany drawer and stirred a folder out of it.  
Sitting back at her desk, she opened the strong paper folder and began to read through the files.  
"Here it is. Since I didn't question Matthew's arrival and accepted it to L's conditions, there was already a compensation I should have received, along with the usual cost of Matthew's stay here. The total amount is as today of 12 000£, 10 000£ being my... personal compensation, you understand..." the old woman explained, averting her eyes from Marty's gaze on the last words.  
_Good, _Marty thought,_ very good, the woman seems ripe for the trade, greedy enough for the plan to work..._

Depositing the black suitcase on the desk and opening it, making sure the open side was face to the director, Marty stood up.  
"Here are five million pounds. I do believe this is enough to cover the bills and your... personal compensation." he said, deliberately teasing her. He disliked greedy people, but for once, he was ready to appreciate her, if it meant the plan would succeed. It was the simplest one, but the most effective in most of the situations.

The woman fell back in her armchair at the sight of the neatly placed bundles.  
"Is that... legal money? I mean, can it be used without being traced?" she asked. Mihael looked at her sparkling eyes, disgusted by the dilated pupils that almost shone like jackpots machines in a Las Vegas casino. Vern and him exchanged a silent look, both anxious, waiting for a clear reply from the director.  
"Yes, perfectly safe." Marty replied, sitting back and crossing his legs.

She went back to the drawer and pulled out another folder. Then she opened her laptop, and a few minutes passed while she typed on the keyboard. She then turned the screen for Marty to see.  
"Here is all the data I have on Matthew. I'm deleting it under your eyes." she said, and a few clicks later, the virtual folder was erased, and the trash folder emptied, "Here are all the paper files I have, they are yours, we have no copy of it. Since I knew things were not quite legal when L contacted me to place Matthew here, I followed the procedure I always follow in such cases, and I am the only one in possession of the data of our patients placed here under special conditions."  
Marty could very well understand what these special conditions were: false data, false names, patients that had to be put under heavy medications to avoid any problem, and maximum security around them. And most of all: no questions.

"Now, I have something else I'd like to take care of." Marty turned to Vern, "Vern, I know you like your job here, but I have a proposition for you: I already have a doctor among my men, but Mail will require care from someone whom he is used to, and you are the only person that he accepts around him now, so I would like you to work for me. Of course, once Mail has fully recovered, you would still be working for me, this is a lifetime proposition. I offer you three times the salary you're earning here, along with a house to your convenience and whatever you would consider necessary for this proposition to be accepted by you. I'm allowing myself to make this offer to you in front of your director since I'm assuming that your favorable answer would lead to another deal to free you from any obligation here. But know that I will do whatever is in my power to convince you, since we owe you a lot already. And Mihael will relay me to try to convince you, if I fail, and believe me, you don't want him to try. And some others would appreciate your presence in our headquarters as well, you know..." Marty laughed as Mihael scowled at him, but grinned at Vern sheepishly.

Vern's eyes were going from Marty to Mihael to the director. Marty didn't name Taka, but Vern could guess he was talking about him when he said 'some others'. It was true that Taka and him had had long and friendly talks, and he could feel that they could become really great friends. And the kids... He didn't really know Mail considering the state he was in, but he looked like a sweet kid, and Mihael, although temperamental, was a good kid too.  
Marty seemed to him a good man too, and that Linden had been really friendly as well.  
But taking a decision so fast? He couldn't... that was just not like him to hurry without thinking... What should he do?

Vern felt that the decision had to be made now, and for once, he would do something for himself. Enough of being alone, and after all, this offer was leading to taking care of someone in need, right? That was what he wanted to do, and it didn't make a difference if it was here in this hospital or somewhere else.  
And truth was, he couldn't imagine not knowing if everything would be ok for Mail, and never knowing who he really was.

"Yes. I accept. Miss Gray, I quit." the tall black man simply said.


	30. Chapter 30

_**Note:** Sorryyyyyyyyyyy!!! I kept you waiting, but I should be going back to the daily updates, or at least every two days. I was overly busy and had some health issues that kept me away from writing...  
I hope you like the events in this chapter!  
Cathleen: I happen to have quite a lot of time, from time to time, because I'm a freelance web designer/web programmer so I make my own schedule!_

* * *

**January 18****th****, 2007 part 4 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Linden picked up the phone as it rang. He answered briefly, but Taka could tell by the smile on his face that everything went well.  
"Taka, I'm afraid you have to leave your place, Mail is going to need the nursing room." Linden said teasingly to the japanese man, who was grinning of joy.  
Linden stood up.  
"I will prepare the room, they're going to be there soon."

Mihael, Vern, Marty and the four men left the director's office. Mihael and Vern headed for Mail's room while Marty and the men went back to the cars. Although Marty was impatient to see Mail, he had preferred to wait outside not to disturb Mail. No one knew how he would react to his departure from the hospital, let alone being surrounded by many people.

Vern began to gather Mail's belongings, but Mihael stopped him.  
"You can leave them here, I don't want him to wear these hospital clothes anymore..."  
Vern nodded, and made a quick visit to the medication stock to pick the necessary dosages for the next days, even if Marty had assured he could get lithium and the rest very easily, the tall black man was far-sighted, as usual. He only took the minimum amount of chemicals required for a safe withdrawal, at least Mail wouldn't suffer a brutal stop, even if they could decide anytime, according to what Linden would recommend, to lengthen the withdrawal procedure. It would depend on Mail's reaction to the diminishing of the injections.

Finally, they were out of the room, with only a few things they didn't leave behind: Mail's goggles, a toothbrush and the pillow, so the redhead would still have the smell of a familiar place.  
Mihael was awfully anxious, as they crossed the corridor. His lover didn't seem to react to Vern pushing him softly before him, as he tiptoed obediently, but would he accept to get in the car? To sleep in a new bed? And most of all, how would himself react, and what should he do if such an eventuality happened?

Vern understood his fears, seeing as the blond's eyes were full of worry.  
"It's going to be ok Mihael, I'll be there, and we have tranquillizers in case he reacts too violently. Everything's ok, don't worry."

Marty stiffened as he saw them exit the hospital and come to him. He felt his heart increase in speed as he recognized the tuft of red hair, and studied Mail from head to toes as they approached. It was so strange to have to process that the six years old kid had become a teenager, even if the red hair, the blue eyes, and the frail frame were still there. Taka had been right, these kids had grown beautiful. But they were really beautiful children, so it wasn't that much of a surprise. Still, he couldn't take his eyes off of Mail.  
Not so long ago he was still thinking he would never see those two again, and now they were here with him, and he finally felt like he had a family.

Just like Mihael, he had to refrain from hugging the kid, and it added to his pain of seeing Mail in that state. He turned around and quickly erased the wetness in his eyes before the tears fell, as he headed for the car's door to open it. Vern pushed Mail forward gently.  
"Sit in the car Mail, you're going home." he said softly.  
Mail didn't move, standing in front of the entrance to the backseat.  
"Mail, don't be afraid, we are all coming with you, no one will harm you or touch you, and I will be here too." the black man added, trying to push Mail forward again.  
But the redhead stiffened and resisted, and Vern immediately stopped.  
Mihael looked at Vern with pleading eyes, suddenly afraid that they couldn't take Mail away from this place.

"Mihael, get on the passenger's seat, I'll sit on the backseat." Vern instructed.  
The blond obeyed, and once he slammed his door closed, Vern took place in the Mercedes, and, as slowly and gently as he could, he pulled Mail's arm. The redhead followed without resistance, and sat next to him.  
"Just as I thought." Vern whispered, "He's just afraid that I leave him, actually I'm the only one he trusts now..." he explained, but seeing the hurt in Mihael's eyes, he added: "But don't worry, he will trust you with time again, he just doesn't recognize you, it's nothing against you."

Marty sat on the driver's seat, the four men taking the other car, and they finally headed for the Mafia hideout.  
Mail spend half of the trip looking at the back of the seat in front of him, but Vern quickly noticed that the redhead's eyes had slid to another sight: the blond locks falling on each sides of the passenger's seat, the blue orbs following the soft sway the movements of the car gave to the strands of hair.  
Mihael would be happy to know that, but Vern decided he would tell him later, it always seemed strange to him to talk about Mail to other people, just life if the teenager wasn't there. Being in that state didn't mean he didn't deserve basic respect.

Mail got out of the car without any problem, still following his nurse. They climbed the stairs up to the common room, and Vern showed Mail his new bedroom which door was giving on the common room.  
Once they would be back in LA, Mail would have a real room again, but they had decided it was safer to wait an improvement in Mail's state before he took a plane, because it would be too risky if something happened while they were thousands of feet above the ground.

Mail stood in front of the bed. He seemed to realize that he was in a new bedroom, and to be trying to process the information, but except that, he didn't show any discomfort.  
Vern had explained that the dosage was now low enough to let him be aware of his surroundings, although his memory may not be functioning properly yet. He could, this way, slowly integrate the presence of new persons (he wasn't able to recognize people yet except Vern whom he was used to), but it could also make him violent in case what he saw was a source of discomfort for him.  
For now, he seemed to be accepting things pretty well, but you never know with such patients, so Vern stayed on his guards.

Everyone was in the common room, eager to look at him, see him, scrutinize his every move. Except Linden, everyone had known Mihael and Mail when they were little, even the four henchmen present that day, and it was weird to all of them to witness such a situation, and such a change.  
Mihael was in the bedroom with Mail, standing a few feet away from him. Marty and Vern had known from the beginning that once Mail would be in the hideout, the blond would never let him alone and leave his side. Taka seemed to take the same path, as he walked inside the bedroom and stood next to Mihael, encircling the blond's shoulders with his strong arm.  
"Happy now?" the japanese man asked, smiling.  
"Relieved... but quite scared at the same time." Mihael confessed, smiling back. Yes, somehow he was happy, although seeing his boyfriend like this was crushing his heart. But he knew that Taka and probably everyone here were feeling the same.

Mail turned around and reached the window. He watched a few seconds, his eyes wandering from left to right, and suddenly, he took a step backward and began to shake.  
Vern was next to him in two seconds.  
"Hey Mail, something's wrong?" he said in a joyful tone, trying to calm the teenager down.  
Mail looked by the window again, and turned to Vern, his eyes wider than their lately usual half lidded state, his expression alarmed.  
"You don't like the sight, do you?" the tall black man asked to the teenager.  
Again, Mail looked by the window and turned to the nurse again, his eyes still wide and scared. He opened his mouth like he was about to talk, and fell on his knees, shaking and holding himself, slightly rocking back and forth.

Mihael rushed to him but Taka stopped him as Vern shook his head in disapproval.  
"I know how you feel Mihael, but don't touch him, it would only make things worse. He doesn't recognise the sight by the window, and he's disturbed by this change. For now, I won't give him a tranquillizer, there's always a chance he calms down after some time and doesn't care anymore for the change, his mind may process this new information and accept it, so we have to wait, because I'd like to minimize the use of tranquillizers as much as possible. The interaction with lithium has sides effects like nausea and aches, and sometimes vertigo and memory loss, and he's already served with this."

While Vern was explaining this to the two, Mail had stopped shaking, but he was still rocking back and forth. He finally calmed down and stood up, and sat on the bed, looking down.  
Suddenly, he began to hum to himself, so low that everyone became quiet to hear him.  
"That's what he always sings when he's disturbed, it seems to be something soothing to him." Vern stated.  
Mihael and Taka looked at each other, surprised.  
"That's the lullaby you used to sing to us when we were young..." Mihael said as Taka hugged him.  
"Tsuki..." the japanese man whispered as tears flooded his eyes.

Vern left, followed by Taka. Mihael had requested to stay alone with Mail a few moments.

Taka sat with difficulty on the couch, his wound causing him a great amount of pain each time he sat or stood up.  
"He kind of remembers you..." Vern stated, looking at the japanese man beside him.  
"It's so strange to tell myself that a song I sang to him so long ago is what calms him now... I feel better, to tell the truth, he's like my own flesh and it's killing me because I can do nothing to change things, I can't help him and I can't even hold him in my arms..." Taka shook his head in despair.  
"I know Taka, but time will come, he reacts pretty well for now so we can hope for the best." Vern reassured him.

Mihael sat on the bed, beside Mail, careful to leave a few inches between them.  
Then he began to sing, softly, in rhythm with the humming of his boyfriend.  
_Deta deta tsuki ga, marui marui manmarui, bon no you na tsuki ga, kakureta kumo ni, kuroi kuroi makkuroi, sumi no you na kumo ni, mata deta tsuki ga, marui marui manmarui, bon no you na tsuki ga...  
_The redhead stopped at the end of the lyrics, and rose his head. He stood up and headed for the window once again.  
There, he watched outside, but didn't react anymore, his gaze focused on a distant point.

The blond followed him a few seconds later, and stood beside him in silence, his eyes drinking Mail's features. The less he could touch him, the more he needed to look at him, it was like a hunger he couldn't satisfy.  
Suddenly Mail turned and faced him. His gaze wasn't really on Mihael, more on a point over his shoulder, lost in space.  
They stayed like this a long time, probably twenty minutes, Mihael silently praying for Mail to do something more. But the redhead didn't move, keeping the same stance all along.

Mihael motioned to turn around as he felt the need to go to the bathroom. He had waited as much as he could, hoping that Mail would come closer or anything else, but he had drank so much coffee that he couldn't stand it any longer. He would be quick, and Mail probably wouldn't move so he could come back and face him again.

But he stopped cold as he saw Mail's hand raise and his fingers grab his rosary. He stared, unbelieving what he saw, mouth hanging open and heart hammering in his chest.  
The fingers tightened their grip around the small golden cross hanging to his neck, lightly tugging on the chain.  
Mihael came back in his previous position, and the tugging stopped. He felt like he would explode of joy. Was Mail asking him to stay?  
"Mail, I won't leave you, I promise, I'll be right back." the blond said, feeling his bladder start to ache. He wanted so much to stay right there, but he really needed to go to the bathroom. Why did his bladder decide to be so fucking annoying NOW?  
He hesitated a few seconds, then decided to use the small bedroom's bathroom. But as he motioned forward, the tugging came back. He made one more step, and suddenly Mail followed like a dog on a leash.  
One more step for Mihael, one more step for Mail.  
Slowly, they reached the bathroom, Mihael grinning so wide his cheeks hurt.  
"I guess I have to take a piss in front of you..." he chuckled.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Note:** Finally! I had a hard time finishing this one, too busy! I'll try to keep my promise of at least a chapter every two days from now on, but don't be mad at me if I don't! To reply to Cathleen, I ended up as a webprogrammer/webdesigner because I liked doing stuff with computers, I teached myself some programming languages like php and so on, got hired for that job in several companies (like Lush!) and finally i'm doing it on my own, I'm my own boss, but I ended up feeling bored by that job and the lack of financial security (bills to pay, blaaah) so I'm now looking for another job and that's why I'm so busy! Sorry for the rant about me, but I can't reply personally to unsigned users!  
Ok, I think you'll like the end of this chapter!_

* * *

**January 18****th****, 2007 part 5 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael washed his hands in the sink beside the toilets and motioned to go back in the bedroom, assuming Mail would follow, but the redhead stood there, without moving, his hand still gripping the rosary.  
"Mail?" Mihael uttered his name softly, "Mail, come on."  
Mail let the cross go and walked back into the bedroom, taking back his place in front of the window.  
Mihael almost cried. It was over so fast, this little moment of joy and hope seemed like it never happened, as he looked at his boyfriend on the other side of the room, gazing in space like if his mind had shut off in one instant.

He braced himself and joined Mail in front of the window. He felt lost. How should he react? Sometimes, he wished he could just shake Mail and wake him up, get his mind back where it belongs, and at last, have the one he loves in front of him, aware and smiling. Oh, Mail's smile, how he missed it!  
Mihael smiled to himself at the thought of the redhead grinning, his lips curved in that beautiful expression that radiated love each time he looked at him.  
"Smile soon Mail, I miss you, you know..." he whispered.

Vern came back in the room a while later for the evening injection.  
"I decreased the dose again, and we'll keep with that dosage for a few days. But I have to warn you, with this dosage, he will be in the most difficult part of the withdrawal. It's enough to avoid him bad effects like aches, insomnia or hands trembling, but he may begin with the hallucinations or hysteria crisis. Be aware that it's pretty spectacular, and that if it happens, you have to make sure he doesn't hurt himself, and call me immediately, ok?"  
"Ok..." Mihael nodded, a bit anxious for the events to come.  
"Now I suggest you go to bed, everyone's doing the same, the day's been long, and we're going to take shifts tomorrow, I'll be first but Marty wants to discuss many things with me tomorrow since I'll be working for him, so you'll be in charge of Mail from noon to the evening, is that ok?" the tall black man explained.  
"No problem, I will be here earlier anyway." the blond stated, knowing he wouldn't wait until noon to see Mail. He waited for Vern to inject the lithium to Mail, and they left the bedroom together once Mail was tucked in bed.  
Linden would stay in the common room nearby for the night, he had insisted to be the one to take the night shift since he was the only one who wasn't as much involved with Mail as the others were, and he felt useful to leave them be awake all together without splitting with night shifts.  
And as he and Vern were the most formed in that kind of medical care, it was just common sense for them to take turns in watching Mail.

**January 19****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mail had slept long and only began to wake up around 1pm as Mihael was eating a chocolate bar, sat in an armchair in the corner of the bedroom. He turned his head, and watched the blond as he swallowed the last chunk of his sweets.  
Mihael felt frozen in place as his eyes met Mail's. They were... alive.  
The redhead didn't move at all, still laid under the sheets and staring at him, but despite his blank face, his eyes were showing something. Mihael couldn't put immediately a finger on it, but he didn't care at the moment, he felt hypnotized, seeing life in those beautiful blue orbs reminded him how he had craved to see that again, and how good it felt. He was afraid to put his hopes high again, or to move, risking to ruin the moment.

So he stared back, diving in this expression he finally recognized: questioning. And he felt his heart wring painfully.  
Mail was obviously not recognizing him, and his gaze only said 'who are you?'  
Tears began to roll on his cheeks as he tried to convince himself that although his boyfriend didn't even know who he was, he was clearly starting to wake up from his numb state, and progressing. And the sudden fear of the memory loss stabbed him in the stomach. What if Mail never remembered him?

He broke into sobs, his head falling in his hands, on his knees. He cried for long minutes. It was heartbreaking, tiring, mind wrecking, how was he supposed to go on if Mail was never able to be the same again? Of course, he would stay with his lover until death, but without his touch, without his arms around him, without his loving gaze and words, his smile, his laughter, what was left?

A hand brushed his hair. His head shot up, and he saw Mail jump back, his eyes wide with fear.  
"Oh no, no, Mail, I didn't want to scare you, please, don't be afraid!" Mihael pleaded. Mail was starting to shake, standing in front of him.  
_Why did I have to move so violently? _Mihael told himself, knowing he had made a huge mistake. He looked at Mail who was beginning to twist his hands together, obviously anxious, and gazing at him his eyes still as wide as plates. What to do now?

He stood up from his seat after a few minutes of thinking, and, a few inches away from Mail, just enough so he wouldn't touch him, but close enough to feel his breath and warmness, he began to sing Taka's lullaby. And suddenly, Mail relaxed, his arms falling on his sides, and the shaking stopped. He looked at Mihael again, and the blond could see that his lover was examining each of his features.  
He sang again and again, repeating the soothing words, as if saying that all would be ok. He finally had a power on Mail's state, and had pierced a hole in his shell, at last. And the more he sang, the more Mail's head approached his, until they were forehead against forehead.

Mihael stopped singing, surprised. The touch wasn't the one he wanted the most, since he'd rather hold Mail close, but feeling his skin and soft hair against his was already so much, and he didn't want to lose that now, so he stayed still and tried to look at his boyfriend through his bangs. Mail's eyes were closed.

The redhead shifted his weight from one foot to another after a few minutes, and lost his balance.  
Mihael caught him before he fell in a natural reaction, and he immediately knew that it was a wrong move. Mail stiffened, struggled and fell on his knees, shaking, and began to mumble. But the sound of his voice increased until he was almost screaming, tugging on his hair and scratching his own skin until it bled, rocking back and forth.

Vern arrived a few seconds after the screaming began, followed by Taka and Marty.  
"I just prevented him from falling! I didn't want this!" Mihael cried as Vern hurried to the panicking redhead on the floor.  
"That's not your fault Mihael, that's not your fault." Vern reassured him, knowing it was just an accident. Mihael would never be as stupid as to voluntarily touch Mail, knowing of the consequences.  
"I will have to inject him a tranquillizer, I don't have a choice, he won't stop hurting himself otherwise." the nurse stated, leaving the room to pick the necessary for the injection.  
Mihael's eyes opened wide, he didn't want Mail to get this injection, not after what Vern had told him it would do to his lover. Now that there was a small hope, it could break the small bond he had made with Mail, he couldn't accept that.

Mihael knelt next to Mail, Taka and Marty still looking at the scene in the doorframe, helpless. He began to sing the lullaby again, trying to connect with the one he loved, trying to soothe the irrational fear, trying to make the words as powerful as the embrace he couldn't give, to pull the redhead off of his own world of unreal threats.  
Taka recognized the song, and stared at the two on the floor, as Mail stopped scratching his skin and his whole body went limp. He felt his eyes sting at the realisation that it worked.

Vern came back with the injection, and stopped in the doorframe next to the two other men, his mouth hanging open.  
"Mihael, you're a genius!" he smiled, relieved that he didn't have to inject the tranquillizer, as a feeling of great happiness filled him. That was a huge step forward, and even if the others didn't realise how huge it was, he knew it. During all these years of taking care of similar cases, he had gotten the experience that creating a bond at this stage and being able to stop the crisis that came along with the withdrawal was something almost impossible. The only time he had witnessed that was between twin brothers.

Later, as Mail had gotten out of his crisis completely, stood up, eaten and went back to his window view stare while Mihael sat in the corner of the bedroom again, Vern was having some coffee with Marty and Taka. Linden joined them as he woke up from a well-deserved sleep after his night shift, and the conversation took a medical turn.  
Vern explained what had happened, and shared his experience with the twins that he was reminded a little earlier.  
"That's not really surprising, these two are like twins after all." Marty stated.  
"That's true, they grew up together since they were five, they went to the same school, always did everything together, I always thought they were like brothers, but twins is really what suits them best." Taka added, sipping his coffee.  
And Vern realised that the two men, and probably Linden as well since he hadn't known the kids until a few days ago, didn't know about the relationship between Mail and Mihael. The blond had told him, but it was obvious he hadn't brought the topic with them. He wouldn't be the one to give it away, though.  
No, Mihael hadn't done that on purpose, after all, the events probably never brought the topic up, everything had been pretty busy and complicated, and the teenager didn't seem to hide his feelings, although the fact that Mail wasn't able to respond made the relationship less than obvious.  
_Ah, it's Mihael and Mail's business after all, they'll judge themselves when it will be time to tell their family about that..._ the tall black man thought, as Mihael appeared in the doorframe separating the common room and the nursing bedroom to pick a cup of coffee.

**January 20****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_The shifts were pretty much the same that day, and Mail seemed to be back in a numb state, he woke up, ate his breakfast, showered, sat on his bed, ate lunch, stared by the window, ate dinner, and went to bed after the evening injection.  
Vern had explained to Mihael that it was normal, since the dosage was enough to numb the redhead, but lower than the previous one, so Mail's body would start to fight against it to regain consciousness from time to time. So there would be days of calm like this, and days like the day before, with Mail's mind trying to focus. It would fluctuate a lot until the next dosage decrease.

**January 21****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mail woke up in a jerk. There were shadows all around swaying in the dark, and he felt scared. He had felt like dead during the two previous days. Once he was realising there were people around him, he just felt so sleepy he couldn't focus, and then it was the same again, but he could feel that these blackouts lasted long, for the morning light of his previous half conscious state had made place to a night darkness. Like being on the verge of dying and seeing the living in a daze from above, then being pulled back to the other side.  
His arms felt itchy, and the skin wasn't smooth under his fingers as he touched them. Cuts?  
His whole body felt heavy, as he laid back in the bed, shutting his eyes strong enough to make the shadows in the room disappear, but he could still see them behind his closed eyelids.  
"Go away..." he whispered, feeling panic pool in his stomach, "leave me alone, please!"


	32. Chapter 32

_**Note:** I know, I'm late! But to make up for the late update, here's a long chapter! I'm visiting my parents 400km away from home but I took one of my laptops with me especially for this fic, can you believe it? Unfortunately, writing in the train made me sick after a while because focusing on the screen while travelling give me nausea... but you don't care, do you? *lol*  
So, directly from the cold east part of France, the land of the three frontiers as it's called here because of the proximity with Germany, Belgium and Luxembourg that are not even 15 miles away, here's chapter 32! And yay for the useless note ahaha!_

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**January 21****th****, 2007 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_The sun rose, bathing the bedroom with a soft light. The heaters were on at full blow, since one of the withdrawal symptoms was a decreased blood circulation, and Vern didn't want Mail to be cold. If it hadn't been winter, you could almost have believed that a summer sun was warming the white room.  
Linden woke up to the sound of a soft whine coming from the bed, and he immediately reached it from the common room, where he was lying on the couch, door open to have an eye or ear on Mail, but he had dozed off in the early hours of the morning, exhausted, despite all the coffee he has swallowed to stay awake.  
Even when he was still working in a hospital, the first days of his night shifts had always been difficult on him.

Mail was gripping the sheets in his balled fists, tears running from his closed eyelids, eyes shut so tight that little wrinkles were showing at their corner. He was crying and mumbling, his body tensed to the point Linden had the impression that he would jump ten miles away if he touched the redhead now.  
"Go away, please... leave me alone, please!" the mumbling became clearer after Linden listened to it a few seconds, "No! Stay away from me!"  
The doctor immediately knew that Mail wasn't talking to him, since the pleading had began earlier. The teenager probably didn't even notice his presence.  
He decided to call Mihael, judging his presence useful since he had created a bond with his friend, not knowing if the crisis would get worse.  
He used his cellphone so he didn't have to leave Mail's bedside. Mihael arrived only two minutes later, wearing a white tee shirt and black sweatpants, that he had obviously been wearing for the night. The blond hadn't even taken time to dress, too worried to bother with something that would delay his presence next to his boyfriend.

Mihael was quickly briefed about the situation. He advised Linden to go tell Vern that he and the tall black man would switch their shifts today, since he was up.  
Linden left the room to find Vern before coming back to check on Mail.  
In the meanwhile, Mail was still mumbling and tugging at the sheets, his eyes obstinately closed.  
Linden came back with a cup of coffee and toasts.  
"I thought you'd like to eat something, I'm putting this here." he said while depositing the tray on a nearby table.  
"Thank you Linden, you can go to sleep, I think it's going to be ok, he's not violent or anything, I can handle it." Mihael replied, picking up the cup.  
"Ok, just call me or Vern if you need someone, we both have our cellphone on next to our bed." the man said before leaving, closing the door behind him.

Mihael quickly swallowed his breakfast before going back to Mail. Since the redhead didn't risk hurting himself, there was no need to be alarmed for now, although he feared that his lover began to react more brutally to the hallucinations he seemed to have now. Vern had explained how spectacular these crisis could be but he hoped he wouldn't have to witness one, let alone see it on a daily basis. He had researched some more information on the internet about the subject, and what he had read wasn't made to reassure him. But maybe Mail would be aware of his surroundings soon, this was to expect along with the hallucinations, one bad effect for one good effect. That was somehow better than the previous states Mail had been in until now.

Mihael had always prayed a lot, but lately he seemed to pray all the time. He had surprised himself numerous times pleading God in his head, each time he got lost in his thoughts, he ended up unconsciously praying, again and again. It was the only comfort he could get , and he couldn't help but think of the moment Mail had clutched to the rosary he used to finger each time he talked to God. He strongly believed that through this action, his boyfriend had probably connected with God too, and that God knew what was happening, and how much him and Mihael had to fight to get out of this mess, all they've already been through, and all that was yet to come, and that he would help them.  
Didn't God already test them enough? Mihael would sometimes question the aim of all this, even if he would repent not long after, because his father had always told him it wasn't good to question God's will, humans just had to accept it as it is, and do their best with it. But could the fact that he and Mail were committing a sin according to the Bible be the reason?  
He had wiped away the thought of seeing this as a sin long ago, when he had confessed his love to the redhead, naked and rid of his rosary, and it dawned on him at this very moment that if God didn't realise that this love was as pure as love can be, and was putting them through all this to open their eyes or worse, separate them, then Mihael would become an atheist right away.  
But he preferred to see this as fate or bad luck, and for now would not deny God. There was no use to it, hope was still alive.

He carefully sat on the border of the bed and began to hum Taka's song, hoping it would appease Mail. But it didn't seem to work, unfortunately. Mail was seeing something behind his closed eyelids and even a lullaby couldn't help him this time, because for him, the hallucinations were real, and he would only be fine once they disappeared.  
Mihael wondered, when he realised that he couldn't calm Mail down this way, once Mail would be aware enough of his surroundings, if he would be able to hug him to reassure him.  
There would be a time when he would have to try anyway. He wouldn't be able to wait much longer. He'd have to talk about that to Vern later, when the man would be awoken, so he could give him an advice.

Suddenly, Mail jerked in a sat position and curled up on himself again, over his knees, still tugging on the sheets.  
"No, leave me alone! I don't want... no!" he yelled, shaking like a frightened bird.  
Mihael was heartbroken to see him like this, but he knew better than to touch him at that moment. Mail would probably assimilate the touch to the hallucinations, and it would only make things worse.

He suddenly remembered that by switching shifts with Vern, he was in charge of the redhead's morning injection. Vern would always do it even in the evening when it was Mihael's turn to be with Mail, but he was himself able to, and as Vern was probably getting some much needed supplementary sleep right now, Mihael headed for the medical supplies storage in the next room once he was sure that Mail wouldn't move from his position, and prepared the syringe as quickly as he could.  
Just as he was hurriedly returning in Mail's room, he met Vern in the corridor.  
"Hey Mihael, I wasn't sure you would do it so I came to check on you." the nurse said, waving his hand in a morning hello.  
"Hi Vern, I thought you would sleep longer, you can still go back to bed if you like, I don't mind doing the injection." the blond replied.  
"I'm not tired anymore, but go ahead with the injection. Call me if you need help, it may be difficult to inject if he's still having hallucinations. I'm going to pick what I need for the daily check up. I'll be right back." Vern added before entering the storage room.  
Mihael headed back for Mail's room at a quick pace and suddenly wondered how he would inject the dosage with Mail all curled up like he was. Having access to the inside of his arm wasn't going to be easy.

He sat back on the bed but his foot slipped and the mattress sinked a bit more under his weight than a little earlier.  
He cursed under his breath as Mail's head suddenly shot up and his boyfriend looked in his direction, his eyes wide and bloody, his lids puffy and red from crying.  
Mihael didn't move anymore, careful not to provoke any more reaction from Mail, but seeing him like this was literally tearing his guts apart, how could he refrain longer to hold his lover when he needed someone to tell him everything was ok, to make him feel safe?  
And was Mail seeing him right now or was he just watching at someone he thought was a stranger?

Mihael held his breath as Mail's hand rose and his cold fingertips lightly brushed against the scar on his face. That's when he realised that he looked different, and why Mail didn't recognize him.  
He had somehow recognized the rosary, and even back in the hospital, when he watched at the cross on the top of the church facing the building, he had obviously associated this symbol to something reassuring for him, but Mail wasn't in a state where he could process the huge change on Mihael's face, the scar was eating half his face and the redhead couldn't probably see who he was, or maybe he could but was doubting because of the scar. This option was the most believable, since they had made a bond. Some aspects of Mihael were known to Mail, but he couldn't understand why some aspects had changed, his mind was still too drugged for that, although not enough not to see the presence of people around him. Or...?

Taka woke up, and was about to stretch when he felt the pain in his side.  
"Damn, I had almost forgotten..." he mumbled before standing and going to the bathroom. He quickly showered and left his bedroom once dressed and his wound covered with fresh ointment and gauze. He crossed the corridor, then the common room to head for the kitchen, for some coffee, and stopped when he saw the door of the nursing room closed. It could only mean that Mihael was inside, since Vern or Linden, or himself, usually had an eye on Mail from the common room. He lit the coffee machine on, and went back in the common room.  
He was about to knock to greet Mihael when Vern appeared with a stethoscope and a blood pressure cuff, and Mail's notebook of statistics.

"Hi Vern!" Taka smiled at his new friend.  
"Hello Taka, how are you doing?" Vern smiled back. He was always surprised by the japanese man's californian accent mixed with a pure japanese way of pronouncing words. Not that he minded, but his ears were so much used to the english accent that it was weird for him to be now surrounded by people talking with a californian one, the only exception being Mihael, who had lost his during all the years he had spent in Winchester.  
"Is Mihael inside?" Taka asked.  
"Yes, we switched shifts, Mail seemed to begin with the hallucinations this morning so Linden called him just in case his presence would calm Mail down." the black man explained.  
Taka's face took a worried expression. He didn't need to talk for Vern to understand. Everything that touched 'his' kids was like a personal hurt to the japanese man.

Vern opened the door of the bedroom, followed by Taka, just as an idea hit Mihael.  
"Do you want me to inject it?" the black man asked, seeing that the blond was still holding the injection. Then he saw Mail's fingers on Mihael's face and stopped cold, looking at the scene, not wanting to disturb the two teenagers.  
Taka did the same, his mouth making a 'o' of surprise as he was about to say hello to Mihael.  
They watched as Mail's fingers traced the totality of Mihael's scarred skin, slowly sliding downward until it reached the hem of the white tee shirt's neck. When Mail's hand touched the fabric, the fingers curled and he withdrew his hand, letting it rest in his lap, as his eyes looked down.  
Then he rose both his hands as his head shot up once more, and traced the scar again, while his other hand traced the unmarred skin on the right side of Mihael's face. He closed his eyes and tilted his head like in deep concentration, and his breath became even, calm, and his tears dried.

Mail looked so peaceful for once, that Mihael was in awe. This beautiful face, rid of worry, fear or anything that had ruined the delicate features of the one he loved was exactly the one he always pictured in his mind when praying and hoping that Mail would recover soon. He knew it was far from being over, but hope had never been stronger than at that moment.  
He held his arm in Vern's direction, and the nurse took the syringe.  
"We're stopping with that." the blond whispered.  
Vern didn't reply, he knew it was no need to argue. Mail would be in complete withdrawal, but he didn't risk anything by stopping now, the decrease of the dosage had been done quite regularly, and although they could have gone on a little more with a less brutal stop, giving up on the drugs now wasn't contraindicated.

The withdrawal symptoms would, of course, be stronger, but they could also be shorter, and Mihael obviously counted on that. Vern could understand the blond's impatience. He had felt exactly the same when he had taken care of his son, there was a moment when he had pleaded the doctors from the institute where his child had been placed in to stop the drugs completely, so he could get his son back faster.  
And now that Mail's body could take such a stop without falling apart, he wouldn't oppose. Both ways were acceptable, and they could always inject him small dosages if the withdrawal symptoms were too hard on him.  
He quickly went to the storage room to empty and throw away the syringe, before going back to the nursing room.

"Is it safe to stop like that?" Taka asked, his voice low not to disturb what was happening.  
"That shouldn't be a problem." Vern whispered back.

The two men kept on watching the scene between the two teenagers from the door frame, wanting to see how far Mail's progress was going, as the redhead's hands didn't leave Mihael's face.  
They crept upward, and stroked the blond strands of hair softly, again and again.  
The contact was driving Mihael crazy, he craved to return the touch, and was fighting to stay still, afraid to ruin the moment. He didn't know if Mail touching him meant that he could touch him back. He would never forgive himself if he tried and made everything that was happening now stop, because feeling Mail's hands on him was intoxicating.  
His heart was beating so fast he could feel it pump in his ears.

Mail's palms left his hair and stopped briefly against his temples before cupping his cheeks gently, resting there.  
Had the redhead felt Mihael's pulse hammering there?  
His head straightened, like if he had stopped questioning himself, and if he hadn't kept his eyes closed tightly, you could have sworn he was looking at Mihael straight in the eyes. The thought made the blond shiver, and he instinctively gripped his rosary, holding the small golden cross with his two hands, not taking his eyes from Mail.

Taka was wide eyed, taking the sight in front of him fully, unbelieving what he was seeing.  
He had never seen the two teenagers interact together, and even if the situation wasn't one that could be called normal, he was amazed by what he saw. It was strange for him, seeing Mail move on his own free will like this. He hadn't seen him do so until now, except for the daily shower, or meals.  
He had had time to get used to have Mihael around again after so long, but with Mail, it was different, he still had to accustom to the fact that he was now a teenager, and that his personality was yet to be discovered.  
He couldn't blame Mihael to want to stop the injections earlier than planned, since he was himself dying to see Mail recover and learn to know the person he had become after all these years.

But what was surprising him the most was the look in Mihael's eyes. He couldn't define it. It was probably brotherly love, tenderness, care and a part of hurt too, but there was something more to it. Something beyond words, something pouring and spreading on his features like a positive aura, making the teenager look different, look even more beautiful than he usually was...  
It was something he had never seen on Mihael's face until now, and for some reason, Taka felt uneasy at the sight. He couldn't tell why, but it was odd, and the more he watched, the more uncomfortable it made him.  
Although Mihael's expression was positively radiating, it was also kind of misplaced to him.  
But the japanese man swept that thought away quickly, because whatever it was, he didn't care as long as Mihael looked happy right now, and as long as Mail seemed to recover.

Mail probably felt the goosebumps on Mihael's face, and his thumbs suddenly began to stroke the cheek beneath, on the part of skin that wasn't scarred, where the nerves still reacted.

And then, Mail smiled...


	33. Chapter 33

_**Note:** Yep, kept you waiting... sorry again! I tried to install Linux on my main laptop, but this stupid thing is not compatible with Linux, so after two days of trials, I had to reinstall the Demon OS aka Windows, bleh.  
Well, technically, I could have Linux working on my main laptop, but I should fix so many incompatibilities that it's a pain in the ass and could bug anytime. So I'll stick with Linux on my other laptop (the light one, that I take with me when I travel, my main one being a heavy 8lbs thing from hell. Yeah, I'm that addicted to laptops, can't stand having a normal computer even when I need a 17" screen at least *lol*).  
That was another part of 'All you ever wanted to know about kei" hehehe. Sorry, can't help it. I love posting annoying notes ^^_

_Back to the story and a few explanations so you're not completely lost when you read this chapter:  
This chapter begins with Mail's POV, and gets back on the events that happened from Mihael's POV in the previous chapter, from when Linden approaches him to when he smiles and a bit further.  
Because you have to know what really happened in Mail's mind, and understand how he functions.  
And... yes, a horrible cliffhanger, because I love it when you hate me ;) (and because I'll update soon, I won't keep you waiting too long after that one, THAT would be mean *lol*)_

_And, lastly, more than 500 reviews!!! Wow, you are amazing! Now, I think I won't write anymore chapters if I don't get at least 20 reviews per chapter... KIDDING!!!  
I already said it, but I'll say it again, I love reviews because it's always good to know what you like/dislike in this story, but I'm totally against the "I'll write one more chapter if I get xx reviews" or "I'll write a lemon only if you review enough". Reviews are rewarding, of course, but it is a gift, not a due. So thank you everyone for your support, and I can only promise as my proof of gratitude, that I won't stop this fic before the end, I owe you the time you spent to read, review, laugh and cry with me. You rock guys!  
_

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**January 21****th****, 2007 part 3 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_The shadows were moving around him, and he felt like he was trapped, his back against something that prevented him from running away, and even if he hadn't had something stopping him, his body refused to move. Even his throat felt sore and hardly managed to utter a few words.  
"Go away, please... leave me alone, please!"  
But they wouldn't stop swaying threateningly, and approaching him. He could even hear them howl in a way that froze him to the core. He was cold, inside and outside, and he curled up on himself in a poor attempt to warm his aching body.

Why was he alone? Wasn't there anyone to help him? _Mum? Dad?_ Did he have parents? He couldn't remember, but he hoped he had. So someone would come to him and make the shadows go away, someone would warm him, take him, carry him, comfort him, he was freezing, and even if he held onto the sheets, pulling on them to cover himself, the shadows seemed to exhale polar easterlies, and he felt like his body would shatter in iced pieces.  
The memory of a man suddenly seemed to bring some heat in his heart, but the feeling disappeared as fast as the image of an asian father figure. His brain had decided it wouldn't function properly, no matter how hard Mail tried. He was confused and didn't even know if he was dreaming, living the reality or if he was high. His braincells needed a kickstart, but he was so tired, feeling so weak... he felt more like an old rusty machine than anything else. Maybe he should just go back to sleep, if he wasn't already, _who knew?_ There even was someone singing this lullaby, so if he wasn't already in dreamland, then he was expected to be soon, right? As far as he could remember, he only heard it at bedtime... but it was so long ago... no... wait... hadn't he heard it not so long ago? _Oh fucking brain... no way to remember... so tired..._

This song, oh, how he was happy to hear it! He knew this voice, although he couldn't place it. It was familiar and soothing though, but as soon as he was feeling better, the howling of the shadows became louder, covering the soft voice and drowning it in a frightening choir of morbid chants that sounded like a funeral psalm, chilling his bones and tensing his nerves so hard he felt like the shadows were trying to tear him apart.  
He tried to stand from his lying position, to block the swaying forms better, but all he could do was sit, his body refusing to obey, so he hugged his knees and buried his head, but they were still there, no matter how much he tried not to see them.  
"No, leave me alone! I don't want... no!" he heard himself shout, but no one cared, they still danced around him, menacing and laughing at him. Why wouldn't they leave him alone? Who were they?!

Suddenly, something moved at his left, and he realised, as he opened his eyes, that he was on a bed, and that someone was there with him. He closed his eyes again, scared to see the dark forms again. He knew he couldn't block them away, but maybe, if he played dead, they would go? And a face came to his mind. Who was it? A man in his fifties, with a vicious glare, and he remembered the words, and they echoed in his head like a death sentence... _"I would be a good kid if I were you."... "Shut up sweetie, that's your fault, next time you'll be more cooperative, won't you ?"  
_In shock, he opened his eyes once again._  
_But as he watched more carefully at the person at his left, he saw a different... face? This face was strange, like cut in half. Was that a mask? His sight was blurry with tears and sleep and he couldn't see well, but the person didn't move, and looked younger than the man that had previously been reminded to him like a deja vu situation in another bedroom.

He had to touch this face, it seemed different not only because of its weird appearance, but because it seemed more real. Did that mean that he had been imagining things earlier? No, that couldn't be, he wasn't insane...  
Or had they put something in his food, drink? You wouldn't know, this orphanage was creepy. No... that wasn't the orphanage, the bed didn't look the same...

He reached for the... skin? Yes, it was skin, with a different texture, but skin nonetheless.  
It felt like leather, and suddenly he remembered the smell of leather. It felt as soothing as the lullaby he loved, although there was no way his mind would remember where this smell's memory came from.  
Maybe his mind was just playing some trick to him, and the leather scent was an actual scent? Was that person wearing leather? He was sure, during a split second, that he had known someone wearing leather, but it vanished as fast as it came.  
_Fucking brain..._  
He traced the leather-like skin downward to check for leather, but he only touched cotton.  
He withdrew his hand in disappointment.

But the more he looked at the other half of the face, the more he knew he should place it. Mail didn't know why, but his heart was telling him he _had_ to remember.  
He reached for the person's face again. There was no risk, he thought, after all, that person wasn't even moving. And maybe it was just one of his dreams, the person wasn't even talking...

The skin on the unmarred side of the face in front of him was soft.  
He closed his eyes, trying to focus on the feelings and images rushing back in his brain like flashes. Those memories all had a good vibe attached to them, this person couldn't be someone bad. And he felt safe for the first time in a long time.

He let his hands creep upward, and felt soft hair. Even through his closed eyelids, he could see them blond. Why blond?  
An angel... a Christmas tree, little wings and white dresses. Was he dead?  
Had be been crossing the purgatory, thus the shadows and screams, and had just arrived in heaven?  
Was he touching an angel? Was it allowed to do such a thing?  
Mail suddenly hoped he wasn't committing a blasphemy. Was he a believer? He remembered a cross, but as far as he could remember, it was hanging to someone else's neck, someone that looked like an angel...  
No, he had never believed in God. Do you go to heaven even if you don't have faith?

But hadn't he already been in hell? As Mail tried to think of an image that could warm his numb body, a shining sun, a chimney fire... fire. Flames. He had crossed hell, he was sure of it now. Flames all over him, the memory seemed too real to be his imagination.

He'd been in hell with an angel, he could see himself standing in the fire with the angel... but was it one, after all? Wasn't the devil used to trick human with beauty to drag them to him? This blond angel... wasn't an angel?  
Mail could remember expressions of this beautiful face. A glimpse of icy blue eyes and a grin way too devilish to be one of an angelic creature appeared to him. Despite the mischievous expression, he felt warmth pool in his chest at this recollection. Not only did he know this person, who was one with the person he was touching right now, he was sure of that, but he _loved_ that person. His guts were telling him so, deeply, undoubtedly.

He took this face in his palms, this beautiful face...  
And he smiled back to the grinning image in his mind, as he felt the skin shiver under his fingers.

All glued in place all of a sudden, a leather clad blond, a rosary around his neck, the voice attached to him, flames that he couldn't really place for the moment, but had to do with the leather-like skin... burnt skin. The name... what was the name? Oh please, he couldn't have forgotten that!

Mail opened his eyes, and yes, the unmarred half of the face in front of him was the one he remembered.  
His deep blue orbs dived in eager steel colored ones, and he stared, like trying to reaching within the other's soul to find all the missing pieces to the puzzle of his memories.

The flames were there again, licking at this blond angel, and he was shouting at this angel to jump across the flames, and light, and an open door... but he crossed the door frame and walked in the direction of the light alone. Why? Why wasn't his blond angel following?

Had God called him back to heaven from hell? That couldn't be... he loved the angel, wasn't love holy?  
That was it... he had sinned, loved an angel-looking demon, and his punishment was to be apart from him... no, that didn't make sense. _Stupid brain and stupid hallucinations..._

_Sleep. Need to sleep..._  
Mail was exhausted. The shadows had gone, and the angel would soon go too, so he'd better get some sleep while he could, while everything was calm...  
His hands fell in his lap, he bowed his head down, feeling his neck sore and his muscles giving in.  
He snuggled in the blanket, lying down, as his eyelids closed slowly, his body and mind shutting down.

Mihael stared at Mail a long moment before coming back to reality. The skin of his face was still tingling from his lover's touch, and he brought his hands to his cheeks.  
Everything happened in slow motion, and yet so fast at the same time... and it was over, once again.

He turned to look at the two men still standing in the room behind him. Taka closed the distance between him and Mihael and hugged him could understand how the teenager was feeling, Mihael, Vern and him all probably had thought that something more would happen, and they were feeling more than disappointed, it really hurt.

"Vern, will it always be like this?" Mihael asked with a tiny voice. He was ready to break down and cry and was trying hard not to.  
"I can't tell Mihael, I'm sorry... he can progress or he can stay like this, only time will tell..." the tall black man replied, wanting hard to give a positive answer, but knowing it would do no good to give a false hope to the blond.  
"It's already much, Mihael, give him time, he seemed to recognize you, or at least, he wasn't scared by the physical contact, so even if he doesn't recognize you, he knows you are safe for him." Taka added. The skinny frame in his arms was slightly trembling, and he knew Mihael all too well. He needed a hope to hold on to, or he would lose it.

The japanese man had had time to get to know the grown-up Mihael since they had found him in the burning orphanage. He admired the strength and the willpower of the teenager, that had kept going despite the hurt and the pain, be them moral or physical. As long as the kid had something to hold on to, he would go on, hold on to himself. His leader side had clashed with Marty, but it would be a useful quality when he'd be the leader of the mob.  
Not that Taka wanted him to be, at least not so early, his fatherly instincts were screaming not to let Mihael place himself at the head of danger, but Mihael was a natural born leader, just like his father, and grandfather.

"I'll stay with him Mihael, go take a bath or something to relax, you're on the edge, you can't stay here in the state you're in." Taka commanded.  
Mihael didn't object and left the room, head down.

He filled the bathtub, and sank into the warm water. He needed to clear his mind. Had Mail recognized him or not?  
His touch, his hands, and they were so close...  
Mihael closed his eyes, and tears mixed with the bath's water as he thought about how much he wanted to hold Mail.  
He tortured himself with memories of kisses and embraces, sleepless nights in the same bed, tightly snuggled one against the other, talking about the future and their hopes and dreams, and started back into reality as the dreams shattered, dragging him back in the present.

After a while, the water was turning too cold to stay in so Mihael stepped out of it and dried himself while the water slowly emptied.  
He was almost done dressing up in his usual leather when a scream resounded, nailing him to the ground. He came back to his senses and ran through the corridors. It was Mail's voice, and the screams were getting louder. And it wasn't because he was approaching the room. They were really getting louder in intensity, and he could feel panic rise in his stomach.

Mihael opened the nursing room's door, and his hand automatically covered his mouth at the sight in front of his eyes as tears flooded on his cheeks...


	34. Chapter 34

_**Note: **Like I promised, I didn't let you wait too long after the evil cliffhanger from the last chapter! No long stupid note this time, just a few words to say I'm sorry if I don't reply to some of your reviews, I try to reply to everyone but I may miss some, please forgive me! And now, enjoy the chapter!_**  


* * *

January 21****th****, 2007 part 4 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mail was knelt on the floor, curled on himself, with Taka knelt and holding him tightly from behind, restraining his arms as the teenager struggled and screamed desperately.  
The japanese man was trying to prevent Mail from moving, without hurting him with his bruising force, but the redhead was trying to break free like a madman, while his whole body was shaken by convulsions.

"Don't touch me! No! Let me go!" Mail's muscles were contracting rapidly, in painful spasms. His screams died with a particularly spectacular jerk of his body as he stopped struggling, out of strength.

Mihael was looking at the scene wide eyed, unable to move because of the shock.  
He then saw that blood was dripping between Taka's fingers. The man's hands were obviously placed on wounds that Mail had just inflicted to himself, since his nails were covered with the red substance.

Taka suddenly felt that Mail's lungs stopped rising and falling as he held the frail body against his chest. The convulsions were getting so strong that Mail's trachea blocked itself, the redhead panicking even more at the realization he was choking, unable to stop the contraction of his throat.

"Vern, he can't breathe!" Taka shouted, alarmed, to the nurse who was running back from the medical stash room with a syringe containing a tranquilizer.  
"I have to inject him that, please make sure he doesn't move." Vern replied, plunging the needle in Mail's upper arm's muscle, pushing on the plastic pump as quickly as the contracted flesh allowed him to, not wanting to risk that the needle broke inside of the muscle if Mail moved.

Mihael felt a wave of nausea gain him, and he rushed to the bathroom as Taka carried Mail, whose body was hanging limp in his arms, on the bed.  
His stomach empty, he rinsed his mouth and went back inside of the room.  
Vern was cleaning and bandaging the wounds on Mail's arms while Taka came back from the kitchen where he had washed his bloody hands and grabbed some coffee.

"Drink that Mihael, you'll feel better." Taka handed a mug of the dark liquid to the teenager, who took it, half unaware of it. He sipped it, watching Vern and Mail, his eyes still wide and shocked.  
He had known such a crisis could happen, but witnessing it was an awful experience, even more when it concerned the one you love. He knew he couldn't have done anything to help and that the two men had taken care of the situation in the best way possible, but he couldn't help but feel guilty for taking time for himself a little earlier.

"I shouldn't have left." he mumbled to himself.  
"That's not your fault Mihael." Taka replied, looking worriedly at the blond, "It happened out of the blue, probably because of a nightmare, there's no way to know what's happening in his head, and no way to prevent the reactions, so don't blame yourself, you can't technically be with him all the time, you have to think about yourself too."  
"I don't need care, he does, I can't think of my own little comfort when I see him like this..." Mihael stated, guilt still pinching at his guts.  
"I know how you feel, but we are here to help you, it's not all on your shoulders, ok?" the japanese man tried to reason Mihael, although he knew it was useless.  
"But now, with the tranquillizer, we're almost back to the beginning... Do you remember what Vern said about the interactions with lithium? I had hoped so much that he would never need that..." Mihael sighed, on the border of tears.  
"Come here." Taka said, taking the empty mug from Mihael's hands, putting it away on the nearby table, and pulling the teenager in his arms.

Mihael broke down in tears. Why? Why so much progress, if it was to take the double amount steps back? Would Mail ever recover?  
Hope was slowly leaving him as his eyes caught sight of Mail, through his tears, laying limp on the bed like a ragdoll.  
The redhead was awake, but his gaze was so far away that Mihael had the feeling he was dead inside.  
"Taka... I can't live without him... if he never recovers I... I... won't make it." Mihael sobbed, burying his face in Taka's chest, not wanting to see the heartbreaking image of his absent lover anymore.  
Taka stayed silent. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, hope was slowly fading and even himself could feel it.

"He's going to sleep for a while now." Vern stated as he stood up from his chair, after he had finished taking care of Mail. The redhead was breathing evenly, his eyelids closed, his face relaxed.  
"Let's have lunch." Taka pushed Mihael out of the bedroom, as the teenager kept on glancing above his shoulder to look at Mail. Vern followed, letting the door open so they could see Mail from the common room.  
Taka was always acting on fatherly instinct and couldn't help but make sure that Mihael ate and slept enough. Both kids were already frail, he didn't want them to get even skinnier.

Marty joined them as Mihael and Vern sat on the couch while Taka cooked something quickly.  
"What happened exactly?" Marty inquired, worried about the latest events, as Taka came back with two plates he placed on the coffee table in front of Mihael and Vern, then going back to the kitchen to retrieve two more plates for Marty and himself.  
Mihael listened eagerly, while he forced himself to eat under Taka's disapproving gaze as he saw the teenager grimace in front of the food he didn't feel like eating at all, his stomach still wrung because of what happened, as Vern began to talk.

"Mail was dozing off, and he began to mumble something like 'it hurts' and 'please don't do that', and suddenly he has jerked from the bed and began convulsing. I think he suffered of a combination of a nightmare and sides effects of the withdrawal, that is to say the muscular contractions, and he panicked. He may not have processed that his body was contracting alone, since he seemed to be dreaming of something painful, and that's probably why he reacted so violently and ended hurting himself. The hurt is the natural reaction when he's scared." the tall black man explained. "What would be useful to know is what exactly happened from the moment L took him to the moment he was placed in Cheadle, because the hallucinations of patients under heavy lithium treatment are often related to traumas the patients experienced. Unfortunately, we won't know until he can tell us..." he added, thoughtful.  
"But usually he calms down with the lullaby..." Mihael said, "So we should have tried this before the tranquillizer."  
"No, he was choking, we didn't have a choice Mihael, he was too far gone to listen to anything." Vern stated, "If I had had any doubt about the tranquillizer, I would have called you."

Marty picked up the plates when everyone had finished to eat and put them in the dishes machine, and grabbed cups as Taka made some more coffee and brought the coffeepot in the common room.  
Mihael, Vern and them stayed on the couch a long moment after lunch. There was nothing else to do since Marty had made sure they would all be free during the time Mail would take to recover. Even if it took long before the redhead was able to travel with them back to California, the Mafia didn't lack money or means, and they could afford that time off. Marty's men in USA would contact him if something needed his participation, anyway.

Linden emerged from his sleep a while later, in the afternoon. He confirmed, after joining the talk, that Vern had taken the right decision. Pouring himself some coffee, he sat beside the tall black man, and declined the cigar Marty offered him, as the old man lit his own.  
Mihael closed his eyes briefly as he inhaled the smoke floating in the air, but he opened them again, his face showing a disappointing expression.  
"Does the smoke bother you Mihael?" Marty asked, surprised, as the teenager had never objected the smell before.  
"No, it's just that..." Mihael hesitated, should he reveal the fact that Mail was a smoker? "I was trying to recall Mail's smoke scent, that's all..." he added sheepishly.  
"Mail smokes?" Taka asked, lightly scowling.  
"Yeah..." the blond replied.  
No one added anything, that wasn't the time for reproaches. But Vern suddenly felt a bit uneasy when he remembered that Taka and the others still didn't know the exact nature of Mail and Mihael's relationship, and he wondered if the japanese man would accept it or not. Taka was open minded, but his fatherly instincts would maybe be in the way of his reasoning.

Everyone went to bed early, as Linden took his shift. The day had been quite uneventful after Mail's crisis, but everyone was worn out all the same, especially Mihael, who had had difficulties to get over the shock.

As Taka tucked him in bed, as usual, Mihael softly whispered, taking the man's hand: "Taka, do you remember what my father looked like?"  
"Yes Mihael, I remember. Why this question?" the japanese man asked, puzzled.  
"I don't... the pictures remind me of his face each time I look at them, but it all seems so far away, like in another life... and without the pictures, during all the time Mail and me spent at Wammy's, I slowly forgot how he looked like... no matter how hard I tried, all I could see was blur..." the blond explained, his voice trembling.  
"It's normal Mihael, sometimes it's difficult to keep someone's face in mind when they are gone..." Taka stroke Mihael's hair with his free hand.  
"I feel guilty..." the teenager began.  
"You shouldn't feel guilty, such things happen, and your father wouldn't want you to feel like this, he wouldn't be mad at you for that, you know it." Taka reassured him.  
"No... I mean... I feel guilty, because now, each time I try to think of my father, it's you that I see... I loved him, and I feel like betraying him... but I can't help it, I love you too, Taka, as much as I loved him." Mihael was sobbing, and Taka held his hand a bit tighter.  
"I know we are not related by blood, but your father made me promise, when Marty hired me, that I would always treat you and Mail as well as he treated you, and I have come to consider you like my own children with time... You're not betraying your father, Mihael, your heart is wide enough to love many people as much as you loved him, so you shouldn't feel bad about it. He would be proud of you, just like I am."  
Mihael squeezed Taka's hand back and smiled to the japanese man.

Taka stood up, kissed Mihael on the forehead, and exited the room, whispering: "Oyasumi, Mihael..."  
"Goodnight Taka." the teenager replied, snuggling into his pillow, smiling to himself: Taka always switched to japanese when he was moved.

**January 22****th****, 2007 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
The tranquillizer had apparently taken long to dissolve in Mail's system, and he slept all night without moving from the position they had left him in the day before.

The redhead woke up and opened his eyes, blinking as a ray of sun beamed on his pillow. He was feeling surprisingly good, his body was relaxed, and he smiled at the angel who was sat on a chair next to his bed.

The angel had come back, but there were no shadows, no flames, nothing scary around him. Had he finally reached heaven?  
No, he was still in the bed he recalled from the day before. Was it the day before, or older? And, after all, maybe heaven looked like earth, with beds? Did you need to sleep when you were dead?

The blond angel smiled back at him, leaning slightly toward him.  
This smile... so beautiful...  
Mail, still laid on his back, extended his arm and reached for those curved lips with his fingertips, and softly brushed against the thin swollen skin.

Mihael held his breath. The touch was tickling his lips, and he refrained from chuckling. He didn't want to scare Mail.  
Mail's hand fell back on the mattress, and the redhead slid in a sat position, not once averting his eyes from Mihael.  
_Does he recognize me?_ Mihael wondered.  
Mail kept on smiling.  
"Are you hungry?" Mihael asked his lover, when he saw that Mail didn't move anymore, but kept on staring at him with a smile.  
He received no answer, but headed for the kitchen nonetheless, to prepare breakfast.  
He had switched shifts with Vern again, preferring to be with Mail when he woke up.

Mihael heard the shower as he came back with a tray filled with coffee, toasts, peanut butter and grapefruit jam, Mail's favorite, that he had made sure the men bought when they went for supplies.  
The shower went off as he deposited the tray on the table by the window. He approached the chair that he had put next to the bed beside the table, and went back to the kitchen to retrieve another one. He was planning on having breakfast with Mail, and the fact that his boyfriend was taking his shower alone was a sign that everything had a chance to go well, since the redhead seemed to have rested enough, was rid of any fear, and had gone back to his daily routine without the help of anyone.  
As he came back with the second chair and was pushing it under the table, he heard steps behind him, and turned on himself.

Mail was standing there, looking around like if he was searching for something. Totally naked.


	35. Chapter 35

**Note: **Was I fast enough? No real cliffhanger this time, I'm softening, no good, no good... *lol*

* * *

**January 22****th****, 2007 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael was frozen in place. This time, he was sure that God was punishing him for something he had done, that couldn't be otherwise. First he hadn't been able to at least hold Mail in his arms for weeks, and now,_ this_? Now, Mail's perfect, toned, creamy white body totally naked just under his eyes?  
He felt a certain tightness in his sweater pants, and regretted not putting his more constricting leather pants on today. Now his hard on was clearly saying 'hello' to the world, not that there was anyone to see, hopefully (and Mihael prayed that no one would come in right now), and Mail wasn't able to realise the effect he had on his lover at that moment.  
He put his hand on his mouth, staring, unsure of what to do.

Unaware of Mihael's turmoil, Mail's eyes continued their search around the room.  
Suddenly, Mihael realised he had forgotten to bring back Mail's clothes from the laundry room, and that the reason why the redhead was stark naked and looking confused was because there were no clean clothes in the drawer situated in the bathroom. They had put the drawer here so the configuration was the same than at Cheadle's asylum.

Mihael finally moved, picked up the night clothes that Mail had left on the floor before taking his shower, and headed for the laundry room to retrieve his boyfriend's clothes. He prayed for Mail to stay still in the meanwhile, that would be funny to have him wander naked as a newborn in the hideout's corridors.  
He came back his arms full, relieved that the redhead hadn't move from his spot, and put all the jeans, striped shirts and underwears in the drawer, except a change for Mail.  
Exiting the bathroom, he handed the clean outfit to Mail, who was lightly trembling from the cold.  
"Shit, I should have covered you with the blanket." the blond reproached himself, depositing the clothes on the bed as the redhead didn't make a move to get dressed. Mihael had forgotten that although the bedroom was highly heated, Mail suffered from a decreased blood stream and felt colder than himself could feel.

_Why am I naked? I'm cold..._

Mihael was grabbing the black and white striped shirt, unfolding it so he could help Mail to put it on, when his lover suddenly crashed into him, snuggling against his chest while hiding his arms between himself and the blond, to warm himself, still shaking. Mihael took support with a hand on the bed not to lose his balance.  
Staying still a few seconds, his arms half up in the air, not knowing what to do, he then carefully snaked his arms around Mail. He couldn't resist anymore, not touching him was a rule he couldn't obey any longer, not when Mail had himself thrown at him.

He embraced his boyfriend tenderly, trying to breathe in and out, that wasn't the time to hyperventilate, even if the situation was awkward: what are you supposed to do when you have the one you love totally naked in your arms, that it arouses you, but that not only your lover isn't in a state where you can consider anything sexual with him, but also when anyone could come in and see you in that awkward situation?

Mail laid his head on Mihael's shoulder, and the shaking died little by little as his body took warmth from the one against which he was squeezing himself up.

Mihael lost it. He tightened his hold, nuzzling Mail's hair, breathing his scent in. The smoke smell was missing since Mail hadn't had a cigarette for weeks, but his distinctive, personal scent was here, and Mihael suddenly felt a lump in his throat. He wanted to kiss him, but he couldn't, he wouldn't. He wanted Mail to want it too, and not to steal a kiss from him as long as he was like this, even if the redhead let him without having a crisis of anxiety.  
Mail snuggled even more against the blond, and Mihael began to cry.

He had waited for this to happen for so long, and Mail was finally letting him. So he cried from relief, tiredness, love, pain, longing, hope... confusion.  
His hands traced the curves of his lover's back, feeling the soft skin under his palms, but he stopped before going too low. He didn't want to take this path, not now. It wouldn't be right, he would feel like taking advantage of him in an disrespectful way.

Mail didn't reject him, and Mihael couldn't believe it. He was expecting the redhead to break down any moment, but he would take everything Mail was allowing him to as long as he could right now.

_He's going to come for me soon, and he's going to... no... I don't want that, it hurts!  
Please, angel, protect me! You are my guardian angel, right? You're always there with me, with your beautiful smile, please, don't let him hurt me... Hold me, don't let me go, I'm so scared..._

Mail's arms slid from between their chests, and he hooked them around Mihael's waist. Mihael suddenly felt the desperate grip Mail had on him.  
It clicked in the blond's mind, something was wrong in Mail's head and Mihael felt it, the break down would happen soon. Mail was tensing and the shaking was coming back, but it was not because of cold this time.  
But Mail kept on holding him tightly, burying his face in Mihael's neck even more.

And suddenly Mihael felt them. Tears rolling in the crook of his neck, and he realised that Mail was sobbing, so softly that he wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't felt the dampness from the tears.  
He instinctively tightened his embrace, and began kissing Mail's hair, rocking him softly.  
"I'm here Mail, don't worry, everything is ok..." he whispered in a soothing voice.  
"I... no... don't let him hurt me... please... I'm scared... don't let him..." Mail mumbled, and Mihael knew that this time, he had won.  
Maybe Mail didn't recognize him, but he wasn't afraid of him, of the touch, anymore. Now Mail was seeking comfort in his arms, away from the thing that scared him. And he wished he knew what had happened to Mail. _What did this bastard of L do to him? Or anyone else?_ L was dead, Light too, but Mihael promised himself he would kill anyone that had hurt his lover.

"Shhh, it's ok my love, it's ok... he's not going to hurt you, he's not here, I won't let him approach you." Mihael whispered in Mail's ear. Whoever he was talking about, it was true, no one would ever dream to approach Mail, Mihael would barricade himself with his boyfriend in a fortress if needed.  
But right now, his arms seemed to be safe enough for the redhead, who was clutching to him miserably.

Mihael began humming Taka's song. That's all he could think about to stop those heartbreaking sobs. It's one thing to know your loved one had been hurt, but a much bigger deal not to know what had exactly happened. He realised he had had much more chance than Mail...

Mail relaxed, little by little. The soothing lullaby calmed him down, and he let go of Mihael.  
Like nothing happened, he got dressed, and went to sit at the table.  
Mihael, for once, felt that relief was stronger than despair. Mail had switched off once again, but something big had happened, and he even managed to handle it alone.

Sitting beside his boyfriend, Mihael poured the both of them coffee, as Mail started to eat his toasts, that he generously covered with jam. Mihael smiled when the memory of Mail emptying several jam pots a week back in California hit him. The redhead had discovered jam not long after meeting the Keehls, and Mihael couldn't help but tell himself it was like love at first sight with the fruity substance. Mail put some everywhere: toast, brioche, bread, yoghurt, on top of icecream, he even ate it directly in the pot with a spoon.  
Instinctively, Mihael tenderly pushed a strand of copper hair behind Mail's ear, only realising what he did when it was too late. He stopped cold, his hand still raised, dreading the redhead's reaction.

Mail stopped munching his toast for a few seconds. Mihael held his breath. He had probably ruined the moment._ Fuck!_  
Then Mail turned his head and looked at him. He smiled, and his fingertips softly stroke the blond hair before he went back to eating his toast, looking in front of him again.

Mihael stared at Mail, his mouth hanging open, his heart beating like a drum.

The door opened on Taka.  
"Hello you two!" the man greeted, his eyes questioning Mihael.  
"Everything's ok Taka!" Mihael beamed.  
"Something happened this morning?" Taka asked, knowing that a positive progress was more than certainly the reason of Mihael's huge smile.  
"I'll tell you, just grab yourself breakfast and a chair, and join us!" the blond added, his mood hitting the roof.  
"No, I'm letting you two together, I'm in the common room, just join me when you feel like it." the japanese man winked at the teenager, knowing that it was best to let them go on with their breakfast alone. Mihael hadn't seen it, but Mail had started and stopped eating a few seconds when he heard his voice, as he opened the door, so if he had just progressed, it was better not to ruin it all now.

When they had finished breakfast, Mihael wondered if he would stay with Mail or go to talk with Taka. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with Mail, but his heart would burst if he didn't tell someone what had just happened, he was so happy that he had to share the good news.  
Mail sat on his bed, and the blond took that as a sign he could leave a few minutes. Mail would probably stay like this for hours. Maybe he should bring him some stimulation?

Mihael picked up the tray and deposited it in the kitchen before joining Taka, who was reading the newspapers while having some coffee, on the couch.  
"Mail threw himself in my arms!" he said joyfully, then explained what had happened a little earlier.  
"Hey, that's good!" the man replied, when Mihael had finished telling him about the latest events.  
"Can you drive me at the nearest mall this afternoon when Vern replaces me, please?" the teenager asked.  
"Sure, I wanted to buy a few books anyway, since we don't have much to do lately. Do you need something special that the men can't bring back when they go for supplies?" Taka questioned with a smile, knowing that the chocolate stash was more than full.  
"Yeah, I want to buy something for Mail."

Mihael was radiating, and Taka couldn't help but glance at him from time to time, while he was driving.  
"It's good to see you like this." he smiled to the squirming teenager on the passenger's seat. Mihael grinned back.  
Once inside of the mall, after they parked, Mihael headed for the games department.  
"Call me on my cell when you're finished, ok?" Taka told him as Mihael began to wander between the shelves.  
"Ok!" the blond shouted, his eyes covering the wide range of games.  
Taka left for the books department, preferring to let Mihael by himself. He was always uneasy at the thought of letting him alone, his protective instinct bugging him, but Mihael hadn't gone out for days, and he probably needed some intimacy for what he wanted to get to Mail, after all. Marty had given him a fair amount of cash, so Mihael could do his shopping by himself.

Mihael tried to remember what Mail used to have in their shared room, and soon, a Nintendo DS, a Gameboy, a PS2, at least twenty games filled the caddy. That would probably do at first.  
Then he headed for the electronics area, and, with difficulty, he managed to deposit the big cardboard box of a medium sized flat screen TV in the caddy.  
Mentally counting what he had purchased, he realised he had still much cash left. Marty had been generous when Mihael had explained what he planned to buy.  
He added a laptop to this, so he could use it while he was with Mail and maybe get the redhead to get interested in the device, it could help him 'wake up', and moreover, they would have one for themselves instead of using one of the many laptops in the hideout.  
The teenager blushed slightly, thinking that it could also be useful to order things he could never ask the henchmen to buy when they went for supplies and have them delivered to a PO box for privacy, like lube... not that it was useful now, but someday...  
Mihael wanted to think positive, but not _that _positive, when he felt his semi erection constricted in his leather pants.  
He breathed in and out a long moment, faking to look at the DVD players, and left the shelves once his member had gone back to a normal flat.

Once he was done with his purchases, Mihael approached the cashiers line.  
The cashier opened wide eyes when he paid more than £2000 in cash. He scowled at her before she made any comment, and, withdrawing a bit from the line, he called Taka.

Back at the hideout, they carried everything in Mail's room. Vern was sat in an armchair in a corner, while Mail was sat on his bed, fiddling with his sleeves.  
Taka got rid of the cardboard wrapping while Mihael began to look at the notice of the furniture he had bought.  
Mail watched them blankly during all the half hour they took to assemble the wooden piece, but as Mihael deposited the LCD TV on the low furniture, then all the gaming devices, and finally, a rug that looked a lot like Wammy's carpeted floor just at the feet of the furniture, Mail stopped fiddling with his sleeves, and his eyes widened slightly.

Mihael fought with the various wires, not really knowing what was going where, when he felt someone tug at the other end of the one he had in his hands.  
He started when he realised that Mail was standing beside him, and beginning to plug everything into place without hesitation.


	36. Chapter 36

**Note: **_To reply to the Question, as you noticed, I'm in France, but unfortunately I can't tell when I may update, because it can be any day, and any time of the day, from 7am to 2am my time, depending when I write, when I finish, when I have time, when I'm sleepless... the best way is to subscribe to the site and put me on story alert...  
Sorry for the lack of updates this week, but Tekken 6 has been released and well... there's Kazuya Mishima and... well... FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!__ *lol* I love this game so much!_**  


* * *

January 22****th****, 2007 part 3 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Taka watched with slight amusement Mihael's face go from stunned to awe to delight, as Mail plugged the various devices, arranging their place, putting this one to the right, this other on top, and finally sitting on the rug, his legs crossed, totally oblivious of his surroundings as he lit everything to life and entered the settings, his eyes glued to the TV screen.  
The japanese man had noticed, over the previous days, since Mihael had been found, that the teenager was most of the time hiding his feelings, keeping his expression blank, if not lightly scowling. But when it came to Mail, Mihael had no control over his facial features anymore, and then he became the most expressive boy on earth.

Mail slid the CD of a game in the PS2 and soon, his fingers were flying over the controller's buttons.

"I should have thought about that sooner..." Mihael scolded himself, "I should've known... Mail, you're such a geek! Even in the state that you're in, you still love your games." he laughed, ruffling Mail's hair.  
The redhead didn't even react, and kept on progressing in his game, totally focused.  
"I could almost believe he's back to normal when I see him like this..." Mihael said to Taka, "When he's in his own little game world, he's exactly the same as now."  
"Well, it's only a matter of time now I guess, since he progressed a lot lately." the man replied, his eyes questioning Vern.  
The tall black man stood up: "I think so, he doesn't react to the touching anymore and he's pretty at ease now, it shouldn't take long now to know if it's a matter of memory loss or not..." Vern confirmed.  
Mihael sighed, not wanting to lose hope and feel like crap again. He tried to be positive, and he had an idea anyway, but he needed to be alone with Mail to put it in practice. Mail needed to be stimulated by things he used to like, so Mihael would do that.

As Mail continued playing, one of his hand suddenly began to rummage in his pockets, obviously searching for something.  
"I knew it..." Mihael whispered, standing from the bed he was sat on with Taka as they watched the redhead.  
He picked something from one of the plastic bags, and placed it in Mail's hand.  
"Don't blame me Taka, but I knew he would go for it..." he said to his substitutive father apologetically.

Mail, skilfully, with only one hand, ripped the white and blue pack open, pulled a cigarette out of it and lit it with the small black lighter Mihael had just given him along with the pack, and thrust the lighter and pack into the backpocket of his jeans, getting back to his old cancer-laced habit.

Taka shook his hand but said nothing, his fatherly instinct was screaming that Mail shouldn't do that, but he couldn't bring himself to stop him. He would see later, when Mail would have recovered...

Mail played through the rest of the day, while Mihael sat on the floor beside him, simply looking at him. Taka and Vern had later left the room, leaving the two teenagers together.

Marty brought them dinner in the evening, seeing that Mihael didn't come out of the room at all. He had been surprised a little earlier to see how much Mail had progressed, and he, Vern and Taka had talked around a cup of coffee in the common room with Linden, the two medical specialists exchanging views and explaining to the two others about the facts they were bringing up.

Vern was a bit anxious about Mail's memory loss, since nothing really showed that he was recognizing the people around him, or at least Mihael, he seemed to feel safe around him, and even accepted the other boy to touch him, but it didn't mean that he _knew_ who he was. But at least, Mail could evolve easily in his environment, and the part of his brain that called to procedural memory was apparently working perfectly. What seemed to be the most affected part was the sensorial one, which prevented Mail from being able to fix the remnant feelings of the past in his head and the present situation and people together. Everything seemed to him as the present, so previous bad experiences were the actual reality for him, as soon as the feelings came to the surface, and his brain would process the informations as current events although they had happened days or weeks ago, making him think that whatever or whoever had threatened him in the past was menacing him now, leading the person next to him to be considered dangerous, be it Mihael or anyone else.

Linden explained that Mail looking like he felt safe next to Mihael, and Mihael being able to touch him didn't mean Mail would never have a crisis anymore. It was a good sign, but not a victory. Of course, the more days Mail would go without a crisis, the more he would recover. But getting rid of the crisis wasn't linked to the memory loss, because Mail could in the end be totally at ease with his environment, and the people around him, but still not remember everything or everyone, and stay in a similar state as he was now.

At bedtime, when Taka came to check on them, Mihael told him he would stay with Mail this night.  
"Are you sure?" the japanese man asked, doubtful, "What did Vern say about that?"  
"I didn't ask him, but Mail needs stimulation and we used to sleep in the same room for years so I thought we should go back to normal, and the bed is double so it won't be a problem. And don't worry, if there's a problem, I'll leave or call Vern or Linden, depending on the situation." the blond replied.  
"Ok, I guess you're right..." Taka sighed, smiling.  
"Can you tell Vern I'll stay here tonight, and Linden that he doesn't have to stay awake?" Mihael inquired, as he pulled the controller from Mail's hands and switched all the devices off. The redhead didn't protest, and even stood up as Mihael tugged on his hand to make him understand it was time to go to bed.  
Mihael had feared that Mail would react badly to that action, but it seemed that Mail didn't object to anything his boyfriend did to him.  
"No problem, I'll come back in a few minutes. I still can tuck you in here." the man winked, closing the door behind him and going in search for Vern and Linden. After all, if Mail didn't object Mihael to sleep in the same bed, then it would be easier for Linden since the doctor wouldn't have to do the night shift, so it was a good idea.

Mihael undressed, and, realising he didn't have any night clothes, he just slid under the sheets in his black boxers. That's when he realised he hadn't worn any leather for days. He never wore any underwears under his leather pants, the thing was impossible.  
Mail, once he was in his pyjamas, did the same.  
Taka arrived a few seconds later, and once he had said goodnight to Mihael and kissed him on the forehead like usual, he turned around the bed, and, hesitating, he finally left the room after simply pulling the sheets up to Mail's shoulders. He couldn't bring himself to touch the teenager, he was way too scared of starting a crisis. It hurt him, but Mail had progressed so much lately that he couldn't risk anything that would make the redhead take two steps back now that he had taken one forward.

Mihael laid on his back, waiting. As Mail didn't move, he decided to snuggle closer. To his surprise, Mail did the same, resting his head on his shoulder as he rolled on his right side. Mihael encircled his boyfriend's shoulders with his left arm, and they fell asleep.  
Mail moved a lot during the night, sometimes softly whining in his sleep, but each time, Mihael would hug him and stroke his back, and the redhead would calm down.  
Mihael sometimes let the tears roll from his eyes during that night, tears of joy that would faintly dampen Mail's hair as he held him close, trying to catch back everything he had missed so much, the touch, sweet and warm, the sounds, Mail's heart beating against his, his soft breathing, the words he whispered in his dreams, the scent, citrus and, finally, smoke. No matter if this one came from a deadly addiction, Mail finally smelled like Mail, and Mihael, for the first time in a long time, slept without nightmares, without starting wakes, without missing a part of himself...

**January 23****th****, 2007 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)_  
Mihael woke up with a strange feeling. He opened his eyes, and realised that it was not only a feeling, but a reality: Mail was staring at him, sat crossed legs on the bed beside him.  
Mihael slid in a sat position, facing Mail, and smiled as he tried to tame the dishevelled red locks of his boyfriend. He let his hand fall back in his lap as Mail kept on looking at him straight in the eyes, wondering what this penetrating gaze meant. It was almost disturbing with intensity.  
Mail's hand rose, and his fingertips lightly brushed over the scarred skin of Mihael's face. He traced the contours of the burn, but his eyes were locked with Mihael's and he wasn't really looking at the healed wound.

_I want to remember... I need to... but I'm not sure I've already seen his face. It looks familiar though... I love his smile..._

Mail smiled too, as he stopped touching Mihael's face. He then stood up and headed for the bathroom, and not long after, the blond heard the water run. How he hated these switches, one moment, Mail seemed to be coming back, and the second after, he was just numb again.

Mihael went to the kitchen and came back with a full tray for breakfast, Mail already sitting and waiting for him at the table.

A few minutes later, Vern arrived to see if everything was alright.  
"Hello Mihael, hello Mail!" he greeted cheerfully, with his low pitched resounding voice.  
"Hi Vern!" Mihael greeted back, "Want some coffee?"  
"Why not!" the tall black man replied, sitting in his usual armchair in the corner of the bedroom. Mihael handed him a full mug.  
"So, how was that night? Nothing happened?" Vern questioned.  
"No, everything went fine, he had a few nightmares but nothing bad, I could comfort him." Mihael stated while finishing his toast, "Vern, I read about something on the internet, but since it's on the web, I wondered about the accuracy of the facts. They say that sometimes, to help people that lived traumatizing events and suffer from memory loss, it's good to confront them to things related to these events. Since the delay needed by the drugs to get out of Mail's system is over for more than two days now, I thought that, if this statement is true, we could try something like this, what do you think?" he added.  
"Well, Mihael, it's true, but it's also very risky, I mean, since we don't exactly know what happened to him..." Mihael cut him.  
"We know at least what happened at Wammy's, and I was there. I want to take him there, it may be worth the try..."  
"Mihael, I can't say it wouldn't have any positive effects, but you should be aware that it can also ruin all the progress he made until now. Do you really want to take the risk?" Vern asked, worried about the teenager's plans.  
"I want to take the risk Vern, he trusts me, I can comfort him, it's not like he's alone."  
"Well then, ok, but I'll make sure to have a tranquillizer ready, and I'll use it if it's required, that's my condition, Mihael." the man warned him.  
"Thank you Vern, I hope we won't need it though..." the blond sighed, "Can you stay with him while I go back to my room? I won't be long, fifteen minutes maybe." Mihael left the room as the nurse nodded, while Mail finished sipping his coffee.

When Mihael came back, he was wearing his usual leather pants and zipped vest, along with a leather jacket, gloves and a scarf.  
He had explained his plans to Marty, Taka and Linden before coming back in the nursing room, and they readied themselves as Mihael rummaged through the bags containing the previous day's shopping, and pulled a furry jacket out of it, striped woollen gloves and an assorted scarf. He managed to get Mail wear all of this, and then, taking his hand, he dragged him outside to the car, where Taka was already waiting. Marty and Linden soon arrived, followed by Vern carrying a small doctor purse.  
They all took place in the limo, that for once they would take, so they could all be together. They usually used more conventional cars though.

One of the henchmen was driving, as they all sat at the back. Mail was playing on his DS, totally absorbed by the game, while Mihael looked silently by the window. The men chatted, but everyone except the redhead was tensed, Mihael more than everyone. Going back to the orphanage in Winchester was wringing his guts, although the outcome of all these events had finally been positive. Remembering the place and events was one thing, seeing the remains of the building was another.

Mihael felt a wave of nausea as, five hours later, the limo parked along the iron fence of Wammy's. The whole barrier was still surrounding the orphanage, standing high and untouched, but the old house itself was nothing more than a pile of ashes, cements pieces, rocks and broken and burnt wood. White and red plastic ribbon was encircling the disaster, contrasting with the morbid shades of grey.

The car emptied of its occupants, excepted the driver, who opened the window and lit a cigarette, waiting.  
Mihael took Mail's hand, and he leaded the group inside of the delimiting fence.  
"Please, wait here, Mail and me need to go alone." Mihael whispered, his voice trembling, as he and his boyfriend approached the porch, poor piece of wood standing alone in the middle of nothing, the door open and half eaten by flames, covered with soot. The place where their way had separated weeks ago...


	37. Chapter 37

_**Note:** Shorter chapter, but full of events hehe ^^ aaaand... a cliffie, muhahahaha! Sorry for being so mean with the updates, but my apartment being the hellhole it is, I need to reorganize everything because my girlie-girl side wants a real dressing room, because you can't be a real punk lolita if you don't have a dressing, I said so! (Ok, just a bad excuse not to say I have too many clothes and shoes hehehe).  
Now that I'm over with the usual stupid rant, onto the chapter! Be careful where you walk, you could trip on a lemon... and I need them for a little squeeze in next chapters!_

* * *

**January 23****th****, 2007 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_The corridor was still almost untouched, past the entrance door hanging loosely to its hinges. The black and cream tiled floor, dirty with dust and fragments of the half collapsed building, was drawing a line to the opposite wall, but the side walls were absent and only left place to debris and huge pieces of what were previously rooms. Even the large stairs had fell under the weight of the explosion, a few steps still rising up to nothing anymore, the banister continuing a bit further in the air, shards abruptly spiking where it had been broken.  
But strangely, this alley and the window in the opposite wall were still standing, the light of this grey winter day bathing the inside remains through partly broken glass. It could almost have been a beautiful sight, if it hadn't been under those circumstances.

Mail stopped in the doorframe, pocketing his gaming console, and looking around him. Mihael stared at him a few seconds, eager to see any reaction from the redhead. Mail then looked at him, blankly, and resumed observing the remains from where he was standing. But apart of that, nothing there seemed to awake any memory to him.

Mihael breathed deeply, trying to erase the sick feeling in his stomach. He could almost revive the scene, the flames, and the ever present smell of ashes and old fire was filling his lungs in an unpleasant way. He had the impression he was breathing the ashes, and that they would suffocate his lungs. He shook his head, willing to get rid of the feeling, and began walking slowly to the window, leaving Mail to his contemplating after a last glance at him to make sure he wouldn't freak out.

"I can't believe it's still standing, all the rest has collapsed all around..." the blond whispered as he brushed over the wood of the window with the tip of his fingers. Far away in the fog, he could distinguish the top of Winchester's cathedral, a sight he had stared at so many times from the bedroom's window, not so long ago. Nostalgia gained him, along with the remembrance of all the good times this bedroom had witnessed: when he had confessed his love to Mail, when they had made love for the first time, all the nights cuddled together and the long talks until early morning...

_Why were Mail and him bound to lose everything by fire?_ It had been the second time, and Mihael wondered if fate would strike a third time. He didn't want to be superstitious, but he was afraid.  
Shaking these thoughts from his head, knowing that the only person responsible was MacKenzie, and that he was dead, he turned on his heels, not wanting to let Mail behind too long.

As he walked slowly back, stepping carefully to avoid the various fragments scattered on the floor, he went past what had previously been the common room, and, stopping briefly, remembered how Mail had pulled him through the fire, protecting him from the flames as they tried to reach the front door. After that, all he could remember was coughing, feeling like he was dying from suffocation, and collapsing on the ground. From that moment, no one knew what had happened, except Mail. All himself knew was what he'd been told or what they all had supposed with the few hints they got after the events.

And all those people killed... an act of pure madness. Even if he had never really appreciated anyone in the orphanage, he felt sorry for them: Near, Wammy, Linda, Cassie, May, Roger, Ike...  
He knew since he had woken up after the Mafia had found him there why he had never liked L and had always had a bad feeling toward him. But still, someone who had dedicated his life to solving cases and saving lives...  
_The part of bad in everyone can really be stirred out by this Death Note, it's scary. Light didn't seem so bad himself as a person... it's like signing a pact with the devil, having the note...  
And Near... used like this, just like a pawn... maybe he's better dead, I don't know how someone could get over all this after knowing the person you loved like a big brother never really cared. He would have taken him with him, if he cared...  
_

Something he had totally forgotten until now came to his mind. The run in the woods, the mud, L's neck cracking under his grip. Was that enough to have avenged all the Dead from Wammy's?

The blond glanced back at Winchester's cathedral's roof in the mist, he would have to go there once they would be done here. He crouched, and, with his index, drew a cross in the dust covering the tiles.  
"Rest in peace, all of you..." he murmured, before straightening, and looking in front of him, where Mail was waiting, still looking all around him quite surprised, but not showing any sign of imminent crisis or fear.

Mihael felt suddenly weak at the sight of the place where he had fell after Mail had smothered the flames burning his clothes, the spot just behind the left half of the entrance door where everything had gone blank, and where Mail's nightmare had started.  
"Will you ever tell me, Mail?..." he whispered, beginning to walk again in the direction of his boyfriend. He waved a hand in a reassuring sign to the others in the distance, as he saw Taka's worried look, the man standing with Marty, Linden and Vern next to the iron portal.

As he approached Mail, Mihael felt the sudden change in the redhead who was looking at him, still standing beside the doorframe.  
He saw the eyes light up to life, the shoulders tense, the stance go from hunched to straight, the fiddling hands fall to his sides.

_My angel, he's so beautiful, is that heavenly light?_ Mail thought as Mihael walked to him, the grey halo from the window backlighting his frame,_ Is he coming to take me this time?_  
His eyes traced the contours of the scar on the blond's face, running downward to his neck and chest. Leather. The leather was there. Hips swaying with each step Mihael took forward. All those memories... happy memories, the smell and light creaking of the garment, soft touches and this smile, echoing from his memory to the person approaching him right now... it was all the same person... the one he tried so hard to remember.

_But why does he look different? This scar... am I getting confused? He wasn't like this in my mind... what happened? And what are we doing here? It's cold... I'm cold... and it's so horrible here. Is that hell? No... it's too cold to be hell... but it smells like smoke... _

A wave of memories rushed back into his mind all of a sudden, creeping from the shadows to flood him, washing the daze he was living in away.  
His arms fell to his sides as the images of what happened in that place suddenly reappeared, as Mihael closed the distance between them, sensing that something was wrong.  
Mail grabbed Mihael's shoulders, in need of support as his legs almost gave in under the violence of the feelings overwhelming him. Mihael quickly snaked his arms around the redhead's waist to prevent him from falling, and gazed in his eyes, anxious, as Mail secured his feet to the ground, leaning lightly on Mihael to regain his stance.

Mail felt dizzy, his mind trying to sort out the memories, to fix the pieces together in the right order, each one making him want to scream, as he realized again all he had been through during the previous weeks, and what exactly happened: White Hope, the director, the rape, the murder, Light, L...  
But his mind switched back to the beginning in a start, and put all this aside in an instant at the souvenir of Mihael in the flames, Mihael on fire, Mihael collapsing here just where they were now standing...

Mail's hands crept from his boyfriend's shoulders to his cheeks, cupping his face, as his eyes widened even more than they already had.  
_The fire, the scar... this beautiful face, hurt..._  
_  
Holy fuck, I let him on the floor, I left him alone! Why... How could I have done that?  
That scar was all my fault, then?!_

He held the face tighter, worryingly looking in those clear eyes that didn't show an ounce of resentment, only worry and questioning, and... as he realised that the love he felt for that blond angel was echoing in the other's eyes, the name escaped his lips as the last piece, the one casting light on the identity of this blond angel, finally completed the puzzle: "Mihael..."

Mihael broke up in tears at the sound of his name. It was like being washed away simultaneously by a wave of relief, and one of tiredness as well, like being high and hitting the bottom all at once.  
Unconsciously, the blond's head fell against Mail's chest, gripping his stripped shirt and sobbing as tears flooded out of his eyes. He had taken too much, it had gone too far, it had lasted too long, and he was breaking down out of exhaustion, unable to hold on to himself anymore.

Mihael fell on his knees, pulling Mail with him, both weak with emotion, tears flooding from their eyes.

And Mail encircled the shaking form curling against him, carefully, and stroke the long blond hair softly, as he whispered a melody tenderly: _Deta deta tsuki ga, marui marui manmarui, bon no you na tsuki ga, kakureta kumo ni, kuroi kuroi makkuroi, sumi no you na kumo ni, mata deta tsuki ga, marui marui manmarui, bon no you na tsuki ga..._

They stayed this way for a while, as Mihael let everything he had kept inside of him pour out completely.

"I'm sorry Mihael, I'm so sorry..." Mail whispered, softly rocking his boyfriend in his arms.  
Mihael's head rose, looking at him questioningly. "Sorry? What for?" he sobbed, lovingly stroking the redhead's cheek. He felt so tired that he just wanted to stay there, even with the cold, curled against the one he loved.  
"I've abandoned you here, this scar... it's my fault... I'm sorry!" Mail began to cry again, holding Mihael tighter as he buried his face in the crook of the blond's neck.  
"Mail, look at me." Mihael said in a firm voice, grabbing Mail's face to force him to look him in the eyes, "I don't give a fuck about this scar, all that matters to me is that you're alive, and that all this is finally over... I was so scared that you would never remember me... Mail, I..." Mihael broke down in tears again, "I... missed you so much! So much..."  
"Mihael... Mihael..." was all Mail could reply, repeating his lover's name again and again, like if he wanted to make sure he would never forget it again.

Seeing that the teenagers were on the ground for a long moment now, and crying, Taka decided he would check on them, and walked to the place where they were knelt, followed by the three other men.

As the tears stopped, leaving Mail and Mihael exhausted, finally relieved from sorrow, the redhead wiped his eyes and smiled weakly, looking at his boyfriend. Mihael smiled back, and, standing, he helped Mail do the same.  
Suddenly, eager and needy after all this time, he pulled Mail against him, one of his hands sliding in the red locks of the back of Mail's head while his other arm snaked around his neck, and kissed him, his lips pecking at Mail's first, then deepening the exchange as the redhead parted his lips as he tilted his head, wanting more from the contact he had missed so much. He held onto Mihael's waist as the kiss became softer, the chocolate taste of Mihael's mouth mixing with his own smoky breath. This was finally heaven.

Taka froze, speechless, Linden bumping into him because of the sudden stop. Marty gasped, while Vern looked at all three of them worriedly.


	38. Chapter 38

_**Note: **Oh wow, I've been really long for that one, and I'm really sorry for that. I just want to reassure you once again, there's no way I stop this fic until it's finished, I love it, and I always finish my fics even if I don't love them anymore, because I hate it when I read other writers' fics and they stop it when they lose interest. So there's no risk that you don't see the end of Lithium ^^  
I've been overly busy and had a big problem to deal with, the buyer of one of my laptop paid with a stolen bankcheck, and hopefully I didn't provide the laptop before I had the money so i didn't lose anything, but I had to complain to the police and all, well, shit happens, along with the renovation in my apartment that takes a lot of time too.  
Sorry for the ever boring rant about myself, but I don't like not to explain why I was so silent. I'll post sooner though, concerning next chapter ^^_

* * *

**January 23****th****, 2007 part 3 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael was holding Mail tightly, totally oblivious of the four spectators he and the redhead had. Mail was as much involved in the kiss as the blond, tears of relief still running from his eyes as Mihael broke the kiss, his forehead on Mail's, whispering tender words to his lover.  
Mail shivered from the cold, snuggling against Mihael, who decided it was time to leave.

"Ready to go?" Mihael asked, taking Mail's hand and entwining their fingers.  
Mail smiled, his eyes glittering as he turned to leave the ruined porch. He stopped cold as he faced Taka, Vern, Linden and Marty.  
He recognized Marty and Taka, but wondered briefly who were the two others, although the tall black man's face seemed quite familiar, before focusing back on Taka. He looked older, of course, but it wasn't the reason of the uneasy feeling growing in Mail. The expression on his face was foreign to him. His first impulsion when he saw the one who had taken care of him and Mihael years ago had been to run into his arms, but it had immediately vanished under the puzzled and hard look of the man.

So Mail stood there, holding Mihael's hand, his eyes slightly widened, an unknown fear building a knot in his stomach.  
He bowed his head, avoiding Taka's eyes, his face reddening.

Mihael realised then that he had totally eluded the topic of his relationship with Mail, and that, even if it had never been intentional, Taka had been left out of the confidence, and seeing the expression of his face, he was pretty shocked. The blond wondered quickly if the japanese man would be against that fact or not. Not that it would change anything, but Mihael couldn't stand the idea of not being approved by his father figure.

That's only when Vern broke the ice, talking in the awkward silence, that Mihael remembered that the nurse was the only one knowing, since he had told him about the search of his boyfriend several days ago, when he hadn't found Mail yet. The tall black man knew the nature of the relationship between the two teenagers, and even if he wouldn't have taken the initiative to reveal it, he seemed to be willing to save Mail and Mihael from the situation taking place at the moment.

"So, we're going to have the honour to know Mail a bit more at last!" Vern said cheerfully, "Mihael, I'm happy that you insisted on coming here, it was a good idea and even if I wasn't up for it at first, the outcome is better than I would have expected."  
Vern insisted on the fact that Mail had come back to his senses, and that it was a happy ending, trying to emphasise the fact that focusing on that was more important than the two teenagers being boyfriends.  
Marty understood the statement and, pulling on Taka's sleeve, walked the few feet separating him from Mail and hugged him, chuckling quietly as tears formed in his eyes.  
"It's so good to have you back Mail, we all missed you, you know." the man said, ruffling the red hair as he withdrew to look Mail in the eyes, smiling.  
Mail smiled back, but his smile vanished as Taka took Marty's place in front of him.

The japanese man was as uneasy as him, as Mail kept his head down, not daring to look at Taka.  
"Taka, I know I should have told you... I just forgot..." Mihael began.  
"Yeah, you should have..." Taka simply replied, not taking his eyes of Mail as he talked, his large palm cupping Mail's right cheek as he forced the redhead to look at him.

Mail was on the border of tears as he looked in Taka's eyes.  
"I'm glad you're back, Mail." he whispered, before letting his hand fall back to his side and looking away.

Marty, sensing that Taka was not recovering from the shock, decided to create a diversion.  
"Mail, let me introduce you to Linden, he is our doc. And I guess you know Vern?"  
"Well I... his face tells me something but I can't place it..." the redhead replied, looking at the black man who approached him.  
"I was a nurse at Cheadle asylum, where you've been placed by L, and I left with you when Mihael found you, you were too drugged to remember me but as you saw me everyday lately, that's why I look familiar to you." Vern's big smile reassured Mail, who spontaneously held his hand out to the man.  
"Well then, I'm pleased to meet you.. I mean, please to recognize you." Mail joked, as Vern shook his hand. He then held his hand out to Linden, who was standing beside Vern. Linden simply smiled as he greeted Mail.  
"Ok, we should be going, it's cold and it's not the time to catch a flu, kids." Marty stated, pushing the two teenagers in front of him. He looked at Taka as he walked past him, rolling his eyes to make him understand he should get over it. The japanese man followed, not uttering a word.

They left the place, Mail and Mihael not even having a last look at the disaster that once was their home. This would be something they would gladly leave behind.

The henchman drove all the way back to Manchester, as the others, in the back of the limo, started asking questions to Mail. Mihael knew that he would have to talk to Mail once they would be alone, because he had to tell him his part of the story as well as Mail had to with his, so they could piece everything together, but right now, he wanted to melt in the euphoria of having his lover back and aware.  
Taka's attitude was worrying him though. The man stayed silent, looking by the car's window, only glancing from time to time at the others.

Everyone seemed to understand that it was better to wait that Mihael and him had talked together before asking about what happened to Mail in the previous weeks, and focused on discovering what kind of person Mail was now.  
Marty could only notice that Mail was still the easily impressed and kind kid that he was years ago. There had always been a great difference between his temper and Mihael's, and that was probably why they got along so well, only someone as laid back and easy going as Mail could cope with Mihael's quick temper.  
He also assessed the quick glances that Mail was nervously giving to Taka. There was something wrong between those two, and Marty decided he would talk to his friend as soon as they would be back at the hideout. He didn't want to situation to get worse or alter the good mood of having Mail back. The teenagers had to go through enough traumatizing moments for them to be in peace from now on, and if Taka was one to disapprove about Mail and Mihael's relationship, Marty would reason him by force if he needed to do so. Not that he hadn't been shocked himself when he saw the two make out, but there was nothing to do about it, and now that he thought about that, it almost seemed normal to him. These kids loved and depended on each other so much that being that close had to happen, even back in their early years, in Los Angeles, Mihael, as a kid, hadn't seen anything bad at kissing Mail on the New Year's eve, and things had probably never changed since then. They hardly let anyone into their little bubble, even other children at school couldn't really become friends with them as they were way too focused on each other.

On the way, the driver stopped for gas and Marty bought food at the little station's shop, since it was already late and none of them had eaten for hours.  
The chatting slowly faded as everyone ate, and soon, Mail and Mihael dozed off, rocked by the movement of the car and the lulling noise of the motor.

Once they arrived at the hideout, the night already fallen for a long time, Marty softly woke up the two teenagers that had finally fallen deep asleep, tired of the talking and the emotional rush.  
Mihael and Mail, eyes half lidded, slowly stepped out of the car and walked inside of the building, where everyone had already entered.  
Vern was preparing hot chocolate and coffee in the kitchen, chatting with Linden, when they entered the common room upstairs. Marty gently pushed them inside, as Mail stopped when he saw Taka looking at him with an indescribable look. The redhead felt his heart race. He was beginning to be scared by the japanese man. He wished Mihael had told him about their relationship, so maybe it wouldn't be so tensed, but there was something more that he couldn't place. Taka, in Mail's souvenirs, had always been the kindest person on earth along with Mr Keehl, when it came to him and Mihael, and couldn't even scold them when they played tricks or made mischiefs. So seeing the man with such a hard look really sent a cold wave through his veins.

The same as in the limo happened, everyone talking and asking questions to Mail, as they all had a hot drink, except Taka who just observed, his mouth irremediably shut.  
The man quickly pretended to be tired and left for his bedroom. Mail and Mihael did the same not long after, their eyes closing although they fought to stay awake.  
Marty knew that it was better to sleep on that, he would talk to Taka the next day. He had his idea about the fact that Taka seemed to be in great difficulty to accept things as they were now, now that he thought about the man's past. He hadn't related to that a little earlier, but it seemed pretty obvious to him now.

As soon as Mail stopped in front of the nursing room, Mihael pulled him by the hand, leading him to his own room. Mail smiled, and followed willingly.  
"You don't need to sleep there anymore..." Mihael grinned, gently pressing Mail's hand in his.  
They crossed the corridor and Mihael stopped briefly, staring at Taka's bedroom's door, a few rooms further. He then pushed Mail inside the messy place that was his own room and closed the door without a noise.

In the darkness of the room, only guessing each other's form, Mail and Mihael fell in each other's arms, Mail crying once again. Mihael rocked him softly, knowing that the shock would be hard to recover for both of them, and even more for Mail since he had a hole in the latest events, when he was too high to know about what was happening around him, and the gap disturbed him since he was unable to relate the past to the present with such a blank between the two. But the talking would wait, they were both exhausted, and needed physical contact more than a discussion right now.

As Mihael traced Mail's face with his fingertips, his eyes getting accustomed to the dark, the only light coming from a nightlight in the street, he felt like rediscovering his lover's features, although he knew them by heart.  
Mail let him do, but soon captured his boyfriend's hand in his, kissing the palm tenderly and holding it against his chest.  
In the silence, their eyes were the only ones to speak, both unable to utter a word, for there was nothing that could express such a longing, such a need.

"Let's sleep, Mail, we will have time for everything tomorrow and after, so let's just rest, I think we really need it..." Mihael said as Mail yawned for the umpteenth time, just standing there in his arms.  
They quickly undressed, and slid in underwears under the sheets, snuggling against each other.

A knock resounded at the door suddenly, just as Mihael was tugging the blanket over their bodies, as Mail shivered since the room wasn't as heated as the nursing room, and that he had gotten used to sleep with the high temperature.  
"Yeah?" Mihael said, loud enough for whoever was on the other side of the door to hear.

Taka appeared in the doorframe. Mihael breathed deeply, relieved. Since he had been back, Taka had tucked him in bed every night, and seeing the man do the same as usual even though he was obviously not really pleased with the situation really warmed Mihael's heart. _Things are not so bad after all_, he thought.

The japanese man pulled on the covers, like he always did, to make sure they covered the teenager, and deposited a quick kiss on his forehead. He then turned around the bed, and did the same with Mail. He felt the redhead tense under his lips, and withdrew. But Mail didn't miss the hurt look in the man's eyes, with the light coming from the corridor.  
"Taka... goodnight..." Mail whispered, not really knowing what he wanted to say, although he felt like having a boiling pool of words willing to come out for the man standing beside the bed.  
"Goodnight, my sons." Taka softly said, before leaving, trying to muffle the sound of the closing door.


	39. Chapter 39

_**Note:**__ As promised, I wasn't too long on that one ^^_**  
**_Shameless self ad: I wrote a oneshot called "**After all**", you can see it in my stories list, it's in Near's POV, not usual for me, but it's still MelloxMatt (heh, what did you expect? *lol*)_**  


* * *

January 24****th****, 2007 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mail woke up, and his eyes were not open yet that his mind forced his body into an instinctive jerk. He fell from the bed, the fall cutting the yell threatening to come out of his throat as fear shot through his sleepy brain.  
"Mail!" Mihael worried, awoken by the harsh movement and looking at Mail from the border of the bed where he had crawled, holding a hand to his boyfriend as he glanced at the clock: 6:12am.  
Mail grabbed his hand as he finally processed where he was and who was there with him in the bed, and slid back under the sheets, slightly shaking.

"What's wrong Mail?" the blond softly stroke the red hair of the boy curled up against his chest, trying to ease the shaking form clutched to his neck.  
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry Mihael, I thought, I... I'm fine, don't worry..." Mail breathed in and out to calm himself down, and slowly rose his head to force a sheepish smile to Mihael.  
"Do you really think I will buy it?" Mihael whispered, depositing butterfly kisses on the fake smile, "We really need to talk, we both have a lot to tell each other, and I don't want you to hide anything to me, ok?"  
"Mihael... I'm scared..." the redhead sobbed, hiding his face blushing with shame in his lover's crook of the neck.  
"Tell me what scares you, please, I want to be able to help you..." Mihael took Mail's face between his palms, forcing his boyfriend to look at him, but quickly Mail broke eye contact and looked away. "Don't do that to me Mail... please... look at me... are you scared by me?"  
"No! No Mihael, how could I? I... I'm scared because I feel like I'm different from what you know... from what I was before L... all that happened... I'm scared that you don't want me anymore!" Mail broke in tears, unable to contain his pain.  
"How can you say something like this Mail!" Mihael's face suddenly turned into an angry scowl, "Is that what you think of me... of us? Of course we are different! Who wouldn't be after that? But there's not a single chance that my love has changed, except to be stronger. And look at me! Look at my face! Mail, if you think I could stop wanting you because you have changed, then what am I supposed to think? That you could stop loving me because I am different, too?"  
Mail's eyes went wide in shock. "You are not different to me Mihael... The only feeling I have toward your scar is that I am ashamed, because this is my fault, but it doesn't make you less beautiful to me, and... I... I..." Mail shook his head, closing his eyes tightly to repress the next wave of tears, "I love you, and nothing will ever change that!"  
"And do you think it could be different for me?" Mihael enquired, feeling deep down in his guts the pain that Mail's words were inflicting to him.  
"I don't know... I'm scared... I know I should tell you everything, but if there's a single chance that it changes your feelings for me, I don't want to take it..." the redhead whispered, his shoulders hunched and his head low, unable to look at his lover.  
Mihael let go of Mail and stood up from the bed, silent. He walked to the door, but stopped as his hand touched the doorknob, and turned around.  
"You don't trust me anymore..." he simply said, tears running on his cheeks, as his eyes met Mail's, who was looking at him walk away in shock, "And you don't respect me either, Mail. You don't trust my love enough to tell me without fear, and you don't respect me enough to reveal something that apparently needs to be said. If you really think I will change my mind about you, then hiding whatever it is to me is just making our relationship based on a lie, don't you think so?"  
Mail looked back at his hands in his lap, silent. Mihael opened the door and stepped outside of the bedroom.

He was about to close the door when he heard Mail's voice call to him. He turned around and looked inside of the room. Mail was standing in the middle of the room, half naked, his hair dishevelled, twisting his hands fearfully.  
"See, you don't want me anymore... I knew it... but I understand... I'll go back to Wammy's today, so I won't be bothering you anymore..." the redhead mumbled, giving a few quick glances at Mihael with shaded eyes, but quickly averting his gaze, looking at the wall like if he was talking to the atmosphere.  
Mihael suddenly realised the extense of the problem. Mail had recovered his senses, but that had never meant he wouldn't have memory losses or reminiscences of the lithium treatment. And right now, Mail seemed everything but aware of reality.  
"But Mail... Wammy's doesn't exist anymore... it has burnt, don't you remember?" the blond replied tentatively, not exactly knowing what to do.  
Mail seemed to think an instant, and his eyes lit back to life.  
"Mihael!" he cried before running into his boyfriend's arms.  
Mihael held him tightly as the redhead sobbed against his chest.  
"Mail, I love you, you won't go anywhere, I won't let you!" he could feel the lump in his throat as tears threatened to fall along with Mail's.  
Mail looked at him, raising his head. "Where would you want me to go?"  
Mihael's stomach twisted painfully. Mail didn't remember what he just said about leaving. Had he forgotten about their previous talk too? He regretted what he had said, because leaving the room had shocked Mail enough to provoke a crisis, and accusing Mail would never solve the problem. How could he have been so egoistic, asking for things to be solved just because Mail was back, when there was so much to get over for both of them, and even more for Mail obviously. What was that thing Mail didn't want to tell him?  
"Mail, I'm sorry for what I said and did... I shouldn't have forced you to talk, and no matter what you decide, I'll be by your side. I've let my impatient side take over, but I promise you I'll try not to push you anymore. I thought that love alone would solve everything, but I know we need time, so take your time, ok?"  
"I will tell you... I promise. Because I want to respect you." Mail whispered.  
"Forget what I said, it was mean and uncalled for, I know it's not a matter of trust, I was just too angry that things weren't just like before and we could go on with our lives happily, I missed you so much that I just want us to be like we were before, I'm the one that has to accept that it will take time before we can get over this, it's not like anything happened, we've seen horrors and lost a lot." Mihael said, knowing now that Mail remembered the fight they just had.  
It wouldn't be easy, and just cuddling against each other wouldn't make it, there was much to solve and process before their minds could go back to normal.  
"Then I am happy..." Mail smirked suddenly, his forehead against Mihael's.  
"Mmh?" the blond wondered at Mail's sudden change of expression.  
"I'm happy to see that something didn't change: you're still the easily pissed off jerk I was used to." the redhead grinned before pecking his lover's lips.  
Mihael laughed out loud at that statement, and a few seconds later, he had tackled Mail on the bed and was kissing him tenderly. Another thing hadn't changed: Mail's kisses could still drive him crazy.

The embrace heated after a few minutes, and the two teenagers slid under the sheets again as the cold air of the room made Mail shiver. Mihael's hands roamed all over his chest, replacing the shivers by pleasure goosebumps.  
As the blond teased Mail's nipples with his thumb, the redhead moaned softly in the kiss.  
"Mail, I missed you so much, so fucking much..." Mihael began to kiss and lick at the redhead's neck as his hand descended along his side, resting on his hip. His lips followed the way his hand had just taken, and soon, he was nipping at Mail's hipbone, knowing his lover was very sensitive in this area. He felt Mail's member harden under him, and after depositing soft kisses on the tender skin just below his bellybutton, delightfully feeling the soft red duvet trailing down, he began tugging on Mail's underwears.

"Mihael..." Mail's voice was pleading him to stop.  
"Are you ok Mail?" Mihael slid upward to lay beside his boyfriend, worriedly looking at him.  
"I... I think we should talk before..." Mail was blushing, on the verge of tears again.  
"Hey, shhh, it's ok, of course we will talk if you want to... we don't need to... have sex now." Mihael tried to reassure him.  
"I want you to know everything so you can decide if you still want me after that." Mail said, his tone serious and determined.  
"Ok, tell me everything so I can prove you I still want you after that." the blond smiled and stood up, "Let's take a shower, have breakfast, and then, we'll find a nice place to sit and talk, is that fine with you?"  
"Perfect. I guess it will take a while before we put the whole story together..." the redhead took Mihael's hand and followed him in the bathroom. They both knew there was a lot to say and that they would need to settle down for quite a few hours alone, so there was no need to rush things now, they'd better get ready and eat first. And movements began to be heard in the nearby rooms anyway, so it wouldn't be long before the others came to check on them.

Mail and Mihael just had finished their breakfast when Taka and Vern arrived in the kitchen. The tall black man poured himself and Taka some coffee before leaving the room and letting the two teenagers with the japanese man.  
Taka watched him leave, uneasy to be left alone with the two, then focused back on his cup.  
Mail and Mihael left the kitchen, seeing that Taka didn't look at them and stayed silent. None of them dared to bring the subject of their relationship up with the man, seeing that he wasn't ready to approve them.  
Mihael hadn't expected Taka to be homophobic, and he felt angry against him. Considering that, he couldn't bring himself to talk to him.  
But as Mihael headed to their bedroom to take his coat, as they would have a walk outside and talk, Mail stopped him.  
"Mihael, take my coat too, we'll meet outside, I forgot something, I won't be long."  
The blond nodded and crossed the common room to reach the corridor leading to the bedrooms.

Mail went back to the kitchen, and stopped, standing beside Taka who was still sat, staring at the untouched dark liquid in his cup.  
"Did I do something wrong?" Mail whispered, fiddling with his fingers as he looked down at his feet. Taka's head shot up, and the expression on the man's face went from scowling to surprise as he watched the short redhead squirm uneasily next to him, obviously nervous and blushing.  
Mail dared a look at Taka, and the man suddenly stood up, his chair falling in the process, when the two big blue eyes made his heart explode. He pulled Mail into his arms and hugged him. The frail form relaxed against him, and he felt skinny arms encircle his waist.  
"No, you did nothing wrong Mail. Nothing. I'm the one to blame." Taka said softly, stroking the red tuft of hair, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that, it's nothing against you or Mihael, it's something I did long ago and that I'm not proud of, even more now that you and Mihael..." his voice broke and he fell silent again, as he released the redhead.  
That's only at that moment that he saw Mihael and Marty watching him from the common room.

Mail smiled and left, joining Mihael who was handing him his coat and striped woolen scarf, looking puzzled at Taka.  
"Do you have your cellphones?" Marty asked them. The two nodded. "Don't stay out too long ok? It's very cold outside and I don't want any of you sick." the old man added, pushing them in the direction of the door, "I need to have a talk with Taka." he whispered to them before turning around and crossing the room to go in the kitchen.  
"We're going to Picadilly Gardens, so you know where we are." Mihael stated before closing the door.

* * *

_**Note:** I hope you liked this chapter, we're entering the emotional pack of chapters, lemons will come soon but it took me longer to set the "we have a lot of problems to solve" thing, and anyway, it wouldn't be plausible to have a "oh, everything's ok for everyone" part and over, because no one could escape safe from such experiences and there's no way I use the easy way, Mail hasn't recovered fully yet and this is normal, it's just facts. And it's still based on personal experience, and still going somewhere. This fic will probably reach at least 60 chapters, seeing how long it takes me to progress ^^  
_


	40. Chapter 40

**_Note:_**_ You didn't expect another chapter so fast, did you? Well, I don't know what I have, but all I can do is write lately, and it makes up for the lack of update during two weeks, I guess...  
Because I like to annoy you, another shameless self ad: another oneshot, MxM, Matt POV, called "**If only you could see yourself like I see you**", in my stories list ;)_**  


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January 24****th****, 2007 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_"Taka, I'm pretty sure your reaction had nothing to do with shock, concerning the nature of Mail and Mihael's relationship, but I'm happy you could sort things out, or at least, it seemed so a little earlier." Marty stated, pouring himself a cup of coffee and joining the japanese man at the kitchen table.  
"I was surprised, but we all were I guess, since Mihael never brought the subject up with us. I know he never meant to hide it, their reaction to each other yesterday was genuine, but as you probably already guessed, it reminded me of something I'd rather have left behind." Taka replied, turning the cup in his hands nervously.  
"It's not like you to be so anxious... Do you plan on telling them?" Marty asked, scrutinizing the man sat face to him.

Taka was always calm and pondered, and seeing him like that was weird to him. In almost eighteen years, never had he seen the japanese man hesitate or be affected to that extense.  
"That's what making me anxious... I don't see how I could escape telling them, I probably hurt them by reacting like that, particularly Mihael who's been cold with me since we came back yesterday, and I know he won't let me get away with that. Mail is more emotional, and he directly came to me to know what was wrong, and I'm glad he did." Taka looked at Marty, "I just discovered I still can't resist his eyes, just like before, he has this ability to melt you straight to the core with a single look..."  
Marty laughed.

"Yeah... I can't count how many times he got you with that look. Mihael would create the problem, and Mail would just look at you and Mihael was saved. Those two... it's just like nothing changed... I mean, I still see them like 6 years old kids."  
"Same for me... but I guess they're not that adult, even if they had to grow up fast and alone, they've been through a lot but they're still kids inside, just look at how Mihael lets himself be tucked in bed... they still need a family..." Taka sighed, as the memory of Mail and Mihael running in a garden, between huge sunflowers that were higher than the two children, came to his mind. He could still hear their laughter and see their beaming expressions, "I don't know how long I would have taken to be able to talk to them if Mail hadn't come to me. Well, I didn't tell him why I reacted like that, but I'll tell them when they are back, later. Mihael probably thinks I'm against their relationship, seeing how he avoided me and sulked since yesterday."

"They won't hate you for that, you know it..." Marty tried to reassure his friend.  
"It's not that... I act like they're my kids, and they're going to discover that I'm not really a model to follow... I've always known I was wrong to do what I did, and that my feelings were biased because of my uncle, but it doesn't erase what I did, and now not only can't I forget it with Mail and Mihael together in front of my eyes, but how could I deserve their respect when I once went against everything they are now?" the japanese man rubbed his face with his large palms, letting his hands rest on each side of his neck as his elbows supported his head on the table.  
"Do you still think the same now?" the older man questioned, putting his empty cup in the sink.  
"No..."

Mihael exited the taxi first, helping Mail out. The redhead was still weak and the little fight they had earlier had already drained him, so the blond had decided for the cab instead of walking to Piccadilly Gardens.  
Mail shivered at the sudden cold after the warmth of the car. Mihael encircled his shoulders, bringing his boyfriend close to him as they walked inside of the park.

"What is this building?" Mail asked, staring at a huge modern construction on the other end of the green area.  
"It's One, most of it is rented by the Bank of New York Mellon, it's just offices and stores." Mihael explained as Mail faced him with a smile, turning his back to the red building he was looking at a few seconds ago.

"Mihael..." the redhead uttered softly, snuggling closer, still looking at Mihael straight in the eyes.  
"Something's wrong?" the blond inquired, his brows furrowing in worry.  
"No. I just thought about how many times I've said your name when we were apart, and how good it feels to be able to call your name and actually see you in front of me now..." Mail replied simply, his fingers unconsciously tracing the scar on his lover's face. He withdrew his hand when he realised what he was doing, but Mihael caught it in his, and held it against the damaged skin, rubbing the back of Mail's hand with his thumb.

"I know what you think, but that's not your fault. And as long as you don't think I'm ugly or disgusting with this on my face, then I don't care if I have it." He said softly.  
"You know it doesn't matter to me, the way you look, even if I've always found you beautiful. And I have to say that this scar adds something cool to your face. If anything, it makes you look different, but still as beautiful as before." Mail couldn't help but watch the marred skin, still needing to print this new appearance of the one he loved in his mind.  
"Then you like it." Mihael grinned.  
"I love you." the redhead held onto Mihael tightly as he crashed his lips on the blond's mouth, deepening the kiss immediately, almost in a desperate way.

Mihael moaned in the kiss, feeling his whole body react to the passionate kiss.  
As they broke the kiss, Mihael murmured, slightly panting: "We really need to talk things out because I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to wait if you do that to me, Mail..."  
Mail looked at him with a sad look.  
"Ok, let's find a place to sit..." the blond added, conscious that his boyfriend was still believing that what he would say would drive him away.

The fountain wasn't working since it was winter, but the two teenagers sat in front of the lifeless water area. The cold was biting and Mihael took Mail's hands in his in an attempt of warming them.

"So, where do you wanna begin?" the redhead asked, not sure where to start.  
"You could tell me what happened the day... of the fire." Mihael suggested, "I only remember the explosions and vaguely seeing people around us but that's all..."  
"Ok..." Mail replied, "I don't think you saw it, but L and Light were in the courtyard of Wammy's, I saw them by the window and they had the Death Note. I looked because I had just seen the electronic lock on the door, and I knew something was wrong if they had locked us inside."  
"I remember now, you looked shocked and I was about to ask you why when it all exploded, and Near..." Mihael shuddered at the memory of the bloody body parts scattered all over the room, "I've never liked him but still..."  
"Wammy died, probably because he couldn't stand the heat with his age, and we were the only ones to escape. I don't know if you were still aware of anything at that moment, you seemed totally stone, and I didn't think we had a chance to escape, to tell the truth, I just thought since we were lost, we had to try even if we died in the process... so I pulled you through the fire and we made it to the front door." Mail went on.  
"I didn't remember that, it's just blank after Near died..." the blond felt a wave of nausea gain him.  
"It's because of that, that I knew they wouldn't hesitate to kill us, they didn't even care for Near although they had seemed to appreciate him, so they would have no mercy for you or I. You passed out just as we escaped the fire, but Light and L didn't see you because you were laying behind the closed part of the front door, and I did the only thing I could think about at that moment: do as if I was the only one that had made it alive and like if I didn't know that they were at the origin of the disaster, I just ran outside of the building and left you there..." the redhead started to cry as guilt crept inside of him once again.

Mihael snaked his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders, pulling him closer, his lips on the soft red locks of the top of his head. "Do you realise you saved me by doing that? You ran into the danger just to protect me, you traded your life for mine, how can you feel guilty for that, Mail?"  
"But you could have burnt there, I didn't know what to do, I just tried to guess what was your best chance... but I abandoned you, I didn't want to..." the sobs finally died as Mihael's hand caressed his back tenderly.  
"We should really set the guilt or any bad feeling aside, Mail, we're both here, together and safe, so the rest is irrelevant, don't you think so? Time proved you made the best choice, anyway. I'm grateful, Mail, I just regret you had to sacrifice yourself like you did. I still don't know everything about what happened to you, but you had the hardest part and so I feel guilty too, you know..." Mihael stated. They would never sort this out and forget, and most of all move forward, if feelings related to a past that didn't count anymore were pulling them backward.

"Tell me what happened next." Mihael encouraged Mail to continue his part of the story.  
"I only remember waking up with a headache, in a place I didn't know, with L and Light, after I ran out of Wammy's, so I guess they knocked me out, but I did like I believed them when they said I passed out. They lied a lot to me but I just acted like if nothing was wrong, so maybe I would have a chance to get away from them. I almost gave in when I heard them talk about a connexion with MacKenzie though, and why they had done that. I quickly learnt that L was the main brain in all that, Light just complied because he didn't have a choice, and he really was Kira."  
"Yeah, that's what I thought as soon as you said they had the Death Note..." Mihael said thoughtfully, "But why did they kill everyone? Why did they have to do that?"  
"From the few I heard, L killed BB with the death note, and this thing affects its owner, L was no exception. He made a lot of mistakes when he solved the Kira case and when he covered B's death and his supports around the world started to have doubts, and he wanted to kill all the ones that were supposed to succeed him someday so none of us would discover what he did." Mail explained with the few informations he had gotten at that time, listening to conversations through doors or when he faked being asleep.  
"So that was it... I can't believe he just decided to erase us like that, without hesitation... that's just crazy..." Mihael murmured, shocked by the revelation.  
"But they quickly got rid of me in an orphanage, and I agreed to go there because I thought I could runaway. Well... I kinda did, but it was useless because they got me back." Mail added, thinking he could avoid talking about his stay at the orphanage. His resolution to tell everything to Mihael had flown away when he thought back about what happened.

"Mail... what happened there? I'm pretty sure this is the part that you're scared the most to tell me about. But I want to know. I already know that you killed the director, if that's what's frightening you, and I don't care about that, because I'm sure you did it with a reason, even if I don't know which." Mihael stared at Mail, who seemed to be bracing himself to talk.  
"Mihael... I'm... he... I've never wanted anyone else but you! But he... forced me and... I couldn't... I killed him because I didn't know how to stop him!" Mail broke down in Mihael's arms, whose iron grip echoed with his tightly clenched jaw as he realised that someone had hurt his lover _this way_.

Mail could feel Mihael shake, and he raised his head when he realised that the blond had been silent for a long moment now.  
"Please Mihael... say something..." he pleaded, dreading to hear that his boyfriend thought of him what he thought of himself: he was dirty, he was soiled and there was no way Mihael would want him that way anymore, not after knowing someone else had been there...


	41. Chapter 41

_**Note:**__ It's a bird! It's a plane! NO! It's a daily update! Tadaaaaa!  
*PUIIIITSCH* … F*ck, I walked on something... flabby... Holy Jeevas! That's a lemon! XD_

_BTW, I'm considering changing my user name, since I had this one just because I had enough of trying to find something that wasn't already taken when I registered. Would it be that bad if I changed? Would you all be confused? Truth is, this one's just too generic. Tell me what you think! (I still don't know exactly what would be the new username since I'd have to look for something that's free)._

_Oh, and since Mail recovered, strangely I get less reviews. Not that I write for reviews, but I was wondering if things are less interesting for you now, or if my writing style is getting worse, so any remark is appreciated just so I can improve!  
_

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**January 24****th****, 2007 part 3 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael stood up, still shaking, and, pulling Mail roughly behind him by the hand, he began to walk without a word, his teeth clenched and his expression hard.  
Mail's eyes were flooded by tears as he tried to bring Mihael to talk, and didn't get a reply. He was starting to wish that they hadn't been alone in the park, but except two disturbed teens like them, who would want to stay outside in the cold or have a sit in the grass there?

"Mihael, please! Where are we going? Talk to me, you're scaring me!" he pleaded between his sobs, glancing around him for help but the park was irremediably empty.  
Mihael finally reached his destination, and pushed Mail in front of him, inside of the public toilets booth of the park. Still almost shoving the redhead forward, he locked the both of them in a cabin.

Throwing himself at Mail, he began kissing him feverishly, unzipping the redhead's vest and pulling on it until it fell on the floor. He went on with Mail's belt buckle, sliding the belt off his jeans, and quickly unbuttoned them.  
"Mihael..." Mail tried to mumble in the kiss, the blond still kissing him wildly as he undressed him. Mihael then got rid of his own jacket, and attacked Mail's neck, licking and nipping at the tender flesh that reddened quickly. Mail couldn't help but moan as Mihael's hands slid under his striped shirt, directly heading for his nipples. He shivered at the coldness of the blond's hands tracing circles around the erected flesh, but the feeling of the caresses against his skin heated him quickly.

Suddenly, he felt Mihael's hard member grind against him, and he realised that his boyfriend really had the intention of taking him right here and now. He didn't have the time to process the information further that Mihael had turned him around until he faced the wall, his back against Mihael's chest, the blond's erection directly digging in his rear through the fabric, but the cotton barrier was fast removed as his boyfriend pushed his jeans down to have a better access. He felt a hand slide along his butt, roaming until it rested on his hip, and another one plunged into his hole.

"Mihael!" Mail cried, closing his eyes tightly as images rushed into his mind, bringing him back in a cold dirty room, helpless and suffocating, his head buried in a pillow, as a man forced himself on him, in that same position. Mihael didn't know it, but Mail panicked all the same, reviving the horrible night when White Hope's director had abused him.

But there was no pain. Even in his haste and constriction on Mail, Mihael was soft. Mail's uneasy feeling disappeared. It was only him and Mihael, only lovemaking, even in that place, with that cold.  
Strangely, all the doubts he had had about being able to do anything of a sexual nature with the one he loved after the rape vanished.

He had turned the matter in his head on and on, wondering how he would get over the fear, the memories, how Mihael would accept abstinence if he would ever want him again knowing someone else had penetrated him, how you could simply get over it and have sex again. He had seen long moments of uncertainty, of tears, of trials, of fail, because in his mind, the dirt of what he'd done could never be washed away.  
They had learnt about that at Wammy's, they were raised to be detectives, so they had to take psychology classes, murder psychology, victims psychology... and he knew about rape, about how you blame yourself, how you feel soiled, and how you swim in troubled water, trying to keep your head out of the waves to be able to go on with your life, but no matter what he knew, it was different. It's always different when it happens to you. Because suddenly, it's not theory anymore, it's your pain, and your body that you have to stir out of the unchained sea.

But in these equations he couldn't solve, Mail had forgotten a data: whatever the unchained ocean was, Mihael would always be the ship coming to rescue him. After all they went through, it was once again the two of them, together. The storm couldn't even dream to beat Mihael's thunder. It was rough, instinctive, animal. It was something as ancient as the earth, this strength tying two people together for life, making them eager for each other beyond control, because there will never be any control in an innate love.

Mihael carefully stretched Mail, his lips and tongue devouring all the skin they could reach from behind, and Mail couldn't help but tilt his head to give better access as he groaned from the pleasure Mihael's fingers were giving to him.  
They finally withdrew, leaving place to Mihael's member as the hand resting on his hip grabbed his throbbing cock. Slowly, Mihael pushed himself inside, softly, he caressed Mail's erection, and finally, he spoke, his chin resting on Mail's shoulder, his voice low and almost breaking with emotion.  
"This is how I still want you Mail..."

Mail began to cry as he felt overwhelmed by happiness mixed with the pleasure of Mihael's thrusts. He was trapped between the blond and the cold tiled wall, but he didn't care. Right now all he could register was that the one he loved was marking back his territory where someone unauthorized had come before, and that whenever he would think of the rape and the pain, he would immediately think of Mihael erasing the bad and taking him in that odd place.

The moans grew louder as Mihael hit the right spot, and Mail's nails raked on the tiles as he tried to support his weight on his shaky legs. The blond's hand went faster on his cock as both tensed, close to completion, and once Mail came, his semen slowly dripping on the yellowish white ceramic of the wall, his ring muscle pumping hard on Mihael's erection, the blond followed in climax, and broke down in tears as he embraced his lover from behind, his forehead on his shoulder, tears running along Mail's back as he held him tight.

"I'm sorry Mail... I don't know why... I just... you can't say things like that, like I wouldn't want you anymore... You're all I want... all I want..."  
Mail turned around to face his boyfriend, and, holding his face between his palms, he deposited a chaste kiss on Mihael's lips, then wiped his tears with his thumbs.  
"I love you..." Mail simply whispered, a huge grin creeping on his face.  
Mihael looked at him, puzzled. "What's that grin for?" he asked, wondering about the mischievous expression, smiling back by contagion.  
"I was about to add something but it would kinda ruin the moment..." Mail replied, his grin widening even more.  
"Spit it out!" Mihael chuckled, amused.  
"I love you... but I'm freezing my ass off, literally, I mean!" Mail laughed.  
Mihael, laughing too, grabbed some tissues in the nearby distributor and handed some to Mail so they could clean themselves.  
They quickly got dressed again and left the booth hand in hand.

"I'd never thought you'd made me repaint the walls as a punishment for doubting you." Mail said, in the most serious tone he could get.  
Mihael looked at him, and Mail began running, teasing him. Mihael followed, but Mail was changing directions to avoid being caught. It's only when they reached the other end of the park that Mail finally stopped, out of breath.  
"Heh, that's what you get for smoking," Mihael smiled, embracing him, "I couldn't believe it when you lit a cigarette even when you were under lithium, but after seeing you play your games just like normal, I shouldn't have been surprised."  
"I have the feeling that Taka won't let me smoke anyway, so something tells me I'll quit soon..." Mail replied in a chuckle.  
"I won't pity you." the blond kissed him, "What about a hot drink?" he asked, looking around until he saw a cafe at the end of the street.  
"Yeah, I'm still freezing."  
Mihael gladly took the direction of the Starbucks, walking along the pavement, Mail clutching to his arm. Hearing Taka's name had reminded him the tension with the man and he didn't want to think about that now.  
Even with the latest events, Mail and him were still happy together and able to play like kids, just like before, and he wanted to let the feeling sink into him, with the love of his life holding onto his arm, a blissful smile on his face.

They sat in the same large dark red armchair, next to a window giving straight on the red One building. Holding each other's hand, they used the free one to grab their smoking drink.  
Mihael was slowly licking all the cream covering his hot chocolate as Mail blew on his chai tea latte to cool it.  
There weren't many people at that time of the day, in the middle of the week, and except the background music, a slow tune that obviously was an old Nina Simone album, giving a comforting and cosy atmosphere to the room, and the low chatting of the two employees busy cleaning the serving area, the place was calm.

"Mihael, I somehow knew you wouldn't care that I killed someone... it's not like the people around us are saints and I guess that even your father... mmh... well, I just want to hear you say it, I know it's stupid but I need it..." Mail murmured over his cup a while later, careful not to be heard by the employees.  
"I don't care. For the reasons you stated, of course, but also because if you hadn't killed him, I would have done it myself." the blond replied, snaking his arm around Mail's shoulders and kissing his temple.

"Do you want to continue talking about what happened after you escaped the orphanage?" Mihael asked softly.  
"Do you mind if we go on with our stories with the others, since what I wanted to tell to you alone is sorted out, maybe it would be better to talk it over with them, so we don't have to go back on the same events twice... I'm kinda tired now..." Mail yawned.  
"No problem, it's probably better, since they will be able to tell in detail what happened when they found me, I didn't really talk about that with them myself..." Mihael stated, the warmth of the place making him sleepy as well.

"I feel weird." Mail said suddenly, depositing his empty mug on the coffee table in front of them.  
"Are you sick?" Mihael worried, touching his boyfriend's forehead.  
"No, I mean, talking about all that, just like that, just like it happened to someone else... I really feel like it was just a nightmare and I just woke up, like it never really happened. Is that normal? I'm just afraid it comes back full force later..." Mail explained.  
"I don't know, but I guess it's better this way... I kinda feel the same, like if... sexing you up in the toilets put everything back in place like before." the blond laid his head on Mail's shoulder, sighing, "I guess we'll think about all that a lot, that not everything is solved yet, but we'll move on, little by little, I have you, we have a family, somehow, and, I just realised it, we are free to do what we want, we are not supposed to study to be the next L, we'll be back in California soon and we can just live normally, or at least as normally as the Mafia can."  
"I wish we could have a beautiful house and a garden like before... oh, and a car! In California we'll be old enough to drive! Do you think we'll live with Taka and Marty and..." Mail's face radiated joy as he enumerated his dreams.  
Mihael laughed: "Hey, don't worry, we can have everything we want, and yes, we'll probably live with them, it's not like Marty would let us go, and Taka..." he stopped, the bad feeling related to the tension with the japanese man coming back in his stomach.

"There's just one thing that bugs me, Mihael,' Mail said out of the blue, as Mihael finished his hot chocolate sip by sip.  
"Hmm?" the blond mumbled, licking his cocoa covered lips.  
"What happened to L and Light?"


	42. Chapter 42

**Note: **_Sorry I didn't update yesterday! I've been busy running around Paris trying to find a lock for my bunny's house! ahaha! I've never thought it would be so hard to find! And then, with that cold and all the walk, I was too tired to write when I got home. I bet you're all happy to know that... *lol*_  
_Thank you for all the reviews for the previous chapter, I'm reassured! And I finally won't change my username since it seems to disturb some of you ^^_  


* * *

**January 24****th****, 2007 part 4 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_"Light killed himself with the death note when the others caught him." Mihael replied. He stopped there, unsure. But after all, he knew that Mail would never be shocked by him killing L. What bugged him the most was that these events seemed to be random life events, like if everyone just killed anyone everyday. The way he felt about that, the way he saw it, and how little shame he felt for what he'd done made him wonder about many things.  
"And I killed L..." he added, staring at his empty cup.  
"Then that make us even." Mail stated simply, hugging the blond slightly closer.

"Mail, do you think we are monsters? Or abnormal to the least?" Mihael asked suddenly, his eyes diving into the other's dark blue orbs intensely.  
"Wha... why? Why would we be abnormal?" the redhead's eyes widened in surprise to the strange question.  
"What I mean is that..." Mihael lowered his voice as the two employees looked their way, "we both killed someone, and we are talking about it just like if it was nothing, and to tell the truth, I don't feel any remorse. It doesn't seem normal to me."  
Mail lowered his head, thinking deeply while Mihael stared at him inquisitively. After a few seconds, his head shot up, and his answer took his boyfriend aback.

"What is not normal is that I had an abusive mother and stepfather. It's even less normal that your father was killed that way, that we had to leave everything we loved and knew when we were barely old enough to understand what was happening, and that a person that was supposed to represent justice became a killer himself and destroyed our lives again. It wasn't more normal that I was raped and drugged and that you got this scar. But in the middle of all this, all I see is that whatever happened to me, there was always something stronger that would bring me happiness. No matter how hard things were, first I met you, then I got to spend my whole life with you, and even when we were apart, this something brought us back together. You're the religious one Mihael, but I really do believe you're an angel to me. So whatever is normal and abnormal is scaled differently on my personal balance because I didn't have a normal life. And to tell the truth, I don't care, because I wouldn't change a single thing to my life and I would kill again if it meant to be with you. So if we are monsters, then, it's only what life made of us, and I won't take the blame for that, and neither should you."  
On these words, Mail took Mihael's hand and brought it to his lips. The blond slid his other hand in Mail's hair, caressing the soft strands as they just looked at each other, totally lost in the moment.

Taka looked at the clock, as he was sat on the couch in the common room, reading. He'd accumulated a high pile of books on the nearby coffee table since they had moved in the Manchester's hideout. Being inactive wasn't something he was used to or even liked, but the diminishing of the Mafia's activities lately had rendered everyone in a state of lengthened vacations, and everyone had tried to find something to pass time.  
Linden and Marty would play chess or cards most of the time, while Vern discovered himself a passion for internet, and when he wasn't chatting with Taka, he would surf the web, amazed by all the informations he could find there.  
2:14pm.  
Mail and Mihael were gone for more than five hours now, and the japanese man wondered if they had had lunch, or if they even had enough money with them to get themselves something to eat. And although he knew they probably needed time together and had a lot to tell each other, he didn't like to know them out for so long. It was safe for everyone here to go out since they had erased all their enemies from this side of the earth, but you never know.

"I'll call them." Marty said, seeing Taka glance at the clock for the umpteenth time over his book. The man smiled thankfully. He had thought about calling, but the situation with Mihael made him uneasy at the idea of disturbing them in their moment alone.  
Marty took his cell and brought it to his ear as the device rang. He brought it down a few seconds later and dialed another number.  
"Mihael's phone seems down, I got the answering machine directly." the older man said, waiting for someone to answer on the other side of the line. He finally gave up. "And Mail's is ringing but I get no answer."  
The japanese man sighed. He wasn't completely worried, since Mihael wasn't one to think to charge his phone, and it could happen that someone didn't hear his phone ringing. With Mail's thick jacket muffling the sound, the kid probably didn't hear anything from the bottom of his pocket.  
Grabbing his jacket, he finally decided to find them.

Taka parked close to Piccadilly's Gardens, where Mail and Mihael had said they would be. Getting out of the car, he quickly surveyed the place but the two teenagers weren't in sight. He crossed the park but hadn't much more success.  
He tried calling them once more but didn't have much results either.  
Just as he was about to go back to his car, he saw a tuft of red hair inside a coffee shop. The two teenagers seemed to be in great discussion. Relieved, he entered the Starbucks, getting a once-over by the two employees. He ignored them, used to the effect his stature had wherever he went, and headed for the corner where Mail and Mihael were sat. None of them had seen him come in, too focused on each other as they shared a silent moment, Mail kissing Mihael's hand softly while the blond passed his hand through the fiery hair, both lovingly looking at each other.

Taka stopped, struck by the intensity of what he was witnessing. He had always known that what he did long ago was wrong, all his beliefs based on a bad experience and everything he had despised out of ignorance. But if there still was a single doubt in him right now, it would have been washed away by the scene in front of him. Never could he consider this relationship wrong. The initial shock had been normal to everyone, even more for him as he considered those two like his own kids, but he had never doubted that Mihael and Mail loved each other. He had quickly understood, when he had seen the two among Wammy's ruins, that what had made him uneasy in Mihael's eyes, this look he had thought to be brotherly love, back when Mail was still under Lithium, was pertaining to longing and a tenderness you only have for someone whose intimacy you share.  
It had never been a problem once he had processed this new light on the nature of Mail and Mihael's relationship. If anything, he was happy for them, but it relinquished him to the place of the shameful father figure, the one that once went against what his children were, and he felt like betraying them, and, worse, not deserving this role. Changing didn't erase what he did, and he doubted they could forgive him once he would have told them.  
He wouldn't hide it though.

"Hey you two..." he said softly, approaching the dark red seats.  
Mail, who had his back slightly turned, started, but quickly smiled at the man. Mihael's head shot up at the sound of the voice, but looked away.  
"Mihael!" Mail scolded the blond in a whisper, but Mihael refused obstinately to look at Taka.  
"Sit with us Taka." The redhead gestured to the seat facing him and Mihael. The blond shifted, uneasy, and withdrew slightly from Mail.

Taka sat, just as one of the employees came near them.  
"Excuse me sir... you have to get something to be able to take place..." the young woman began but the scowl Taka sent her cut her immediately and she left quickly, her face slightly paler. She shakily resumed what she had been doing behind the serving area, not daring to look at the three anymore.

"I have nothing against your relationship, if that's what you think, Mihael." Taka stated, as he hadn't missed the blond putting some space between him and Mail, "And knowing you, I would have thought you'd provoke me instead of acting so shy."  
Mail couldn't help but laugh at Taka's teasing. Mihael crossed his arms and leant against the back of the seat, in a defensive attitude.  
"So why did you look like you were ashamed of us?" the blond spat, "I can understand shock, surprise or whatever, since I obviously forgot to tell anyone about Mail and me, but you were the only one acting like this, when you were the only one whose advice I cared for."  
Taka felt his heart wring at this confession. Mihael didn't seem to notice the weight of his words, but the japanese man felt even more disgusted by himself as Mihael made it obvious that Taka's opinion was something important to him among anyone else's.

"It's not you I'm ashamed of, Mihael, it's myself." the man said bluntly. It was time to talk it over and the easiest way wasn't to beat around the bush, "I know how you consider me, and this is exactly the problem here. I don't deserve to be considered as a substitute for your father, and that's why I've acted like this. I feel bad, and I don't even know what I'll do next, since you'll both probably don't want me around anymore, but I won't be able to hide it and look at you two in the eyes everyday, and act just like if nothing happened. It hurts to think I'm going to lose you now that we are together again after all these years, but more than what I've done in the past, I'd hate to get a respect I don't deserve."  
Taka breathed deeply, bracing himself, as the two teenagers, silent, waited for him to explain.  
"When I was a kid, I lived with my uncle and aunt since my parents had been killed by a gang. My family was part of the japanese Mafia. One day, I was probably five, I don't remember very well, I saw my uncle beat my aunt, she was crying and accusing him to cheat on her. I hid in my room, but the day after, my aunt wasn't there anymore and my uncle didn't hide the fact that he had killed her and that I would follow her if I didn't keep my mouth shut. Not long after, I noticed that very often, young boys came in my uncle's house, and I saw them...well... have sex in the living room with my uncle. It was never the same boy, and they were always quite young, probably not more than twenty years old. And sometimes they were several all over him. I loved my aunt because she was a kind and caring woman, and so I've developed a hate for my uncle not only because he was cruel and mean and had killed her, but also for the reason why he had killed her. It's only with years that I really understood the extent of what he did with these boys and that my homophobia grew up."  
"But then, why did you say you're not against our relationship if you're homophobic?" Mihael asked in a cold voice.  
"I'm not. Not anymore, I mean. I also had time through years to understand it was stupid and that it was a reaction to what I had seen." the japanese man explained.  
"Taka, then why should you be ashamed? It's ok, I mean, if you have nothing against gay people anymore, then it's fine, everyone can make mistakes, the most important is that you changed your mind, right?" Mail said softly, looking at Mihael.  
"Mail is right Taka, even me, as stubborn as I can be, can understand that." the blond added, his tone softening as he finally looked at the japanese man.  
"It's not only that..." Taka looked down, "If only it was just that..."


	43. Chapter 43

**_Note : _**_Tadaaaaa! Finally, Taka's confession!_****

_And before I forget, I started another mutlichaptered fic called **Lionheart**, in case you didn't read it already ^^ (see my fics list under my profile). It's going to have less than 10 chapters though, it won't be a long one like Lithium. And it's very different too, there's a lot of bad things and abuse, and I can promise you will never expect the end!_**  


* * *

January 24****th****, 2007 part 5 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_"Let's go out of here please." Taka said, standing slowly, and moving to the door of the Starbucks, "That's not the place to talk about that."  
The japanese man felt an oppression in his chest, but even if being indoors wasn't the reason of it, he wanted to exit the coffee shop and get some air. What he was about to say was tightening his guts as well, and he didn't want the employees to hear anything, he had already said much and even if the two girls standing behind the counter didn't pay much attention to them, that was a risk he wouldn't take.  
Unconsciously, he was gaining time, even if he knew he wouldn't be able to keep his secret longer. He had to tell them, but arriving to the point where he would utter the dreadful words was hard, really hard.

They were all three walking down the park, Taka with his head bent down, Mail and Mihael silently following beside him, hand in hand and scrutinizing the speechless man: his stance seemed to pour all the hurt and all the fear he was feeling. He stopped, and turned around to face the two teenagers.  
"You see this scar on my face? This is the only one I never got at the school I was in, back when I was still in Japan. Well, except a few bullet holes I got while working with the Mafia..." he began, gesturing to the line shaped darker skin under his left eye, a 5cm long cut that had to be deep to provoke such a scar, "Your father made it to me, Mihael."  
"Oh..." the voice of Mail and Mihael echoed in surprise.  
"When Marty and your grandfather brought me from Japan to the USA, I was... different. I was kinda wary of everyone and pretty... how could I say that... disturbed. The beginnings in the american Mafia were hard because I didn't accept to talk, or to let people get close to me. Marty, your father and your grandfather tried to befriend me, but I would always put distance. But one day they had enough and really tried to talk to me, it was just them and me in a room and I... panicked. Your grandfather said something that my uncle used to say to the boys he brought home. He said that I shouldn't be so scared of them, that they wouldn't harm me, and even if the words were just a random sentence that had nothing to do with what my uncle meant when he said these words, my mind just clicked, I lost it and in my head it was obvious they would do something of the same nature to me that my uncle did to these boys and..." Taka stopped as his voice broke. He pressed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index, breathing deeply.  
"The reason why your grandfather was in a wheeled armchair was because of me, Mihael."

Mail and Mihael looked at each other, then at the man hunched in front of them.  
"How did that happen?" Mihael asked. None of the two teenagers understood how one thing had led to the other.  
"He wanted me to calm down, and he touched me. I mean, he only wanted to put his hand on my shoulder in a reassuring way, but I... I attacked him, physically. I attacked all three of them, your grandfather, your father and Marty, and once they were on the floor I ran away. After that, I employed myself to destroy your grandfather's reputation in the Mafia, and I almost ruined his marriage with your grandmother by the rumors I spread about him with my homophobia, and he's got shot by some of his men that didn't accept to be led by him anymore. He got shot in the spine, that's why he couldn't walk anymore. I know your father told you that fact about your grandfather, although he never told you why to preserve me..."  
Taka didn't care anymore for the tears that had finally began to run from his eyes, the pain of losing his kids was so intense that he couldn't care less about self consciousness.

The silence lasted long, none of the teenagers daring to look at Taka.

Mail suddenly broke it, as a genuine question came to his mind: "What about the scar? You said Mihael's father made it but it wasn't the day you ran away, right? You wouldn't have insisted on that scar otherwise."  
"You're right Mail... Daniel finally got to me weeks later and we had a fight. He knew he didn't stand a chance against me because of my training, so Linden provided him something to drug me, but he had to touch me in a way or another for me to get drugged so they put the drug on the blade of a knife. The only place where he managed to hurt me with it was right under my eye. The drug went right into my blood and that was it..." the japanese man explained.  
"Why didn't they just shoot you? I mean... not that I think they should have, but... that's what they usually do..." Mail asked, his mind processing informations little by little. He always thought before talking, analysing his emotions before speaking them, unlike Mihael, who was purely boiling with too many feelings at that moment to be able to say anything. He just listened, trying to decide what to do, unable to do so as his eyes flickered from Mail to Taka.  
"Because they gave me a second chance..." the man replied, before shutting up.

He had said it. There was no backing up now.

"I'm going back to the hideout." Unable to stand the heavy silence that had taken place once again, he turned around and left for the parking lot, walking fast. He didn't want to look at the two faces anymore, the ones he considered as his own children. They probably wouldn't want to be considered this way after that, not after they just had learnt that he was responsible of the bad that happened to Mihael's grandfather, someone related by blood with the teenager, unlike himself. He didn't want to have in mind their expression of disgust, he wanted to remember them in a better way.

Mihael stood still, a light blush covering his face as he tried to dominate the anger in him. His fists were balled, but he was unable to speak or walk, too focused on trying not to explode. He didn't know where to begin with the thoughts in his mind. One was telling him that the Taka he knew wasn't the same that did those horrible things, but he could still hear his father telling him, when he was a toddler, as he used to look at the family album, sat on his father's knees every time his birthday arrived, how his grandfather was unable to walk, and even if at that moment, his father hadn't given any details, none of them being suitable for a child of this age, Mihael had always promised himself, secretly, that he would find the man and avenge his grandfather when he would be old enough.  
Every year, his father would make a picture of them together and add it in the album, just next to the picture of his father, his grandfather and himself as a newborn, and all the pictures of his beautiful mother.  
As a child, he had felt so much anger knowing someone had hurt the father of his own father, and he could feel it rush again right at that moment, unadulterated, boiling and most of all, now hurting, because the object of his anger was someone he loved. He felt betrayed by the one he considered as a father figure, but he knew deep down inside of him that it wasn't Taka's fault, that it was just a matter of circumstances, but on the top of that, he felt like betraying his promise, if he ever considered that it was indeed a matter of circumstances.  
Confusion was getting the best of him, and he burst into tears.

Mail, on the other hand, had stared speechless at Taka leaving and Mihael struggling with his feelings, analysing the situation and torn between the will to run after Taka and the one to not let Mihael alone, and try to open his eyes on the fact that Taka was not responsible, and that there was nothing to be held against the man.  
He knew how Taka felt, and why he felt this way, because he himself had felt the same, feeling guilty for being raped, for something that someone had forced on him, fucking his mind up to the point he accused himself for the fault of another.  
He had made his mind as soon as the japanese man had stated that Mihael's family and Marty had given him a second chance. To him, it was obvious that if they had erased the bill, Mihael and him didn't have the right to go against their will. And after all, he didn't feel any resentment against the man so even without that fact, he wouldn't let Taka down.

Being rational wasn't Mihael's thing unfortunately, and Mail knew it would be hard to get him to sort his mind out and see facts as they were. Mihael's feelings were always the boiling and exploding kind, and that was what made him easily disappointed. He gave much, and expected much, and that had always led him to have great difficulties to forgive once he was hurt, with reason or not. Now wouldn't be any different.

Mail decided to let Taka go, and gently took his boyfriend's hand, pulling him to the nearest bench. One problem after the other.  
"Mihael." he whispered, trying to get the blond's attention.  
Mihael gazed at him, then swept his tears away and smiled.  
"I know... don't say it, I already know." he mumbled childishly, crossing his arms.  
"So, then I won't have to convince you?" Mail questioned, surprised that Mihael had made his choice so fast.  
"Convince me of something I was already sure of? Mail, I'm not stupid..." Mihael smirked.  
"No, you're just overly stubborn and..." the redhead began.  
"And nothing!" Mihael sulked jokingly, jerking up from the bench, "Come on, I have an idea and I want to do that fast, I don't want to let Taka think we're mad at him too long. Ah fuck, my phone is dead!" he groaned, as he looked at the small device he just stirred out of his pocket.  
"Who did you wanna call?" Mail asked, rummaging in his pockets to find his own cellphone.  
"Marty, I need something from him." the blond replied as they walked to the entry of Piccadilly Gardens.  
"Hey, I lost my phone!" Mail exclaimed suddenly after a fruitless search in all of his pockets.  
"How could you lose it?" Mihael wondered, rolling his eyes.  
Mail didn't need to think about it, he knew exactly where his cellphone fell from his pocket.  
"Who stripped me to sex me up a little earlier, huh?" the redhead teased, heading for the toilets booth of the park, as some people glared at him after hearing what he just said. Mihael scowled at them while Mail poked his tongue out, and they burst laughing as they entered the booth.  
Mail quickly found his cellphone on the floor, hopefully not damaged, but bleeping with unreceived calls.

A while later, Marty arrived with a black Mercedes in the parking lot of Piccadilly Gardens and picked up the two teenagers.  
"Taka came back not long after you called Mihael, he wasn't at his best... I told him you called and that none of you both were mad at him, I couldn't let him like that..." the man explained.  
"No problem, it's better he doesn't torture himself, I can't imagine letting him feel that bad longer anyway." Mihael replied, "You didn't tell him about what I told you, did you?"  
"No, no worry, he'll still have the surprise." Marty winked while exiting the parking to join the traffic, "But I think he was quite shaken by the conversation he had with you and didn't exactly realise that you didn't care about what he did, he looked very tired and he retired in his room, he seemed really absent-minded."  
"I hope he's gonna be ok..." Mihael whispered, worried.

"Mihael, you forgot a detail, I think..." Mail said suddenly as Mihael grinned happily in anticipation.  
"What?" the blond wondered, arching an eyebrow.  
"Where do you want to find Christmas stuff in january?"


	44. Chapter 44

_**Note:** I don't have much time to write lately, but I'm finally done with this chapter, I could find two hours to write today, between two furnitures assembling! __But don't worry, I don't forget you and will always update this story as long as it goes on! __The chapter is quite short, but I thought it would be nice to end it here ^^ Not a cliffie thought, I was in a good mood buahaha! XD_

And a big thank you to all the unlogged reviewers whom I can't personally reply to, I just wanted to drop a line for you since I don't always do it :)

I've rewritten chapters 1 to 4 of **Lionheart** in case some of you are interested in this fic, and I will post chapter 5 soon!

* * *

**January 24****th****, 2007 part 6 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_"You're finally back, I was starting to worry..." Linden sighed when he saw Marty and the two teenagers enter the common room of the hideout. He blinked when he saw that they were carrying huge boxes, some of which were letting colorful garlands escape and hang over the cardboard, "What the...?"

Marty had called him in the middle of the afternoon to warn him that they would be out for a couple hours without explaining why, asking him to take care of Taka, then he had asked to talk to Vern, but he had totally forgotten to call Linden again as they took a lot more time than expected to find all they needed, and it was already the evening when they came back to the hideout.

They had been able to find discounted decorations in most of the supermarkets, but no way to buy a tree one month after Christmas. They had visited all the malls in the area, and even the tree nurseries were out of stock of fresh firs. Mihael had finally begun to knock on people's door asking if they would be willing to sell their artificial Christmas tree if they had one, making up a heartbreaking story about 'his brother there in the car', as he gestured toward Mail sat on the backseat looking at him, that was just out of the hospital after fighting against leukaemia and didn't have a proper Christmas celebration. Which was half true, after all, Mihael defended himself when he finally came back to the limo with a plastic tree in a huge box.

"Heh, sorry, with these two dragging me all over town I didn't have time to call you again." Marty laughed, trying to balance the heavy package in his arms that was threatening to fall. Linden caught one end just in time, his gaze questioning the older man as they deposited it in a corner.  
"We're gonna have a little celebration, Mihael decided he would catch up with all they have missed lately, but I suspect it's just because he wants to get presents..." Marty winked at a scowling Mihael. Mail burst into laughter, putting his box away and encircling Mihael's shoulders, kissing him on the cheek: "I suspect it's because he wants to kick Santa's ass for bringing us all that shit for Christmas. But I'm not even sure Santa would show up, Mihael will have eaten all the cookies and drank all the milk before he arrives..."  
"The old man's fat enough, he doesn't need cookies." Mihael stuck his tongue out.

Marty couldn't help but realise how all this frenzy made the two look like the children they still were inside. _No matter how old people are, Christmas has this effect on most people_, he thought, smiling.

"How's Taka?" Mihael suddenly wondered.  
"Where's Vern?" Mail asked as he didn't see the black man around, "Is he with Taka?"  
"Taka's sleeping, I gave him something in his coffee to calm his nerves, I've never seen him like this, I was a bit afraid he would do something stupid or leave so I didn't have much choice, and he needed some rest anyway, he looked awfully tired." the doctor replied sheepishly, not really proud of having drugged the japanese man behind his back.  
"He hasn't slept much since we arrived in England... well, you did fine, it will even give us time to prepare everything then, and he'll be better when he wakes up after a good rest." Marty reassured him, knowing that Taka wouldn't hold it against Linden, after all, it was for his own good.

Vern appeared at the door a few minutes later. He discreetly nodded to Marty before helping out with the decorations. He cooked dinner for everyone as stomachs started to growl, and they finally sat down and ate in the kitchen once they had used everything the boxes contained, drained and happy.

It was almost midnight when Linden, Mail and Mihael went to bed. Linden quickly checked on Taka since the blond couldn't let him go to sleep unless he was sure that the japanese man was ok, but Taka was soundly sleeping thanks to the pills the doctor had diluted in his coffee, as Linden cracked the man's door slightly open to take a look inside. Mihael, relieved, finally let Mail drag him to their bedroom.  
They didn't have their heads on the pillow for thirty seconds that they fell heavily asleep, cuddled against each other. The day had been long and charged in emotions, and running all around the city had achieved their already tired state from the previous talks and events.

The hideout became silent and dark once Vern and Marty went to bed too. Only the silver stars hanging to the tree's branches glittered in the moonlight bathing the common room through the window, since no one had bothered to close the blinds...

**January 25****th****, 2007 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_When Taka woke up, he could hear that the whole hideout was murmuring with activity, like a busy beehive. Slowly getting out of the blur that were his thoughts, and wondering why he had so much difficulty to wake up although it was almost noon, he washed the night out under a cold shower, trying to get his mind to function properly.

Hearing noise in Taka's bathroom, Linden, who had been charged to warn the others when the japanese man would wake up since his room was just wall to wall with Taka's, ran to the common room and announced the imminent arrival of the one whom they had prepared the surprise for.  
Vern put the last touch to the table, bringing an enormous stuffed turkey just out of the oven as Mail and Mihael brought the rest of the dishes on an already set table and Marty took a magnum of champagne out of the fridge.

They had waited for Taka to wake up for hours, and the initial festive breakfast with pancakes, pastries and other delicious food had finally been swallowed without him, so Vern had put himself to the preparation of a real Christmas eve dinner that they would have for lunch, since it was more than likely that Taka wouldn't sleep until the evening, according to Linden's suppositions concerning the length of the sleeping pills' effects.

He had always loved to cook and since he accepted to work with the Mafia, his talents had been really appreciated. Not that no one could cook among the others, but Vern was wonderful at it.  
He had spent the whole morning slicing, stuffing, baking and roasting, and the result that was now on the table was worth an expensive restaurant.  
The tall black man laughed as Mail slapped Mihael's hand away from the food.  
"Wait for him!" the redhead scolded him as Mihael rubbed his hand, whining that he was hungry, "I can't believe you're that hungry after eating two croissants and three chocolate donuts for breakfast!"  
The blond didn't have the time to pout as the door between the corridor leading to the bedrooms and the common room opened.

Taka stopped cold in the doorframe at the sight of everyone standing in the middle of the room. Behind them, a huge decorated tree was standing in all his belated glory, and the table at the right of the group was adding to the astonishment of the man.  
He couldn't utter a word, as everyone began to shout "Merry Christmas!" and the two teenagers glomped him, hugging him tightly and laughing.

Marty approached him once Mail and Mihael calmed down a bit, and gave a bear hug to the man, laughing as well, and quickly followed by Linden and Vern.

Taka was fighting back tears, still unable to talk. He had gone from the fear to lose his children and a great load of negative emotions to a clouded mind when he woke up, and now, he was facing a scene telling him that everyone and everything was fine and the past erased for good. It was a lot to process, and he stared at the tree again, holding the two teenagers, one in each arm close to him, taking the whole sight of an unexpected Christmas and the happy faces surrounding him.

"You know Taka, you can cry, it's not like any of us still believe in the tough Mafia guy attitude anymore, after all..." Marty teased him kindly, remembering the japanese man of all the tears he had already shed for these two kids. Taka was an emotive person although he rarely showed it, but when it came to Mihael and Mail, he had never been able to keep the tears from falling when the pain was too much to take, starting from the day he had to abandon them in Roger's hands at Winchester's airport, years ago.

The few self control that Taka had left broke into pieces at these words, and he began to cry and laugh at the same time, kissing the top of Mail and Mihael's head, not letting them go.  
"Shit, I never expected that..." was all he could mumble, softly rubbing the teenagers' back affectionately.

Lunch was almost over, everyone chatting joyfully and the oldest having some strong liquors. Mail and Mihael started to get impatient, and Marty, seeing them squirming on their seats while talking in each other's ear, finally gave them a quick discreet sign. Almost rocketing from their seats, they didn't see him nod to Vern a second later and the tall black man leave for his room, as they were too busy rummaging through the numerous boxes they had wrapped the day before.

Vern discreetly came back, hiding the packages in his arms under the lunch table quickly.

"Seems everyone was a good boy!" Mihael laughed as he began to distribute presents to everyone. Marty had expected the blond and Mail to offer something to Taka, but he had obviously been tricked by the two teenagers when they had done some shopping the day before, because he didn't even see them buy these presents.

Then, more seriously, Mail and Mihael finally offered Taka their present, a bit nervous, depositing it on the man's knees and standing in front of him, impatient.  
"Happy birthday!" they said together, surprising the japanese man, who looked at them questioningly.  
"We said we would celebrate all we missed lately, did you forget your own birthday?" Mihael chuckled at Taka's puzzled face.  
"Yeah, but that wasn't important..." the man began, obviously moved to tears once again.  
"Are you kidding?" Mail said softly, kissing Taka's cheek as he leant on his shoulder, encircling his neck from behind.

Taka ripped the paper open, to discover a box. He took the top off, and looked at the two teenagers again.  
"What are you waiting for? This is for you!" Mail laughed. Both him and Mihael were impatient to see if Taka would like their present, and anxious that he didn't.

Taka stirred a wallet from the box. A black leather wallet.  
"Open it!" Mihael said, seeing that Taka probably thought it was just a wallet and nothing more. The man flipped the item open, and discovered what was inside: a picture of Mail and Mihael from a photo booth, grinning like idiots and making peace signs.  
"Were you afraid that he forgets your faces when you're not with him?" Linden joked as Taka stayed silent, staring at the picture while everyone gathered around him and the teenagers to see what the present was.

"It's normal for a father to have the picture of his sons with him..." Mail said in a soft voice...


	45. Chapter 45

_**Note:**__ Wow, I didn't mean to make you wait so long, but life's been crazy lately, renovating my apartment, creating a dressing room (yay it's finished, and it's lovely! Now I can have a look at all my clothes all at once hehe), and preparing Christmas! I still have a lot to do, but I really couldn't let you wait longer so it's almost noon, I'm still in my night dress, and just finished writing this chapter LOL.  
You missed my usual rants, didn't you? muahaha XD  
I'll update my other stories soon too, and if I have time you'll get a little xmas present too!  
Once again, I'm sorry for taking this long, and I want to reassure you all once again too, this story is far from over, and I won't stop updating, even if sometimes I take longer._

_Thank you people for reading until now, and a special thank to my unlogged reviewers since I can't thank you personally with a private message._

_**Before I leave you to read the chapter, I just wanted to tell you that you can check my profile when I take too long to update, I'll try to leave messages there to keep you informed!**_

_Although I will post chapters of my other stories and probably a new oneshot before Christmas, I'll wish you a Merry Christmas now anyway! It's never too soon!  


* * *

_**January 25****th****, 2007 part 2 **_(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Taka was sat at the diner table, Mail installed on his left thigh while Mihael sat on his right, as the two teenagers tried to tickle the japanese man like they used to do when they were younger.  
They never succeeded back then, and didn't either now, since it had no effect on the man. But somehow, right now, they all needed to act like in the times when they were carefree and happy, it made them feel safe. Not that they weren't safe now, but the recent events had taught everyone that anything could happen and that happiness was never an acquired thing in their life.

"You're wasting your time, I'm not ticklish!" Taka laughed, standing all of a sudden, the two boys finding themselves caught under each of his arms, not touching the ground anymore as the man carried them by their middle.  
"Hey, are you gonna punish us because we offered you something for your birthday and nothing for Christmas?" Mail burst in shrieks as Taka's arms dug into his sensitive ribs.  
"That's not our fault, all the stores closed before we could buy everything!!" Mihael added, laughing uncontrollably as well, "I promise we'll get you something tomorrow!"  
The japanese man deposited his two squirming packages at the foot of the Christmas tree, looking at them with a satisfied look. Marty smiled, the image sending him years ago when Taka would carry the two children to the car in the same manner, when he drove them to school.  
"No, I'm just putting my Christmas present where it has to be." Taka replied, winking tenderly at the two boys, "Santa brought me everything I have ever wished for this year."

Everyone was scattered in the common room: him and Mihael were snuggling on the couch, Mail lazily playing a new game on his brand new DS while the blond watched the screen beside him, commenting tenderly the redhead's actions even if it was most of the time too fast for his own eyes, Marty, Linden and Vern playing poker while Taka was reading a book that Marty had bought him as a joke at the other end of the sofa: "Raise your kids right the first time, there's no second chance", and laughing as he progressed through pages, glancing from time to time at the two teenagers tenderly.  
"I hope you're not planning on setting a curfew or forcing us to eat spinach?" Mihael chuckled, looking back at the japanese man and his book.

Once Mail and Mihael had offered their presents, Vern had stirred some more packages from under the table, that he had hid a little earlier when the teenagers were too busy to see.  
Marty had called him while he was waiting for the boys at the mall so the tall black man could go out and buy presents for them, since it had to be Christmas for everyone.  
Mail got new games, of course, he was quite easy to please, and new combat boots that he had immediately put on, and from the look in Mihael's eyes, they apparently suited him well. Marty was always surprised, although less uncomfortable with the sight than Taka, to see so many feelings pass in the blond's eyes when it came to Mail.  
He had gotten chocolate for Mihael, of course, it was the obvious thing to buy him, but he had added leather gloves, unsure of what to give him. Fortunately, Mihael had loved them.

Mail began to yawn more and more frequently, and he began to lose to his game, obviously unable to focus anymore as his eyelids closed by themselves, although he was fighting hard to stay awake, wanting to pass the next stage.  
"Come on Mail, we're going to bed, exit your game." Mihael whispered, seeing that his boyfriend was almost dislocating his jaw once again.  
Mail was so tired that he didn't protest, for once, and closed the small screen of his DS, depositing the device on the coffee table in front of him before standing up along with Mihael, stirring as he did so.  
They both said goodnight to the others. Taka decided he would go to bed as well, and, marking his page, he left his book to accompany the teenagers through the corridor. He would tuck them in like usual in the process, he thought, following in their footsteps.

Unable to sleep, Taka was lying in his bed. He had said goodnight to Mail and Mihael half an hour ago, and he was eyes wide open in the dark, staring at the ceiling, but sleep was escaping him. He was feeling high with the euphoria of having everyone he loved gathered in one place, and everything going well. It hadn't been so in a long time, and the relief, far from calming him, was intoxicating, exciting.  
Soon they would fly back to California and the teenagers would finally have a normal life again, and he would have them close to him for a long time. The idea wouldn't let him doze off, he was imagining what kind of house they would live in, and could already see the kids run around the place like little demons. He still saw them as children, and thinking that the next time they would go through an airport hall, he wouldn't have to leave them behind, brought tears along with a huge smile to his face.

Years ago, it had broken his heart to do what had felt to him like abandoning them, when they had waved him goodbye at Winchester Airport, leaving with Roger as they exited the large hall, leaving the japanese man alone with his guilt and sadness.  
He had headed for the bathroom of the airport, unable to take more, and had cried during long minutes. For the first time, he had understood all at once that he had a real family, and that he had lost it.

Shaking these thoughts from his head as a lump formed in his throat at these memories, he wondered if the boys would want a house that would look like the one they lived in, in L.A.. He chuckled softly, Mihael would want this and that and Mail would go along, like usual.  
He knew that a house was already waiting for them in LA, Marty had made all the arrangements to free houses in his neighbourhood: he had offered a huge amount of money, more than twice the houses' value, to the actual residents, so they would move and sell the houses to him.  
He had bought the two houses following his in the row of villas of the block where he lived.  
Taka and the boys would live close to Marty, but the japanese man had refused to live _with_ Marty.  
Although he loved living with everyone in the hideout, Marty had a wife, and although he didn't have children since he and his wife had met a few years ago when they were already in their fifties, they needed privacy, and Taka didn't want to be in their way. And they would be only a few feet away, the houses being neighbours.

Vern would live with Linden in the other villa, none of them wanting to interfere in Marty and his wife's life either, but not wanting to live alone. All the buildings had several bedrooms and were all big enough to host a large family anyway.  
And Taka suspected that although they loved the two boys, they had silently agreed to let Taka alone with them, like a father with his children.

They would all be together, but with a bit more privacy than now. Taka smiled at the thought of Vern living with Linden, he could already see the tall black man roll his eyes at the sight of another side of the doctor. Linden liked women a bit too much sometimes, and he would probably bring some home sooner or later.

Deciding sleep wouldn't come anytime soon, Taka stood up from his bed, and headed for the common room to fetch his book back, maybe it would help him get some deserved rest if he read a bit longer. Strangely, even if he slept until noon because of the drugs Linden had given him, he hadn't woken up in a good state. The sleep had been artificial and heavy, making the wake difficult and long. Now his rhythm was somehow disturbed, so he had better read than try and fail to fall asleep right now.

Crossing the corridor in the dark, careful not to make noise as his feet patted on the cold tiles, since he didn't want to wake Mail and Mihael up, he stopped cold when, passing in front of their door, he heard sounds that he couldn't get mistaken about: heavy breaths, moans and rustling sheets.

Breathing sharply, he went back to his room, shocked.

Resting his back against his door once he had closed it behind him, he tried to reason himself. But it was one thing to know Mail and Mihael were a couple, and another one to realise the extent of their relationship this way.  
He had guessed that, at their age, innocence was long gone in that area, but he hadn't let himself imagine anything. Not that he could, anyway, parents never imagine their kids _that _way. It's probably as weird as imagining your own parents having a sexual life.

Now that he had heard something that was obviously lovemaking, he couldn't deny it, and would have to process it before morning otherwise the situation would be awkward. He knew it was something normal for two people in love, and he wasn't against it, they weren't too young and would be legal soon. The fact he saw them like they were still six years old didn't mean they hadn't grown up, and he was fully accepting it.  
It was more about his own relationship with the idea. He wasn't prepared, but would have to let it sink in him quickly so he wouldn't embarrass himself and the boys the next day.

And it wasn't like he had to worry about one of them getting pregnant...  
The idea made him laugh, he had sometimes wondered, lately, how it would be when they would have girlfriends and all, before he knew about their relationship, and he realised how Mail and Mihael's relationship was far too deep, even as friends, to let anyone get to know one or the other so closely.  
It would have been impossible for them to date anyone else, so it was certainly natural for them to date each other. Having such a strong relationship would have been impossible with anyone else, and it would probably have hurt the person if they had even tried to meet other people this way.

Going back to bed, he tossed and turned until he finally fell asleep, hours later...

Once Taka left their room, Mihael began snuggling in his pillow, trying to get comfortable in the bed, but suddenly felt Mail slid under the covers, chuckling while he tugged on the blond's pyjamas pants.  
"Mail?" Mihael asked, raising the sheets to look at his boyfriend folded above his lower half, fighting to take his own pyjamas off, constricted by the blankets, "Horny much?"  
"I felt like having a candy cane..." the redhead replied, finally naked and having managed to undress Mihael's lower half as well, licking the tip of his member.  
Mihael fell back on his pillow, moaning softly as lust erased all sleepiness. He pulled the rest of his night clothes over his head and threw them beside the bed, enjoying the blow job Mail was giving to him as he rested against the bed once again.

Mail took Mihael's half erected member between his lips, softly pumping it with his mouth as his tongue swirled around the tip. Slowly, he slid the tip of his tongue in the tiny slit, in and out, knowing it would drive Mihael crazy. He could feel his lover start to squirm, his thighs slightly contracting as pleasure started to grow in his guts.  
Mail stopped and, cupping the blond's balls, he massaged them while bobbing his head up and down, speeding the rhythm. As soon as he felt Mihael's legs twitch, he changed his movements and started to lick along the prominent vein on the underside of his boyfriend's cock.

Each time Mihael was nearing orgasm, Mail would break the rhythm, not allowing him to come. This was something he had learnt to do long ago: teasing Mihael this way made him last longer once they engaged in sexual intercourse, the more he delayed orgasm, the longer it took for the blond to reach it the next time, and tonight, Mail wanted to make it last.  
They had had their fast sexing up the day before, in the toilet booth of Piccadilly Gardens, and although it had been more than satisfying, the redhead wanted something more now. Mail wanted to make love, long, slow and tender.

And Mihael moaning and arching his back, almost reaching climax for the sixth time told him it was the right moment.  
As he slid from under the covers, he faintly heard steps in the corridor, muffled steps of someone trying not to make noise.  
He looked at Mihael, who apparently had heard it too, his eyes questioning all the same.

"Do you think someone heard us?" Mail asked, slightly blushing.  
"It's possible... but I guess it would have happened one day or another, I mean, do you want to stop because someone could hear us?" Mihael winked at his lover whose face was showing a funny mix of disappointment and lust.  
"But... it's weird, don't you think so? They will look at us tomorrow and..." the redhead was cut by Mihael's lips on his while he was pulled on the blond's chest.  
"If you stop now after teasing me so much, I'm gonna rape you, you know?" Mihael's arms encircled Mail's shoulder, the redhead lying on top of him.

Mail's eyes widened as he lightly rose to look at his boyfriend's face, and suddenly jerked in a sat position, landing on Mihael's lap.  
The redhead was trembling, his face pale and fear growing in his blue irises.

Mihael took a few seconds to realise that what just happened was due to his words.  
"Oh God no, Mail... I'm sorry! You know I didn't mean that, I didn't mean to say it that way! Come here, there's nothing to be afraid of... please Mail..."  
But Mail's eyes had lit off. Mihael's guts tightened as the extent of his bad phrasing exposed itself in front of him.

* * *

_**Note: **__Cliffie, yeah! Yes, I did it, and no, I'm not even ashamed of it. Bad news is you didn't believe everything would be smooth from now on, did you? Good news is that cliffie = quick update! (just after Christmas, on the 26__th__, last limit, I promise!)_


	46. Chapter 46

_**Note: **Ah, FF finally lets me post this chapter!! I had finished it yesterday as promised, but the document manager didn't seem to work (neither did the new chapters notifications since I just got one for one of my other fics Feed my Frankenstein, although I posted the second chapter for it two days ago...)  
Well, here it is, at last!  
I hope you had all a very Merry Christmas, presents are not important, but I hope you felt loved and surrounded by people you care for!_

_Just so you know, chapters after this one will have more plot, since there's still a lot that will happen to Mail and Mihael, and a certain key will be finally used ^^ (aha, teaser!!!)_

* * *

Mihael's mind quickly scanned all possibilities, from calling Vern or Linden to singing Taka's lullaby to calm Mail down, as the redhead's fear started to grow in his eyes and his body shook harder every second.  
The blond knew the look in Mail's eyes too well, for he had seen it many times when his boyfriend was still unaware of his surroundings and had a crisis.

He had been warned. Vern told him, Linden told him, the internet told him, that things weren't solved yet, that Mail had made a huge step forward but that lithium, although erased from his system, had damaged more than visible and would leave tracks behind. That the drug added to the past events, the fire, the betrayal by L, the separation, the rape, the murder, everything would weight heavily in Mail's recovery.  
His mind would flash back randomly, his brain would still shut off, and there was no way to prevent that.

_No way to prevent it, but many ways not to provoke it_, Mihael said to himself, guilt stabbing him deeply.

He didn't have the time to think more than that, as Mail began to rock back and forth, humming to himself. In fact, it was a mix of humming and moaning, like a painful melody he was singing to himself.  
It didn't take long for Mihael to recognise the notes. He was familiar to this reaction, and hoped at that moment to be able to stir Mail from his state if he managed to connect with him through his panic.  
_Mail had been conscious before, was this crisis different from the ones he had when unaware of his surroundings? Would he be back again?  
_Mihael's stomach twisted at the thought he had sent his lover back in his previous state with the mistake he just made.  
_I would never forgive myself, neither could I take it, I need Mail conscious, things couldn't be back like before, they couldn't..._

But as he touched the redhead, Mail curled on himself, like trying to protect himself.  
Hurt in the deepest of his core, Mihael lost it and began to cry. Crazy with pain, he encircled Mail's hunched form, regardless of the reactions he could get from his boyfriend, and held him tight, rocking with him, his face buried in the soft red tuft of hair.  
Mail began to struggle, but Mihael held on tighter, not wanting to let him go. He secured his grip and began to call his name, softly first.  
But the more Mail struggled, the more Mihael's voice rose.

"Mail... Mail... Mail..." the blond recited like a mantra, his body constricting the redhead's, following the struggling below him as his arms gripped his boyfriend strongly. Mail couldn't move his arms or stand up, but although he still seemed to be in an uncontrollable fear, his movements never became violent, neither did he try to hurt himself like he used to when in great distress.  
He still squirmed and shook, but Mihael quickly realised he wasn't trying to escape his death grip.

Mail was fighting against himself, while taking comfort in Mihael's arms. Unconsciously, when he noticed that, the blond loosened his arms, stroking Mail's back softly.  
Suddenly, Mail uncurled and faced him, still sat in his lap, his face mere inches from his lover's, grabbed his hand and looked at him, straight in the eyes. Somewhere in these dead eyes, a tiny spark, so intense that he could see it even in the darkness of the room, Mihael suddenly knew that Mail was there, fighting his inner fear but wanting to break out.  
His stare was like a plea for help, for protection.

Mihael squeezed Mail's hand back, like a silent answer. His other hand reached for his lover's cheek, cupping it tenderly. He could feel Mail lightly press his face against his palm, and soon a wetness told him Mail was crying.  
He erased the tears with his thumb.

"Mail, it's ok, everything's ok, I'm here, there's nothing to be afraid of. I'll never let anything happen to you, and you know I would never harm you..." the blond said. He had to talk, to reassure Mail and himself. He wanted Mail to reply, to feel safe, to forget the fear.  
"Mail, I love you, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."  
The redhead suddenly snaked his arms around Mihael's neck, nuzzling the crook of his neck as the same pained moans escaped his lips faintly.  
"I... don't want... this..." Mail whispered in a breath, his voice almost inaudible, muffled in Mihael's blond hair.  
"We don't need to make love if you don't want to, Mail, it's ok... just stay here in my arms..."  
"No... I..." Mail sobbed, "I don't... want... to think... about this... be like this... I... feel so bad... I don't want... the fear to... dominate me... don't let it... Mihael please!"  
His voice rose on the last two words, as he suddenly and roughly pushed Mihael back on the bed, laying on top of him, and kissing him as tears ran and mixed with their saliva, tongues entwining in a passionate kiss that became almost violent, teeth knocking, biting and lips sucking on each other's.  
"Take me Mihael, please, now!" Mail cried, looking at Mihael once again, his eyes begging the blond.  
Mihael rolled and switched their position, Mail dragging him to complete the movement faster, still kissing him roughly. The blond licked his fingers and quickly reached between them, sliding his hand between Mail's thighs, probing him with his index.  
Mail grabbed Mihael's hand and pulled it away.  
"Take me..." he whispered, the hand he had on his boyfriend's small of the back pushing the blond toward him as he positioned Mihael's member in front of his entrance with his other hand, and thrust his hips upward to urge him to penetrate him.  
"Mail, I'm not going to hurt you, let me prepare you at least."  
"Mihael... please..." Mail's gaze was deep, demanding, desperate. Mihael had never seen his lover like this, it was like his life was at stake in this rough lovemaking.  
He didn't have time to decide if he should access Mail's eagerness and possibly hurt him, as the redhead pushed violently upward again, pulling Mihael so hard that the blond's member entered to the hilt in one go inside of Mail, whose stare didn't falter one second as he looked at Mihael, a groan escaping his lips.  
"Mihael! Mihael... I need you..." he sobbed, his arms encircling the blond's neck, holding him tightly as he began to kiss him all over to the places he could reach, "I love you... please rape me! Don't let it hurt me again, rape me!"

Mihael stayed still, shocked by the look in Mail's eyes. His lover wanted to be hurt by him, and he couldn't bring himself to do that. He didn't even understand Mail's reasoning to get to the point of wanting him to hurt him. He didn't know if Mail was totally conscious or not, if he was aware of what he was asking, of the consequences, of Mihael's guilt afterwards, of his own possible resentment toward Mihael...  
"Mail... why? How can you want me to hurt you? I can't do that... don't ask me that..." he said, still not moving inside of his boyfriend, but hugging him, trying to comfort him.  
Mail was probably wanting to erase the horrible memory of the rape by something he would remember at its place, whenever the initial fear would pinch at him. It was a common process for rape victims, the internet knows it all.

"Rape me! Do it because you love me! Don't do it to hurt me, but because you love me..." the redhead replied, crying as he held onto Mihael's shoulders desperately.

And then Mihael understood. It had nothing to do with a healing process, but with the fact that if he did hurt Mail, it would be a rape, but it would still be love. It would be violence with feelings, it would be something Mail could take without fear, because after the pain, love would be there, comfort would be present. It was a rape he could stop any moment.  
Mail wanted Mihael to rape him in a way he could control, by someone he knew he could take it from, because no matter what Mihael would do to him, the blond would do it to save Mail, not in the purpose of hurting him deliberately.  
It would be a way to tell fate that even his lover raped him, and he did survive, he did ask for it, he did want it, and would go on with his life despite that.  
Mail needed to take control back, he needed to know that even the person that he loves the most in the world could hurt him, that Mihael wasn't always his guardian angel, and that he could stand for himself, get over things by himself, and finally live as a person who got hurt and made it through.

That was fucked up, but the point stood, Mihael thought. And it was probably calling back to Mail's early life, not just the most recent events.  
Mail was born unwanted, raised unwanted, and if Mihael's father hadn't taken control, he would never have been pulled out of the mess his abused child life was. He had a father that cared for him, but drugs controlled this man, and then he was killed. MacKenzie had then killed Mihael's father, and controlled their future, sending them away from the place and people they loved. Then Wammy's had tried to shape their minds, jailed between four walls. L had used him and his technology to kill the orphans, as he had used the lock Mail created to prevent anyone from escaping the fire. And then the rest, up to the lithium injections that took the rest of the little control he still had on himself, the rest of his sanity.  
Now he needed to break free from all this. He needed to finally stand up straight despite the mental and physical wounds, because he didn't want to feel like a ghost anymore, like someone that needed Mihael to save him from himself. Because he wanted to offer more than a fucked up mind and a weak body to the one he loved.

Mihael closed his eyes briefly, and breathed deeply. He didn't want to do it, but he had to. Maybe that wouldn't work, maybe he would hate himself forever after that, but refusing to do it was refusing to help the one he loved.  
Bracing himself, he looked at Mail apologetically, silently pleading him to forgive him for what he was about to do.  
Then he pinned Mail's arms above his head, pushing with all his weight downward, engraving Mail into the mattress, and began to pound dryly into him violently, knowing Mail wasn't prepared.  
Faint whimpers escaped Mail's lips, whose eyes were suddenly tightly shut. He was obviously in pain, and his ragged breath was like a cut in Mihael's guts.  
But he went on, grabbing Mail's jaw in his hand and printing his fingers in it, painfully, as his boyfriend grimaced under him, his other arm supporting his weight as he thrust faster, harder, feeling a warm liquid on his cock that he knew was blood.

Unable to look at his boyfriend anymore while he was doing this horrible thing to him, Mihael flipped him until they both rested on their side, his chest against Mail's back, and, penetrating him again, he grabbed his thigh to raise it, his nails digging in the redhead's tender flesh as his member slid in and out, as Mail tried to contain his pained whining, clutching the sheets, biting the pillow to muffle his screams as he felt Mihael's fingers scratch his inner thigh badly.

Mail then found himself on his stomach, Mihael's full weight on him, thrusting in him from behind. Suddenly, he felt his boyfriend's arm snake around his throat, pressing against his adam apple, making it hard for him to swallow or even breathe, while the blond's other hand gripped his hair, pulling them violently as he speeded and hardened his moves inside of him. Then Mihael bit his shoulder, deep, tasting blood on his tongue as he secured his arm tighter, almost choking Mail, whom he knew couldn't breathe properly from the strangled noises he was making.

Mail couldn't see, but Mihael's eyes were flooded by tears as he did this. But he clearly felt the pain lessen until he realised that Mihael wasn't hard enough to take him anymore. The blond suddenly stopped, unable to go on. He had been hard a little earlier from Mail's ministrations, but he couldn't feel any pleasure in raping his lover, and soon his member didn't respond anymore.

Mihael stood up from the bed and rushed in the bathroom as a wave of nausea gained him. He reached the toilets just in time to throw up, as his stomach contracted painfully. On his knees, on the cold blue tiles of the bathroom floor, he emptied himself until he had nothing left in his stomach, not even bile.  
He stayed there, hunched, for long minutes, until Mail came in the bathroom and, kneeling beside him, hugged him tightly, nuzzling into his hair.

Mail stood up and flushed the bowl, then pulled the blond on his feet and, leading him to the sink, he handed him a glass of water.  
Mihael rinsed his mouth and gulped the rest of the liquid while Mail ran water in the bathtub.  
When he turned to look at Mihael, he followed the blond's gaze down to his thighs and knew he was looking at the blood running down his legs.

"I'm alive Mihael. And so are you." Mail simply said.  
And in this small statement, so much was contained.  
The past was left behind for good, the fear was erased, both Mail's from what he had lived, and Mihael's from hurting his boyfriend. Because no matter what life had put them through, Mail could stand up for himself, and Mihael didn't have to treat him like a porcelain doll, afraid of any mistake he could do, of sending him back in his previous state. Things would happen to them, Mail was probably not cured, but they wouldn't let it take over their actions.

They had gone from the state of children abused by life to men taking control of their life, taking the hurt to shape it into experience, into strength. Taking each other's mistakes to a grain of sand quickly blown away in a wheelwork which they were holding the steering wheel of, from now on...


	47. Chapter 47

**_Note: _**_I'm sorryyyyyy!!! I took awfully long to update, but I was overly busy during Christmas and New Year's eve, and then I fell ill. A stomach ulcer drove me straight to the hospital after many days of suffering (I've been under morphine to ease the pain after they tried several stuff on me, but since I hardly can stand any medics, I ended up like a ghost, unable to stand up, let alone to write. All I did was sleep, all the time.) So now I'm back as the pain has faded thanks to the treatment, I hope it lasts since I was obliged to stop the treatment today because I need to get several exams made on me in a few days. Cross fingers for me!  
I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's delivered raw so forgive the mistakes if any._

Cathleen, I did my best to update before sunday, but I just realised that you said it's summer for you, so I guess you are in Australia or something like that and with the time difference, it's already sunday for you. I hope you can read this before you go to the camp, and I wish you a lot of fun during the holidays!

Thank you to everyone that reviewed and worried about the updates, if updates are lacking, it will always be independant of my will, and I will go to the end of this fic like I promised, no worries!  
I won't reply to everyone's review this time since I was too far behind, and I preferred to favor a new chapter instead ^^**  


* * *

January 30****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mihael felt Mail's hand tighten around his as they passed the automatic doors of Winchester's airport. Looking at the redhead, he realised that Mail did it totally unconsciously, and knew that his own feelings echoed with his boyfriend's: through the happiness of going back to the land they had left so many years ago for a new start, the memories from the first time they had set a foot on this floor were surfacing, bringing back this odd wringing in their guts as they had been thrown in an adult life at only six years old, losing all they had known and loved.

Taka's fatherly look set on the two boys, understanding. His eyes reflected the same emotions, but he felt good, so good, as he was finally able to erase the guilt of abandoning his children years ago, now that he was bringing them back home.

Crossing the huge hall, they lined for the several controls. They had few luggages, since except the few clothes they had, they had left everything behind. Mail had insisted to bring all the gaming devices Mihael had bought him though, so he was the only one with a huge suitcase.  
Left with only a small shoulder bag, all three finally boarded on plane. In the bag, the smallest consoles Mail had, several chocolate bars, and a book.

Sitting coast to coast, Mail and Mihael began to talk lowly, commenting all the passengers' appearance as they took their seats one by one, and laughing like hyenas. Even Taka had difficulties to keep a smile from spreading on his face at some of the funny comments, although he didn't approve of this checking out.  
He breathed once the plane was high in the sky. Soon, California would welcome them back, but for now, he would have a much deserved rest, since they had spent the last days getting rid of all the content of the hideout, erasing their tracks and creating false identities and papers for the boys.  
All they had left in the house was the huge Christmas tree standing decorated in the middle of the living room, the last proof of their presence and happy times there.

Stretching his legs as far as the seat in front of him allowed him too, the japanese man snuggled in his own seat, a bit uncomfortable since his stature was wider than the back of the plane's armchair, and dozed off after making some recommendations to Mail and Mihael. He didn't want to wake up and find they did something embarrassing, and wanted to make sure Mail wouldn't try to smoke in the toilets.  
The redhead was in the process of quitting smoking, but Taka or Mihael had found him several times hidden somewhere and smoking. Taka had difficulties scolding the teenager and his puppy eyes, he had never been able to hold a grudge against him with his angel face and big blue eyes, and Mihael didn't have much more success since they always ended up kissing and groping each other when Mihael tried to scream at Mail.

Mihael, who was sat next to Taka, shook the man a bit to wake him up, as the steward had just announced the landing. Taka was relieved to see, as he opened his eyes, Mail silently playing on his console, briefly lifting his head from the screen to smile at him, and Mihael with the book he had brought for himself but didn't read, since he fell asleep, in his lap. Drama free. He never thought he would sleep that long, he was probably more tired than he had admitted to himself after all that had happened.  
Securing his seatbelt, he smiled to Mihael.

Mail and Mihael couldn't help but look all around, recognizing the place as they crossed the terminal, taking the sight through the huge glass walls. The modernity of the airport suddenly contrasted with the old english style they were used to, be it from Wammy's or Winchester's airport, as well as old english houses in general.  
Grabbing their luggages once they passed all the controls, they exited the hall, heading for the parking lot where Marty was waiting for them.

Mail, Mihael and Taka were the last ones to travel back to LA. All the people present in the hideout had split into several small groups. The henchmen had left first, four by four, then Marty, Vern and Linden, leaving the japanese man with the boys being last to go back to the U.S.  
They didn't want to raise suspicions, that's why they even had made false identities for the two teenagers, not wanting to risk anything, although their enemies had been gotten rid of by now. That's why Marty had also been against the use of a private plane that would have brought them altogether back in California, that was too noticeable.

It would also give time to the other men to get installed in their new houses, since Marty didn't want Mail and Mihael to be too lost at their arrival, and he wanted to be available for them. He had helped Vern and Linden out as they received many deliveries for new furniture, they had had the henchmen assemble everything while the three men were out for shopping, since they needed to buy almost everything. Vern had only brought his clothes and a few things he loved from his old appartment, giving the rest to the Red Cross that gratefully emptied his home from all the remaining items.

Marty finally had time to spend a whole day with his beloved wife, before the boys and Taka arrived.  
As he drove to the airport to pick them up, he thought about how understanding his half was. She had waited for him at home when he arrived back in LA, dinner ready and his favorite cake baked, lovingly hugging him as he passed the front door, and accepted that he would be busy the next days and wouldn't spent much time with her although they hadn't seen each other for long.  
But it had made that day together all the better, as they simply sat in their couch in front of the tv, her watching her favorite show, and him simply looking at her with a content smile on his lips, holding her hand and pressing it a bit each time she would turn her head to look at him and smile back.

Marty's wife, Greta, was one of those old fashioned ladies he always thought you only saw in magazines from the fifties: always impeccably groomed, her nails painted with a soft pink matching her lips, skirt just under the knee, she was a beautiful woman, and even if her age had brought some wrinkles at the corner of her eyes, she still glowed like a fresh rose. She was one of those women with a strong personality, although she didn't have to impose her views or talk louder than necessary. She accepted her husband to be in the Mafia, his corresponding timetable, knowing that although she sometimes had to sacrifice their personal life by accepting this, he would always respect her and make her be first in everything.  
On top of that, she could keep the house in a perfect state, cook, bake, sew and knit, due to her very conservative family and education. Yes, she was a pure model out of an old fashioned magazine, but it didn't mean she wasn't at ease in her time. She was open minded, and had made no comment when Marty had told her about the nature of Mail and Mihael's relationship. Greta had only been impatient to meet the boys, and had made Marty laugh to tears when he discovered she had begun to embroid sheets with the initials of the teenagers.  
She had inquired about their tastes, eager to learn about them, and when Marty had left the house a little earlier, she was in the process of making grapefruit jam, Mail's favorite, as well as a huge chocolate brownie for Mihael.  
The boys would love her, he was sure of that, and they greatly needed a feminine presence.

As they parked in front of the Fields' house, Mail and Mihael both hopped out of the Mercedes, and looked around them, as far as their eyes could see.  
Similar villas were lined along the street, each with its perfectly groomed garden and back orchard, large garages separating each house. The only difference between each building resided in the choice of trees and flowers neatly waving in the soft wind. Each seemed to have adopted a different color theme. Marty's one was all in pink and white, with rose trees, dahlias and magnolias that would probably be absolutely gorgeous when they would bloom in spring.

As Mail and Mihael turned back to the house, Greta Fields was under the porch, waving at them with a hand, a kitchen towel in the other, with a welcoming smile on her face.  
Marty pushed the boys forward as they hesitated, while Taka greeted the woman he already knew.  
Shyly, both teenagers approached. Mihael began to laugh as Mail's face reddened, the redhead being uneasy with strangers, even more when they were women, since both boys weren't really used to having female people around.

Mail held his hand out to greet Greta, but the old woman, softly laughing, dragged him in her arms and hugged him tenderly.  
"So you are Mail, I presume." she asked him as he reddened even more, "And you are Mihael." she added as she hugged him as well.  
"Yes Madam..." Mail mumbled, making Mihael laugh all the more.  
"Pleased to meet you." the blond smiled to Greta as he caught the smell of chocolate coming out of the house. Marty's wife didn't miss Mihael noticing the scent of the cake baking in the oven, and she winked at him.  
"You must be hungry, come in, we have brownies, brioche, jam and tea! Don't be shy, follow me!" she joyfully sang as she kindly slid her arm under Mail's as she pushed Mihael inside with her free hand. Taka and Marty followed, closing the door.

"Marty, we need to get rid of the two dead apple trees in the orchard, and we could plant grapefruit trees instead, what do you think? This way I could make some jam with our own fruits, that would be better, and healthier, I had a hard time finding organic grapefruits this morning at the market, and these kids need to eat, they're so skinny!"  
Mail and Mihael didn't even protest. They could get used to be fed so well, and you don't talk with a full mouth anyway...

A while later, Marty and Greta accompanied Taka and the boys to their new house, to show them around. They still needed to buy furnitures, Marty had left the house almost empty since he knew that Mail and Mihael would want to choose everything themselves, so he had only had a bed in each room delivered, so they could at least sleep at ease.  
The house looked a lot like their old house years ago, when they both still lived with Daniel Keehl. But strangely, they didn't feel nostalgic, but happy, like going back home after a long and hard travel. The familiarity of the place had something soothing and comforting.

Mihael traced with the tip of his fingers the embroided letters on the sheets. The beds were freshly made and the bedrooms smelled like lavender and laundry.  
"Beautiful..." he whispered as he felt the soft material under his hand, and his eyes took the view of two M's interlaced in a soft green color on the white cotton fabric.  
He smiled to Greta, as Mail thanked her for the present.  
"It's a tradition in my family, every couple who settles down together receives a pair of embroided sheets with their initials." she explained. The expression on her face was so soft that Mail felt tears pool in his eyes, and he quickly turned around to erase the wetness without no one seeing.  
If Mail and Mihael had worried for acceptance, they didn't have to worry anymore, obviously.

That night, as they slid under the sheets, they were unable to sleep, the jetlag doing its effect on them.  
"Greta is nice." Mihael stated in the dark, as both snuggled together.  
"Yeah, I like her." Mail replied, "Mihael? Tomorrow we need to go on a decorating spree but after that, what will we do? I mean... I know Marty and Taka will provide us all we need, and you're part of the Mafia and all, but we won't just stay like this and do nothing?"  
"WE are part of the Mafia Mail, it's not just me, you're in too now... but I don't think we'll just stay here and wait, no, none of us would be able to stand it, and since I won't run the Mafia until I'm 18, I don't have much to do anyway. What would you like to do?"  
"I don't know, find a job, if I can. I can, right? Being in the Mafia doesn't forbid me to?"  
Mihael laughed, kissing Mail's cheek.  
"Of course not, if anything, being in the Mafia allows you to do a lot more than normal people."  
"I don't know what I'd do as a job, and I'm not 18 yet anyway... well, if I'm asking you that, it's because I'd like to try something... it's stupid, but as we hardly had a normal life, I'd like to do stuff that normal people do, and since we're still teenagers, I thought... well... that it would be nice to go to highschool like people of our age..."  
"Really? You do realise our level of knowledge allows us to go to university directly, and even there we'd probably be ahead of everyone?"  
"Yeah, I know, but I don't want to stand out, I'd just like to try what other teenagers do..."  
"Well ok Mail, I don't think it will be a problem, Marty can arrange that for sure, and that could be fun anyway, since we wouldn't have much work to do, homework would probably be an affair of a few minutes per day after all."  
"So you agree to do it with me?" Mail asked, his voice carrying hope.  
"Like I would let you have fun alone!" Mihael replied, rolling so he found himself on top of Mail, kissing him and laughing as well.

"Hey Mail?" the blond asked after a few seconds of silence.  
"Hmm?" the redhead's sleepy voice betrayed that he was starting to fall asleep.  
"Now that we're back here, there's one thing you have to do, remember the key your father gave you?"


	48. Chapter 48

_**Note: **I'll try to update weekly at least from now on, so I won't keep you waiting more than seven days! Of course, if I can, I'll update more often!  
I've updated several chapters of **Feed My Frankenstein** too these last days, and for those who were waiting for it, Dlvvanzor and me have finally began to post our new joint fic, the one that was supposed to be called Dante's Inferno, and is finally named **In Silence**. You can find it in my favorite stories list, or on our joint account Goggles&Chocolate!_**  


* * *

January 31****th****, 2007** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
_Mail was awake, staring at the ceiling as the sun was beginning to rise and bathe the room with a warm light little by little. He was just lying there, listening to Mihael's even breathing beside him, to the sounds Taka was making downstairs, obviously preparing coffee and breakfast as a faint smell of fresh coffee arrived to his nostrils, taking the view of the pure white area above him, unmoving.  
A smile crept on his face. If this wasn't happiness, then it wasn't far from it.  
Normal sounds of normal people's life, a normal room with no peeling paint or wallpaper, no other scents than the one of his boyfriend next to him and breakfast, everything was normal.

Unable to lay still any longer, he slid out of bed and, carefully, pulled the curtain with two fingers, just enough to peep outside. It was still winter, but here in California, it was like early spring weather. No snow, no frozen water on the glass of the window, his breath creating no fog on the surface as he blew on it.  
The perfectly trimmed grass was a beautiful leaf green, and Mail suddenly felt the urge to walk bare feet in the garden.

Careful not to wake Mihael, who was still sleeping soundly, the redhead exited the bedroom after putting his pyjamas on and went downstairs.  
Silently, he opened the front door and crossed the space separating the porch from the garden. He couldn't refrain a shiver as his foot touched the soft grass, still damp and cold from the night. He added his other foot, and took a few steps, as a grin spread on his lips. He felt stupid, and so high at the same time. No one to be afraid of, no danger suspended above their heads, now they really could go on with their lives.

Shaking his head and chuckling at the thought of what Mihael would say if he saw him, he walked back in direction of the porch. As he did so, he caught a female voice from further away in his back: "Look Honey, the new neighbours have moved in!"  
As he turned around again, he saw a couple, obviously living in the house on the other side of the street, standing in their garden, the man holding the newspapers he had just picked up, the woman apparently ready to leave, keys in one hand and wearing a classy work suit.

"I hope their kid won't be too much trouble, you never know with disabled children." the man replied.

Mail couldn't help but laugh. He didn't feel the least upset by the comment since he probably had looked a bit strange there, in pyjamas, barefoot in the grass, grinning like an idiot. Fortunately, Mihael wasn't there, because such a comment would have had repercussions with the easily angered blond.  
He waved a hand and said 'hello' loud enough for the couple to hear. They waved back, a bit confused, but quickly got back to their occupations. The man kissed his wife before going back inside of their house, and she left for work.  
"That's gonna be fun..." Mail whispered to himself as he headed back home.

"Be careful not to catch a cold." Taka told Mail as the redhead entered the kitchen, handing him a cup of coffee. He had seen Mail from the window, and didn't like the way the neighbours had looked at him.  
But he couldn't help but smile: Mail seemed so happy, so peaceful, just like himself. Of course, he was worrying slightly about Mail and Mihael getting used to live here with him alone, and what they would want to do in the next days or months, but it was a good way to worry. Like Mail, he felt relieved, serene. Like when you worry for your family's good. And it felt amazing.

Sipping his coffee, his back to the fridge's door, Mail just stared at Taka, who was drinking his own coffee cup, sat at the table, and reading the newspapers. He deposited his empty cup in the sink, and hugged the japanese man before running upstairs. Taka chuckled at this sudden outburst of affection, and resumed reading an article about a dog that had crossed the whole state to find his owners that had lost him during their holidays. Would Mail and Mihael like having a dog? Or any other pet? Maybe he should ask them?

Mail slid back under the sheets as he noticed that Mihael was still sleeping. Grinning, he got rid of his pyjamas, and stuck his cold feet on the blond's calf.  
"Mmh!" Mihael mumbled as the coldness woke him up, "Mail... what are you doing?"  
Mail laughed softly, rolling over Mihael, and beginning to peck at his lips. "Taka's downstairs, he can't hear us, and I want you."  
"I guess that's a reason good enough to wake me up." Mihael replied, snaking his arms around Mail's waist and replying to the redhead's kisses.  
His thighs slipping on each side of his boyfriend, Mail shifted a bit as he began to feel the blond's erection against him.  
"That's what I like about waking you up..." he said, his hand reaching down and stroking the morning hard on slowly.  
Mihael's breath caught in his throat at the feeling of his boyfriend's cold hand on him, but his own warmth quickly spread to the tiny hand speeding the movement.  
"Mail... mmh..." Mihael's moans stayed low, trying not to be too vocal because of Taka's presence in the house, and the overall stillness of the place.

Softly pushing Mail back on the mattress, Mihael rolled him on his stomach and, spreading the redhead's legs a bit, he placed himself between them, his hands separating his butt cheeks, and began licking at the tight entrance.  
More than a preparation, he wanted to make sure that Mail could take him, since they hadn't had sex since the night Mail had asked him to rape him. Mail hadn't felt any resentment, but he had been unable to take it up because of Mihael tearing him apart that night.  
The flesh seemed a bit more sensitive than usual, but other than that, there wasn't any visible sign of hurt anymore. That wouldn't prevent Mihael from being careful.

Slowly, he licked, plunging his tongue in the small hole, before inserting his index. He moved it in and out, waiting for any sign of discomfort from Mail, but he got none. Adding a second finger, he clearly felt the redhead contract but quickly relax again, breathing deeply.  
"Are you ok Mail?" he asked, wanting to make sure his boyfriend wanted to go on.  
"Don't stop, I'm ok." Mail replied, turning his head to smile at the blond.  
Mihael resumed his ministrations, until he had three fingers working Mail's entrance and the redhead panting and gripping the sheets, the fingers brushing his sweet spot.

Positioning himself behind Mail, Mihael glued his chest to the redhead's back after he had grabbed the small bottle of lube in his night stand and spread a good amount of it on his right hand. Applying the substance on his member and Mail's entrance, he pushed forward, his erection entering in one go, helped by the slippery liquid. Mail twitched because of the slight pain, and brought his knees to his chest, still laying on his side. He liked the feeling of Mihael's chest muscles rolling against his own skin as the blond picked up a slow pace, rocking against him from behind.

The pain soon faded, leaving place to an overwhelming pleasure. They had never adopted this position, but Mail discovered he liked it a lot. Mihael could penetrate him very deep, and have access to his nipples and own erection very easily. Mihael's chest rubbed against his back softly, his hands were all over him, and a knot quickly built in his stomach, the little bundle of nerves inside of him being assaulted continuously.

Unable to refrain his orgasm any longer, he came, biting his lower lip to prevent himself from screaming. It had always been impossible for him to delay his climax when Mihael attacked his nipples while thrusting right in his sweet spot, these were two things which, done simultaneously, made him totally lose control.  
And Mihael knew it too. The blond slid out of Mail although he wasn't done himself, stroking his own erection.  
The redhead knew that his boyfriend had done it on purpose so Mail wouldn't last long, willing to prevent the intercourse to be too long and tiring for Mail's still very sensitive entrance.

But Mail wasn't agreeing that Mihael finished himself like this at all and, turning around and diving under the sheets, he engulfed the blond's erection between his lips. Bobbing his head up and down, he cupped his boyfriend's balls and began massaging them in rhythm with his suctions.  
Quickly, Mihael reached the point of no return. Knowing it was useless to push Mail away as the burn in his guts announced his imminent orgasm, he came in his lover's mouth. Mail had always refused to withdraw when Mihael was about to come, swallowing the sticky semen with delight, although Mihael had thought he had to warn the redhead that he was about to come, in the beginning, so he had time to take his penis out of his mouth. But Mail never cared, he liked to taste his boyfriend's essence.  
And to be honest with himself, it was a great turn on for Mihael.

Breathing heavily, they stayed still, in each other's arms, catching their breath as they cuddled.  
"I love you Mail." Mihael whispered, his heart rate slowly going back to normal. Mail shifted, and smiled as he faced his boyfriend. He didn't reply, but he kissed Mihael deeply.  
"I hope everything's always gonna be that perfect." he said finally.  
"It's not totally perfect." the blond stated, grinning when Mail's happy face slipped into a frown, "I'm hungry!"  
Mail laughed and threw him a pillow before running to the bathroom, "Let's take a shower and go eat breakfast then!" he shouted as the sound of running water filled the room.

Once clean and dressed, the two boys headed downstairs. Taka was still in the kitchen, where he had brought his laptop. He stood up, smiling to his kids, and deposited a huge pile of pancakes in front of them along with coffee, jam and chocolate sauce.  
Unsurprisingly, Mihael covered his pancakes with chocolate sauce and Mail drowned his owns with the homemade grapefruit jam Greta had given them.  
"Fortunately, Greta gave us seven pots of grapefruit jam, I hope it will be enough to last you til the end of the week?" Taka teased Mail, who smirked as he took another pancake bite.

Since that was all they had, chocolate sauce, jam, and some coffee, flour, eggs, ham and sugar, as Greta had made sure they would at least have what was necessary for breakfast, they left for the grocery store once they had finished breakfast.

"Taka, can you stop at the Union Bank?" Mail asked as they drove back home, once the trunk was full of groceries.  
"Sure, but if you need money, you can ask me..." the japanese man replied, confused.  
"No, it's not that. I want to get my father's present, I mean, my biological father... you know, the bank account and the key..." Mail explained, worried that he had offended Taka by talking about his father, since the man was now his father figure.  
Taka understood Mail's concern, but there was nothing to be upset about, and, ruffling the redhead's hair, he parked along the pavement in front of the bank.  
"I'll wait for you there." he smiled at the two boys as they hopped out of the car.

The waiting line was almost non existent, and Mail and Mihael reached the counter very fast.  
Anxiously, Mail handed the little bankbook and his ID card, barely greeting the woman on the other side of the counter in his haste of finally knowing the purpose of the key. He didn't really care for the money on the account since they didn't lack funds in the Mafia, but the key... it had occupied a lot of his dreams when he had received it as a kid, and lately, knowing he would know very soon, the dreams had come back, invading his thoughts even during the day. It didn't look like a car key, neither was it a house key, so he had imagined that since his father had given him a bankbook, it had to do with the bank and was, eventually, the key for a safe deposit box inside said bank. Maybe it contained some family jewels?  
Mihael had told him it couldn't be that, since as a junkie, his father would have sold them for his daily dose already.

The cashier left her seat, excusing herself, and after two horribly long minutes, she came back with an envelop, that she handed to Mail, along with the bankbook she had updated with the benefits the money on the account had produced during all these years. The total was not that high, but it was all Mail's biological father had saved for his son, and thus it had a higher value for the redhead than the US$2387 printed on the bankbook.  
"Our bank was instructed to give the owner of the bank account this letter when he would have turned 16, so since you're past 16, this is yours, Mr Jeevas." she smiled when she saw the surprise in Mail's eyes. No one had ever called him by his last name.  
"Thank you, goodbye Miss." Mihael said, pushing Mail in the direction of the bank's automatic doors. His boyfriend was in a daze, looking at the envelop in his hand with a puzzled look.  
Once outside, Mihael shook him a bit: "hey, what are you waiting for, open it!"

Mail looked at the blond, then at the envelop again. Taka exited the car, curious, and rested his back against the black Mercedes as Mail ripped the envelop open.

"It's a letter from Andy." Mihael stated, looking above his boyfriend's shoulder.  
"He explains how to use the key!" Mail suddenly said, his surprise completely gone and leaving place to excitement. He had feared that the letter was something along the lines of a testament or something stating that they got a hold of everything that belonged to his biological father, making the key useless. But it was a real letter, a message Andy had written especially for him. The ink was a bit faded after all these years, but the content of the letter, although evasive concerning the use of the key, gave indications to follow. All it said about what the key would lead to was that Mail would probably have the use of it since he was now 16.

"There's an address, let's go there!" the blond pulled Mail toward the car. Taka sat back in the driver's seat and started the motor.  
"So, where are we going now?" he asked, looking at the two boys taking place in the backseat.  
"New High street!" both teenagers shouted together.

The car slid along the road of the old houses block. Soon, a line of similar warehouses appeared.  
Taka stopped the car when they reached the number Andy had written in the letter: 19.  
Mail almost ran to close the distance between the place where Taka had parked and the door number 19.  
Suddenly, the use of the key was clear, and Mail slid it into the metal lock. It creaked, and the redhead had to force a bit to allow the security to turn and open since it had been left to rust for eleven years.

Pulling the door with Mihael's help to make it slide open, he just stood there, mouth hanging open, when he saw, inside of the concrete cube, the present Andy Jeevas, his biological father, had left for him...  


* * *

_**Note:** Aha cliffie! muahaha!_ XD


	49. Chapter 49

**_Note: _**_I wasn't too long on that one, so the cliffie wasn't that mean, after all ^^  
I'm not particularly satisfied by this chapter, but no matter how much I try, I can't do better, sorry...  
Maybe the oneshot I posted a little earlier, called "We Stand To Fall" will make up a bit for that bad chapter?_**  


* * *

January 31****th****, 2007 part 2** _(Mello is 17 and Matt almost)  
Mail,  
I don't know what you will have become, and if you'll like what I left for you, but this is all I have and cherished, except you. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be the father you needed. I hope you can forgive the unforgivable someday. Don't be mad at your mother either, she once was a lovely woman, and if things had been different, she would have been able to love you. But sometimes, life turns people to monsters, and things end up like we wished they would never end up.  
I've been weak, and I know I won't live old, I have chosen to destroy myself instead of facing my problems. So while I'm still fully conscious of what I'm doing, I want to leave you what I have, just in case I'm not able to give it to you personally when you're older.  
I will go serene, knowing you have now someone to take good care of you.  
I wish you the best in life. You look exactly like me when I was your age, so there is one thing I will ask you to do, always. Live the life I never had, do everything that makes you happy, never lose faith in the people you love, and never give up, never destroy what you have. Be as strong as I was weak, because once I'm gone, I'll have an eye on you from wherever I'll be going, and I'll be in every step you take.  
I love you, my son.  
Well, I guess that after these rants, you are probably eager to know what exactly is left for you, from me... You can use the key at New High Street 19__th__, in L.A. of course. I won't say more, it would ruin the surprise. But Happy Birthday, and don't forget to look everywhere once you've found your present.  
Andy Jeevas._

Mail was glued to the pavement, the letter still in his hand, looking at his present in awe. He had imagined everything, anything... but that...  
Even Mihael and Taka couldn't utter a word at the sight of what the garage contained.

"A 1970 Chevrolet Camaro Z28..." Mail whispered, as he finally recovered from the shock and approached the steel beauty, his hand caressing the dusty paint.

The car was covered in dust, but it was obviously in excellent condition, even after all these years. The engine had been untouched, and Mail could guess a perfect polish under the dirt deposited by time.

It was red all over, a bright, and probably shiny - if it hadn't been so dusty – red.  
It was the model that didn't have the colored lines on the front hood, the most wanted model because the brand had built less of these models than the lined ones. Of course, many had painted over the lines to cover them, but this was an original model, Mail was fond enough of this car model to know it.  
The hub caps were pointy and silver colored, giving the car a prestance that belonged to more classy than sporty models, usually, adding to the badass look of the whole.

He opened the driver's door, and it barely creaked as he pulled the knob.  
Sitting on the seat, uncaring for his clothes quickly staining with a grey powder, he stayed there, not believing his eyes.  
The interior was full leather. A soft, immaculate black leather, obviously lovingly greased by expert hands. Not a single tear of time in it.

The steering wheel was of the same shiny red than the exterior of the engine, and Mail couldn't resist the urge to grip it, his fingers immediately finding their position.

"Hey, I hope you will offer a ride!" Mihael shouted joyfully as he sat on the passenger's seat once he had blown most of the dust away, and gently pushed Mail's shoulder to wake him up from his daze.

As Mail looked at Mihael, he was suddenly struck by the sexiness of the sight. The leather-clad blond totally fitted with the black garment of the seat, and the thought of him in the 70's as a highschool footballplayer going to the drive in with the sexiest cheerleader of the class made him smile.

Taka approached and bent to look at both boys inside of the car.  
"I guess I won't have to drive you home?" he smiled, amused by the redhead's stunned expression.  
"We have to find the keys first, otherwise as beautiful as it is, that car won't go very far..." Mihael stated, beginning to rummage in the various spaces of the Camaro.

Instinctively, Mail unfolded the sun shield above him. If he had wanted to leave something, that's where he would have, he thought.  
And he was right. Another envelop was waiting for him, slid under the leather. Opening it, a key fell of it. At least, that problem was solved. He pulled out the letter enclosed with the key as Mihael bent over his shoulder to read along.

_ Mail,  
Now you obviously have everything you need to use your present. I'm almost sure the gaz will still be fine after all these years, you should have no problem leaving the garage. The insurance and everything else you need to drive and own this car completely are in the glove compartment. The bankbook I gave you belongs to the account that paid for __the insurance and garage rental, it runs as long as there is money on the account, so, if I didn't make any mistake, you should have at least 8 years ahead of your 16__th__ birthday without paying anything. I hope everything is still as I left it, and that you enjoy it. I had great times with this car, and you were conceived in the backseat, after all, so it's kind of where your life began. Your mother and me used to go eat at Bailey's and to the Rose Garden every saturday night, when we were dating. I hope you can drive your loved ones to the same places sometimes, in memory of us. I'm sure you'll like it, you mother did. I wonder if the rose bush she planted from a branch she had stolen in the Garden will still exist when you read this letter. I remember, they chased after us when they realised that, and we were never allowed in the park anymore. She had planted it in her father's garden, but since she left with Cole not long after, it's unlikely someone took care of that bush... I don't know why I'm writing all this. Well, I'd better stop now, or I'll sound like an old man.  
Have fun with the car, and drive carefully (now, I'm really sounding like an old man...).  
Andy._

Mihael slid his arm around Mail's shoulder, as he saw tears roll on the redhead's cheeks.  
"You know... I wish I had known him more than the few seconds I saw him by the judge that day..." Mail whispered, still staring at the letter.  
"He loved your mother, it's easy to see..." Mihael replied, as he kissed his boyfriend's temple, "No matter what happened, you should remember your parents loved each other..."  
"Yeah... at least I wasn't just an accident... well, I hope..." Mail sighed.

The redhead got lost in his thoughts for a brief instant. It was weird to get that kind of informations about his parents. He had difficulties imagining his mother in another way than the abusive mother that beat him on a daily basis and sometimes let him sleep on the bench in front of the house when she was too drunk to let him in, when he was a very little kid.  
Somehow, it comforted him to know his parents loved each other when he was conceived. He had been loved at least once by his parents, and it changed something in him at that realisation.  
He probably had been born unwanted, but he was created by love. He didn't feel like he was some rubbish thrown in the living world like this, out of nothing.

Mihael couldn't help but look at the backseat, then back at Mail, who followed the blond's eyes.  
"Mihael, what are you thinking about? No, don't tell anything, that wasn't even a question..." Mail suddenly laughed at Mihael's mischievous grin.  
"Come on, don't tell me it didn't give you ideas?" the blond rolled his eyes.  
"You're impossible, Mihael!"

Taka, who had left the two boys in their intimacy as they had begun to read the letter, approached again.  
"I'm going to follow you, ok? I know you can drive, Mail, but it's an old car and moreover you have to get used to it since it has nothing to do with the Mercedes. Are you ready to go?"  
He had let Mail and Mihael drive the Mercedes more than once, but it was one thing to drive a recent car, and it was another to drive that boat. That's why he preferred to have them in sight, at least in the beginning.

Inserting the key, Mail roared the motor to life. The rumble made the whole engine vibrate, and he smiled.  
"Seatbelts." Taka simply said, before going back to the Mercedes and starting it. He freed the way so Mail could exit the garage.

Carefully, Mail played with the pedals, getting used to the soft purring of the motor telling him that he had the right balance between the clutch and the acceleration, and backed out of the cube.  
Once in the street, ready to leave, Mihael exited the car for a few seconds, and slammed the garage door closed, taking the key back, before sitting back on the passenger's seat.

"Here we go!" Mail sang happily as the long sporty car began to slide along the road, making Mihael laugh out loud.  
"Geek!" the blond chuckled, before waving at the japanese man following behind them to tell everything was ok.

Mail didn't drive very fast since he had to get used to his car, but the red engine roaring down the street as they came back to the villa caught the eye of the few neighbours present.  
Marty exited his house as he saw the Camaro park in the nearby alley, not believing his eyes.  
He crossed the street, closing the distance between him and the car, and simply looked from Mail to the car, as the redhead hopped out of it along with Mihael, unable to utter a word.

Taka explained the presence of the car to Marty, who began to turn around the beautiful machine and inspect it.  
"You're lucky Mail, that's a really wonderful present." he simply said, whistling in admiration.

It wasn't long before Mail had a dusting cloth in hand and proceeded to clean the whole car, while Mihael toyed with everything he could: steering wheel, brake, clutch, compartments...  
"What are you doing Mihael? Trying to find a treasure?" Greta laughed as she entered the garden and saw the exited blond, her hands full with a large basket, "Come on boys, it's lunch time, the car will still be here after you ate! Boys like you need to eat, hurry up!"  
The old woman crossed the porch and deposited the dishes she had just prepared in the kitchen, before leaving back home. The two teenagers had already begun to rummage in the basket while Taka was fetching plates and forks.  
From the distance, they could hear Greta: "And don't forget to wash your hands!", the last words ending in a laughter.

That night, exhausted by his discovery and cleaning, Mail fell asleep quickly, both boys barely exchanging a few words before Mail drifted off to dreamland. But once the blond was sure that his boyfriend was soundly sleeping, he slid out of bed, fetching everything he needed for his surprise, the next day.


	50. Chapter 50

**_Note: _**_I know I know, I'm so late updating... I'm unforgivable to keep you waiting like this after a cliffhanger, and to make up for that, I'm leaving you with another one here, muahahaha XD Yeah, I'm that sadistic.  
But to reassure you, chapter 51 is on its way and will be up very soon.  
I had a huge writer's block on Lithium, the plot is going on but somehow I didn't know how to write it anymore, something was lacking, and whatever it was, it's back!_

And since I'm reaching chapter 50 today and that I can't keep my big mouth shut, I want to flip the bird to the one we all love here as writers, the ever so flaming Kat who spits her venom at authors, not even daring to log on to sign with a profile and let us see her own work, since she's so aware of all of our own inabilities to write good fics and gracing us with her jealous criticism on a regular basis.**  
**_Because like she said about this fic at chapter 5: "the foundation of this story isn't solid enough to support many more chapters".  
You were right Kat, I could only make 45 more chapters, I'll try to do better ;)_**

* * *

February 1****st****, 2007 **_(Mello and Matt are 17)_  
Mail shifted in his sleep, moaning lightly as Mihael opened the door in a click. Staring at his boyfriend's form in the dark, he stood still, anxious to see the redhead wake up. After a long minute, he heard Mail's soft and even breathing telling him that he was still soundly sleeping, so he opened the door just enough to slide his body in the slight opening and closed it without a sound. He listened again from the other side of the door, but Mail gave no sign of waking up, so Mihael went downstairs on the tip of his toes, as silently as he could, where Taka was waiting for him.  
Without a word, they exited the house with heavy bags. Outside, Marty, Greta, Linden and Vern were waiting in the garden, cardboard boxes already gathered in front of them, soon rejoined by six of Marty's henchmen carrying other boxes as well.

"I'm going in, I'll warn you if he wakes up." Greta said before entering the house and sitting on the higher step of the stairs, ready to track any sound coming from the bedroom where Mail was sleeping, unaware of the rush outside. She had a simple device in her hand, a small black plastic cube with a red button. A push and Mihael's beeper would come to life, and the blond would rush home as fast as possible.

But for now, he and the others had a lot to do. A truck had just parked at the end of the street, not allowed to come closer because of the noise made by the loud motor, so they had to retrieve everything by foot to the garden.  
Soon, more cardboard boxes of various sizes piled up in the grass, along with large sized wooden panels.  
"Is that what you wanted?" Vern asked Mihael as the blond opened wide eyes at the sight of the panels.  
"They're perfect, you did an amazing job." the blond smiled. He had expected things to be nice since he knew the tall black man's abilities when it came to handwork, but he hadn't expected things to be that good in so little time. He had had the idea only two days ago when they had arrived in California. He had always wanted to do something special for Mail on his birth day, but the latest events and the fact that they had celebrated a very belated Christmas had made it impossible for him to come up with something earlier.  
"Linden helped me a lot, and Marty did all the back supports." Vern added.  
Mihael smiled to the three men. No matter what he had asked, they had jumped straight in the plan without restrictions, and he was grateful, because the surprise was turning really well.

Piece by piece, the surprise was built in the dark, Mihael giving orders, his plan in hand, gesturing to the right, to the left, inspecting everything. He wanted this to be perfect, and he felt excited at the simple thought of Mail discovering this in the morning. But for now, he had to calm down and stay focused.  
The large items were placed one after the other, spreading over the three gardens, Marty's and Greta's one and Linden's and Vern's having been requisitioned in the process. Mihael needed space for what he was planning, and one single garden wasn't enough.

He climbed up some pieces, making sure they were sturdy enough to support human weight. Taka laughed and climbed up with him.  
"You can't make sure of anything with your feather weight." Taka winked at the tongue poking out of Mihael's mouth.  
Deciding it was strong enough, they both jumped back on the floor.

Hours later, once everything was at its place, Mihael distributed sheets to everyone.  
"Make sure you know what you have to do, you can't fail that, ok?" the blond stated, a bit anxious that the plan could be ruined.  
Marty reassured him, knowing how important this was to Mihael since it concerned Mail.  
"Don't worry, we'll read this until we know it by heart, we have a few hours left, but you'd better go catch some sleep before morning, I'll fetch you up at ten."  
Mihael nodded and turned around, heading back to the house with Taka, while the others gathered at Marty's for a night snack along with some practising.  
Greta went back home when she got assured that everything went well, making sure that Mihael would go to sleep right away. She couldn't help but mother the two boys. She could feel that they hardly ever had a feminine figure by their side and were still a bit uncomfortable in her presence, but that they appreciated her nonetheless. Time would do the rest.

Mail was a little more shy but strangely, he was the cuddlier. Mihael acted more hard headed and she had quickly understood that he said more with his eyes than with words or actions when it came to feelings.  
And when it came to Mail, she couldn't ignore that Mihael's eyes were shining more than usual, radiating of love and protection, and she was careful not to step between them, Mihael had been Mail's everything since they were children, and still was, and the blond was around the redhead like a she-wolf with her kits. He hardly let even Taka bring Mail what himself could bring, so he wouldn't let _her_ too close.  
Not that Mihael got upset when she eventually ruffled Mail's hair or give a squeeze to his arm, it was Mail himself that always imperceptibly got closer to his boyfriend when people were around, stirring Mihael's instinctive protection out of him.

But with time, things would come more naturally, both boys just needed to adjust to rely on others and not just each other, and to live back a part of their childhood now that they had responsible adults in charge of them. They had been forced to become adults too fast, and it wasn't good, according to her.  
It was obvious that they were drawn to her as a motherly figure, or at least a grand-motherly figure considering her age, and wanted her presence, but they still had barriers on.

Coming back in the room as silently as he left, Mihael undressed and slid naked under the sheets, falling asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow, exhausted by all these preparations. He only had six hours left to sleep since they had began to set everything in place after midnight and it was already past three in the morning.

After what had only felt like seconds, the blond was awoken by soft kisses on his nape.  
"Mmh." was all he could reply to Mail as he felt a hand trail from his waist up to his torso.  
"Mihael."  
His name, whispered in that soft tone Mail used mostly when he was horny in the morning but didn't dare to ask, afraid to wake up the blond but being unable to refrain himself to do so, sent him back years ago and it brought a smile to his face.  
Forgotten, Wammy's life, forgotten, being both alone in that unwelcoming place, forgotten, all they had to endure to reach this day, this state of pure bliss, together, happy, with the ones they loved and all they could wish for. All he remembered was this voice he loved whispering almost every morning in his ear, soft and eager at the same time, the morning love they made day after day, year after year. Their life had changed, the place they lived had changed, the people that surrounded them had changed, but Mail was still Mail, the never changing constant in his life, the one that had kept him sane during all this time when he had thought he'd go crazy, and he knew that what he had chosen to do for Mail today was the greatest metaphor he could create to show his boyfriend how much the redhead had saved him from life, and himself.

Turning to face Mail, he crawled on all four, hovering above the redhead, and smiled.  
Gorgeous Mail. With his messy hair spread on the pillow, their colour contrasting with the lavender blue of the fabric, his deep blue eyes staring at him, a smile tugging at their corner, the light freckles on his nose, that you could only see if you looked real close, and Mihael loved them because he was probably the only one to notice them, and the dimples as his questioning gaze was suddenly replaced by a grin, his cheekbones lightly colored at the realisation that the blond was studying his features.  
Mihael did that sometimes, and Mail knew that it happened on the days when the blond was feeling particularly happy, that's why he loved it so much when it happened.

Mihael's hand rose to caress Mail's cheek slowly.  
"Happy Birthday my love." the blond said simply, his words and tone holding so much love that Mail's eyes suddenly watered. He snaked his arms around Mihael's neck and drew him close, holding him tightly.  
They stayed a few minutes cuddling, depositing feather kisses on the areas of each other's skin they could reach, Mihael erasing the tears in his lover's eyes with his lips, tasting the salty liquid.

But soon, their lower half woke up as a morning reminder and the kisses became more heated as hands roamed all over each other's body, stopping at nipples quickly erecting, members brushing and skin tingling.  
A quick glance at the clock told Mihael they only had a few minutes before Marty would arrive, so he had to make it short. But there was no way he would get out of bed leaving Mail like this.

Mihael lowered himself little by little, reaching for Mail's thighs. Grazing his teeth against the tender milky skin of their insides, he grabbed Mail's member, stroking it firmly. Then he let his tongue tease the redhead's balls, eliciting a deep moan from his boyfriend.  
He moved up a little, just enough to catch the tip of Mail's erection between his lips, swirling his tongue in the small slit. He felt blood rush in the member, hardening even more than it already had, and began to bob his head up and down as he pumped his own erection in rhythm.  
Mail wasn't long to reach his peak under Mihael's fast ministrations, and the blond came on his own hand as he felt the redhead's semen spurt in his mouth.  
Moving up, he slid out of bed and took a quick shower, dragging Mail with his clean hand to the bathroom.

They showered together, and Marty arrived, asking for Mihael's help with a false pretence, just as they were having breakfast in the kitchen, Taka innocently cleaning the blinds, keeping them closed and blocking the outside view from Mail as the redhead chatted joyfully, oblivious of Mihael's inner frenzy. The redhead hadn't seen anything from the windows upstairs since they were too high compared to the garden, fortunately.

Mihael ran upstairs, made the bed, quickly brushed his teeth and picked up a red envelop in his night table's drawer and deposited on the bed before rushing downstairs.  
He then left with Marty, pretending he would be back in a few minutes, as Mail finished his toasts that he had drowned with grapefruit jam as usual.

When Mail went upstairs in their room to brush his teeth when he had finally downed his toasts and coffee, he didn't miss the red envelop sitting on the lavender blue sheets. He knew that Mihael would prepare something, and, not the least surprised, opened it, grinning from ear to ear. But where he had expected some invitation to a meeting in some park for a walk, or a lunch or dinner in a restaurant or wherever Mihael could have invited him, he found something that he would have never expected. Mouth hanging open, he read the text four times before his mind accepted to process it. Excitement slowly built in his guts as he finally tossed the paper sheet on the bed and began to fiddle under the bed, retrieving the plastic bad mentioned in the letter.

With marvel, he emptied its content on the bed, carefully unfolding the garments and examining the pieces, before stripping and dressing again with what Mihael had left in the plastic bag.  
Once he had finished, he looked at his reflection in the mirror of the bedroom. He couldn't help but keep grinning. That day would be amazing. More than he could have imagined.  


* * *

_**Note:** So, can you guess? XD_


	51. Chapter 51

_**Note**_**: **_I didn't think this chapter would take me this long, it was supposed to be out almost a week ago, one or two days after I posted chapter 50 actually. But since in this chapter I was writing about something I really don't know (I won't tell what, just read ^^), and that I was focused on finishing the fic co-authored_ _with Dlvvanzor (In Silence), that ended on a lemon muahaha (check it on our shared account Goggles&Chocolate)__, well, it took me longer than expected, sorry.  
Now that In Silence is over, I'm gonna focus on my own fics so I can provide new Lithium chapters more often and finish Lionheart and Death Nuts at least. I also have some oneshots ideas, and to reply to the ones that asked me, yes, after Lithium (which is FAR from being over) I have another long multichaptered fic idea ready (it's stated on my profile), although it won't be as long as Lithium I guess._**  
**_I hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you for the wonderful reviews you graced me with until now guys, you're adorable!_**  


* * *

February 1****st****, 2007 part 2 **_(Mello and Matt are 17)_  
Putting the coordinated hat on his head, Mail chuckled, he looked ridiculous, and he was sure that Mihael had made sure he would. And then, as he adjusted the fake sword to his waist, he realised that if he had to dress as Link, then Mihael... Princess Zelda...  
"Holy shit!" Mail exclaimed before running downstairs. He had to see this, Mihael dressed as Zelda, that promised to be epic.

_ "Sweetheart,  
Today is your birthday, and as the rule says, you're the hero of the day. But I didn't want these to be just common words, so you are going to really be a hero today. You once told me that it would be awesome to be able to enter in your video games to play from the inside, so be your wish granted.  
Mail-Link, will you save Princess Mihael-Zelda from the horrible Ganon? If the answer is yes (and it better be otherwise your plastic sword will be the only thing that I'll stick up your ass for the years to come), then grab the bag under the bed, get ready, and meet your fate in the garden.  
Your courage will be rewarded, I promise...  
Mihaelda."_

Mail almost knocked himself out against Taka in his haste when he arrived downstairs. The japanese man was waiting for him to leave the bedroom, a recording camera in hand. Mihael had asked him to immortalize that day on videotape, starting from Mail's first appearance as Link.  
"You look like a troll." Taka laughed at the sight of Mail wearing the typical green attire, with the little pointed bonnet.  
"Where's Mihael?" Mail asked impatiently, squirming and grinning in anticipation.  
"Who?" Taka replied, faking surprise.  
"I see... the game already started, right?" the redhead laughed, already heading for the front door. He gasped when he opened it, taking sight of the huge scenery planted across three gardens.  
Behind him, Taka zoomed briefly on the neighbours in the distance, their priceless shocked faces would probably please both kids a lot when they would watch the video later. Truth was, Taka could understand the poor neighbours. Their peaceful life would be quite disturbed today with the life-sized game taking place on the other side of their pavement, and he almost felt bad, maybe they should have warned them? Fortunately, they didn't seem to be willing to call the police to complain for public disturbance.

Mail stared in awe as he approached the first panel. From what he could see, as far as the other panels stood, Mihael was nowhere to be seen, but he had obviously made some research to stick to the original game. Mail could even tell that everything had been taken from various versions of the game, considering the characters and views he could see drawn on the panels. But the progression itself seemed to be out of the 1986 version, his favorite. So even if the blond usually didn't pay much attention to Mail's games, he _knew_. It didn't surprise him, since he knew Mihael perfectly, it made sense that his boyfriend knew him that good as well.  
A few mistakes existed that only a gamer could notice, but the overall settings did the trick, and Mail could imagine how much work and imagination all of this had requested.

This first panel represented a line of trees and the entry of a forest was cut in the wood, the hole obstructed by a dark brown curtain. Even some Kokiris had been painted hiding behind the trees.  
"Welcome in Hyrule!" a female voice resounded, making the redhead start and look in the direction where the voice came from. A form appeared from behind the heavy cotton curtain, and Mail quickly recognized Greta.  
She was wearing a raspberry red dress ornated with a green and gold pattern on her chest, and assorted green sandals. She was obviously cold, but played her role perfectly despite the february weather.  
"I am Impa, Princess Zelda's nanny. The princess has been abducted by the horrible Ganon and you're the only one that can save her! But before you go, I have to give you that."  
Greta handed Mail a red heart made of cardboard, that could be separated in four pieces. "Be careful, Link, if you lose the four pieces of your life, you lose the game, and Princess Zelda will be kept in the hands of Ganon forever and you both will be forced to endure two weeks of complete housework in the mansion of the boss..."  
She turned around and disappeared behind the panel again but Mail could see her quickly put a cardigan on as she shivered under the cold wind. He laughed at the sight of the light pink Chanel garment contrasting with the brightly colored costume.

Surveying the area, Mail saw that the pattern was easy to follow, each décor lined consciously so he only had to switch from one to another once he was done.

So he walked confidently to the second block, noticing the ever present hole in the middle, obstructed by a black curtain. This panel represented a bunch of little squares placed all around the cut, in the style of the very old version of the game. It was very graphic and simple, but it had been painted in perfect perspective.  
But he jumped eight miles back, started, as, when he approached the wooden piece, a dragon tore the black fabric, groaning and screaming. Or at least, Linden in a ridiculous green plastic dragon costume whose head kept on falling, and that he had to clutch with both hands as he tried to come to Mail.  
The redhead was laughing so hard once he had recovered from the surprise that he was unable to fight Aquamentus-Linden, and both fell on the floor as Linden tried to push him, his costume too heavy and making him fall in the process. Both tried to stand up, resulting in more struggling from Linden, and more laughters from Mail, stuck under the man who couldn't get back on his feet while he was trying to attack Aquamentus' horn with his fake sword.  
Finally, Linden got rid of the dragon's head and managed to stand up.  
"You lose!" he shouted, trying to recover his breathing and taming his dishevelled hair, unable to stop laughing as Mail handed him a piece of his cardboard heart with good grace, wiping the tears from his eyes.

The redhead, grinning widely, reached the third panel, this time readying himself for an attack.  
It wasn't long until a Dodongo appeared though the cut in the rock shaped panel, moving in every direction, dangerously coming near Mail who retreated back a little, screaming: "But I don't have bombs!", hysterically laughing again as the disguised henchman had difficulties to walk with the huge triceratops costume and kept on tripping.  
A Chanel wearing Impa came as fast as she could from behind: "I forgot, I forgot! Sorry!", handing Mail tennis balls painted in black.  
The teenager began to throw them at John, Marty's man, who mimicked a slow and painful death before collapsing on the floor, his falsely agonizing voice uttering a "You win..." before falling back on the ground.

Mail's ribs were aching from so much laughter, and he knew it was far from over.  
The fourth panel showed a grotto, and the redhead didn't even have time to get near the wooden piece that a basket ball hit him in the head.  
"OW!!" he yelled, trying to see where the ball came from. Out there, up on the panel, Marty, wearing a blue bug costume which Mail immediately knew what was meant to be, was sending what was supposed to be fire balls. Mail quickly knew what he had to do. He climbed up the block and poked at Marty's stomach, shouting: "Die! Die Manhandla!"  
"Ok! Ok! I'm dead! Stop this or I'm gonna fall!" Marty exclaimed, his clips dangling around him, sometimes hitting him in the head when he moved too fast, his hands gripping the border of the panel.

Down in the grass, Taka had a hard time capturing the scenes, himself laughing hysterically.  
He helped Marty get down off the panel as Mail was running to the next one.  
"He's having a lot of fun, that was really worth it." the old man smiled.  
"Yes, the video's gonna be something." the japanese man replied, following Mail as Marty came back in the house to get rid of his costume.

The fifth panel looked like a giant sea urchin. The wood had been cut in spikes and there were two big eyes drawn just above the usual hole. _Digdogger_, Mail thought, careful not to step too close from the cut in the block in case what he thought would happen_ would_ happen.  
But he had no flute, he noticed. So he began to whistle Zelda's tune.  
Soon, a human sized see urchin came out of the hole in the panel, a big eye drawn on his forehead.  
"Hey, the tiny Digdogger is supposed to be well... tiny!" Mail laughed as he saw Vern in a spiky costume. But he didn't hesitate and tried to plant his plastic weapon in the fake eye on the tall black man's forehead. He didn't expect Vern to catch him by his middle and pick him up from the floor, making his sword fall from his hand.  
"Ah ah ah! You lost!" the tall nurse shouted as the teenager struggled in his arms, shrieking.  
"You're tickling me! Let me down!"  
Once Vern deposited him on the ground, Mail handed him another part of his cardboard heart, leaving him with only half of his life before switching to the sixth panel.

But he quickly noticed that Marty was filming and that Taka had disappeared. Excited when he understood he had reached the final panel, he waited in front of the last wooden piece, glancing around.  
Then he remembered that the final boss, Ganon, could make himself invisible, and he wondered what Taka had in stock for this final pseudo fight, since the man, with his special training, could have imagined anything and everything, and that he was nowhere in sight even after a long minute of waiting.  
Mail turned around to look behind him, but all he could see was Marty holding the camera and smiling.

Suddenly, Mail was pulled backward and fell his back on the ground. Above him, wearing a boar mask and a red cape, Taka was holding him firmly to the ground with a foot, smirking.  
"So, that's how easily you lose, Link..." the japanese man chuckled, taking his foot off the redhead and letting him stand up. Mail stirred the two remaining pieces of cardboard heart from his pocket and handed one to Taka.  
"I still have one." he replied, almost uneasy under Taka's gaze. Although this was only a game, the man could be impressive and even if Mail knew he was only playing a role, his look, when this cruel, always created a weird feeling in his stomach. Noticing, Taka softened his expression immediately.  
The teenager smiled, relieved.  
"Since you still have a part of your life, and that I won this battle, I'll give you a last chance to beat me, Link." Taka said in the most serious tone he could muster, as he caught sight of Mihael passing behind the previous panels, trying not to be seen, in a princess attire. It was hard not to laugh at the image.

Mail didn't lose a second and jumped on Taka, clutching to him while beating him with his plastic sword, laughing and screaming at the same time.  
"I have no silver arrow but I'll kill you anyway!"  
The japanese man let himself fall in the grass, abdicating. Link couldn't lose now, his face when he would see his princess would be too priceless to miss.  
"You win! You win!" Taka laughed, standing up, holding Mail and putting him on his feet, "Congratulations, valorous Link, you saved the princess Zelda. Now's the time for your happy ending!"  
Mail hugged him, depositing a kiss on the man's cheek, and didn't even have time to readjust his costume that Mihael appeared at the top of the last panel...  


* * *

_**Note:** Ok, I'm sorry if it's not Zelda-coherent, I've never played Zelda hahaha! I'm more of a fighting game addict, to tell the truth (Kazuya Mishimaaaaa XD)_  
_That's why I was saying I wrote about something I don't know, I just took the general characters and decors from a Google search._


	52. Chapter 52

_**Note: **Wow, I haven't updated this since february 27th, 2010, almost two years! I didn't even think it had been so long, because this fic's plot has always been in my mind since then._  
_Now I shall get back to regular updates, it's about time since there are probably as much chapters to write than what's been posted (yes, the plot is that long, there's a lot to come still, you have a little glimpse of it at the end of this chapter.) I'm really excited to write this fic again, the events you can start reading about at the end of this chapter are not the only things that will happen, actually it's just a small transition for the real thing. All I can say to tease you is... Mafia!Mello ;)_

And I had to update today because it's Taka's birthday today. Yes, I am celebrating an OC's birthday. But I love Taka XD

Oh, and of course, Happy New Year my dear readers! (I wonder who's still there after almost two years of no update XD) 

* * *

**February 1st, 2007 part 3 **_(Mello and Matt are 17)_  
At the top of the wooden panel, Mihael stood. Mail's eyes trailed from the dress he was wearing, that was a perfect copy of the one Zelda wore in the game, to the garment, in white silk with a mainly purple decorated front, to the golden shoulders protections. Long white gloves covered the most of his arms, and his blond shoulder length hair was perfectly combed and retained by a golden diadem ornated with a blue jewel. But what struck the redhead the most was that his boyfriend wore... make up.

Mail kept on staring, standing still. It had come to his mind, while he had imagined Mihael dressed as Zelda, that the blond would do it completely, or not do it at all, knowing his sense of perfection, so that make up would come along with the dress and other garments. But where he'd thought Mihael would look like a drag queen with his eyes and lips done, his lover actually looked like... a girl.  
_He would kill me if he knew what I am thinking right now..._

Mihael didn't look weird, or vulgar, or anything like this, he looked beautiful. Beautiful and girly. Not that Mail was attracted to girls, but he suddenly wondered about the accuracy of gender. He just loved Mello, and would have no matter what his gender was.

Mail smirked at the thoughts in his head, and began to climb the last panel.  
"Link!" Mihael exclaimed with a falsetto voice, "You saved me!". Mail knelt, laughing hard at the horrible imitation of a woman's voice. Mello wasn't _that_girly, after all.

He held out his hand for the blond to take it. Mihael slid his gloved fingers in the redhead's and batted his eyelashes exaggeratedly.  
As Mail stood up, unable to resist taking his lover in his arms anymore, the panel trembled dangerously with his haste, and suddenly everything collapsed under them.  
Marty ran to them, followed by Greta, whose face was already showing worry, but the two teenagers stood up and raised their hands up to show they were safe. Fortunately, it wasn't very high, and they landed in the grass with no harm, but laughing all the more.

Taka reappeared from the house where he just got changed and exchanged a conniving look with Marty before putting a smile back on his face.  
"It's time for us to leave, I guess..." the japanese man said to the teenagers, looking at Marty, "The house is yours for the day, we'll be back tomorrow. You can reach me on my cell phone in case you need anything, ok?"  
"Taka, don't worry so much, we won't be far! I'm going for some grocery shopping then I'll be home if they need me." Greta giggled, urging the two men forward to leave the lovers alone.  
"We'll be at home tonight anyway." Marty winked to the two boys before kissing Greta and leaving with Taka.  
Mihael and Mail looked at the car driving past the corner of the street. Once they were out of sight, Greta took her own car and drove away as well.

Mail suddenly grabbed Mihael's wrist and rushed inside of the house.  
"We have the house for ourselves, we can make as much noise as we want!" he yelled, turning to Mihael once inside with a huge smile on his face.  
"They'll be across the garden tonight so you'd better not moan too loud, my hero..." the blond said in a low voice. Mail's eyes widened at the seductive way Mihael snaked his arms around his shoulders, his eyes eager and clouded.  
The blond let his nose run along Mail's jaw slowly, reaching his ear and nipping his lobe.  
"Now's the time when the hero fucks the princess..." he murmured in the other's ear, punctuating his words with a light kiss on the jawbone.  
Leading the redhead upstairs, Mihael couldn't help but laugh at Mail's red face. His boyfriend was looking at him in total awe, unable to utter a word as he stumbled on the stairs.

Once in the room, both were so horny that they started to undress each other as fast as they could. Unfortunately Mail fumbled way too long with Mihael's dress zipper to the blond's likings and the garment ended shredded on the floor in no time.  
"Thank God you don't usually wear dresses." the redhead mumbled as Mihael kissed him laughing, pushing him to the bed.  
"_That_ would be fucked up." he replied. Mail stared at him a few seconds.  
"Hum... can you get rid of the make up before we...? It's just too weird to look at you like this."  
"Now?" Mihael sighed and went to wash his face in the bathroom, groaning because of the interruption, "I thought I was cute with the make up." he complained, the falsetto voice back.  
"You are but I don't do girls." Mail stated, trying to keep his face serious as Mihael reappeared, his face rid of any color.  
"No, but you will do me, Mail." the blond purred, crawling on all four on the bed, hovering above his blushing boyfriend.

Mail decided not to take the word too literally and began kissing Mihael. Things heated in no time but Mail didn't see any preparation coming. "What are you waiting for Mihael? I can't wait anymore, I want you now... just prepare me already!"  
"I said that the hero fucks the princess, didn't you get the clue?" Mihael smiled, grabbing Mail hand and directing it to his entrance, "you are the hero, I am the princess, what did you not understand in 'do me'?"  
Mail froze for a few seconds.  
"Why? I mean... what the fuck? I've never... we didn't... you..."  
"I never thought it would confuse you that much Mail... you don't want to?"  
"I want to! I don't know! Damn, it's just so unexpected... we've never done that... what if I'm not doing it right?"  
"Mail, stop thinking about it, just do it, it will be ok..." Mihael was a bit scared too, but he didn't want to show it. He had always wondered what it would be like, to reverse roles, and he knew that Mail was so gentle, so soft and caring, that he would never hurt him on purpose. He wanted, for once, to let Mail take control. He wanted his birthday sex to be different, and most of all unforgettable. He had thought at first that it would be a good idea to mark Mail's 18th birthday with a white stone, but he would have been unable to wait one more year so he gave it a go this year.

Mail laid him on his back, kissing him softly, before grabbing some lube and generously covering his fingers with it. He carefully probed Mihael's entrance with one finger. He added a second one when he was sure Mihael was fine with it. The blond refrained a hiss, it wasn't the time to worry Mail, he was already going real slow, dreading to inflict pain to his lover. When the third finger slid in, Mihael suppressed a half pained, half pleasure moan. Mail was stretching him beyond normal but at the same time, his fingers had brushed the right spot.  
Somehow reassured that he had found Mihael's spot so quickly, Mail did his best to massage it to lessen the awful sensation he was putting the blond in.  
Mihael hid what he was truly going through the best he could, but it was impossible for him to be totally relaxed and Mail knew it, he was the one to take it, usually, and remembered the pain of the first time quite well.

Mihael finally accustomed to the stretching and pulled Mail to him, the redhead understanding the signal and positioning himself at his boyfriend's entrance. He pushed in, trying not to go too fast, but the feeling was already sending his mind into overdrive, and Mihael under him was so horny, his hands grabbing his hips to push him inside faster, that he was soon buried to the hilt, Mihael urging him to move, uncaring for the pain, the feeling of Mail inside of him so intoxicating that he just wanted to feel more of it, no matter if it hurt.

Mail began to pound Mihael to the mattress, carried away by the moans under him. Mihael wanted to know what it was like, but he had never imagined it was like that. It was obvious it was pleasuring, otherwise Mail wouldn't like it that much when the blond took him, but it was nothing like taking him, and feeling the warm flesh around him. Having his lover inside of him, his sweet spot aimed each time, the sensation of something sliding in and out, it was amazing. It was like getting pleasure without being in control, just taking what the other was giving without thinking.

The moves became slower. The frenzy of the beginning died down, the moans became soft pants as Mail picked a pace to penetrate Mihael as deep as he could, taking his time to reach his sweet spot. He smiled at Mihael, pecking his lips tenderly as he held him, the blond's eyes never leaving him. This was what Mihael had awaited, imagined.  
All of Mail softness was now surfacing, the horniness leaving place to lovemaking. It wasn't an urge to satisfy something raw and instinctive anymore, it was only the time to let feelings express themselves physically.  
It was all too much for Mihael, the new feelings, the way Mail treated him, so preciously, and tears began to fall from his eyes as he held on to Matt, unable to take it all.

Alarmed, Mail stopped cold. "Mihael! What's wrong?" He started to withdrew, ready to stop everything, but Mihael held him strongly against him.  
"No, no, don't stop! I'm ok! I just... didn't expect to feel like that and I... I love you!"  
"I love you too..." the redhead whispered as he began to rock Mihael softly again, kissing the tears away.  
The exchange lasted long, and the climax was all the more intense, Mihael's body shaking as he came, taking Mail along with him. They stayed silent after that, Mail nested in the crook of his lover's neck, breathing against his skin.

It's only when Mihael moved, after dozing off slightly, and looked at Mail, that he noticed something was wrong. Mail was spacing out, laid on his back, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, not reacting.  
"Mail?" he brushed away some hair that were hiding the redhead's eyes but Mail didn't seem to hear.  
"Mail, don't tell me you're sleeping with eyes open..." Mihael pulled his chin so his boyfriend was facing him, but Mail's look was obviously lost in space, and there was still no reaction.  
"Mail!" Mihael's face contorted in anxiety, and he shook the other boy, pulling him in a seated position.  
"What?" Mail suddenly snapped back to reality, "Stop shaking me!" he laughed, "I'm not giving you apples, stop shaking me!"  
"Why didn't you reply?" Mihael's doubts were now cleared.  
"Reply to what? Mihael, why do you look so afraid?" Mail was suddenly puzzled in front of Mihael's alarmed expression.  
"Mail, I think you had some... crisis, you know... because of the drugs..." the blond was getting nauseated. It had been quite some time that Mail hadn't suffered from his past takes of lithium and seeing it come back now of all moments was just making him sick. It was stupid to think it was over so soon for good, but still, he had hoped it would never come back.  
"Damn..." Mail murmured, 'I was sure I was done with that..."  
"Yeah... we all hoped you were done with that, but it's not that easy I guess... well, let's forget it, it wasn't so bad, we still have a birthday to celebrate!"  
Mihael tried to cheer the atmosphere up, and Mail followed, it was no use to dwell on that, they had no control over it anyway.

"So where should we start this?" Marty asked, looking at the informations handwritten on several pages of a little notebook in front of him while Taka was driving.  
"All that's written on the first pages is what I noticed with the car, the garage and everything related to Andy's present to Mail. As you can see, there are things that just can't be, it's incoherent that the car just started like that after so many years. I let Mail drive it but when I think about it, it was a big mistake, it could have exploded or God knows what. I'm even pretty sure the dust on the car was not because of time, but because someone put it here to make it look like it was untouched." Taka explained.  
"Yeah, you wrote it here, there were places on the trunk where fingers prints showed, like they removed the natural dust and were covered with more dust to hide them." Marty replied, scrutinizing every detail as if the evidence would jump out of the notebook.  
"I was unconscious to let him drive... I didn't want to ruin his joy but it was really unprofessional of me to let the kids near the car..." Taka was scolding himself, he still could feel a pang in his chest for having let Mail and Mihael take the Camaro without stopping them, or at least checking it.  
"Taka, stop that, it was human, you're not working for them, your professionalism has nothing to do with the situation, they're your kids, it's only human to want your kids to be happy. And nothing happened so stop thinking about what could have been, everything's fine for now, and we have some work to do to make sure it will always be." Marty knew that Taka would never forgive himself for putting the kids in danger but there were more important things to take care of right now. They had to know who had access to the car, and the rest of the notes clearly stated that someone was trying to reach for the kids.

Marty exited the car once they parked in front of the garage where Mail had found the car his father had left for him.  
Opening the garage's door, he stopped at the entrance, his eyes getting accustomed to the darkness inside, surveying the surface as Taka joined him.  
"Let's hope that whoever came here before us, they are as amateur as the covered prints on the trunk let me think they are."


	53. Chapter 53

**_Note:_**_ Ok, I'm not updating in the order I thought I would. But well, I had my whip back and snapping for Lithium so here you go :)  
As I said, this one's far from being over, we're only beginning with the second plot._

Next to be updated will be TSFMS, and I'll probably finish it before going back to Lithium. Lionheart should be updated and finished too in the meanwhile.  
I made a promise that I would never leave a fic unfinished, but I feel now that it is also important to make the promise that I won't finish just for the sake of checking the 'complete' button. I've read too many fics where it's obvious that the writer has lost all interest for the fic and I think that giving it a crappy and rushed ending is far worse than leaving it incomplete.  
Since I didn't lose any interest in any of my fics, you're safe :)  


* * *

**February 2st, 2007 **_(Mello and Matt are 17)_  
"They're still sleeping." Taka replied to Marty's questioning look, as the old man watched him from the porch come down the stairs. Greta was crossing the street with a basket full of pastries she had just baked so both men quickly erased any trace of worry on their faces.  
Taka had been particularly anxious since they had discovered that the car had been accessed before Mail got to it, and even more being totally clueless about who had been there before, and why. Their inspection the day before, while the kids were enjoying Mail's birthday together, had been fruitless.  
Of course, he had made sure to retrieve the fingerprints on the car before Mail cleaned his present from the dust covering it, but this had been fruitless too: unknown data.  
Not that he expected much from them, criminals usually don't let any registration of their data behind them, but it could have been some thug filed at the police department, you never knew...  
He had to be careful, he had to protect his kids, but most of all, he had to do that without them noticing, which, he was more and more aware of now, was becoming difficult the more he got involved with them. It was easy to forget to worry when the two wandered the house, always with a big bright smile on their face...  
Taka had been reluctant to let them alone the previous night, but he didn't really have a choice, and matters had to be discussed in private with Marty anyway. And Greta hadn't been far away, on the other side of the street.

Greta deposited the basket on the kitchen table and took a seat next to Marty, as Taka prepared some coffee.  
"I really thought we'd find a mess here this morning." she laughed.  
"Yeah, these kids are way too wise and well mannered, we should teach them to be a bit more rowdy to give some more difficulties to Taka!" Marty winked at the Japanese man who chuckled in response.  
"So, what's planned for tod..." Greta didn't have time to finish her sentence. The sound of running steps came from upstairs and soon Mihael was stopping in his tracks on his way to the front door, hearing sound in the kitchen, and ran there, stopping at the kitchen's entrance. He was shirtless, dishevelled, and an alarmed look was spreading on his face.

"CALL VERN!" he shouted, "QUICKLY!"  
He was already running upstairs, Taka following, as Marty hurried dialling Vern's number, Greta standing from her chair, eyes going from one to the other in worry.

In the bedroom, Mail was sat on the floor, his back to the bedside, shaking uncontrollably.  
Mihael quickly put his arms around him, trying to hold him. The redhead, seeing that Taka had come with him, tried to smile sheepishly. "I'm fine, I'm not hurting, don't worry..." he whispered, trying to reassure both of them.  
At least he was conscious, the older man thought.

Heavy steps came upstairs, and Vern appeared in the doorframe. He and Taka exchanged a look. Vern was probably the one that understood the Japanese man the best, they didn't need words.  
He knelt in front of Mail, checked his heart rate and temperature quickly before injecting the content of the syringe he had brought with him.  
The shaking stopped rather quickly.  
"I'm sorry..." Mail murmured, looking at the three others in the room, but especially at Taka. This was something the man hated, seeing Mail, after so many years, still feeling like he was a burden. He hadn't witnessed it, but Mihael's father had told him about the kid's situation in his family, if what he had before could be called a family at all. The nights on a bench outside, the violence, the constant reminder that he wasn't a wanted child, this would probably never be erased from his actual behaviour.

But Mihael had seen it. And Taka, as much as he wanted to protect both of his kids, didn't feel the same toward Mail than toward Mihael. Whereas he felt he needed to reassure Mail constantly, to try to tame his shyness, it was the total opposite with the blond. And he was even more aware of it now, watching the flame dance in Mihael's eyes.  
Yes, Mihael had seen it all, this broken childhood. He had put aside his own loss, when he could have wept over his father's death, and even take it out on Mail. There was never a time when he allowed himself not to support the redhead, no matter what it had cost him.  
And it was obvious that Mihael had the same conclusion than Taka in mind right now about Mail's feeling of guilt, when there was nothing to feel guilty for. There was a fire in his pupils that meant how much he loved and wanted to protect Mail, how much he would do to be able to. And that's what scared Taka sometimes. When Mail would get himself killed for Mihael, as he had already proven when he had ran into L and Light's claws after Wammy's explosion, Mihael would rather kill for him. Just like he killed L.

Himself was no angel. It was the Mafia, not some random company he was working in. Mihael's father, as honest and caring as he had been, hadn't reached the head of the Mob riding on a shooting star in a fairytale world. It took a fair share of tainted soul to get there. You didn't need to kill unnecessarily, you didn't have to rob when you didn't really need to, and you could even respect your peers and adversaries, but ways and means were still illegal, if not totally cruel. Necessary or not, murder was murder, theft was theft, and the weight was still on your soul.  
And the tainted soul was showing so much in Mihael's eyes in moments like that... it never failed to raise goosebumps on Taka's arms when he witnessed _that_look. This was something he had never seen in Mr Keehl's eyes, and Marty had confirmed, some time ago, that Mihael had a side that his father never had. Something darker, something that would probably have him do the worst to be able to keep what he loved.

Previous events had already shown that Mihael had it in him to be a leader. Problem was, he was unpredictable and quick to act. Taka had to be careful not to go too far in his fatherly role because Mihael would always claim the first place concerning Mail, and could easily put himself in competition with Taka, and still he had to put limits to Mihael's range of action to keep a hand on the blond's temper.  
Both kids' temperament had been altered by the events they had gone through, and Taka knew that as much as he would provide to build a safe environment around them, the kids in the end only needed each other. They loved him, but they would be fine without him, whereas they were dead without each other.

"You don't have to be sorry Mail," Taka smiled to the redhead, "It's not your fault."  
"I've injected you a muscle relaxant. Don't worry for the shaking, you may experience it from time to time but it will disappear soon. I think you're doing better from day to day, soon it will be totally forgotten." The tall black man tapped the redhead's shoulder before standing up.

While Mihael helped Mail in bed so he could rest a bit, the crisis and injection wearing him out, the two men went back downstairs to reassure Marty and Greta. The woman had tears in her eyes and even if she was fighting them hard, it was obvious that she was shocked.  
'Don't worry Ma'am, it's all good." Vern tried to cheer her up, "Mail will be fine, the symptoms are getting less frequent, he should be over it very soon, and he won't probably experience anything really bad from now on."  
Greta released her breath, obviously reassured.

Upstairs, Mail was slowly dozing off as Mihael stroke his hair softly.  
"I hope it will stop..." Mail murmured half asleep, "I really want to go to school someday soon..."  
Mihael wasn't so fond of the idea, but he understood why Mail wanted so much to resume his studies in a normal establishment: it was all for the sake of feeling normal, leading a normal life, something they never had until now. But it worried the blond: how could they lead a normal life being a gay couple, one adorning such a scar, and both living with a father figure that looked more like a yakuza than someone related to them by blood.  
That wasn't going to be easy. Even if Mihael felt strong enough to beat up anyone acting like a bully, he didn't want Mail to be disappointed...

Taka and Marty waited for both teenagers to go to bed, after lounging at home all day long since Mail didn't feel much in shape. Vern, Linden and a third man arrived half an hour after the light went out in Mail and Mihael's room.  
"Hi guys." the man greeted, shaking hands with Marty and Taka.  
"Hi John." Marty replied, Taka simply nodding to the man, "Ok, let's go straight to business. What did you find?"  
"I'm afraid you won't like it, but I have a name to link the fingerprints with. I had my men check data in several countries starting with UK, since you're all coming back from there, and got informations on a Japanese national crossing customs with a falsified passport. I tracked him down in Japan where he is filed with several little thefts and supposedly killed in a gang rivalry. But the man is very much alive and..."  
"The name!" Marty cut him, impatient.  
The man started. Taka himself, although totally in control, was surprised. It had been so easy to slip into a somehow normal life that he had almost forgotten what Marty was like in a case like this, when he was fully endorsing his Mafia boss role.  
"Kiyoharu Ojima..." John replied, looking at the Japanese man. The latter was obviously shocked.  
"How is he related to you Taka?" Marty asked, turning to him.  
"I have no clue, we have the same last name but I don't know him..." Taka shook his head. Maybe it was just a coincidence, Ojima is not a rare name in Japan... but it was quite a big one, making it impossible for him to believe it was, although he wished very, very hard it was.  
"I have absolutely no trace of him here in the US, so except that he accessed the car, I don't have anything else. But he's around, and you have to be careful. His motives are unknown but I'll ring you as soon as I have something new. I'll send you a copy of his complete Japanese data as soon as I have it, it shouldn't be long, my men are on it."  
"Thank you..." Taka whispered. He would never forgive himself if he was the source of this problem. They thought they'd be safer here, but it was obviously not the case.

Everyone left except Vern. Taka and him talked during a big part of the night. It was something they used to do back in Manchester, and even if Taka wasn't usually talkative, Vern was easy to chat with. Somehow, they understood each other, and even if he and Marty were close, sometimes it was better to have the point of view of someone who knew what it was to have children.

**February 3rd, 2007 **_(Mello and Matt are 17)  
_Mail shifted under the sheets, but having rested a lot the day before, his night was obviously over and he wouldn't fall back asleep anytime soon. Stirring, he glanced at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand: 6:43am.  
Turning, he watched Mihael's still sleeping form, pulling slightly on the cover to see his face. Smiling, he let his eyes roam from his hair splayed on the pillow, to his closed eyelids, sharp nose, relaxed lips and pointy chin.  
Mail wanted to wake him up just so he could kiss him and maybe it would go a bit further... He felt the known feeling pool in his gut and decided to get up. Mihael needed to sleep, he didn't have the occasion to do so the night when he had prepared the lifesize game in the garden, then they had spent the next night very much awake for a big part of it, Mail had even asked Mihael if he had taken some Viagra at some point, seeing how the blond was going on and on like an energizer bunny, then last night, Mihael had stayed awake just to make sure Mail was fine, and the redhead would find blue eyes on him each time he awoke.  
Mihael had probably drifted to sleep long after 3am and the deep breathing, and the way he was sprawled on the mattress told Mail that his boyfriend was particularly exhausted.

Taka heard the sound of the shower upstairs and turned to look at the time. It was still early and he was surprised to hear some life upstairs at that hour, but himself hadn't even went to sleep and even if it was almost 7am, he hadn't realized that he'd spent the night sat at the kitchen table, thinking, and turning the latest informations in his head.  
He quickly went to his room to wash and change clothes. He didn't want the kids to guess that he had stayed up all night.

Mail was already in the kitchen, watching by the window as he filled a jug with water to make some coffee.  
"Good morning Mail." Taka said softly, a smile on his lips at the sight of the pair of PacMan boxers the redhead was wearing. Seventeen and still a child.  
Mail started. He hadn't heard the older man arrive, focused on the small white car that had parked along the pavement and the Asian man that had exited it then suddenly disappeared inside again seeing Mail at the window. The car was driving away fast as Taka surprised Mail, the teenager letting the jug fall in the sink, the porcelain item breaking and splashing water all over.  
"Oh! Taka! I'm sorry I... I didn't hear you coming... and..." Mail looked at the floor, fiddling with the hem of his tee-shirt, then quickly turning to the sink to pick up the broken pieces.

Taka frowned. It was only a stupid jug damnit! Mail didn't have to be scared or feel guilty, it was nothing they couldn't replace, and even so, it didn't matter!  
"Mail, look at me." Taka said, a bit harsher than he meant to.  
Mail turned around, unable to look at the Japanese man. His cheeks were reddening, and Taka could see he was about to cry.  
Closing the distance, he pulled Mail in his arms, hugging him probably a bit to strongly, one arm around his shoulders, the other hand in his hair.  
"Mail, stop this. I can't take it. Stop apologizing. Stop being sorry all the time. Stop making me feel like I'm scaring you. You're perfect. You're, with Mihael, the most beautiful and precious thing I have. So just... be yourself, ok? You're not a burden, you can make mistakes or break things or be sick, it's not a problem and I'm not going to be mad at you. I wasn't there to see you grow, and I couldn't protect you, so if anyone is to blame here, it's me. I love you Mail, I love you so much..."

Mail was crying, holding Taka's waist tight. He was about to say that he was sorry for making the one he considered as his father feel this way, but he stayed silent. It was true that he was a bit scared by Taka, even if he knew he shouldn't be. He was aware of his own difficulty at living without excusing himself for being there. And the problem with Taka was that he was stuck between Mihael and the Japanese man. He was very laid back so was used to follow Mihael, but now he was under a fatherly influence and being stuck between both was not helping his issues: where was his place as a boyfriend, a son, a member of this family? Who's advice was the strongest, the one he should take for granted?

He mumbled something against Taka's chest, once his sobs died down. Taka released him, holding him at arm length. "What?"  
"I said: the least I can say is that your love is smothering." Mail grinned, white teeth flashing, and Taka burst in laughters.  
"Sorry, I don't always know my strength."  
He went to take the butter and jam in the fridge, depositing them on the table as Mail grabbed cups on a shelf.  
"I remember when I first saw you and I thought that you were Kazuya Mishima."  
"I didn't forget either, you kept on asking me to do the Tombstone Crusher." the man chuckled, "Damn, you were so small..."  
Mail sat as Taka began to cut the bread in slices.  
"Yeah... I guess it was a shock for you to see us so many years after. We've grown up quite a bit..."  
"Not that much..." Taka teased Mail.  
"I'm not short!" the redhead protested, laughing.

Mail stood up and walked to the door as he heard the familiar bicycle sound outside. Picking up the newspapers freshly deposited on the doorstep, he squinted his eyes to see the white car driving away again at the end of the street. The same Asian man was at the stirring wheel, and he seemed to have been waiting at a different angle of the street, but still in front of the house.  
Back in the kitchen a few seconds later, he handed the newspapers to Taka.  
"Are you waiting for someone or something?" he asked.  
"No, why?" Taka took a sip of coffee, his gaze questioning.  
"It's the second time this morning that I see that Asian guy in the white car parked in front of the house and that he goes away when he sees me."  
"Maybe someone checking if there are houses for sale or rent here I guess..." Taka replied. He kept his face blank, tried not to jump on his feet to run at the door, and sipped his coffee quietly.  
But his heart was beating in his temples, he could feel his blood leave his extremities out of fear.

* * *

_**Note:** I see you coming. Taka, Taka, Taka._  
_YES I write about him almost as much as Matt and Mello. But it's required for the fic, since he is an important character without whom I couldn't progress with the story in general, but he's also in the center of the upcoming plot.  
I don't see how I could go 100 chapters without having other important characters involved, and how I could involve a character I wouldn't have developped._


End file.
